Journey to the Highlands: Robbie and Caralyn (Clan Grant Series Book 4) (19 page)

Chapter Thirty-Five

Robbie strolled into the great hall after meeting with his brothers in the lists. He had asked for some time to himself.

He needed to make things right with Caralyn.

Two days had passed since their confrontation with Malcolm. The two lasses had settled back in and had stopped clinging to their mama, so he hoped today would be a perfect day to carry out his plan.

This idea had been in the back of his mind all along, but the conversation he and Alex had after Malcolm’s attack had made him realize he needed to act quickly.

Saints above, he was grateful no one else had been around the hearth when he met his brother there that day. As soon as he sat down, his brother barked, “When’s the wedding to take place?”

Robbie just stared at Alex, so wrapped up in everything that had just taken place with Malcolm and Caralyn that his brother’s comment totally took him off guard.

“Wedding?”

“Och, aye. After the sounds coming from Caralyn’s chamber a few hours after my son was born the other morning, I am surprised the wedding wasn’t the next day.”

Robbie turned beet red, embarrassed by his brother’s crude comment, “I have plans to ask the lass to be my wife.”

“Get on with it.”

All he could do was scowl when Alex quirked his brow at him, his expression making it clear that he thought the discussion was over. Robbie should have realized someone would have figured out what they were about. He had counted on the birth of the new lad to distract his family. Apparently, it hadn’t distracted his brother, though Robbie had to admit that Alex rarely missed much.

They had finished their talk with a brief exchange about Malcolm, but Alex was too wrapped up in his wife and the new bairn to sit still for long. Maddie was slow in coming out of confinement this time, and Alex was totally distraught.

Alex and Maddie would return to normal soon, but Robbie needed to complete his plan now. When he found Caralyn with the girls at noon day meal, he hurried over to their table. He picked up Gracie and gave her a kiss before stooping to kiss Ashlyn on the cheek. “Good morn to you all. Caralyn, I wondered if you would like to ride to the cottage near the loch after you finish eating.”

Ashlyn clapped her hands. “May we come along?”

“Och, not this time, lass,” he said. “Your mama needs to let me know what she wants done with the inside of the cottage.”

Ashlyn glanced down at her hands. “Mayhap I don’t want to go after all. ‘Twould remind me of the other day.”

“Shush,” Caralyn said, running a comforting hand through her daughter’s hair. “That man will never bother us again.”

As if something had suddenly occurred to her, Ashlyn grinned at her mother, then at Robbie. “’Tis fine if you two go alone.”

Caralyn’s expression was unreadable and Robbie thought she would turn him down, but she said, “I’m ready now. I’m sure the girls can stay with Celestina. They can help her with Maddie’s lads and wee Kyla.”

Celestina was seated further down the table but she had overheard. “Aye, they can help me.” The girls scrambled over to join her.

Caralyn ran upstairs to grab her cloak and met Robbie at the door. He took her hand in his with a smile, and a loud giggle came from her daughters as they watched the two with glee.

As they made their way out to the stables, Robbie said, “I think your daughters would like to see us together.”

Caralyn laughed. “They aren’t being the least bit subtle about it, are they?”

Once mounted atop their horses, they crossed the meadow at a canter, enjoying the crisp autumn day.

Robbie lifted his gaze to the sky. “’Twill not be long before snow is falling. Do you like snow, Caralyn?”

“Aye, my lassies love it.”

“’Tis not what I asked you. Do you like snow?” He raised an eyebrow at her, grinning.

Her brow furrowed before she answered. “I don’t like to walk in it much, but it is pretty.”

“Have you ever gone sliding down a hill over the snow?”

“Nay, but the girls like to make balls out of snow and try to throw them at things.”

“Then we must plan to go sliding this winter. Alex’s lads love it.”

