Journey to the Highlands: Robbie and Caralyn (Clan Grant Series Book 4) (21 page)

Chapter Thirty-Nine

In the middle of the night, a loud banging on the door awakened them both. Robbie got up and threw his plaid on before answering it.

“Brenna needs Caralyn’s help.”

Quade was at the door, and Caralyn overheard him, so she jumped out of bed to get dressed. She flew into the main room and stared at Quade. “Not my lassies?”

“Nay, the girls are fine. There are two women ready to deliver and she can’t be in both huts at the same time. Brenna was hoping the two would deliver before we left, but not at the same time. Anyway, she wondered if you would help Jennie.”

“Of course.” She grabbed her boots and Robbie finished dressing.

“I’ll bring her. Where?”

“Gavin’s wife.” Quade nodded to them, then left. Moments later, Caralyn burst out of the cottage and headed for her horse, but Robbie stopped her. “You are barely awake and ‘tis confusing in the dark. I’ll take you on my horse since I know the way.”

She didn’t argue, too lost in her thoughts, trying to remember everything about the two births she had witnessed. Of course, she had her own to remind her of everything, but she wouldn’t wish the midwives who had attended her births on anyone.

When they arrived at Gavin’s, Robbie helped her down and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

“You are strong enough to do this,” he reminded her.

She gazed into his eyes realizing how much his comment meant to her. Then she nodded glumly, trying to tell herself the exact same thing. Could she? She placed her hand on his arm. “Thank you for the escort, but you don’t need to wait. Could be a long time. I’ll find my way back.”

“I’ll be right out here when you’re done.” He gave her a slight push toward the door before joining Gavin, who was waiting on a nearby log, jiggling his knee up and down.

Caralyn stepped inside to find a small group of people clustered around the bed. Brenna and Jennie were at the end while two maids handled water and linens, swaddling a nearby cradle.

Brenna turned to her as soon as she stepped inside. “Och, great. Caralyn, my thanks for coming. I have another woman birthing a few rows over and she is having a difficult time since it is her first. This is Nessa’s third, so she should be fine. Jennie knows what to do, but I’ll feel better knowing she has some assistance. Can you handle it?”

“Aye, I remember what to do. If aught happens I don’t understand, Robbie is outside. I will send him for you.”

“Gavin can come for me as well. If everything goes fine, I could be back before Nessa delivers. Here is the tie for the cord, a clean knife, and don’t forget to clean out the bairn’s mouth.” Brenna gave her a hug and flew out the door.

Caralyn took a deep breath and introduced herself to Nessa and the maids just as a strong contraction gripped the woman and she yelled her way through it. Jennie smiled at Caralyn and showed her where to put all their supplies.

“I am excited for this,” Jennie said in a whisper, her cheeks aglow. “I love working with Brenna.”

“Have you been at many births?” Caralyn asked her, hoping her answer would be aye.

“Aye, I spent time in Lothian with her. When she married Quade and moved away, we had no healer. My mother and grandpapa were both healers, so I wanted to try. I have delivered a couple, but I am still new, so thank you for coming.”

Caralyn experienced a moment of panic, then she nodded to Jennie. Though she couldn’t summon the right words, she knew exactly what to do. She had to believe in herself, just as everyone had been trying to tell her.

Taking a deep breath, she placed her hand on Nessa’s knee and took a look to see how far along she was. Offering words of encouragement, she managed to get Nessa through the next contraction.

“Are you having frequent contractions?” she asked once the spell had passed.

“Aye, every minute or so. I am no’ getting any breaks, and if I remember, that’s what it was like right before I delivered my last.” Nessa leaned back and took a couple of deep breaths before she surged forward. “Och, here we go, lasses. I have to push.”

“Are your bairns lasses or lads?” she asked to distract Nessa from the pain.

“Two lassies. Gavin so wants a lad.” The answer was delivered in between grunts.

Nessa strained and pushed for several minutes as Jennie and Caralyn watched the bairn’s head get closer to the end. They gave Nessa many words of encouragement, holding her hand when she needed it.

Another strong contraction forced her to push, and Jennie shouted, “I can see the bairn’s hair. Keep pushing, Nessa. The bairn is almost here.” Caralyn helped her lead Nessa through the rest of her labor, the two of them encouraging her until she gave a last push and the head and shoulders slipped together into Caralyn’s waiting hands. She took a deep breath, tugged on the baby enough to get a good hold on it, then did as Brenna had instructed and put her finger in the bairn’s mouth to clean out all the mucus. The babe slid completely out with the next push and Jennie grabbed his feet, holding him up for a moment to make the cord taut. The wean squealed a loud roar to let everyone know he had arrived.

