Just Tell Me (The Justice Series) (12 page)

His parents smiled at each other and Daniel stood up, he knew this conv
ersation wasn’t going anywhere. He kissed his mother dryly on the cheek, wished her happy birthday and stumbled to his car, the night air cold and refreshing on his brandy soaked breath. 

He drove back to his gatehouse, his iPod played
melancholy tunes at him. Drugs, retribution and being saved. He sang the words as he drove slowly back to his house down the private road. The music resonated with him and he felt the tears pricking at his eyes as he thought about Nicole, he needed to find her to tell her how he still felt but he remembered her note and remembered she didn’t want him. 

“
Damn her” he pulled up outside his house, the windows were dark and uninviting.  He slammed his hands on the steering wheel as the hot tears fell. He hated Nicole for making him feel like this, his life was empty. Why had she run away from him? None of it made sense.

Chapter 11

October

Nicole lay on her bed, it was late and she had become more and more irritable as the weeks had dragged on. Her body had changed beyond recognition over the last two weeks.  She had bought some shapeless tops to hide her emerging belly, and just felt frumpy. The big winter coat she started wearing at all times did a good enough job of covering the emerging bump but she knew it was time to come clean, her parents were becoming concerned about her and she had started to avoid them; she would come back from work late and take her dinner to her bedroom. 

She just wanted t
o shut the door to the world, some nights she would watch TV and fall asleep in her old t-shirt and shorts, holding the red silk dressing gown.   Other nights she would stalk Daniel on Google, typing his name and seeing his face on the screen. As the months had gone by Nicole had forgotten the Daniel she had met, the one that had saved her and now only saw the womanising bastard he appeared to be in the media. He was very good looking though, despite her feelings towards him she still felt he was the most attractive man she would ever meet. 

Every time she saw his face in a new picture she would study it for
ages, looking at his blue eyes, she was becoming obsessed with him, like following a movie star he didn’t seem real anymore. Regret was making her bitter. She would never smell his aftershave or feel his skin again, every time she felt the tears threaten she fought with herself and pushed it away. She was stronger than before. 

Libby had met a new man and was
in love, she told Nicole on Facebook, giving her a very frank and sometimes gruesome account of their sex life. Nicole found this amusing and hoped her friend had met someone decent at last.  She felt the jealousy rise in her chest and pushed it away. 

When s
he was on her own she fantasised about what she would say if he ever got in touch. She would never see him again even if he did; she had made a promise to herself and she had a duty to protect this innocent life growing inside her.  It was her child, nothing to do with him now and she didn’t want more turmoil in her life.  She didn’t need a man to keep her, or look after her. 
Fuck them all and fuck Daniel.

Nicole had terrible taste in men, she thought about the last few months with Andrew and how s
he had let him walk all over her. She had blocked the abuse from her memory, skirted over the details with her parents there was only Daniel who knew the truth.  All those months of abuse and she couldn’t understand herself, why didn’t she just walk away before it got that bad? She thought of the irony. The short time she had spent with Daniel, how it had changed her life, at least she had the memory of amazing sex, although she doubted it would ever happen to her again. The loneliness spread over her in the middle of the night and she rubbed her hand over her expanding tummy. She felt a fluttering in response and knew she would never feel alone again once the baby was born.

She smiled as she thought about the weekend that
had just passed, Anna had come over from Leeds and was staying with Libby, they were going out for dinner and she had already made excuses about not being able to drink. They had come to the house and Anna looked as tired as Nicole felt as Libby poured a large glass of wine for their friend. The antibiotics excuse didn’t cut it with Libby and as Nicole sat down she knew she couldn’t keep it from her best friends any longer.  The look on Anna’s face when she had told them was of disbelief, they both knew some of the issues Nicole had faced and to become pregnant naturally was nothing short of a miracle.  Libby’s face was priceless when she found out the father was THE Daniel MacIntyre but she was pleased her friends were so happy for her, it made it seem real at last and something to be proud of. 

