Inside Out (15 page)

“Come here” I breathed. Jude climbed on the bed beside me. “She won’t stop, you know that?” Thoughts of Kara resurfaced, ruining the perfect, sensual moment we had just experienced.

“I think she understands how bad she messed up. Let’s not worry about her anymore, please?” Jude demanded and set back on the bed, crossing his legs and popping an elbow on his knee.

“Hold me. I want you to hold me until I fall asleep.” I tugged on the leg of his jeans “I just don’t have a very good feeling about all of this.” My chest felt heavy, like two gigantic bricks had been placed on top of me, constricting my airway. I was frightened by Kara. I was frightened by the look in her eyes that clearly suggested she’d stop at nothing to get what she wanted.

“Rest, Sam.” Jude kissed the back of my head, pressing his lips firmly against my hair. “You smell nice,” he whispered. I smiled, focusing on the sound of his voice.

“You going to work today?” Jude rubbed the tips of his fingers across my torso, tickling me, and disrupting my sleep.

“Of course” I yawned. “Quit tickling me before I kick your ass” I joked.

“I might like it.” Jude nestled his face against my neck. “I’ll miss you, today. Why don’t you just stay home?”

“Jude, I’ve missed more work than I ever should have. Do you want me to lose my job?”

“Uh, if I said yes, would you be mad?” He raised an eyebrow and held his breath.

“Oh, you’re asking for an ass kicking.” I kicked the blankets off my legs and sat up on the edge of the bed. “At least it’s Friday. We’ll have the weekend together.”

“I guess. Two days just isn’t enough. Oh, I have a surprise for you after work, baby. No, don’t ask because I won’t tell you. It’s a surprise, surprises are meant to be experienced.”

“You and your surprises.” I muttered and rolled my eyes. I blew a quick kiss and disappeared down the hall to get ready for the day.

I was ten minutes late to work, thanks to Jude and his brilliant idea to shower with me. Just showering turned into a fifteen minute sex session that steamed up the mirrors in the bathroom and made my legs so weak I was sure I wouldn’t be able to carry myself through the day.

“Well, don’t you look pretty?” Randi giggled and ran her fingers through my hair, taming the unruly frizz.

“Busy morning” I winked and took my place at my desk.

“I can tell. That hairdo screams I just had the best sex of my life.” Randi licked her lips and moaned lightly under her breath. I checked around the office, praying no one had witnessed her immature act. When I saw we were alone, I gave into the giggle I’d been fighting. She was quite a character. “I see you’re feeling better, today. I’m glad. I refuse to let you leave early again.” She stuck out her tongue and rushed off to her desk when the front door opened. Dr. Sonny came strolling in, sporting his usual sweet smile. I turned my attention to the stack of work on my desk. I took in a deep breath, and gave myself a silent pep talk. I was determined to actually get work done today. Neither Jude, nor Kara would consume my thoughts.

“Samantha.” Dr. Sonny’s voice broke my concentration.

“Yes?” I stared quizzically towards the back where I heard his voice.

“Could you come here, please?” His tone was flat. I shot Randi a concerned look before rising from my seat.

“What did you do?” She bit her bottom lip and looked as nervous as I felt.

“Nothing.” I mouthed and tucked my hands into the pocket of my slacks. I moseyed down the hall, stopping at the outside of Dr. Sonny’s office. I tapped on his door, announcing my presence, even though the door was cracked open.

“Shut the door behind you.” He stared at my face.

“Is something wrong?” I questioned.

“Samantha. I just got off the phone with a friend of yours. I won’t give names, as she’s asked me not to. I know the loss of your brother has been traumatic. I understand, and I’m all for your finding ways to cope with this loss. But, Samantha, drugs? How could you? You know this office has a strict policy against drug use. I’ve noticed your strange behavior, yet, I’d convinced myself it was stress or, perhaps a lack of sleep. I’m going to ask you to leave. I’ll arrange for you to take a drug test, Monday. If you pass it, you keep your job. If not, I’m sorry, Sam… I’ll have to let you go.”

“Mr. Sonny, I would never…” I objected. He pressed his finger over his lips and made an awful noise, demanding I remain silent.

“Go. I won’t ask again.” I fought the urge to cry. I was humiliated, hurt, and infuriated. Who would have done this and why would Dr. Sonny assume they were right? I hung my head as I walked back to my desk to gather my things.

