Inside Out (4 page)

“I’m sorry Jude. I shouldn’t have asked… I’m so nosey. Sometimes I just blurt out the first thing that pops into that ditsy brain of mine.” His hands were around my waist with his lips planted against my cheek before I had a chance to think. I stood perfectly still, allowing his lips to linger on my face for as long as he wanted.

“No, you can ask me anything you want. This is your home now, too. Now, come on, how about you set the table while I start cooking?”

I giggled and watched him skip away. I rubbed my cheek with my fingertips and closed my eyes. His lips felt even more incredible than I imagined. “Uh yeah, sure, tell me where everything is.” Jude seemed perfect, too perfect. I was waiting for a flaw to rear its ugly head. There’s no way I could have struck it so lucky. I’d had no luck in my life, whatsoever. Was this finally my time to find the love I’d always dreamt of? I shoved the thoughts from my mind, realizing he was just friendly and I was only wishing on a star.

“Second cabinet on the bottom. Below the sink. That’s where I keep the pretty dishes.” He chuckled. “I usually use paper plates, this is a special occasion though.”

“Special occasion?” I mumbled while fumbling through the cabinets in search of the ‘pretty dishes.’

“Yep. You’re the first lady I’ve had dinner with in this house. I’ve had ladies here sure, just, not, not for dinner, ya know?” He seemed nervous about his comment.

“Oh I get it. So, if we weren’t having dinner then I could fear you were only trying to get into my pants?”

He winked and continued dancing around the kitchen. This seemed to be an activity he enjoyed. I laughed so hard my insides hurt when he turned around revealing his white apron while singing into a large cooking spoon.

“Wow. Impressive. You sure this hasn’t been rehearsed? You’re far too good at this.”

We sat across the table from one another, exchanging glances that had the butterflies in my stomach in an uproar. I found myself paying attention to his every little move. Every graceful movement sent my mind wandering in a dark corner of my mind, stirring up desires and wants that I’d never even realized lived inside me. He was awakening something in me that would surely do nothing but cause future heartache, as if I needed anymore of those. His beautiful fingers twirled the last fork full of noodles and glided them to his mouth, sliding the fork gently between those luscious lips. I was in awe at the sight of his tongue, racy images continued to haunt my mind. If I planned on living with him as nothing more than a roommate, I needed to start viewing him like I would any other man. These fantasies needed to be put to rest.

“Not polite to stare, Sammy.” Jude joked, causing my cheeks to flush. He was getting extremely good at causing that type of reaction. I returned my gaze to the meal he’d prepared. “You don’t like it? You don’t have to eat it. I can make you something else.”

“No. The meal is fine. I’m just not that hungry. This has been a weird day. I’m having my first meal in my new place and with you to top it off. It’s all strange. Give me time to soak it all in.”

Jude slid his hand across the table, resting it on mine. “I’m sorry it’s weird. I promise to make things as comfortable for you as I possibly can. Come on, let me show you your room.”

I followed him down the hall into a cozy little bedroom with all light wooden furniture. The room smelled a bit musty, I assumed it had been closed up for some time. Jude kept his eyes locked on my every move as I browsed around the entire room, checking the closet space and the view from an extremely large window that was right above my bed. I loved it. It felt like home. “It’s perfect Jude, thank you.”

“I’m glad you approve. You know, we could always share my room if you don’t think this bed is big enough.” He winked before turning around and leaving me to settle in.

“I think this queen size bed will suffice, you insane man!” I yelled out while jumping into the sheets head first. “Hey, these sheets smell like ass!” I hopped from the bed and turned up my nose in a disgusted fashion. I heard Jude trotting back down the hallway in my direction.

“Well give me time, woman. I was getting a fresh set from the closet. Those have been on that bed since I moved in two years ago. So, help me change them and stop complaining.” His smile let me know it was only another one of his playfully, sarcastic comments. We finished making the bed with fresh sheets and a new fleece blanket that was as soft as cotton. This time the sheets smelled of lavender. I inhaled the scent and nestled deeply beneath them. Jude plopped down beside me, resting his arm under my neck. We lay there cuddling like we’d known each other forever. “Tell me about Adam, if you’re comfortable with that of course. I just want a bit of an insight on the type of person he was. It’ll better help me write this poem with you.”

