Kate's Song (5 page)

She would have truly felt bad about how she had behaved, except she could tell he was teasing. “Gute. Then you have learned your lesson.”

“Jah, I have. I will never kiss you on the playground again.”

Kate studied his face suspiciously. He sounded like he had every intention of trying it again—somewhere else.

“I am glad you have come,” Nathaniel said. “Elmer claims he had to drag you out of the house. Do you not like the singings anymore?”

“Oh, jah, I love to sing. I just feel I am too old.”

Nathaniel threw back his head and laughed. “I saw the eyes turn to you when you walked in, Kate Weaver. Your ripe old age does not seem to discourage anyone.”

Kate had started to make an adamant denial of that nonsense when John Yoder climbed on a chair and called the gathering to prayer. Following the blessing, John invited everyone to sit at three long tables. Those who did not fit at the tables squeezed next to each other on bales of hay. Somehow Nathaniel managed to sit directly across from Kate at the table.

Everyone opened their prayer books and the enthusiastic singing began. Some songs were sung in unison, some enhanced with beautiful harmonies. Kate’s soul floated to the top of the barn with the heavenly sounds. It didn’t matter the circumstance, she loved to sing. She could be standing all alone on the stage singing an aria or here, in a barn among the Plain People, breathing in the spirit of the surrounding voices, each so different yet united in purpose.

One zealous young man started a baritone rendition of “The Puppy Parable.” Everybody laughed then joined in for song after song from primary school.

Ever smiling, Nathaniel glanced occasionally at Kate and moved his lips, but Kate could tell he was not producing any sound. She raised an eyebrow, but he simply grinned and pretended to sing louder.

When the young people had their fill of singing, the Yoders passed out popcorn and dried fruit with lemonade to drink.

“Kate Weaver.” A tall, stocky young man strode purposefully toward her, two dimples sinking into his cheeks as he smiled.

“Do I know you?” Kate asked, looking at the eager fellow in amusement.

“Caster Dan Zinck,” the young man said. “I’m visiting from Ohio with the Beachys. I asked one of the local boys about your name.”

“What part?” Kate said. “My sister Hannah Coblentz lives in Holmes County. Millersburg.”

“I’m from Scio. Real small place. Don’t get over to Millersburg much.”

“How long will you be staying?” Kate asked.

“Clear through till harvest time,” he said. “That’s why I was wondering if you would like to—”

Before he could finish, Elmer and his buddy Jake practically sprinted to Caster Dan’s side. Each placed a hand on one of Dan’s shoulders. “Dan,” Elmer said, “Elias wants to tell you all about the new water pump he rigged up for his dat.”

Dan tried to be accommodating. “Jah,” he stammered. “I would like to hear all about it. But first,” he turned to Kate, “I would like to ask Kate if—”

Jake tugged at Dan’s elbow. “Cum, Elias must leave soon. And you will learn something to take back to Ohio.”

Dan looked at Kate helplessly as Jake pulled him away. “But I wanted to… Won’t I see Elias tomorrow?”

They were already fifteen feet across the barn. “You need to meet my sister,” Kate heard Jake insist as he coaxed Dan away from her.

Kate looked in puzzlement at her brother. “Elmer, what—?”

“He doesn’t know.”

“Doesn’t know what?”

Taking Kate’s elbow, Elmer gently pulled her aside. “Dan doesn’t know that someone else is going to ask to drive you home.”

Trying to ignore her fluttering heart, Kate studied her brother’s face. “Who are you speaking of?”

“There is not a man in the district but would give a good report of him. He is always the first to jump in when a field wants plowing or a buggy needs repair. A gute man who deserves to be happy. We want him to have his chance with you.”

The barn suddenly got very warm. “Ach, you are teasing me,” she said quietly.

Elmer frowned at her. “Do I look like I am teasing?”

Kate did not reply.

“Just wait. But don’t tell him I said anything. He would be embarrassed if he knew we conspired to bring you together.”

Elmer walked away, and Kate put a cold hand to her warm cheek. She spied Nathaniel leaning against a wood beam, talking to three or four boys. She caught his eye when he lifted his head. His smile grew wider, if that was possible, as he stared at her, and his wintry eyes burned intensely. The blatant attention made her feel shy and giddy at the same time.