“I have to go.” I whispered to Randi. She held a desperate, confused look that held a million questions yet, remained silent. “Bye.” I muttered and disappeared out of the exit. The winding back roads that led home seemed to go on and on forever. Tears poured down my face, washing away the sadness. I turned down our street, catching a glimpse of our house. It felt like a tiny piece of heaven amongst this darkness that was swallowing me whole. I eased in the driveway, wiping away the moisture from my cheeks and checked the mirror to see how swollen my eyes were. I was dabbing on a bit of make up when I saw a slit in the blinds appear, followed by the front door swinging open.

“Samantha?” Jude mouthed. He held a curious stare. More unshed tears fell from my eyes. I shrugged my shoulders and jumped from the car. “What’s the matter?” He rushed towards me with his arms open wide.

“I think I’m fired and I’m pretty sure Kara is the reason why.” I blurted out in sobs. “Dr. Sonny thinks I’m on drugs.” I hid my face in his shirt.

“On drugs? What in the world?” Jude pulled me away, looking at my eyes and demanding a better explanation.

“Someone called Dr. Sonny, to tell him I was on drugs. He thinks it’s true due to my peculiar behavior. I can’t help but think it was Kara. No one else would do something like that. You have to admit, all fingers point to her or, I don’t know… perhaps Mitch or Allison. I’ve made quite a few enemies lately.”

“Come inside. We’ll get this worked out. I’ll call Dr. Sonny myself.” He repressed the anger that was evident in his eyes. “Well, I know this is a terrible reason for you to be home early, but, I do have that surprise for you. How about, we have lunch, go take a look at that surprise and then discuss how to handle the situation at work?” I bit my quivering lip and agreed. Maybe an entire weekend with Jude would ease this hurt. If he’d been the only antidote to pull me from the depths of depression, he’d surely be able to soothe the ache caused from humiliation. He pressed his mouth against my trembling lips and held me close for a moment. “Clean your face up, Angel. I can’t stand to see you hurt.”

I slipped out of my work attire and slung it into the hamper. I dressed in a more comfortable and casual outfit, which included jeans and sneakers. “Where are we going?” I called from the bedroom. I hoped it wasn’t somewhere fancy, as this outfit better suited my mood.

“Samantha, a surprise isn’t a surprise if you know what it is.” Jude scolded and appeared in the entrance of the room.

“I just asked where. You’re so damned secretive.” I shook my head and slammed the drawer of the dresser shut.

“You look beautiful. No one wears sneakers better.” He confidently strolled to me, teasing my nostrils with his pleasant aroma. Cologne, fabric softener, and the scent of his own skin all mixed together was a delectable combination that sent my hormones running wild. I brushed past him, grabbing my purse instead of devouring him like my body was begging me to.

“Let’s go see this surprise.” I interlocked our arms and led the way to the door. Jude appeared nervous as we turned out onto the highway. I watched him fidget and squirm in his seat for most of the ride. He was silent, which meant, his mind was journeying along back roads he didn’t care travel with me.

“Are you sure this is a surprise? I feel my tension rising just from watching you squirm.”

“Huh?” He mumbled.

“Look at you. You’re wiggling around, staring off into space, and as quiet as a mouse.” I stroked his arm with my fingertips.

“Sorry, Sam. This surprise is special. At least, I hope you find it special.”

“Jude, whatever it is, I’ll love it.” I patted his arm and straightened my posture, narrowing my eyes towards the highway. I was curious as to our destination, realizing we were heading out of town. We passed several familiar landmarks; the same landmarks that led to Hope Springs. I was sure our destination was the gardens. I just wasn’t sure what he intended to show me that was a surprise. I was certain my eyes had soaked up all its beauty on our last trip. “The gardens?” I finally let my curiosity do the talking.

