Intentional (9 page)
Authors: MK Harkins
Mattie
I think I’m going to be sick. I don’t think I’ve been this nervous in my entire life. I am about to meet the most important people in Jeremy’s life, his parents. I know they have to be great—they raised Jeremy and Kaye—but will they like me?
Jeremy asks me if I’m nervous. I have to tell him the truth—he’ll be able to see it even if I try to fake my way through. He knows me better than anyone. He’s trying to reassure me the best he can. He even tells me he’s nervous. I don’t think I could love him any more in this moment. He always has the right thing to say to make me feel better.
We pull up to the gate. My stomach sinks. This can’t be his parents’ house! It looks like something Bill Gates would own. I want him to turn the car around. I wonder if it’s too late to get the flu.
I look over at Jeremy; he’s smiling happily, oblivious to my turmoil. He’s accustomed to this; I most certainly am not. I’ve got the sweaty hands, racing-heart thing going on as Jeremy grabs my hand
and leads me to the front door. He grins over at me, takes the flowers out of my hand, and wraps me up in his arms for a passionate kiss.
What is he doing? Just as I’m about to give him a good, hard shove, I hear the front door opening. No, this can’t be happening. Maybe it’s the butler or something. I pray it’s the butler as I look up at the doorway. It looks like I’m out of luck, because staring back at us are Jeremy’s parents. Both of them. They stand together, smiling. I’ve seen his parents’ pictures on display at Jeremy’s house, so my last hope of a stranger watching us kiss evaporates. He is in so much trouble.
Jeremy hands the flowers back to me so I can give them to his mom. He still has that grin on his face. He formally introduces us, and we head out to the backyard.
I immediately relax when I see Jeremy’s sister, Kaye, and her family goofing off at the pool. Kaye and I have become good friends in the past six months; it’s wonderful to see her friendly face. Her husband, Nick, is also a great guy.
Jeremy steers me around to avoid all the splashing going on at the pool, and we settle at a table with a little shade. I look around at the beautiful surroundings. The entire backyard is covered in a beautiful
gray cobblestone. There is a citrus grove and a potting shed over to the side. The pool is huge and takes up much of the space, with lush plants and flowers surrounding it.
Jeremy scoots his chair over next to mine and holds my hand. I relax a little more and smile back at him. I can’t stay mad at him for long.
Just as I am starting to wonder where Jeremy’s mom has gone, she comes out and sets a large box on the table. She’s brought pictures of Jeremy when he was young. I am so excited, I can barely contain myself. Jeremy looks uncomfortable. I wonder if he ever wore braces. This will be so much fun!
Cindy looks at me with a smile. “If you think Jeremy is handsome now, you should see him when he was five!” She starts rifling through the pictures.
Jeremy gets up from the table. “I think I’m going to join Dad and the boys; I brought my swim trunks.” I laugh. I don’t think he was expecting this. It looks like the tables have been turned.
I settle in and enjoy a nice long chat with Cindy. I feel nostalgic because she reminds me of my mother. She’s warm and
nurturing, kindhearted and funny. I knew I would like her, but I didn’t know that I would start to love her.
When I tell her that she reminds me of my mom, she gets tears in her eyes, gives me a hug, and says, “Mattie, I consider you my daughter already. My son has never been happier. I don’t think his life had purpose until he met you. I am so happy you are in his life.”
I tell her, “What a relief! I was so worried.”
She shakes her head and places her hands on my cheeks. “Mattie, I love you already. I loved you before you even walked in the door. You’ve changed Jeremy’s life; he loves you so much.”
Now I’m crying. I don’t know if the emotion is relief or joy. I think it’s a mixture of both.
We enjoy a lovely dinner and great conversation. It’s so much fun to hear all the stories Cindy and Bill share about their children growing up. Jeremy has already told me most of them, but it’s interesting hearing his parents tell them from a different perspective.
We leave reluctantly after we all say our good-byes. Once we get in the car, I put my head on Jeremy’s shoulder and say, “You were right.”
July
Jeremy
I’m going to propose to Mattie. As I close my eyes and imagine it, a warm, peaceful feeling spreads throughout my body. I picture Mattie and me married, with children. Lots of children. The thought of it puts a huge smile on my face. Mattie will make a great mom. She’s everything a child would want—gentle, kind, and loving. She’s beautiful inside and out.
I want a lifetime with Mattie. I love her more than I thought was humanly possible. I thought I would be nervous about making a commitment like this. I’m not—I’m just damn excited.
I think about how different my life would have been without her. I’d probably still be working myself into an early grave. I knew I needed to change, not only for Mattie, but for myself.
Now that I look back, it has become clear to me why I put so much into my career. Mattie has helped me to see things for what they really are. I was unaware that I was using work and success to fill a void, a remnant from my childhood that hadn’t been resolved. Little
did I know that the success I achieved was actually preventing me from moving forward. I was stuck in my old habit—trying to show the world that I was worthy.