When they arrived at the cottage, Robbie helped her dismount. He couldn’t help but be a bit nervous because he had no idea what she would say. Though he knew she cared about him, he wasn’t sure it was enough to overcome the scars of her past. And he also had a hunch there was some unspoken reason why she’d offered to go with Malcolm the other day, though he didn’t know what it could be.

He took her hand in his and led her up the porch and in through the front door. Caralyn’s look of surprise was worth all the work.

“There are no holes!” she said, peering up at the new roof. “When did you fix them, Robbie?”

Saints above, she was lovely. He could understand why Malcolm had followed her all the way to the Highlands. There were not many natural beauties like Caralyn, and even fewer who were beautiful inside and out. But he knew she didn’t see herself the way everyone saw her. “Quade and Brodie came back with me yesterday. Didn’t take us long. Then I brought a couple of young lads to clean out the hearth, and they also brought a new mattress for the bed.” He led her by the hand to the back of the cottage.

She laughed as she bounced on the new mattress and linens, then lay flat on her back, staring up at the new roof. “Robbie, ‘tis lovely. You have worked so hard on this. So Alex is willing to let me move out here with the girls even after what happened?”

“Well,” Robbie cleared his throat. “’Tis why I brought you here alone. I wanted to ask you if you would do me the honor of becoming my wife.”

Caralyn sat up and stared at him.

Lowering himself onto the bed next to her, Robbie took her hand in his. “I promise to treat your lassies as my own. You know I love them already.”

Caralyn blushed and glanced down at their interwoven hands. “Robbie, I don’t know what to say.”

“Aye, say aye and make me a verra happy man.”

Somehow, he knew this wasn’t going to turn out the way he had hoped.

She stood and walked over to a window, pulling the fur aside to look out over the loch.

“Caralyn, what is it? You don’t love me? You said you did.”

When she spun around, her eyes were filled with tears. “That is not it. I do love you, Robbie. It’s just…”

“What? What is it?”

“Robbie, I’m not worthy of you. You are Captain Robbie Grant of the Grant warriors. You are brother to Laird Alexander Grant. You should be marrying a young lass who will give you many bairns, one who has noble blood like you. I am seven and twenty summers. I may not be able to have more bairns. You need someone who can manage your household, who can make you proud. What can I do?”

She wrung her hands as she talked, to the point he was afraid she would start hurting herself again. Robbie walked over and grabbed her hands. “Caralyn, don’t be foolish. I love you for who you are. You are an unbelievable mother to your bairns. Look how you have protected them. You have raised two wonderful lassies and that isn’t an easy thing to do alone. I have seen you fight for your life, for their lives. You are honest and sweet. I couldn’t think of a finer woman.”

“But Robbie, I have said it before, and I will say it again. I can do naught. I can’t heal people, I can’t cook or manage a keep, I can’t make fragrant oils or pastries or create fine needlework. Do you understand?”

“Caralyn, I don’t care about pastries and oils. You’ll manage our keep or cottage or wherever we choose to live just fine. Why don’t you believe in yourself? Malcolm is gone. He’ll never bother you again.”

“But he has already ruined my life. Don’t you see? I am only good for one thing and that is all I can offer you.”

Fury shot through him. She couldn’t mean what she just said, could she?

“Don’t tell me we are back to this again. What are you trying to tell me?” His voice came out in a roar, louder than he intended, but he couldn’t stop himself.

“The only skill I have. I know how to please you. That’s all I was ever taught—how to service a man. I have naught else to offer. ‘Tis why I can’t marry you. Sometimes, I don’t even know whether I should be around my own daughters.”

“So what does that mean?”

Her voice raised a level. “Mayhap I will raise them poorly. I can’t read, I can’t write. How could I be a respectable wife to you or a mother to them when my only skill is in the bedroom?”

“So let me make sure I understand you correctly. You are turning me down. You refuse to marry me. Are you willing to service me, then? Is that what you offer?”

Caralyn paused before she answered. She stared at her feet. “Aye, I will service you if that is what you wish. But I will only do it here in the cottage when the girls aren’t here.”

