Intentional (7 page)

Jeremy was right: these boys are going to love it here. He turns to a short, plump Asian woman and introduces us quickly: “Kaye, this is Mattie. Mattie, Kaye.” Wait, did he say Kaye? He apologizes quickly as he’s being dragged off.

Kaye looks at me. “He didn’t tell you, did he?” I’m so embarrassed; I must have been staring at her.

I shake my head. “I was expecting a girl version of Jeremy.”

She laughs hard. “Oh, Mattie! This must be such a shock! I can’t believe he didn’t tell you. I honestly think he forgets sometimes that we’re adopted.”

This is news. “You’re both adopted?”

She nods. “Jeremy left us alone, so I’m assuming he’s okay with my filling you in. He knows how much I like to talk.”

“I’m all ears!” I reply.

She takes me by the arm, and we go sit at a table in the shade. She looks serious. “Mattie, I want you to know that I’ve never seen Jeremy so happy. He can’t stop talking about you.”

I love hearing this. I nod and say, “We’ve become close really fast. The chemistry between us feels so natural.”

She smiles. “That’s good to hear. I really love Jeremy. I feel very protective of him.” I sense that she’s sending me a message:
don’t hurt my brother
. She looks a little older than Jeremy; I’m guessing she’s around thirty-three. She’s probably been looking out for him their entire lives.

I wait anxiously, eager to hear more. “Our parents adopted us when I was ten and Jeremy was five.” That surprises me. Jeremy was five when he was adopted? Whom did he spend his first years of life with?

She can see the questioning look on my face. “Jeremy’s mom gave him up for adoption because she couldn’t provide for him. His father was never named on his birth certificate. She was trying to raise him alone. They were homeless most of Jeremy’s life before he was adopted.”

I feel tears stinging my eyes. Oh, Jeremy. This explains so much. All the pieces are coming together. He needs control and order because his life was out of control for so long. He gives back to the homeless because he knows what it feels like.

I form a picture of a five-year-old Jeremy. I can’t even imagine how hard it would have been for his mom to give up her beautiful little boy. It must have broken her heart. I ask, “Whatever happened to his mom?”

Kaye looks sad. “She died when Jeremy was six. Apparently, she was crossing the street and was hit by a car. They didn’t stop.” Oh no. It was horrible losing my parents in a car accident at seventeen; it must have been even worse for Jeremy to have this type of loss as a young boy.

“Jeremy hasn’t told me any of this. Do you think he’ll mind that I know?”

She shakes her head. “Not at all. He was much younger than I was when he was adopted. He has very few memories of his childhood. Surprisingly, he doesn’t have much emotional baggage from what he went through. Well, except for the fact that he’s a clean freak. You know about that, right?”

I laugh. “Yep. I’ve seen the evidence for myself!”

Kaye looks thoughtful for a moment. “There’s more. It isn’t anything terrible, but I do think you should know.” I nod my head in encouragement. “Jeremy is very focused. He dives into everything he
does with incredible determination.” That sounds like a good quality to me. “I don’t think Jeremy’s had a long-term relationship before because of his dedication to his career.” She studies me. “He works too hard. He spends countless hours at work. Are you going to be okay with that?”

My answer comes quickly: “No!”

She laughs. “Perfect.” She continues, “This is the last thing, I promise. I really don’t believe that Jeremy has any significant abandonment issues, but he does tend to hold on to things and not let go. When he falls in love, I worry that he might become too attached.”

I look at her; I don’t know what to say. I don’t want to give her the impression that I would encourage any unhealthy behaviors. But the thought of Jeremy being too attached to me is making me smile. Oops, Kaye’s caught me. She smiles back at me. “I don’t think that’s going to be a problem with you, is it?” My face flushes as I shake my head no.

We continue chatting throughout the afternoon. I really like Kaye. She’s smart and funny. We talk at length about her ten years in an orphanage in China. She’s really an incredible person. Like Jeremy, she’s well adjusted and happy. Their parents must be amazing.

Chapter 8

March

Mattie

I’m being stood up—again. I look over at Sarah after I end my call with Jeremy. She has that
I told you so
look on her face. I shake my head. “It’s not what you’re thinking, Sarah. Jeremy’s court date has been moved up.” She continues to stare at me. I need to get out of here.

I get into my car and head out to the Oak Canyon Creek trailhead. It’s a good place for me to think. I park my car and head out to the place where Jeremy and I had our first date. I lie down on the grass so I can stare at the blue sky.

Its four thirty on a Saturday afternoon, and Jeremy is still working. He is going to continue to work until he’s finished with his case—God knows when that will be.

This is starting to become a pattern with Jeremy. Kaye warned me about this last month. It seems to be getting worse as time goes by. He feels like he has to personally handle everything that comes into his firm, whether on a small or a large scale. He has his fingers in almost
every case. It must be so exhausting. I know his work ethic is tied to his issues with control and perfectionism. I understand it, but I don’t condone it.

I know he wants to prove something—either to the world or to himself. I would like to shake him and scream, “You’ve already done it—now relax!”

I know that I’m in love with Jeremy. I have never loved anyone like this. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by him, by how much I feel for him. I’m scared, though. I don’t know if he’ll be able to put me first, before his career. I need to come first in his life. I’m not going to settle for number two.

In the past, this type of relationship might have been good enough, but not now. I see so much potential for something great, I can’t settle for anything less.