“A lad,” Caralyn said. “He’s a beautiful laddie.”

Gavin came rushing in the door and stopped cold. “A lad? Did you say a lad? Do we have a son, Nessa?”

Caralyn nodded and held him up for Gavin to see. “Aye, you have a strapping lad.” The bairn continued to bellow his dissatisfaction as Caralyn wrapped him in a plaid and Jennie tied string around the cord. She cleaned him up and set him into his mother’s arms. Nessa started to cry and Gavin pushed his way past the maids to kiss his wife. “I am so happy to have a wee laddie,” he whispered. Gavin couldn’t take his eyes off his son and his wife.

Caralyn started to clean, feeling as if she were intruding on a private moment. The last part of the birth came through not long after, and she and Jennie were working together to help Nessa when the door banged open.

Brenna came charging in. “Everything is progressing?” She smiled when she saw the wean in his mother’s arms, her eyes lighting up. “Well done, Caralyn and Jennie. Here, let me finish up.” Brenna hugged Caralyn and took over.

Standing back, Caralyn tried to process everything that had just happened as Jennie filled Brenna in as the two of them washed Nessa.

Caralyn’s hands started to shake as she realized what she had just done.

She washed them, hoping the trembling would stop, but it didn’t. She had just delivered a bairn into the world. And she had done it well. Tears slid down her cheeks and her hands shook. Brenna glanced over her shoulder and, noticing Caralyn was upset, hugged her from behind. She turned her toward the door and said, “Go. You did a great job, but ‘tis stressful. Take a step outside.”

Caralyn walked out the door and saw Robbie standing outside leaning against a tree.

She threw herself into his arms and sobbed.

And again, as always, he was there for her.

***

Two days later, Robbie was in the lists early one morn when Alex came flying out to find him. Robbie took one look at his brother’s face, and his gut clenched. Though he was unsure of what was wrong, he knew something was amiss. Alex pointed to the keep and said, “Now.”

Robbie hopped on his horse and flew across the bridge and through the courtyard, not stopping until he was at the front steps of the keep. When he flew in the doorway, Celestina was waiting for him inside.

“What is it?” he asked, panting as he tried to catch his breath. He didn’t like the look on her face.

“’Tis Gracie. You must get Caralyn. She needs to be here now.” Celestina pointed to the corner of the hall, where Gracie was surrounded by a number of people.

Robbie took one look at Gracie and tore out the door, then jumped on his horse and bolted toward the loch as fast as his horse could gallop. Everything had been going so well. Caralyn was actually coming out of her shell, finding a sense of purpose all her own.

But this? He had never intended for this to happen. Saints above, she would never forgive him. Why had he been so bull-headed? She probably would have come around on her own, given enough time. Hellfire, why had he insisted on getting his way?

Chapter Forty

Caralyn heard the pounding of a horse’s hooves across the meadow, but it was nowhere near midday meal. When she stepped outside to see who was coming, Robbie was already there, panting atop his horse. He dismounted in a moment and held a hand out to her.

“You need to come to the keep. It’s Gracie.”

They were on their way before Caralyn could even wrap her head around his words. Saints above, not her sweet Gracie. She prayed all the while they rode.

“Caralyn, I’m so sorry. I hoped to show you your own value, but please understand, I would never have done this if I had thought it would hurt your bairns. Please forgive me.”

“Robbie, what is wrong with her? Tell me what has happened!” She couldn’t unclench her fists or stop her thoughts from going to the absolute worst places.

“I’m not sure if anyone knows. I saw Gracie lying on the floor in the corner, not moving but staring out as if in a trance. I came to get you right away. Alex pulled me from the lists.”

They ran in through the front door and everyone stood back so they could reach the wee one. Caralyn’s heart was in her throat when she saw her daughter lying on her side on the floor next to the dogs. She was breathing but not moving. Her eyes were open and staring straight ahead, her thumb was in her mouth.

Caralyn knelt down in front of her. “Gracie?” Naught. She blinked but didn’t so much as twitch at the mention of her name.

Ashlyn sat crying next to Gracie. “Mama, she’s just like before but worse. She stopped talking yesterday. She wouldn’t eat last night, and this morn, she walked over and lay down next to Growley. She has been like this ever since. Lily, Maddie, everyone has tried talking to her, and she just stares straight ahead. What are we going to do?”

Caralyn put her hands under Gracie’s arms and lifted her up, resting the wee lassie’s head over her shoulder. Tears ran down Caralyn’s cheeks. She had failed her daughter. Gracie was like a rag doll, not moving at all on her own, still not looking at anything or anyone, not even her mother or her sister.