He could feel the blood pulsing over a spot in his temple, but he forced himself to continue. “And shall we have the girls live in the keep so they won’t be embarrassed about what you do?”

He could see the confusion in her eyes, but he said nothing. If this is what she thought of herself, then he would force her to see the truth. There was no other alternative. He would have to enlist the help of his sisters-in-law, but he thought he could make it work.
Just say aye, Caralyn, and you’ll see for sure. Say it
.

“Aye.” Her voice was barely a whisper, but she agreed.

“Good, so starting tomorrow, you and I will live here so you can service me and we’ll arrange for someone to watch the girls. You say you have no skills, but didn’t you tell me could catch and cook fish?”

“Aye.”

He felt so guilty when he saw the defeat in her eyes, but he thought his plan might be the only way to prove her own importance to her. “Perfect, because I love fish. So you can fish and clean our cottage during the day, cook me fish for dinner and service me at night. I will bring you to see the girls once a week. That way, there is no chance you will corrupt them. Do we have a suitable arrangement?”

Caralyn hesitated, but she finally answered, her shoulders so slumped it broke his heart. “Aye.”

Slud, why could the lass not see her own value? Would he really have to go through with this charade in order to help her see her significance? Based on the look in her eyes, the answer to that question was aye.

Robbie hoped he hadn’t just made the biggest mistake of his life.

Chapter Thirty-Six

What the hell had just happened? Caralyn rode her horse back to the keep, riding in silence next to Robbie. First of all, she couldn’t believe he had asked her to marry him. Though every bit of her had wanted to say aye, she couldn’t. She had come far since arriving at the Grant keep, but she still knew she wasn’t good enough for Robbie.

Now she was to do as he wished. Somehow, she was living the the same life she had lived before the Norseman’s attack, with two exceptions. One was that she wouldn’t see her lassies every day, and the other was that Robbie would be her man and not Malcolm. Mayhap it wouldn’t be so bad. At least if she took care of Robbie, she would feel like she was doing something for her daughters. Hadn’t Malcolm always said something to her about earning her keep? Well, she would give the lassies the right to live at the castle.

Her daughters would be happy and well-fed, and they’d have many friends. The Grants would treat them as family, and she, Caralyn Crauford, will have accomplished something on her own. She would miss them terribly, but this would be best for them.

Gracie was still little, but Ashlyn was the age to start asking questions. And Caralyn did not want her daughter to ever know the details of her past. Though she had lived through it, perhaps Ashlyn was too young to have fully understood.

When they arrived at the keep, Robbie helped her down. He was in a different mood, but then she had just rejected him. Men probably did not take that sort of thing well.

“Get your things ready. I will move you to the cottage on the morrow. Decide who you would like to watch over your bairns and have a talk with them. If you need my help, let me know. Is there anything else you require at the cottage?”

Caralyn shook out her skirts and said, “Nay. Och, mayhap a fishing pole if you can locate one, and a good dagger for filleting the fish.”

Robbie said, “I will see to it.” He nodded to her and headed off to the lists.

Caralyn managed to drag one foot in front of the other and made her way up to the great hall. Who would she ask? And even worse, what would she say? She moved by countless people in the courtyard who waved to her or spoke, but she could do little but move forward. Her heart was broken. The man who held her heart had just broken it, but somehow, she knew it was her fault. All her dreams could have come true, but she ruined them out of a desire to be true to her feelings.

She considered two possible protectors: Maddie and Celestina. She rejected Maddie because she had just given birth and now had four weans to care for, even though Alex often helped. It would have to be Celestina. She and Brodie didn’t have any bairns of their own, though they had adopted Loki.

Not seeing Celestina in the great hall, she headed up the staircase and down the passageway until she heard Gracie’s voice in Maddie’s chamber. She knocked on the door and stepped inside. Gracie was kissing wee Connor on the bed while Ashlyn helped Avelina change his rags. Maddie had Kyla on her hip. It seemed as though Brenna was headed out the door, her wee daughter sleeping cradled in her arms, but she stopped to smile at Caralyn.