I used my accomplishments to prove to myself that my birth mother gave up something valuable. The rational part of my brain knows that my mom did what she thought was best for me. I doubt myself sometimes. Did I do something wrong? Did I demand too much from her? What made her finally decide to give me away? Did she ever think about me before she died?
I don’t remember very much about her. The last, hazy memory I have is of her crying. Was she sad, regretful, or guilty? Have I been trying to prove that it was a mistake for her to give me away? That I was worth keeping? I have shoved these feeling down for as long as I can remember.
I know my questions will never be answered. With Mattie in my life, the questions aren’t as important to me as they once were. I have accepted my life for what it is. I have everything I need now; I am looking forward to the future. The old void in my heart is gone; it’s replaced with Mattie’s love and acceptance.
I enter the jewelry store with determination. I am going to find Mattie the perfect ring. I have made an appointment in advance, so they are all ready for me. They’ve already set out ten of the most dazzling rings I’ve ever seen.
I’ve given them my price range, so I think I’m looking at the best of what they have to offer. There’s only one thing wrong: these rings are too big. I know when it comes to engagement rings, you usually can’t go wrong with large, but Mattie isn’t like that. No, she would feel awkward with a huge ring.
I ask the salesclerk for more choices. I think I’ve startled him, because he looks confused. “Did you not want to see the best, sir?”
I smile. “Yes, I do. Does that necessary mean the biggest? Do you have anything that is a little more understated?”
His eyes brighten for a moment. “Ah, I think I know what you’re talking about. I have a ring in back that I think might fit your requirements.”
He rushes off to the back of the store. I hope he doesn’t bring back another gaudy ring. It needs to be classically beautiful, just like Mattie.
He returns a few minutes later with a knowing grin on his face. He holds out a black-velvet box and opens the lid. I exhale loudly; I didn’t even know I was holding my breath. The ring is perfection. It’s an antique white-gold band with a two-carat, pale-yellow, round brilliant-cut diamond. The salesclerk starts to ramble on about clarity, cut, weight, and certificates.
I’ve zoned out. It doesn’t matter. I’ve found the ring I’m going to give Mattie.
I set my next plan in motion. Mattie loves a little coastal town on the Oregon coast—Cannon Beach. I’ve made reservations for a weekend next month at a waterfront home that sits in front of the famous Haystack Rock.
Mattie has been talking about this place ever since I met her. She told me it’s her favorite place in the world—she compares it to heaven.
Apparently, Mattie and her parents spent every summer vacationing there during her childhood years.
I want to start our own family tradition by proposing to her right on the beach. We can take our own children there in the future.
December
Mattie
I’m getting married next month! A feeling of excitement flows through my body. I’m on a plane, headed to a graphic-design seminar in Miami, Florida. This will be a good diversion from all the wedding prep I’ve been doing. The wedding will be small, but it has been taking up a lot of my time lately. I can’t wait to be Jeremy’s wife.
The next couple days will be a great opportunity for me to learn about new software, color design, social networking, and many other useful topics related to graphic-design. I’m excited about the seminar, but I’m going to miss Jeremy so much. I’ll be gone two whole days. This will be the first time we’ve been separated since we met.
I think back on the past year with Jeremy. I let the warm feeling of love envelop me. Jeremy. I can’t imagine a person on Earth who would be better suited for me. The connection was instant, and it hasn’t let up since. It keeps getting better and better. We have built such a beautiful life together. I’m so excited to move in with him!
I already know that we are going to be compatible living together. I’ve even changed my messy cleaning habits. After meeting his sister, I knew what I needed to do. If Jeremy could go through everything he did at such an early age, then I could learn to pick up after myself. Once Jeremy noticed my efforts, he teased me with comments like “I fell in love with the Tornado Woman—where did she go?” It’s amazing that I knew so early on that Jeremy was my soul mate. I love him so much.
Jeremy has done so much for me, for us. He has totally changed his lifestyle for our future. He honored his promise to cut back his work hours right after our talk in his office. I knew it would be difficult for him, but he proved to me that he was a man of his word. Since then, we’ve spent every day together, enjoying each other and life.
It took a while, but I finally convinced Sarah that Jeremy was the real deal. She could see how much I loved him. Also, no one could dispute his devotion to me. For the first six months, Sarah would bring me all sorts of office gossip. I would just shake my head and tell her, “No, that’s not true.” I knew better. I would trust Jeremy with my life. When Jeremy and I started spending every day together, it was hard
for Sarah to bring forward any more claims of cheating. When would he have the time?
Even if we spent only one day a week together, I would know that Jeremy would never do anything like that.
It’s Thursday night, and I’m exhausted. I packed in every workshop I could during the past two days. I’ve learned so much. I’m excited to get back to Sedona to implement some of the new design techniques I know will be beneficial to my clients.