I stand up suddenly. If Jeremy wants to be with me, he is going to need to find some balance.

I make my way quickly back to the car. I am going to Jeremy’s office to talk to him. I call Sarah to let her know where I’m going, so she won’t worry. This is going to take a while.

I pull up and park in front of Jeremy’s law firm. It’s already starting to get dark. I see one light glowing in his office. I still have the determination that I felt back at the creek, but now I’m starting to feel apprehensive. I don’t like confrontations, but this is important.

I go to the front door, expecting it to be locked, but it isn’t. Should I just go in? This is a public building—it’s not like I’m walking into someone’s house.

I step inside the building quietly. The small light at the reception desk helps guide my way to Jeremy’s office. I can feel myself getting emotional. I don’t want to end things with Jeremy, but I do know that I can’t sit by and watch him work himself to death. I can’t see a future in that. I take a deep breath and enter his office.

The sight makes me stop in my tracks. Oh my. I look closely at Jeremy. He looks like the quintessential overworked attorney. His shirtsleeves are rolled up; his arms are placed haphazardly, one on his desk, the other dangling next to his side. His beautiful hair is sticking up in every direction. His gorgeous face is lying uncomfortably on a stack of papers spread out on his desk. He’s asleep. I let out the breath I’ve been holding. I feel my eyes tear up. What am I going to do with him?

Jeremy

I look up with bleary eyes to see Mattie standing over my desk. She has her shoulders pulled back bravely and tears rimming her eyes.

“What’s the matter?” I ask. I see a tear fall, then two. I get up suddenly and make my way around the desk. I start to panic. I grab her and hold her close. I can’t let her go. I’ll never let her go. “What’s wrong, Mattie? I can fix it—just tell me what’s wrong.”

Mattie laughs gently. “You’ve got it wrong—I’m the fixer in this relationship.”

I feel momentarily relieved. “So, it’s not me? You aren’t upset with me?”

I must look terrified, because Mattie places her hand gently on my face. “This has to stop.”

It hits me. I know what it is. It’s what has broken up every relationship I’ve had in my adult life. I’ve done it again. Damn. “Mattie, I know why you’re upset. I’m so sorry. I got wrapped up in this case. I won’t let it happen again.”

She looks at me and asks, “How are you going to prevent it? Every case is important to you.”

I know what I need to do. “I’m cutting my hours back, starting right now. This is the most important relationship I’ve ever had in my life. I promise you, I’m not going to blow this.”

She looks at me skeptically. I know I’ve made these proclamations before. “I mean it. I’m going to hire another attorney. From now on, I am going to work normal hours. Fifty.”

Mattie

Did he really just say that? I laugh. “You really thought you could get that by me, huh?” “What?” he asks, looking confused.

“Try forty hours. That’s a normal workweek,” I reply.

He responds, “Really? That almost seems like I’d be on vacation.” I take him by the hand and place him back in his chair. I sit down and settle comfortably in his lap. I try to put his hair back in order, but it’s useless. I keep doing it, though; I’m having fun playing with it.

“Jeremy, wouldn’t you like to be on vacation with me every week? That’s what it would be like. Think of all the things we could do together.”

He lifts his eyebrows. “Promise?”

Oh yes, we are just about there. “Yes, I promise.” I put my arms around him and give him a light, teasing kiss. “Soon,” I whisper. “Very soon.” Jeremy grabs me and pulls me down so we tumble to the floor. He’s on top; I’m laughing, hard. I love his playful side.

“You said soon!” Jeremy is tickling me.

“Not now! I didn’t say now!” I can tell he’s just joking with me, but I’m actually starting to think about it.

I reach up to unbutton his shirt. He gives me a serious look. “No way, Mattie. When we’re finally together, it’s going to be wine and roses. I want it to be special. Not like this!”

I pull him down on me. “But this is passionate and spontaneous. You want me, right?”

Jeremy studies me intently. “Mattie, you are going to be the death of me, you know that?”

I ask, “Why?”

He shakes his head in wonderment. “I’m so in love with you. I don’t know what to do with all of these feelings. I’ve never experienced anything like this in my life.” He looks panicked for a moment. “You’re not going to break my heart, are you?”

I whisper, “Please don’t make me.”

He pulls back to look at me. “I won’t ruin this, Mattie. I love you too much. We’ll always be together. You know why?” I shake my head no. “I’ll do anything for you. I’ll give up anything to be with you. You are perfect for me, Mattie. I love that you came here tonight, that you care enough about me to demand that I take care of myself, and you.” He kisses me gently. The kiss starts to get passionate.

Jeremy groans and changes our positions so we are side by side, looking at each other. He kisses my nose. “I am not taking your virginity on the floor of my office.” I give him my best pouty face.

He continues, “It would be nice, though, another time. I can guarantee that my fifty—I mean forty—hours working in here would be much more enjoyable with that memory etched into my brain. Maybe we can visit again for number three, four, or five?”

I laugh and nod my head yes. I look around his office. Everything screams masculinity in here. He has an oversize wood desk
with leather chairs, and I notice for the first time that he has golf clubs sitting in the corner. Maybe with his new “vacation” work schedule, he’ll have more time for playing.

I lean back down and put my nose into his neck. I breathe in deeply. He always smells so good, like clean laundry and leather. Yes, I wouldn’t mind spending much more time in his office.

He says, “I want you in my bed, all night, our first time together. I want it to be special and also memorable.”