Kate's Song (22 page)

“I haven’t had a letter,” Nathaniel said.

“Aaron practically camps by the mailbox every day waiting for the mailman, but we haven’t heard anything. I just don’t understand.”

Nathaniel took off his hat and ran his fingers through his hair. He had given up trying to understand. “She decided to go back to school, and she couldn’t face telling us. So she left.”

“The Kate I know would have courage enough to explain.” Elmer wiped his eyes again. “I don’t understand.”

Nathaniel had nothing to give Elmer. He couldn’t reach inside for assurances that weren’t there. They stood staring at each other. “Got to get back to the shop,” he finally said, taking a step closer to the wagon. “Tell your parents hello.”

Elmer furrowed his brow. “Why don’t you go get her?”

Groaning, Nathaniel massaged the back of his neck. “Ach, no, Elmer.”

Elmer jumped in front of him before he could climb into his wagon. “Go find her. Talk her into coming back.” Nathaniel shook his head vigorously while Elmer persisted. “If anyone could convince her, you could. I know she would listen to you.”

Nathaniel folded his arms across his chest and gave Elmer a stern look. “She spent the better part of two years making this decision. It was, and will ever be, the hardest decision of her life. I want her to be happy. How happy would I make her if she knew how miserable her decision has made me?” That grief kept him pacing his room at night, made him unable to eat or work or…pray. “She left without talking to us in person because she did not want to see that pain.”

Elmer, breathing heavily, leaned against the wagon for support. “You are trying to be noble,” he said quietly.

Nathaniel shook his head. “I am trying to survive.”

“Today I wish you were not such a good man.”

They stood for a long time, staring up at the shade trees that towered over Troyer’s property. A light breeze shuffled through the leaves.

An approaching team and wagon jolted Elmer from his thoughts. He rubbed his eyes and glanced toward the street. “I’m going,” he said, “before anyone sees me like this.” He bolted for the cover of the trees behind the warehouse.

A buckboard pulled up to the warehouse and creaked to a halt. “Hullo there, Nathaniel.”

Junior Yutzy and Emmanuel Schwartz jumped from the high seat.

“Antique, isn’t it?” Junior said, smiling and motioning to his wagon. “This thing is so old, my
dawdi
’s dawdi used it back in the day. Every time it breaks down, we patch it up and put it back on the road. If I took a match to it tonight, no one would be the sorrier.”

“Jah, very old,” Nathaniel said. “I can hear it complain from a mile down the road.”

Emmanuel Schwartz came around the other side and took off his work gloves. “Hello, Nathaniel.”

They shook hands. Emmanuel Schwartz, Sarah and Ada’s brother, had grown so tall that he could see eye to eye with Nathaniel.

Of a solemn disposition like his dat the bishop, Emmanuel examined Nathaniel’s face as if he were trying to look into Nathaniel’s soul. His frown made him look much older than his seventeen years. At least he wasn’t afraid to meet Nathaniel’s gaze—or to tackle a topic straight on. “I am very sorry about what happened with Kate,” he said.

The sincerity in his tone caught Nathaniel off guard. He couldn’t brush off such heartfelt sympathy. “Denki,” he said, meeting Emmanuel’s eye. “I—I was very sad, but, Lord willing, the pain will go away in time. I hope she will be happy now.”

“You are a gute man, Nathaniel,” Junior said, glancing at Emmanuel. “If it were me, I do not know if I would be able to forgive her.”

“There is nothing to forgive,” Nathaniel said. “She chose the path she thought God wanted her to choose.”

“Nae,” Junior said. “I’m referring to the boyfriend. The man who came to get her.”

Nathaniel stared at Junior in confusion. “He wasn’t her boyfriend.”

Junior’s eyes darted from Nathaniel to Emmanuel. “We passed by the Weavers’ house on the way to gmay last week. Kate and the man were standing by his truck, hugging.”

Nathaniel rubbed his forehead. “Who was he? Did you see his face?”

“Dark skin. Young like Kate. I don’t know. Their touching, it seemed improper.”

Nathaniel felt the tension pull at his shoulders. “You think it was her boyfriend?”

Junior looked at Nathaniel’s face and suddenly didn’t seem so eager to share what he knew. “We were passing by. I didn’t get a good look. We were just passing. The Herschbergers saw them. Ask Marvin.”

Emmanuel held his hand up to hush Junior.