Tears began to puddle up in my eyes just from hearing his name. I needed to get used to talking about him though, it wouldn’t be right to shove him in the far corner of my mind along with other hurtful memories. Adam needed to be remembered. I tried my best to hold back the tears before speaking. “He was a wonderful person. He was funny, one of the funniest people you could ever meet. I’m not just saying that because he was my brother either. He just was. If you were having a bad day, leave it to Adam to see to it that you smiled. Sometimes he would force a smile out of me even when I was so pissed off I swore I wouldn’t. I think sometimes I took him for granted. I guess I didn’t see that back then, I always thought he’d be there. Now that he isn’t, I realize what a treasure I had right down the road from me in that crummy little apartment on Wall Street. I won’t ever hear his voice again, I won’t ever see that laugh again and I won’t ever hear another stupid joke. Funny how you figure out the most important things in life when it’s too late, it’s too late now, Jude. He’ll never know what he meant to me.” Tears of regret and sorrow poured down my cheeks like a raging river. I sobbed harder than I had since I heard the news, all right there in Jude’s arms. I think in that moment my heart fell for him. He leaned up on his elbows to wipe the tears from my eyes.

“I know what it’s like to lose someone you love and I promise to be here for you. I’ll be that shoulder you can cry on in those dark moments, Sammy. You don’t ever have to go through anything alone, ever again.”

“You’re so good to me, why?” I asked hesitantly.

“I just feel drawn to you. It’s unexplainable. I saw you sitting in the bar all alone, those sad eyes and that beautiful blonde hair swept across those pink cheeks. It’s like I saw my future in that moment. Call it serendipity or call me crazy. I was led to you for some reason. Maybe, I’m here to save you and you’re here to save me. All I know is, my heart is guiding the way.” His lips caressed my cheek, igniting that flame inside me I’d only felt with him. I closed my eyes, savoring the sensation of his warm lips against my skin. He pulled his mouth away from my cheek keeping his eyes closed until he was back into position, elbows propped up on the bed, staring awkwardly into my face.

“How about we go rent a movie or go to a drive in?” His request was unexpected. I was starting to see how he often made unexpected suggestions. I was now living in his house by his unexpected invitation.

“We just got here and already you want to leave? I suggest we rent one. I’m tired and would love to just relax, if you’re okay with that.” I blinked my eyes and poked my lip out, giving my best sad eyed puppy-dog expression.

“Geez you don’t have to pull out the heavy artillery or big guns. I was just giving you an option. A movie on the leather sofa it is. Hop up, we’ll just rent one off of Pay Per View.”

I dragged ass down the hallway behind him, feeling a bit reluctant about a movie date with the obvious modern day Casanova. “I don’t do blood, guts and gore.” I proclaimed as I plopped down onto the couch beside him.

“Lucky for you, it’s a classic. Die Hard.” He wore a cheesy smile that I couldn’t help but laugh at.

“You said we were renting one off Pay Per View.”

“I found this one in my movie stash. Come on, you know you like Bruce Willis.” He pleaded with me through an expression that was even more convincing than the one I’d attempted to give him.

“Fine, I do love Bruce Willis. Put it in.”

“Geez Samantha, not on our first date.” His laugh was so deep and amused by his own perverted joke.

“So comical aren’t you, asshat?” I giggled and threw my feet up, resting my entire body across the sofa.

“Well at least lift your feet so I can sit down too, you couch hog.” His hands were under my feet, lifting them and resting them on top of his lap before I had a chance to reconsider my position. “Now, pay attention. I’m going to school you in many classics while you’re here. You will learn of Scarface, Die Hard and Rambo if I have to pry your pretty little eyes open to watch the movies.”

I rested my head on the far end of the sofa, secretly watching Jude while he got lost in the movie. I made sure to mentally photograph every inch of him. His untamed brown hair that somehow lay perfect even when it was obvious he hadn’t combed it, the way his white t-shirt clung to his defined chest and arms. His light faded jeans that hung across his hips in such a way that you couldn’t help but picture wrapping your legs around them. There was no way he was this charming and this gorgeous.

Without warning, I could feel my body being lifted.
Am I dreaming?
I struggled to open my eyes I managed to lift my eyelids just enough to get a glimpse of Jude’s face.
Why in the hell is he carrying me?

