Inside Out (5 page)

“Jude…” I cried out as the muscles in my abdomen tightened, sending an enormous wave of pleasure over me. Jude’s beautiful sounds filled the air as he found his own release. He laid down, wrapping his arms around me, and pulling me into him. His lips pressed against mine, kissing me with the same passion that had pushed the first domino.

I was lost in his lips as they caressed mine. This was the best kiss I’d ever experienced in my life.
What is it that makes his kiss so special? What is he doing to me?
My thoughts were halted at the starting line before they were given a chance to race as I heard my phone ringing.

“It might be my mom, I should probably answer it.” Jude released me, albeit reluctantly, from our cuddles and kisses and let me reach far enough to grab my phone. I read the name of the missed call: “Mitch.” Of all the times he could have called, he chose to call right now. Before I could think my phone rang again. This time, I answered.

“What do you want?” My voice was cold; I felt nothing but hatred for this man.

“Where in the hell are you at, Samantha?” He seethed.

“That is no longer your business. I suggest you leave me alone. You’re lucky I didn’t press charges.”

He was silent for a moment. I could only hear his thick, heavy breathing. “I will find you, Samantha, and when I do, you’ll regret this.”

I slammed the phone shut sailing it across the room. I glanced over at Jude; he’d already gotten dressed and was pacing the room. “Jude, I told you this would be too much for you.”

His fists were bawled up and hung stiffly at his sides. His expression was so hard to read, I definitely sensed anger though. “Dammit, Samantha, this isn’t about me. I’m only concerned for you. I don’t want you going anywhere alone. I will kill him if he touches you again.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Jude! Are you going to accompany me to work too? I’m a grown woman. I believe I can take care of myself.” I stiffened my posture and folded my arms.

“Take care of yourself? That’s why you’re sporting bruises on your ribs and a black eye that he gave to you? You’re strong, but not that strong. I will do whatever it takes to keep you safe, you can bet on that.”

I rose to my feet, throwing my shirt over my head. This was all so overwhelming. I needed some alone time. There was no way I would allow Jude to follow my every move. I didn’t need for him to protect me. I would deal with this on my own.

“I’m going to step out for a while. I just want to, no, I just need to be alone. This was wonderful Jude, being with you and all. I’ll never forget that. It truly was a special moment for me, and you’re special to me.”

He walked over to me, pulling my hand to his chest, placing it over his heart. “You’re so stubborn. I really want to sling you over my knee and beat some sense into you, make you see I’m only here to help you. Samantha, I’m pulled toward you by a force inside of me I can’t explain. Every waking minute my thoughts are consumed by you. I want you safe, I need you safe. I need you here with me.”

I traced my fingers along his jaw, studying his expression as I did so. “Jude, you’ve done more than enough. I’ll be back. I just want to step out for a while to think things through. You don’t realize how stressful this whole situation is. Mitch, Adam, you… this is almost more than I’m capable of handling.”

“I don’t see why Mitch is a burden of any sort, unless you still have feelings for him. As for him being a threat, I could end that with ease. Say the word, baby, say the word.”

“Yes, solve all my problems with violence that sounds like the perfect solution.” I mumbled sarcastically. “Look, I’ll be back.” I pressed my lips against his cheek and turned towards the door. I glanced back once before exiting the house, he looked sad and defeated. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt him, I just needed to clear my head.

“I love you.” I thought I heard him whisper as I slammed the front door shut. I shook my head and convinced myself I was hearing only what my heart wanted to hear.

I walked for more than three blocks before stopping to catch my breath on a bench outside of a convenient store. Walking the streets in the hot sun was not exactly the best way to clear my head. I pulled out my cell phone and examined the small crack on the screen. I cursed myself for throwing it against the wall in my fit of rage. I was fortunate my stupidity didn’t leave me without a phone. I scrolled through my contacts and hovered over Randi’s name for a few moments. She was the only person I really had to talk to. We weren’t as close as I would have liked us to be, but, hopefully with effort I could strengthen our friendship. I decided to call her and see if we could get together for wine and girl talk. I smiled at the thought of seeing a familiar face. I called Randi, making a bit of small talk before inviting her out for drinks. She eagerly accepted. I rested on the bench for less than twenty minutes before seeing her pull up in her small beat-up Ford Focus.