Nicole
even joined in with a small glass of Prosecco in the restaurant to celebrate, and neither of the other girls ordered lamb which was a godsend to Nicole. She listened to Anna as she told her friends about Edward, Nicole still couldn’t help but feel sorry for the poor guy. Anna had a track record of falling for men and then dumping them the moment they got seriously interested and this one sounded like his heart would break. 

The day of
her 20 week scan, she woke early and lay in bed for a moment longer than she should. Today was the day she would tell her parents, there was no more avoiding it. She would go to the scan, go back to work and then tell her parents the news tonight. Nicole wandered downstairs, her father was pottering about in the kitchen, he had finished another batch of scones and he smiled warmly as she came into the room and quickly sat at the table to avoid any questionable looks.

“Hello love, you’re up early
can’t you sleep?” her dad glanced over at her and automatically put a warm scone on a plate to bring over to her “You look tired, you know we are worried about you, you have gone so quiet” he brought the plate over and sat opposite her, she almost wanted to cry and tell him her news but she knew she would wait until tonight.

“
Oh dad” she was choking on her words.

Her dad stood up and came round to her side of the table putti
ng a protective arm round her “Whatever it is, it will be ok you know you can tell us. Is it that bad living here? You know you can stay here for as long as you like, we will need someone to look after us in old age” he tried to make her smile but this made the tears fall, big droplets hitting the plate in front of her. She shook her head in denial, unable to speak.

“
Anyway you can always talk to me love, I know you’ve been through a rough time” he sat back in his chair, taking a big bite of his scone “Oh and eat a scone, we were only saying the other day you’re looking a bit portlier but hey another one wont harm” he patted her on the arm and took a big slurp of his tea. 

Nicole grabbed her scone and her coat and fled into the cool October morning a
ir, she could do without that.
Good grief
she had enough on without thinking she was fat, the sooner she told them the better. She walked the short distance to the bus stop and waited for the bus to the hospital, she sat shivering in the cool air as a fine drizzle hung in the air. Time to take control of her life she wouldn’t be walked all over, not now and not ever. 

She stood up to signal to the bus as it approached,
that was it
, she told herself with a new steely resolve,
time to stop wallowing in self pity
. This was the time, her secret would be out by the end of the day and she would tell the world she was pregnant, by a man she didn’t know. She didn’t care, she would be strong enough to get through it.  She left the hospital with her 20 week scan photos and stared at the grainy image of the little baby boy she was carrying inside her body.  A boy, the reality finally hit her, it was time to tell her parents but first she had to deal with her work colleagues. 

The senior partner was a formidable solicitor and a bastard to work for at
times, he was sat at his desk and his glasses perched on the end of his nose. Always looking for the answer to a question. He had watched her since the night in the hotel and Andrews proposal. A knowing misunderstanding always on the tip of his tongue. Nicole knocked lightly.

“Can I come in? I need to speak to you”
             

He pointed to a chair “M
ake it quick” he said shortly “I have lots to do”. 

Nicole took a breath, “I’m 20 weeks pregnant”. 

His eyes widened at the news “Oh” suddenly silent, staring at Nicole, who stared back at him.
Well this wasn’t the way I’d planned it, say something
. 

He spoke “I didn’t expect you to say that, well congratulations I suppose, I’m sorry Miss Shaw you caught me off g
uard” he emphasised the Miss. Nicole knew the firm was old fashioned and they knew she was single again. Gossip spread in the legal world. She kept her strength up, she had dealt with the nurses at the hospital asking who the father was and she had better start getting used to it.

“
Yes I decided to have a baby” Nicole said “So here I am, having one”.

The senior partner was still looking at her
with curiosity. She explained when she wanted her maternity leave to begin and she hoped to come into the office during her year off as much as she could.  He just stared at her and she stared back, her gaze was strong.

“
Anyway thanks for your time” Nicole stood up; she needed to tell HR and give them the paperwork.