“Hey, sleepyhead. You fell asleep on the couch and you looked so peaceful, I hoped I could carry you to bed without waking you. You’re a light sleeper, you know that? At least you never have to fear being kidnapped.” I didn’t even have the energy to argue. I relaxed my head on his shoulder, allowing him to carry me into my room and lay me in bed. I felt the sheets being slid up my body, stopping when they reached my shoulders. I closed my eyes, completely relaxing when I heard the door shut and his footsteps disappear down the hallway.

“Adam, please don’t go! Stop! Come back! You don’t understand!”

“Sam. Sam…Sam, wake up. It’s only a dream.”

I sat straight up in bed, startled at first. “Adam,” I whispered. Then I began sobbing uncontrollably. Jude pulled me into his arms, rocking me back and forth as he rubbed his hand through my hair. The pain was too much.

“He was just there in my dreams, Jude. I felt like I could touch him, as if I could smell him. He was so close to my grasp but I couldn’t retrieve him. He’s gone, and I am too. I’m lost without him. I squeezed my eyes closed, wishing I could live with Adam in my dreams. Jude didn’t say a word. I drifted off in his arms. “Adam…”

The sun beamed in through a slit in the window shades, penetrating my eyelids. I fumbled around a bit, trying to find my bearings. I realized there was an arm wrapped around me, it was Jude’s arm. I peeled it off my waist and scooted my body away from him. Sleeping with him on the first night was not an option, even if it was simply spooning.

I was tip-toeing from the bed when I heard Jude’s voice “Sam, it’s okay, don’t go. After your dream, I tried to leave so you could rest. You held my hand and asked me to stay. I couldn’t leave you. I told you I’d protect you. I didn’t realize your dreams would be the first to antagonize.” He looked down at the sheets, sheepishly concerned. I wondered if I really had called him back to me in my state of unconsciousness.

“I did that?” My inquiry was stiff. His eyes told the truth, he had stayed because I asked and that was all. I released the air I had been holding in since I felt his arm around my waist.

“I’m sorry, Sam” he scrambled from the sheets to stand beside the bed “I told you I’d make you comfortable, I should have made sure you were aware of what you were asking. He wiped his eyes and turned to walk out of the guest room. I grabbed his hand and pulled him back towards me. That wasn’t planned. Had that been the same action he said had pulled him back to my side last night?

“Thank you for staying.” His smile returned and he sat on the edge of the bed. Come on. Let me cook you some breakfast.” He reached over to caress my cheek. The hunger inside me wouldn’t be satisfied with breakfast.

“No. Let’s stay here.” I sat up, stripping the covers away in one desire-filled motion so I could be closer to him.

“Sam, what are you doing?”

I didn’t respond. I reached over, placing my hand on the back of his head and ran my fingers through his hair. He studied my face. He hoped my expression might give away my feelings. I whispered, “This is what I want.” That was the permission he was looking for. He grabbed my hips, pulling me over to straddle his waist. Jude brushed my hair from my face, leaning in to press his lips to mine. Slow at first. Slow and sweet. The kiss was everything I’d ever dreamt of. He increased his speed massaging my tongue with his own.

“I want you.” Jude whispered, seducing me with his words alone. I relaxed, closing my eyes while he eased me down onto the bed, sliding my clothes off one piece at a time. I granted him full access to roam my entire body.

“It feels good…” I stressed in a breathy voice. I was attracted to him in so many ways. My heart began to race as he began a journey of soft kisses down my stomach and thighs. His journey of kisses continued, building up my arousal until I felt like I would explode. “Please, no more.” I begged. The tantalizing kisses were driving me insane. I watched his beautiful features as he studied my body, caressing every curve with a look that indicated he was pleased with what he saw. “Jude…”

“Sam…” he breathed deeply in my ear while his body lay on top of mine. “I want to make love to you.” I felt his hands slide between our bodies, fumbling with the zipper on his jeans before pulling them down. My body quivered at the very thought of Jude being so close to me. I gripped the sheets and closed my eyes, moaning his name as he eased himself inside of me. Our bodies moved perfectly in sync with one another, a feeling so natural and so right. All I could hear were my own thoughts bouncing around inside of my head, while Jude continued his slow, perfect, rhythm. My soul felt bound to his in that moment, he not only possessed my body, but my very soul.