Soon other boys and girls pulled Kate’s attention from Nathaniel. Some were strangers, but others were friends from families in the community. Kate visited and laughed until late.

Then the singing was over and, rational or not, Kate could not quell the disappointment that Nathaniel King had not asked to drive her home. She should have been satisfied. Much better not to encourage any young man, so unsure was she about whether she would be here come autumn. She could not be so unfeeling to anyone, especially Nathaniel.

Searching for Elmer in the crowd, she noticed a girl in a navy-blue dress sitting in the corner, her face buried in her hands. Quickly, Kate went to her and put an arm around the girl’s shoulder.

The girl looked at Kate and dabbed her eyes with her apron. “Elmer’s sister,” she said, sitting up straight.

“And I think you must be Lizzie Troyer’s youngest daughter.”

“Jah,” the girl said. “My name is Mandie.”

“What is the matter, Mandie?” Kate said. “Can I help you?”

Mandie sniffed. “This is my first singing. I tried to be modest and demure like Mamma said, but Fran and Winnie say I am a flirt. Now they are off with boys and Micah is taking Ruth home and doesn’t want me pestering him. I don’t have a ride home because my brother has to have the buggy all to himself.” Mandie wiped her eyes. “I dreamed it would be a most glorious evening, and now I will never marry because boys think I am a flirt. And I have to walk home all by myself in the dark.”

“I am sure you are not a flirt, Mandie,” Kate assured her. “We all have big dreams when we grow old enough for the gatherings. Before my first singing, I was so nervous I threw up all over my mamma’s kitchen floor.”

Mandie looked horrified.

“I’ve been to many youth gatherings,” Kate said. “Most nights I have gone home with one of my brothers. Maybe you won’t meet the right boy for many years. I am twenty-two years and still have not met a suitable boyfriend.”

This news did not cheer Mandie. “And you’re so lovely,” she said. “If a pretty maid like you cannot find a husband, then there is no hope for me.”

Kate laughed. “Cum, I will ask my brother to take both of us home. Or if he has invited a girl to ride with him and doesn’t want us interfering, I will walk you home. I am not afraid of the dark.”

“You are ever so kind,” Mandie said. “My sisters always said so.”

Before they could take one step toward the door, Kate saw him. Tall and muscular with coffee-colored hair and frosty blue eyes, Nathaniel made his way toward her.

He smiled at Mandie. “Hullo, I am Nathaniel King.”

“Jah,” Mandie stuttered nervously. “We all know who you are.”

“Kate, you are flushed,” he said, concern in his voice. “Do you want me to take you out to the fresh air? It would not be good for you to get sick just as you are feeling better.”

“No, denki, I am gute.” She fell silent, suddenly too nervous to say anything else.

Nathaniel cleared his throat and forged ahead. “Do you have a ride home tonight? Elmer says he cannot take you.”

Kate thought her knees might give out at any minute. “No, I don’t.”

“Do you want to come with me?”

“That would make me very happy,” she said, remembering to breathe. But then the concerto playing in her head went flat. “Oh, dear. I cannot go. I promised Mandie I would walk her home.”

“I can take Mandie home too,” Nathaniel said.

“Oh, thank you,” Mandie said. “I won’t make a sound, I promise.”

“You do not mind?” Kate asked.

Nathaniel leaned close. “I would drive the entire grade school to Lancaster if I could sit next to you in the buggy.”

Mandie did not draw breath from the time she settled into Nathaniel’s buggy until she entered the door of her white clapboard house. Sitting behind Nathaniel and Kate for the ride home, their passenger related story after story of her insensitive sisters, rebellious brother, and stern father. The sheer rapidity of her speech combined with Mandie’s colorful vocabulary proved truly astounding.

Amused and occasionally shocked by what came out of the girl’s mouth, Kate and Nathaniel frequently glanced at each other and tried to keep from bursting into laughter. Mandie would begin a story only to diverge from her subject to tell three more stories that related to the first story because the first story couldn’t possibly be understood without knowing the other three or four stories that should have come first if she were thinking straight. Kate finally stopped listening altogether and simply nodded her head as if she were paying attention.

When Nathaniel reentered the buggy after walking Mandie to her door, he said, “That girl will marry someone who plans on being away from home often.” They both laughed, exhausting everything they had bottled up on the ride to Mandie’s house.