Robbie put a gentle hand on Caralyn’s arm and led her over to the hearth. “Hold her and talk to her. The deal is off, Caralyn.” His voice shook with anguish as he said it. “You belong with your daughters. I am so sorry for getting in the way.”

Caralyn nodded as she hugged Gracie to her chest. She reached over and tugged Ashlyn in close so she could kiss her cheek. “I’m sorry, Ashlyn. I won’t leave you again.”

Robbie stood next to her before leaning over to give Gracie a kiss. “We love you, Gracie.” He kissed Ashlyn on the cheek before turning to leave. “I’ll be outside if you need anything. Mayhap it would be best if you were alone with your girls.”

Once Caralyn was settled in a chair close to the fire, Maddie and Brenna rushed over. “I checked her, Caralyn,” said Brenna, kneeling in front of her. “There is naught wrong with her physically. I think if you sit with her and promise her you’ll stay, she’ll come out of it. She missed you verra much when you were gone. The wean has had too much in her life for one so young. All three of you. With your love, I think she’ll come back to herself. We’ll keep everyone away, and if you need anything, just ask. We are here for you.”

Caralyn glanced at both of them, tears still flooding her cheeks, and said, “Could you make me a good mother? Apparently, I can’t seem to do things right no matter how I try.”

Maddie placed her hand on her shoulder. “You
are
a good mother. You love your daughters more than anything, and that’s the only thing necessary.” Maddie kissed her cheek, and then wee Gracie’s, and walked away with Brenna.

Caralyn held her daughter and rubbed her back. “Gracie, I’m so sorry. I promise never to leave you again. You’ll go with me wherever I go. I love you and your sister more than anything.” She kissed her daughter’s forehead. “Malcolm is gone, he will never bother you again. I was with Robbie for just for a short time. I needed to know if I could live with him, if I really love him. I do…but just because I love Robbie, doesn’t mean I’ll stop loving you. I love you, Ashlyn,
and
Robbie. ‘Tis not wrong to love people. You love Lily, don’t you?” She stopped to peer into her eyes for any movement or recognition, but there was naught.

Ashlyn reached over and rubbed Gracie’s hair. “Mama, is she any better?”

“Nay.”

“Mama, we missed you. Are you coming back?”

“Aye. I will never leave my sweet lassies again. At least, not at night. I may have to do a chore or two, but I will always be with you at night. I promise.” She gave Ashlyn a kiss on the forehead, then stood up. “Come, let’s go to our chamber. I think Gracie and Mama need a rest.”

A few hours later, Caralyn awoke in their chamber. Gracie was still in her arms, but something was different. “Gracie?” Naught. Her daughter’s gaze was still vacant of recognition. However, two things had changed. Gracie’s wee hand held a tight grip on Caralyn’s gown, and she was sucking her thumb. Caralyn smiled and ran her hand through Gracie’s hair. “You are safe wee one; Mama is here for you now. Come back to Mama. I miss you.”

***

Robbie was sitting on the front step of the keep with his head in his hands when Brenna, Quade, Brodie, Celestina, and Tomas came out to join him.

He glanced up at his sister. “Is there any change?”

“Nay, Caralyn took her up to her chamber. ‘Tis not your fault, Robbie.”

“How can you say such a thing, Brenna? ‘Tis all my fault. ‘Twould never have happened if I hadn’t made Caralyn live with me in the cottage.”

“I thought she volunteered to live with you in the cottage,” Brodie said.

“Och, ‘tis complicated. I hoped my plan would show her that she had value. She couldn’t see it living in the keep with everyone else. In her mind, she could never measure up. Clearly, ‘twas a lousy plan. She’ll never forgive me now, and looking at Gracie in that state breaks my heart.” He cradled his head in his hands once again. “What a fool I am.”

Celestina said, “Sounds like it worked perfectly to me.”

Robbie picked his head up to stare at her. “What? How did this work? Her daughter is a mess.”

Brenna spoke up. “Because her daughter retreated not long after she left. Caralyn has always seemed lost to me, as though she thinks she’s not wanted. It didn’t help that Gracie did so well here from the start. The wee one started talking when she wasn’t with her and Gracie started laughing when she wasn’t with her. ‘Twas the lassie’s reaction to feeling safe and free of that wretched man, but I can see how Caralyn wouldn’t see it that way. She could easily have interpreted that as her daughters being better off without her. But now she is learning how much she matters to them.”

Tomas came over and grasped Robbie’s shoulder. “Let’s hope Caralyn sees it that way, aye?”