Nathaniel tried a reassuring look. “Thank you for being concerned.” He climbed into the seat of his wagon. “Everything will be all right. Everything will be all right, Junior. Good luck with your wagon. May it give your family a hundred more years of service, Lord willing.”

Junior cracked a smile. “Denki, Nathaniel. But I hope not. Perhaps today I will drive it into the lake.”

* * * * *

Nathaniel was waiting in the barn when Aaron came to fetch the Weavers’ horse and buggy. In spite of the paralyzing emotions swirling in his head, Nathaniel had repaired the shattered wheel, replaced the broken glass, and framed a new storm front. It was as good as new. Better than new, even, or Nathaniel wasn’t worth his salt as a carpenter. Aaron had promised to stop by Nathaniel’s later today and drive the buggy home.

A thin streak of afternoon sun materialized across the floor as Aaron stuck his head around the barn door. “Nathaniel, how are you? I’ve come for dat’s buggy.”

Nathaniel’s frustration grew with Aaron’s blatant cheerfulness, and he decided not to beat around the bush. “Why didn’t you tell me about Kate and the man?”

The question seemed to throw Aaron off guard, and he sauntered farther into the barn. “What exactly didn’t I tell you?”

“Did they hug?”

Aaron seemed thoughtful. “They were very happy to see each other,” he offered, studying Nathaniel’s face.

Nathaniel let out a heavy breath. Could anything in his life get worse? “Why didn’t you tell me?”

He could see Aaron weighing his words carefully, debating what he should say and what he should not. “I did not want Kate to be hurt by such talk.”

Nathaniel folded his arms and eyed Aaron skeptically. “You are not telling me the truth.”

“You accuse me of bearing false witness?”

“Kate’s reputation has never been your concern.”

Aaron scowled and took a few steps away from Nathaniel. “Hiding the truth can sometimes be the best thing,” he said, measuring each word before it came out of his mouth. “The harlot Rahab hid the spies of Joshua and lied to the king to save their lives. She and her entire family were spared because of her deceit.”

“So you are protecting your family?”

Aaron sat on the workbench, rested his elbows on his knees, and stared at the ground. “I did not think you would believe my story of the excitement I saw in her face when that man touched her. It would paint a very unflattering picture of Kate.”

Defeated and tired and growing more despondent by the hour, Nathaniel sank next to Aaron on the bench. It took Nathaniel every ounce of humility he had to look Aaron in the eye. “Why wouldn’t she tell me?”

“Who can say?”

“Is she someone I only thought I knew?” Nathaniel whispered, more to himself than Aaron.

“I know she got many letters from Milwaukee.”

Nathaniel buried his face in his hands. “Why did she even come back? Why, if she had a boyfriend and a better life in Milwaukee, would she come back to torment us?”

“You saw her injuries. She came back to get away from trouble.”

A sick, nauseated feeling washed over Nathaniel. “Do you think that man, that boyfriend…?” He could hardly shape the word in his mouth. “…that boyfriend hurt her? That she left him in Milwaukee and later decided to go back to him?”

Aaron threw up his hands. “I do not know. How can I guess of the wickedness in her heart?”

The wickedness in her heart
. If Aaron had said those words a week ago, Nathaniel would have responded with outrage. But now he did not know what to think, did not know how to defend Kate. Confusion, disgust, grief, all clouded his judgment. How could he ever get to the heart of the truth?

He didn’t want to talk anymore. Without a word, he stood and led the Weavers’ horse from his stall. Rollie had healed nicely, with no outward sign of any damage to the leg but a small scar where the hair would not grow back.

Aaron came up behind him. “I am indeed sorry to burden you with this,” he said. “Kate’s presence here did no one any good. Your mamm was against it. My parents felt the shame of her choices. Elmer and I disagreed over how to deal with her. She is too much in love with the world. You see that now. Perhaps knowing what she really is will make it easier for you to move on. To forget.”

Nathaniel obstinately held his tongue and led the horse to the buggy. Aaron hesitated and then swallowed whatever he was going to say next. After they hitched up the horse, Nathaniel opened the wide doors and Aaron drove out of the barn and down the lane.

Why, even now, did Aaron’s words anger him? Why was it so hard to hear the truth about Kate? Nathaniel closed his eyes as more questions than answers filled his mind.

He closed the barn door and took the long way back to the house. As he walked, it was Elmer’s voice, not Aaron’s, that echoed in his head.