“Hey girl!” Randi screamed from the window, sporting a smile so big I thought her narrow eyes would disappear. “Need a ride hot stuff?” She joked as I jogged to the passenger side of the vehicle.

“As a matter of fact, a ride would be nice. I’m sweating like a whore on a hot date.” She chuckled and patted my knee. Her ear to ear smile vanished, a look of concern swept across her face. Her bright green eyes burned into mine.

“I’ve missed you at work, ya know? When are you coming back? Ashley has occupied your desk while you’ve been out. She’s certain you aren’t coming back and she’ll be promoted to your position.” She rolled her eyes and twirled her finger in a circular motion next to her temple. “She’s crazy.”

“Sonny gave me time off, so, she can just keep wishing. I will be back whether she likes it or not.”

“She’s just jealous of you, you know? Sonny likes you, he looks out for you. Ashley, well, Ashley doesn’t really stand out to anyone. She’s an attention whore who tries way too hard. You’re kind, loyal and smart. Your position is secure, she knows that.” She winked at me and patted my knee once more. “Where would you like to go?”

“Hidden Vines has the best wine. I’m a bit hungry too, we can do their two for two special. It’s on me.”

“You’re too kind. But, I insist, let me treat you. After all you’ve been through, you deserve it. I’m truly sorry to hear about Adam.”

I felt my eyes puddle up, I fought against the urge to cry. “Thank you. It’s been tough. I miss him every single day. I just wish I would have had someone to lean on during all of this. Thank god I met Jude.”

“Jude?” Randi asked quizzically.

“Yeah. Um, Jude Williams. We went to high school together. I live with him right now. It’s a long story, please don’t tell anyone.”

“You live with him!? Jude Williams? That name sounds familiar. What about Mitch?” Her eyes were wide with curiosity.

“You probably saw him. He was a grade above us. He had a spare room for me. I moved in after Mitch beat my ass.” I gazed out of the window, hoping to avoid her intense stare.

Randi hit the brakes and gripped my shoulder, forcing me to turn to face her. “He hit you!? That’s what that mark under your eye is. I’ll kill him. I’ll beat his nappy ass! Sam, do you even know this guy you’re living with?”

“Yes, I know him plenty. He’s been so wonderful to me. I feel like I’m finally learning to live again and he’s the reason why.”

She loosened the grip on my shoulder, letting her palm rub up and down the full length of my arm in a soothing manner. “If he’s treating you right, I’m happy for you. You deserve a glimmer of sunshine in this shit storm God has dealt you.”

“He’s great. Now, how about that wine and steak? I’m going to starve.” I giggled, hoping to lighten the mood. I felt suffocated by this pity party. “No more talk of sadness and sorrows, at least for the night. Let’s just have a good time, okay?”

“I’m sorry. You’re right. I didn’t mean to be a downer.” She shrugged her shoulders and laughed, wiping away a tear from her eye before putting the car into drive.

We pulled into Hidden Vines. The parking lot was a bit crowded, much to my dismay. I had hoped for a quiet evening, surrounded by nothing more than empty booths and the soft music that echoed throughout the small building. I sighed and considered all other options before surrendering to the one and only choice that included a cheap meal and good wine. Randi hopped out of the car, adjusting her knee length skirt. She scanned the parking lot, her carefree expression never changed. Most people didn’t mind sharing a space with strangers, I was always the weird scrooge who would rather spend an evening alone or with no more than a few close friends. I wished to be more like her. Life was so easy for her because she chose to view things in a positive light.

“Samantha, quit fantasizing about your new lover and let’s go eat.”

“I was actually thinking about you, smart ass” I joked. I studied my own attire as we walked. I felt self-conscious about my outfit choice, especially walking next to queen of style. My faded brown shirt clung to my sweaty body and my jeans bared my skin through a hole below my knee. Randi wore a light beige knee length skirt that lay against her body, accentuating every perfectly defined curve. Her blouse was bright green and tight fitting. It matched her eyes, giving them even more sparkle.

“You’re thinking about me and now you’re eye balling me like I’m dessert. What’s in that crazy head of yours, woman?” She winked.

