Kickass Anthology (11 page)

“I could definitely go for a couple more hours of snuggling with you,” Jay replied, throwing an arm across his waist and tugging him closer.

Fin let himself be rolled on his side and wrapped up in strong arms again. With his face nuzzled into the now familiar groove between shoulder and neck, he decided it was his new favorite place to be. “Only a couple hours? I could stay like this forever.”

“We do fit together quite nicely, don’t we? Like we were made for each other.”

It took several seconds for the words to sink in, then Fin shoved away from Jay’s chest so he could look at his face. The blue eyes were crystal clear, without the slightest hint of teasing or mischief. A gentle smile graced near perfect features, reassuring, affectionate…perhaps even loving.

“What does that mean?”

“It means exactly what it sounds like,” Jay answered, pulling Fin against his body gently but firmly until he relaxed his rigid posture. “There’s a reason dating hasn’t worked out for either of us so far. We were dating the wrong people. This –
we
– were meant to be.”

No…fucking…way.
“You-you’re interested in me?”

Jay let out a chuckle, laughter dancing in his eyes. “After last night, you think I’m only interested?” Shock stole any response Fin might have made, and Jay continued, “Fin, I’ve loved you since high school. I haven’t been in love with you, necessarily, because I think that’s a separate thing and it came later. But yeah, I dropped so many hints, and you never seemed to get it. I thought you weren’t interested in me as anything more than a friend.”

“I’ve always been interested in you, Jay, as much more than a friend. I had no idea…”

“I couldn’t figure you out for the longest time, but then I realized what it was. You had no idea how attractive you were, how sexy, how talented, how amazing. You had such a low opinion of yourself, you just had no idea.”

Fin thought back to his high school days, to college, to his adult life after that. He’d graduated third in his high school class, just barely knocked out of the salutatorian spot, and he’d graduated from college with honors. As awkward and inferior as he’d felt all those years, he’d done everything right and set himself up for a successful career and a bright future. Until it was time to stand on his own two feet. With no mentors or advisors to tell him where to go or what to do, it had all fallen to pieces.
Because that’s what I do. I fuck everything up.

“You still have no idea how amazing you are, do you?”

Fin blinked at him a couple times before he found his voice. “Me, amazing? You do realize who you’re talking to, don’t you? I’m the biggest fuck-up on the planet.”

“You’ve made a few mistakes – and you’re entitled to fuck up now and then just like the rest of us – but most of the time, things just don’t work out. Poor timing, bad luck, whatever the reason, it was out of your control and not your fault,” Jay said, holding him close. “You internalize those things and start thinking that it reflects badly on you as a person. It doesn’t, Fin.”

Between this and the talk we had yesterday, it’s just all a little too much to process.
He wasn’t sure if the ache behind his eyes was the result of a hangover or a conversation that was getting too heavy when all he wanted to do was cuddle. “So why didn’t you just come right out and say something about being interested if I wasn’t getting the hints?”

“I didn’t think you’d believe me if I said something.”

“What? Why not?”

“You seemed to think that there wasn’t a snowball’s chance in hell of me being interested in you. I didn’t know how to convince you the snowball was sitting right there in the middle of hell, intact, with no desire to ever leave.”

Fin chuckled into his neck, the visual clear in his mind’s eye. “You still could’ve said something, though. How could you know what I would think? Most of the time, I feel like I don’t even know what I’m thinking.”

“I was afraid you’d think all I wanted to do was make fun of you or hurt you. You know, like when that cheerleader pretended to like the president of the math club. I’d rather be best friends for the rest of our lives than risk hurting you like that and losing you forever.”

“Good call. That was probably a very real possibility at the time,” Fin conceded after a moment.
Not sure I could have made it this far without you by my side.
He took a deep breath and ventured, “You said you’ve loved me all these years.”

“Yep. More and more with the passing of years.”

“And you said that the in-love-with-me part came later.”

“That’s what I said.”

“So you are in love with me, then?” Fin asked, his eyes searching Jay’s face for clues. “You love me and you’re in love with me?”

“Yes,” Jay answered simply.

“Yes what?”

“Yes,” he repeated, holding Fin’s gaze. “Yes, I love you. There are many different kinds of love, Fin. I think that the very simple friendship type of love we shared way back in middle school evolved into something much bigger. And yes, as we’ve become closer over the years, I realized that I not only love you but I’m also in love with you.”

“Did that have anything to do with you insisting on me staying here?”

“Of course it did. But not the way you think,” Jay rushed to add. “I needed to know you were safe. I needed to know you were getting enough to eat. Whether as a friend or an unrequited lover, it doesn’t matter. I just wanted you safe, Fin. It wasn’t a ploy to get you into my bed.”

“It worked pretty well anyway, don’t you think?” Fin teased, rubbing his naked body against Jay’s smooth skin.

He flushed a deep crimson and stuttered, “I didn’t mean – that’s not what I – fuck!”

“Jay Goldman, I do believe this is the first time I’ve ever seen you at a loss for words,” Fin replied with a giggle before planting a firm kiss on the slightly parted lips.

“Mmm, I like that. Do it again,” Jay mumbled after he pulled away. Grinning, Fin obliged and kissed him again, letting his hands explore the hard planes and smooth curves of his lover’s body –
Wow, already made that mental shift from best friend to lover, huh? That was quick!
Their lips took some time to get to know one another better. When they had to come up for air, Jay rested his forehead against Fin’s and whispered, “I could definitely get used to doing that.”

“Don’t think that will be a problem. Already started thinking of you as my lover.”

“Fin, look at me.” Jay grasped his chin and forced him to meet his gaze. “I didn’t talk you into last night to deceive you, I swear.”

“I never thought that. I was the one who said ‘fuck me,’ remember?”