“Why don’t you go get her?”

Nathaniel pictured Kate’s face, beautiful and serene. Would seeing her again bring him comfort or only compound his torment? Perhaps sharing what was in his heart and letting her do the same would bring him some measure of peace. And if Nathaniel desperately needed anything, it was peace.

He should talk to her—not on the phone where so much could be hidden, but face-to-face. He wanted to see her. Look into her eyes, no matter how painful, and find the truth.

Lord willing, the truth would set him free.

Kate wiped the gooey green paste from her apron and then swiped the rag across Alex’s face. “Okay,” she said, “I swear I will never feed you green beans again. And I will wear a rain poncho when we try the squash tomorrow.”

Dodging his busy hands, she carried Alex to the sink and ran his fingers under the water. Some messes were too tricky for a dishrag. Once Alex was sufficiently clean, she let him down and he crawled around the kitchen opening cupboards and emptying them of their contents. Kate smiled to herself. The only babies cuter than Alex would be her own—and Nathaniel’s, Lord willing.

She heard a key at the door. Maria blew in, dressed in her waitress outfit and carrying the day’s mail. “How did Alex do today?” she said.

“Gute. He would not eat his beans, but he took a two-hour nap.”

“The apartment looks so clean,” Maria said. “Are you sure you don’t want to stay for another year or two?”

Kate spread herself on the sofa. “I just tidied up a bit. How was your day?”

Maria shuffled through the mail. “Best day ever. I didn’t hear from Jared’s mother once, and a very nice old man left me a twenty-dollar tip. Hey, look…a long-lost letter from Apple Lake.”

Kate took in a sharp breath and practically leaped off the sofa. “Finally,” she said, grabbing the envelope from Maria. “It’s been two weeks, and I’ve sent four letters.”

Her mood deflated slightly when she saw the return address. “Aaron? What does Aaron want? He never wrote to me when I was at school.” Even knowing whom it was from, she ran into her bedroom and eagerly opened the letter. “Why hasn’t Mamm written?” she murmured.

Kate
,

Mamm and Dat were not happy that you left so suddenly, especially with Elmer still in the hospital. Elmer feels better. I must tell you how much happier Dat and Mamm are without you in Apple Lake. You know how the gossip upset Dat. Our parents seem at peace without having to answer for your transgressions
.

Nathaniel was sad when you left, but he, too, is coming to see you in a different light—the improper touching you did with the man who drove you to Milwaukee is no secret. Your worldliness is a stumbling block for him. How can he be a good church man with a wife he must always be reining in? Better for you to let him give his love to someone more suitable
.

Elmer says they want you to be the main part in the opera at the academy. You have a great career ahead of you. You were meant for greater things than our way of life. We will miss you, but everyone will be happier this way
.

Aaron

Shaking violently, Kate paced around the room. Nathaniel had heard about Carlos’s behavior when he came to pick her up. Had he jumped to conclusions? Her parents were happier without her there? Everyone thought she was wicked?

Her world bounced and turned over and over like a rubber ball rolling down a bumpy hill, leaving her confused and bewildered. She fell across her bed and wept quietly. How had everything gone so horribly wrong?

Nathaniel walked through the large wooden doors of the Milwaukee Music Academy. The lobby smelled of soap and furniture polish. He followed the signs to the main office and tentatively stuck his head through the doorway. A line of about a dozen students snaked in front of a large desk, where a young man with thick glasses and freckles sat typing furiously on his computer. Not knowing what else to do, Nathaniel took his place at the back of the line.

Many eyes turned curiously to gawk at him. He didn’t mind. The Amish were used to Englischers staring at them wherever they went.

The boy at the front of the line argued with the one sitting at the desk. “I did not sign up for Music Theory, Part Two,” he said.

“Fill out this form and pay the ten-dollar fee, and you will get the class change by e-mail tomorrow,” said the freckled young man.

“I shouldn’t have to pay ten dollars. It was your mistake, not mine.”

Nathaniel’s heart sank lower the longer he stood there. At this pace he would be waiting in line for two or three hours, and he was desperate to find Kate before the last bus left for Apple Lake tonight at seven.

Kate’s mamm had gotten teary when Nathaniel told her where he was going, and she begged him to take Kate a letter and her mother’s love. Emma gave him Kate’s last-known address. “But she does not live there anymore,” she said. “We had three letters returned. We do not know how to contact her.”