She felt empowered and in control f
or the first time in her life “Now I have some work to do so I need to get on”. She turned and walked back to her desk, she was going to invest in some proper maternity wear. No more hiding under these shapeless old tops, she didn’t want to end up looking like a frumpy old spinster. She liked the feeling of telling the world she was pregnant now, and she had a sudden urge to shout it out in the middle of office “I’m pregnant by a man I will never see again, deal with it because I don’t give a shit!” she sat back at her desk and switched on her PC, resisting the urge to check her phone, her email and Facebook. 

Finally focused on work she waded through the paperwork on her desk. Having the distractions over the last few weeks had put her in autopilot, but not anymore, she was in control and she loved it.  She sat back and rubbed her belly, the flutters she felt were kicks she was su
re of it now and she looked down “You and me” she whispered and smiled happily to herself.

She stopped by the shopping centre after work to buy a few maternity tops, and trousers
with elastic round the waist. Nicole opened the front door, her energy from the morning was still there, and she felt glowing and confident again. Wasn’t this how pregnant women were described, glowing? She took her coat off and walked into the kitchen, taking a moment to observe the scene before she announced her news. Her father was explaining to her mother how to fillet a fish properly. The disastrous culinary results were staring back at them from a blue chopping board. 

Most of the kitchen was from catering auctions, she looked around the room at the collection of once prized tools of the trade and she remembered her dad bringing the conical sieve back one day.  Thrown away because the handle had bent and he put it on his head like a tin man.  Nicole smiled knowing how lucky she was to have such a lovely family, and couldn’t imagine ever leaving home again, although with her 30
th
birthday not that far away she also knew she had to get herself sorted out soon.  She worried she would be one of those forty something women, left on the shelf with ten cats and the highlight of her week would be shopping with her mum on a Saturday afternoon. 

“Hello” Nicole walked in and smiled and they both turned round to see her, not used to her being so happy after months of quiet.

“Guys will you sit down I’ve got something to tell you” her parents looked at each other and her dad took off his rubber gloves and placed the filleting knife down, they both wandered over and sat down.  The room was still and quiet, the only sound coming from the ticking of the clock and the old fridge her dad had bought years ago from a catering auction. 

“I’m 20 weeks pregnant and I’m keeping the baby” Nicole blurted out her news and put today’s scan on the table to show them. 

They were both
speechless, Nicole continued “Now I know it’s a big ask but I have worked out a plan, mum you said you wanted some extra income and I know you love children so how about I pay you to help me out so I can go back to work full time once the baby is born?”  Nicole was composed and confident, there was nothing they could say to change her mind. 

Her mum spoke fi
rst as she looked at the scan “Is it a boy or a girl? Is it Andrews?”  She asked as though it made a difference either way.

“
A boy, and God no.  The father is Daniel MacIntyre, definitely nothing to do with Andrew. Thank God. and I’m not telling him, I want this baby, the father might as well have been a sperm donor as far as I’m concerned, look I’m 30 next year, this might be the only chance I get to have a baby, the way I feel about men I don’t think I will ever meet anyone and I really want it, will you help me?” 

She looked at her parents and they could see she was serious, they hadn’t seen Nicole this fired up before and were both taken aback.

Her dad spoke “You don’t have to do this alone, Nicole we are there for you, you’re an adult, but even if you were 16 we would still stand by you, we love you, isn’t that right love?” he held his wife’s hand and reached out for Nicole’s, a smile on his face. 

Her mum pick
ed up the scan and studied it “Can’t believe you didn’t tell us earlier Nicole, you don’t have to go through this alone anymore”. 

Nicole stood up. They hugged her in the kitchen and she felt so happy she could burst.  Her dad cooked salmon fillet with pesto and new potatoes, they sat at the
kitchen table and chatted about the baby and she opened up about Andrew and Daniel. It still felt unreal for Nicole but she felt that with her parents help it would be ok, after dinner her dad made some tea and they went to sit in the lounge.  A plate of homemade chocolate muffins leftover from the café were demolished as they sat watching TV, her dad shouting at the adverts.  She wandered up to bed and slipped into fresh a fresh t-shirt, climbed into bed and slept until the alarm woke her the next day, the best sleep she had in months.