“You didn’t mean it like that, though.”

“I may not have realized it at the time, but I most certainly did,” Fin said, still grinning.

“I wanted last night to be fun for you. I wanted you to not have to worry about money for just one night, to let go and have a great time, get fucked into the mattress, and wake up feeling good for once in your life.”

Fin glanced around at the bed and Jay’s arms around him. “Then I think we can call this a success. I feel pretty damn good right now.”

Jay’s set jaw relaxed a bit and his eyes softened. “I’m glad. But I need you to understand. I wasn’t trying to trick you into being with me. I thought I could just show you a good time last night. I didn’t expect to feel anything more, but I did and I can’t take that back now.”

“What did you feel, Jay?”

“I felt…
right,
like nothing and no one else in my life has ever made me feel. I felt whole, complete in a way I never thought possible,” he said, the last part coming out as little more than a whisper.

“Me too, like everything was finally right in the world.”

“Don’t you dare tease me, Fin. I can’t handle that right now.”

“I would never tease you about this.” He brushed his fingers over a scruffy jaw. “Just about anything else is fair game, but never this.”

“This is really happening?” Jay looked so hopeful, so vulnerable, in that moment, it tugged on Fin’s heart.

“This is really happening, and no one is more surprised by it than I am, I promise,” he replied, happiness spilling over as their lips met in another tender kiss.

They settled in amongst the pillows and blankets, content to spend the morning cuddling in bed as lovers, now that they were both on the same page about their relationship and their feelings for each other. Fin gravitated toward his favorite spot in the joint of Jay’s neck and shoulder as if drawn by a magnetic force while Jay ‘s arms wrapped him in a strong, comforting hug.

His eyelids were getting droopy when Jay nuzzled into his hair and murmured, “So, this whole sleeping on the couch thing…” Fin nodded into his neck. “The last time someone slept on it, they said it was lumpy and hurt their back.”

“Can’t have my back hurting if I’m going to be doing your new fitness plan.”

“My thoughts exactly.”

“So what then? You have a roommate and no guest room.”

“Well, my bed is plenty big, and it can get lonely sometimes.”

“Oh really?” Fin grinned to himself.
I think I know where this is going…

“Yeah, since we seem to fit together so nicely and you don’t take up a lot of room…” Jay trailed off, snuffling in his hair before finishing, “I guess it wouldn’t be such a hardship to let you sleep in my bed with me.”

Laughter bubbled up and out before Fin could stop it. “Thanks so much. Bastard.”

“IF YOU hadn’t just told me you love me, I’d swear you were trying to kill me,” Fin gasped later that day, giving his lover and personal trainer the evil eye as he tried to catch his breath.

Sweat dripped down his face, collected in crescent moons under his armpits, and slid down his back to pool in his underwear after a grueling workout. His breath came in ragged gasps, and his entire body ached and trembled. His abs were extra tender, and he’d already smacked Jay once for daring to poke him again.

Still, he did feel a sense of accomplishment at having completed the workout Jay had outlined for him. Most of it he’d done on his own while Jay worked with his clients, and he’d pushed through despite wishing he was dead several times. He hadn’t quit, no matter how much he’d wanted to, and although the validation he gained from the praise Jay had given him was still the predominant source of his joy, he did feel a sense of pride in himself and his accomplishment blossoming in his chest. He sought to capture the feeling so he could remember it when the self-doubt tried to drown the self-confidence.

That’s what this is about. That’s what Jay is trying to bring out in me.

“Why would I be trying to kill you? Then all of this time and effort would be wasted.” Jay flashed him one of the sexiest grins he’d ever seen, full of sparkling white teeth, as he offered a bottle of water. When Fin tried to turn it down, he knocked his hand aside and held it out again. “Drink, Fin. You’re losing lots of water. You need to hydrate.”

“You’re the boss.”

“Damn straight.”

“There’s nothing straight about you. Lucky for me.” Fin grinned before taking a long swig.

“We’ll see how funny that is when you get your workout tomorrow,” Jay shot back.

“Tomorrow?” He blinked. “Shouldn’t there be a rest day at some point?”

He narrowed his eyes at the sudden burst of laughter before Jay leaned in to give him a peck on the lips. “You’re adorable. Just started on your fitness journey today and already talking about a rest day. Tomorrow, dear heart, is leg day.”

The grin on his face made Fin want to punch him. “I’d say I hate you, but I don’t think I could ever say those words to you, even as a joke. So instead I’ll just say that you suck.”

“Oh, I do. But that will come later, don’t you worry,” Jay assured him with a wink that had Fin rolling his eyes. “How do you feel?”

“Like shit.”

“Fin, this is my serious face. How do you feel, really?”

Fin sighed and took stock of the sensations in his body. “Not too bad, actually. My abs hurt – a
lot
– and so does the rest of me, but it’s a good kind of hurt, I think. Satisfying.”

“I didn’t think you’d be able to get any satisfaction out of it so soon. That’s excellent.”

“Well, I have a great trainer. I’m sure it’s all his fault.”
It’s true. My whole attitude has changed. It’s kind of amazing.

Jay beamed, soaking up the compliment, but he didn’t comment on it. Instead, he said, “Okay, I want you to let me know if anything feels wrong.” When Fin raised an eyebrow, he explained: “Working out does hurt, but it’s a good pain. No pain, no gain and all, right? But there’s also the bad kind of pain, the kind that is trying to warn you to stop whatever it is you’re doing before you hurt yourself. I absolutely do not want you to ignore any pain you feel just to push through one of my workouts. If something hurts, you tell me immediately and we’ll figure it out. Got it?”

“Got it.”

“That’s a hard and fast rule, Fin. So many injuries are preventable or avoidable. Even if it seems insignificant, you talk to me.”