Nathaniel continued chuckling as he prodded the horse into a slow walk down the road. “Now,” he said, “we will take our time.”

The goose bumps took Kate by surprise. She wrapped her arms around herself.

“You are cold,” Nathaniel said. After stopping the horse, he reached over and lifted a quilt from the back of the buggy, gently wrapping the colorful blanket around Kate’s shoulders. Her skin tingled as his thumb accidentally brushed against her cheek.

“Is that better?” he asked.

Kate nodded, unable to meet his eyes.

A cool breeze skipped through the flowering trees along the lane, and the sliver of a moon peeked over the roof of Mandie’s barn.

Nathaniel breathed in the scent of cherry and apple blossoms. “It was a gute time, jah? I have not been to a singing in more than two years.”

“And yet you did not do so much singing.”

Nathaniel chuckled. “No, I would rather listen to you sing. When you sing, the angels bid me closer to God.”

“I cannot boast of myself,” Kate said, glad that Nathaniel seemed to grasp what she had been trying to make Aaron understand. “My talent is not my own but one the Lord God has lent me. I fear if I bury it in the ground I am a slothful servant.”

Nathaniel studied her face.

“I want to use the voice God has given me for His glory. That is the reason I went away to school—to learn how the Lord wants me to use this gift.”

“But you have not found your answer?”

“No,” Kate said, her voice breaking. “I have tried to do His will, but I can’t help but think I have displeased Him.”

“Surely not,” Nathaniel insisted.

“Then perhaps He has given up on me.”

Nathaniel shook his head slowly and hesitated before he spoke. “I don’t believe God gives up on anybody. He didn’t give up on me.”

“On you?”

“Jah, I was a hard case.” Nathaniel’s mouth twitched into a half smile. “The day after my baptism five years ago, my dat had his stroke. I could not understand how the Lord God would allow that to happen after I had pledged my life to Him. I did not talk to God for days, so angry I was. I believed God had abandoned our family. Mamm and I still must do almost everything for Dat. He cannot walk or talk or feed himself.”

“Jah, I am sorry.”

“The day we brought Dat home from the hospital, Deacon Miller came to help me build a ramp for the wheelchair. My soul was so bitter, I could barely hide my hostility. The deacon saw what others had not and assured me that God had not forgotten me. ‘Nathaniel, your heart is ready for God when you are in your darkest hour,’ he said. ‘Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?’ I don’t know why, but it was as if I heard that Scripture for the first time. That night, I asked God to help me see His love more clearly, even to see how my pain was evidence of that love.”

Nathaniel wrapped the reins around his hand. “Grief is a stern teacher, but I am confident I could not have learned some lessons in any other way. For that, I am grateful. Grateful to God for loving me enough to stretch me and push me and crush me, to refine me in the furnace of affliction, to force me to stretch my faith beyond what I could see.

“God loves me more than I can possibly comprehend. He watches over me. He watches over all of us. But if the way were easy, how could we grow into who He wants us to be? How could our faith become unshakable?” He glanced at Kate then shook his head. “I am doing too much talking.”

Kate tried not to let the tears slip down her cheek. “Not at all. What you say is very wise. I believe you, Nathaniel. I believe that you believe it.”

“The blessed apostle Peter never wondered if walking on water was too hard. He jumped right over the side of the boat. Only when he took his eyes off Lord Jesus did he sink.”

“But why will God not speak to me?”

Nathaniel shook his head. “I think when God is silent, He wants us to prove in our hearts that we are willing to follow Him no matter the cost. If all answers were crystal-clear, how could we show our devotion to Him?”

“There is a song I learned at the academy,” Kate said.

“Sing it to me.”

“Ach, no. It is a sin.”

“Is it a sin for the sparrow to chirp in her nest? I will allow no wickedness in my buggy, you can be sure. I want to hear the song.”

Hesitantly, Kate opened her mouth. She had never felt so nervous singing for anyone in her life. “I believe in the sun even when it is not shining; I believe in love even when feeling it not; I believe in God even when God is silent.”

The breeze subsided as her voice floated into the sky, and even the night birds seemed to be listening.

She looked at Nathaniel. His eyes were closed and the reins had loosened in his fingers. Breathing deeply, he slowly opened his eyes. “Jah, I fear I sin by taking so much pleasure in your singing.”