***

Caralyn and Ashlyn sandwiched in on either side of Gracie. Though she was still not talking, she had picked up her head and was staring at her mother. Overjoyed by this improvement, Caralyn started to cry and kissed her on both cheeks. “I love you, sweet lass. Please come back to me. I’ll never leave you again.”

“Mama, why did you really leave us?”Ashlyn asked in a quiet voice.

Caralyn sighed, “’Tis hard to explain about big people things, but you know what a difficult time I’ve had with men. But I love Robbie Grant and I needed to see if there was some way it could work.”

“But Mama, he really loves you. He isn’t like any of the others.”

“Ashlyn, I know that now, but I needed to learn it for myself. I should have trusted him, but I was confused. You were right when you asked me if I loved myself. That has been difficult for me because of Malcolm, but Robbie has helped me to see that I am a good person. He has asked me to marry him and I’m ready to accept. How would you feel with Captain Grant as your stepfather?”

Ashlyn grew wide-eyed. “Aye. Can we call him papa?”

“We’ll have to ask him that question, but ‘twould make you happy if we all lived with him in the cottage? I thought you would never want to leave the keep now that you have so many friends here.”

“Nay, Mama. We want to live with you. We could come back to play. Aye, Gracie and I would be so happy if you married Captain Grant and we all lived together near the loch.”

Gracie reached up a hand and patted Caralyn’s face, still sucking her other thumb in a fury.

“I think your sister likes the idea, also.” She kissed the palm of Gracie’s wee hand and smiled. “I was afraid you wouldn’t go with me.”

“Why, Mama? We love you.” Ashlyn leaned in closer to her mother and Gracie.

She knew she needed to explain it a little better. “Ashlyn, you and Gracie have been so happy here that I didn’t think you would really miss me. You have so many others to play with, Gracie was talking before I even came here, and you have many other mothers—Celestina, Maddie, Brenna.”

“Nay, we don’t!” Ashlyn’s voice grew loud and severe. “You are our mama, they are not. We love them, but they aren’t you. You are our only mama. We need
you
.”

Caralyn climbed out of bed with Gracie in her arms and said to Ashlyn. “Come, there’s someone we have to talk to.”

***

She marched down the staircase into the hall and looked for Robbie, finally finding him on the front steps, surrounded by his family and friends.

He took one look at Gracie and stood. “She is better?”

Caralyn said, “Aye, she isn’t speaking yet, but she is moving and her gaze follows me. I won’t let her out of my sight for a while. She needs me.”

Robbie smiled and kissed Gracie’s forehead. “Aye, she does.”

She glanced at the others and said, “Thank you all for your help, but I wondered if I might speak to Robbie alone.”

“Of course,” Brenna said. “Would you like us to take Ashlyn with us?”

When Caralyn shook her head, Ashlyn leaned into her and wrapped her arms around her waist. “Nay, Ashlyn needs me, too. Come to the garden with me?” she asked, her eyes on Robbie’s. He nodded and stood, taking Ashlyn’s other hand when she held it out to him. Together they walked to Brenna’s garden, stopping when they reached the bench in the middle of it.”

He turned to Caralyn. “What is it? Caralyn, you know how sorry I am…”

She held her hand up. “Don’t be. Your intentions were good and I understand what you were trying to do for me—,” she glanced at her girls, “—for
us
.”

Caralyn cleared her throat and her gaze locked on onto his again, those beautiful gray eyes of his going straight to her heart. She could feel the butterflies in her stomach jump to life at his nearness, could feel her need to draw him closer, to have him hold her, to support her and to love her as much as she loved him. “Robbie, is your offer of marriage still open?”

Robbie looked stunned, but he said, “Of course. You know I love you and your daughters. I would love naught more than the chance to love you all for a lifetime.”

Caralyn smiled and squeezed her daughters’ hands. “Then we accept. Naught would make me happier than to be your wife.”

Shocked at first, his gaze searched hers as if he wasn’t certain he understood her correctly.

She nodded her head and smiled. “I love you, Captain Robbie Grant. I think I always have. Do you remember the day you ignored your commander to go in search of two hungry lassies in the forest? You grabbed a piece of my heart that day. I just had a hard time accepting that you could love me as much as I love you.”

His eyes widened and he smiled, his big, beautiful smile. He cupped her face and kissed her deeply. Ashlyn clapped her hands. “Aye, Gracie, we finally have a da.”

When she pulled back from his kiss, Gracie patted Robbie’s chest and said, “Lu you, Captain Robbie.” Next she patted Caralyn and said, “I lu you, Mama.”

They all joined together crying and laughing to welcome Gracie back from wherever she’d retreated. Then Ashlyn pointed to Caralyn’s chest and said, “Now you love you, too.”