“How do you fare after that horrible fight, Caralyn? By the way, your lassies are delightful.” Brenna hugged her.

“I am fine. I was looking for Celestina, actually. Does anyone know where I can find her?” She glanced at Maddie. “Would you mind if the girls stay with you for a while longer until I return?”

“Och, nay, they’re such a big help to me.” Maddie smiled and waved her hand at Caralyn.

Gracie and Ashlyn rushed over to give her a hug before returning to wee Connor’s side, both of them transfixed. Putting out a finger for him to grab, Gracie giggled when he squeezed it tight. “Lu you, Connor.”

“I think she is in her chamber repairing Brodie’s leine,” Brenna said. “Come, we’ll see if we can locate her.”

As Caralyn followed Brenna down the passageway, wee Bethia awoke and started chattering and smiling. They knocked on Celestina’s door.

Celestina opened it wide, “Come in, please. How lovely to see you, Caralyn. Brenna, how is wee Bethia? May I hold her?”

Caralyn stood to the side watching Celestina and Brenna fuss over the wean.

“May I help you with something, Caralyn?” Celestina asked as she bounced Bethia on her hip until she smiled.

“I just wanted to ask you about something, if I may.” Caralyn stayed off to the side.

Brenna took Bethia back and turned to leave, “I’ll leave you two alone so I can get Bethia down for her nap.” She latched the door behind her after she stepped into the corridor.

Celestina returned to her seat in front of the window, the fur pulled back to give her light to work by. She patted the chair next to her. “Come in, come in, Caralyn. You have had such a difficult week, haven’t you?”

All Caralyn could think was that Celestina had no idea how hard it had been. She sat on a stool and straightened her skirts, wondering how to phrase her request. Blushing in embarrassment, she fought the urge to cry as she stammered out, “I have a favor to ask. I know I don’t know you well, but I’m hoping you can help me.”

“Of course, I would be happy to help.” Celestina continued to work the needle and thread into her husband’s shirt. “What is it?”

“I wondered if you would be willing to watch my bairns for a while.” She thought very hard before framing her next sentence. She didn’t want to lie, but it didn’t feel right to describe their situation in crude words. “Robbie and I have agreed to live in the cottage near the loch together for a short time without my lassies.”

Celestina’s eyes widened with surprise, but she didn’t hesitate before saying, “Of course, I love your daughters. I’ll help in any way possible.” A moment passed, then she added, “Pardon my intrusion, but this doesn’t sound like something Robbie Grant would do. What will you tell the girls?”

Caralyn swiped at the tears forming in her lashes. “Well, I thought to tell them that it was too dangerous for them to join us. Ashlyn may be uncomfortable there, anyway, after everything that has happened.”

Silence settled between the two. Celestina said, “Is this what you want or what Robbie wants? Forgive me if I pry too much.”

“We both agreed.” Caralyn didn’t know what else to say, because she couldn’t find the words to explain the situation.

Celestina stood and tugged her to her feet, wrapping her arms around her. “You do what you need to do because you are so deserving of happiness. You have had a traumatic fortnight at least. Bairns are so resilient; they will be fine without you for a moon.”

Caralyn could only nod and say, “Thank you.”

“Caralyn, you don’t look as though you are pleased with the situation. May I do anything else to help?”

Caralyn shook her head, unable to speak for fear she would fall apart in front of the young girl.

When she turned to leave, Celestina called out her name again. She sniffled and tipped her head to look at the other woman.

“By the way, Ashlyn asked me if I would teach her to read and write. Would that be acceptable to you?”

“Of course,” Caralyn said.

“I’d be happy to teach you, too, if you are interested, Caralyn. Ashlyn said she didn’t think you could read.”

Caralyn nodded and ran out the door down the passageway, heading straight to her chamber. She fell onto her bed and wept uncontrollably.