“I was just thinking how well you’re dressed and how shitty I look in comparison.”

“Samantha. Your beauty is natural. You don’t need the fancy clothes and the makeup to stand out. Trust me, if anyone turns heads tonight, it’ll be you.”

“Yeah right, thanks for the boost of confidence though” I grinned and held back my shoulders.

“There ya go, hold those shoulders back and twist your hips a bit.”

I playfully strutted through the parking lot, twisting my hips and placing my hands on my sides. Randi whistled and barked obnoxiously. “You’re insane!” I howled, doubling over in laughter.

“Yeah, maybe I’m insane, sure makes life fun as hell though.” She sprinted towards the entrance of the restaurant, looking over her shoulder at the crowd that followed. “Come on, we’ll never get a table if we let them get in first!”

I picked up pace, glancing back at the group of girls who looked annoyed at us both. I held in a laugh and ran after Randi. “Hey, wait for me!”

We pushed through a crowd of people gathered just inside the door. From the looks of it, we would be waiting quite a while for a table. I leaned in to whisper to Randi about changing our plans. She put her finger to her lips, shushing me before making her way to the front. The crowd seemed to part without hesitation when Randi cleared her throat letting them know she needed through. For such a small woman, she was very intimidating. I watched her bat eyes and caress the arm of a young man who had been seating other customers. Within moments, Randi whistled to me above the noise, signaling me to join her. Several people glared at me, knowing Randi had smooth talked her way into a seat ahead of the people who had been waiting. “Wow, you’re going to get us killed.” I joked, following her and the friendly waiter to our seat in the back of the restaurant.

“Sometimes, you have to piss a few people off to get what you want. Can’t always be sweet and quiet, Samantha. You’ll never get anywhere in this world.”

We ordered our wine and two steak dinners. I sipped the clear, crisp wine and let it linger in my mouth, savoring the sweet taste. Our conversation and the faint buzz from the alcohol were washing every worry away in my life. I answered a few questions about Jude, leaving out the detail of our intimate moment that occurred just that morning. Randi would have questioned me to death about that. I was not in the mood to explain to her how well he made love, or how well-endowed he was.

“This is nice, Sam. Let’s do it more often. Next time, bring your man candy. I must meet him. Don’t you have a picture? I swear I know that name.” She ran her fingers across her chin, staring into the distance. I was sure she was searching every corner of her mind for a memory that would include Jude.

“Stop by for dinner or something one night. Jude brags about his cooking.”

A smile crept across her face. I could see her eager eyes light up with anticipation. The extra friendly waiter returned, bringing our meal and a couple of desserts that we hadn’t ordered.

“These are on me,” he whispered to Randi. He slid his hand down her arm, stopping when he met her hand, sliding a small napkin into her palm. She grinned and thanked him, dazzling him even further with her flirtatious smile. I rolled my eyes as I watched him walk away.

“Can I take you anywhere?” I giggled.

“He’s cute, huh?” She wiggled around in her seat, smiling and blushing like a love-struck teenager.

“Oh yes, he’s just darling.” I pretended to gag.

“Don’t be jealous!” She joked. “Now, let’s eat.”

I ate a large portion of the steak and most of the side items and finished it off with the delicious strawberry cream pie. I rubbed my stomach and stretched. I was stuffed and ready to sleep off the fatigue that came along with over eating.

“You ready to go?” Randi asked as she swallowed her last bite of pie.

I stood from my seat, dropping a two dollar tip for the waiter. Randi left five and a small note, which she had jotted her number on and kissed, leaving a bright red lipstick mark below her name.

“Oh, brother.” I shook my head and eyed the note.

“Well, well, well, if it isn’t Samantha Rivers.” I heard a familiar voice pierce my ears. The smile faded from my face. I turned to see Mitch and two of his redneck buddies. “Funny I find you here. And with your slutty little friend from work, I see.” Randi ran to my side, folding her arms and shooting Mitch a dirty look.

“Don’t you start you piece of shit. She’s got a new man now. He’ll kick your ass if you don’t leave her alone.” Randi blurted out. Her words sent a pain through my stomach that almost brought me to my knees. I did not want Mitch to find this out, not now, not this soon. I was sure this would only infuriate him more.