“Just sit tight.” He raised an eyebrow and made a right hand turn. Sure enough, Hope Spring Gardens came into view. I remained quiet. I assumed another picnic or stroll through the gardens was a part of the surprise. I heard Jude take in deep breaths of air, shaking off the jitters before politely opening the passenger side door for me. “Samantha. I want you to know before we walk inside, if you don’t like this surprise, if it’s not everything your heart expected, tell me. You mean so much to me. You deserve so much and I want to give that to you. If I could hand deliver the moon and the stars, to you, I would. What’s behind those gates is the best I could do. Just know, I did this with the best of intentions. If somehow I’ve overstepped my boundaries, don’t hesitate to let me know. I love you. I love you more than I could ever put into words.” My eyes puddled up with tears and I was sure I could hear my heartbeat beating from my chest. Whatever it was, it already meant the world to me. It meant the world to me because it meant so much to him.

“Take me inside.” Jude gripped my hand as tight as he could and walked beside me in slow, steady strides.

“One… two… three…” He counted as he pushed open the metal gates. The same cobblestone walkway led way to the pond filled with swans. The same flowers decorated the entrance. And, the same sign with the beautiful quote that had captivated me before all rest in the same place. I searched the grounds for the surprise that had Jude on edge. “Walk left.” He nudged my arm. We walked together underneath an archway that was decorated in a vine with bright yellow flowers. He continued to steer my body in the right direction. “There.” He finally said, stopping in front of another tiny pond filled with only two swans. A large, mesmerizing off white angel lay to one side of the pond and a quaint little bench rested directly beside her.

“This is all very beautiful. But, what on earth is the big deal about it?”

“Read the plaque right next to the angel.” He again, nudged my arm. I walked beside the beauty, stopping for a moment to absorb the scenery. “Sam, you’re killing me.” Jude whined.

“She really is beautiful.” I ran my hand along the length of the angel.

“Sam, the plaque.” Jude insisted. I stopped in front of a small, wooden plaque that was trimmed in a light brown marble. I caressed the top as I began to read the words:

“Your voice still sings to me, it reverberates through the walls of my mind and into the audience of my heart. It is the beautiful melody of your laughter. The sound of your laugh fills my memory with your sweet smile; it kisses my eyes lighting up my world brighter than the sun. I stow away these treasures of you, tucking them away in my heart. As long as I live and as much as I breathe… you will live on, too.

We were blessed to share 24 short years with you. We love you, we cherish the memories we had with you and, we will think of you and miss you every step of every day, for the rest of our lives. Rest in peace, sweet angel.

Love always,

Sam

“Jude…” I called to him as I lay across the plaque. This was beautiful, so touching and a perfect way to share him with the world. God, I missed him. “I love it.” I sobbed. “Thank you, thank you so much.”

“I hope you like it, Sammy. I only used words you’ve said to me, either awake or while dreaming. This, this is all you. I only put it in writing. He’s always with you.”

“You have no idea how much this means to me. This is far better than the newspaper idea. I could never repay you for this. I love you, so much.” I dried up my tears and jumped into his arms. Jude danced around in circles, spinning me and squeezing me as I laughed, cried, and kissed his face.

“I know how you can repay me.”

“How?” I asked.

“Love me, forever,” he whispered.

“I’ll love you longer than that.”

We relaxed on the bench and reminisced over stories of the past. I missed that life; I missed who I was back then. I was now a different person entirely; my thoughts still the same, my face still the same. Though the loss of Adam had changed me so deeply, sometimes I didn’t recognize my own eyes in the mirror. I once viewed the world in such a positive light. I was one of the many blessed human beings who were granted life, who were able to live, love, laugh and breathe. Now I knew that life wasn’t all about the butterflies and rainbows. Darkness surrounds us all, lurking in the shadows, waiting for the right moment to steal away your most prized chess piece in this game of life. I have learned one thing from this tragedy, hold on to what you love and love it with all your might. We aren’t given a second chance to love our loved ones better. If there’s a person in your world that makes life worth living, tell them every single day of your existence. One day, you’ll have no choice but to let them go. “Jude, I love you” I mouthed with tear filled eyes as I shook away the thoughts.

Jude just smiled. “I think I hear your stomach growling, how about that lunch?” He swatted away a bug that had perched on my sweaty forehead.

“Yes, my stomach is going to start talking if we don’t hurry” I joked. I stopped by the plaque to admire the engravings once more before heading back home.

“So, I say we stop by the mall and enjoy a couple of greasy burgers from Delmar’s. What do you say?” Jude made the suggestion as we coasted along the highway.

“Yeah, sure, I don’t care what we eat as long as we eat it soon.” I whined.