Inside Out (17 page)

“What’s that you have there?” Mom questioned as I turned my hand side to side, getting the best views of the ring.

“Oh, nothing, just nothing” I slipped my hand into my pocket. “I think I’m going to go with him. I hope you don’t mind me leaving so soon. I’ll make it up to you.”

“Sam, I want you to be happy. I don’t even know that boy and I can tell his heart is set on you. Yes, go. Go find the happiness you deserve. Just, don’t forget me when you’re gone.”

“Mama” I ran to her, wrapping my arms around her as tightly as I could. “I won’t disappoint you ever again.” I promised.

“I love you, sweetheart. Now, run on and get your things.” She smiled and wiped her fingers beneath her eyes. I jogged in the kitchen, grabbing my purse and a blueberry muffin that lay on a plate. It was fresh baked from the oven.

“Bye mom! I’ll call you later.” I shouted before exiting the house.

“I was getting worried I’d really have to throw rocks at your window” Jude spoke in the darkness. My eyes had to adjust to the black night once again, before I was able to focus in on his face.

“I had shit to do, impatient” I mumbled. “Now, I believe we have things to take care of.” I plopped inside his vehicle. I was anxious to cut Kara out of his life, out of our life, once and for all.

“I’ll call her, Sam. I’ll call her right now. First, I believe you should know what made me feel the need to protect her. Want to know the whole story?” I could feel his eyes on me, even though the dim light made it impossible to see.

“Yes, of course. I want to know every detail about your relationship with her.” My stomach churned just at the thought of Jude and Kara being intimate.

“Don’t talk about it that way. It wasn’t the type of relationship you’re inferring. I don’t even recall… recall the moment she said we shared. I’ve been so drunk before I could barely walk and still, the next day I knew what I had done. Either she’s lying or I was so drunk I wasn’t even myself. Let’s just get all of this out of the way and put it behind us. You’re my future. What I did or didn’t do with her doesn’t matter to me and I hope you’ll forgive me for what I’ve put you through. I searched for his eyes through the darkness, hoping to see unspoken words in his expression. I leaned my back against the seat, exhaling the breath of air that I’d unknowingly held inside as he spoke.

“Let’s just put this behind us.”

“Where should we start?” He asked as he pulled down an unfamiliar road. “This place is private. We can talk here and then go home.” I nodded in agreement and tried to focus my gaze on the long stretch of gravel. “Okay, well, here’s the story.” He began to speak as he shut off the engine. “I met Kara when I was seventeen. I believe she was sixteen at the time. She attended a private school in Sumter Falls. She caught my eye at a football game. I admit it, I was a young and foolish hormonal teenager. Anyways, she asked me to her prom. I agreed, thinking what any young asshole male thinks; I’d charm her and then take her to bed. I was all worked up when prom night rolled around. I left to pick her up about thirty minutes earlier than she and I had discussed. I followed the directions she’d given me and pulled up to a nice brick home, a home big enough to fit six families. I was in awe at the surroundings. I found myself envious of her luxurious lifestyle. I walked up a small flight up stairs that led me to two bright red doors. I tapped at the door, nervously awaiting what I thought would be the best night I’d ever experienced. I waited for five or ten minutes for Kara to open the door. I stood there, thinking I’d been stood up for my very first time. I was just about to turn around and leave when I heard chaos on the other side of the doors. I heard screaming, what appeared to be furniture breaking and a loud voice of a man demanding for someone to shut the hell up and lay still. I slammed my fist against the door, worried she’d been broke in on and was being assaulted. The screams and demands continued, never faltering as I screamed her name. I used every bit of the strength in my body to slam against the door, hoping to either startle away the intruder, or break inside and help her. Finally, with about ten violent shoves at the double doors, it flew open. There, not fifteen steps from the entry way, laid Kara. She was flat on her back in a red gown. A large man with an intoxicated look hovered over her, pressing her arms against the floor with what appeared to be little effort. They both jerked their head in my direction. Kara stared at me in humiliation and fear, while the large man burned a hole through me with an infuriated glare. I screamed at the man, demanding that he release her. He curved his lips into a smile and rubbed his grimy fingers down her dress. She begged him, pleaded with him to let her go, to not hurt her with someone watching. He just ignored her, greedily fondling her body like she belonged to him. Tears streamed down her face, washing mascara down her cheeks. A rage I hadn’t felt before bubbled up inside me, forcing my body into action. I searched the room for a weapon, for anything to stop him and erase that haunted look from her face. The only thing I spotted was a small, antique chair with brass legs and a beige cushion. I gripped the legs of the chair, pulling it back as far as I could before charging towards the man and Kara. I yelled obscenities, words I still don’t even remember until this day. I struck him over and over with the chair, releasing the full force of my anger against his skull. I stopped when I heard her screams penetrate that black cloud of rage that completely took over my thoughts. I dropped the bloody chair, flinching at the sound of the brass slamming against the wooden floor. Kara kicked her heels against the floor, shoving her body to the wall. She was shaking, and fully aware that the man was dead. His eyes were open, staring at a picture that hung on the wall. But, the stare was blank. There was emptiness inside his eyes, an emptiness that made it clear to us both that he was gone. I held her in my arms for hours, rocking her back and forth until her quivering body relaxed.

“You… you killed a man?” I cried in hysterics.

“Sam, yes, I killed him. But, I’m telling you, this wasn’t an ordinary man. The alcohol had brought out a monster that didn’t deserve a place in this world. I did it to save her.”

“Who was he?”

“Her stepfather,” he whispered.

“Oh my god.” I held onto my chest. “You killed her father?”

“Sam, it was her stepfather. Her mother had only been married to him a couple of months. It was either him or her. I did what I thought was best.”

“Well, what happened? Did you two ever get into trouble?”

“No one knows. Only you, me and Kara.”

“Are you fucking kidding me? You never went to the police? So, what, is this why you formed a bond with Kara? You two committed the ultimate crime together and now you’re like forced to maintain some level of friendship?

“Samantha, do you ever stop and think of anyone but yourself? I’m confessing something to you I’ve never trusted anyone in the world to know. And yet, here you are, turning this into something it isn’t. No, we aren’t forced to. She wouldn’t tell anyone, regardless of the level of our friendship. I’ve maintained this friendship simply because I was all she ever really had. Her mom ran off with the next Joe Blow when Richard was… well, when Richard disappeared.”

“You think this is about jealously? How dare you. I’m just learning that the man I plan on marrying murdered a man, with a woman who is absolutely insane. I mean, what am I to think? If you cut her out of your life, what if she tells?”

“She won’t. Besides, no one would believe her. The whole town knows Kara is a bird of a different feather.”

“That’s an understatement. She’s off her fucking rocker!” I mumbled. “I guess, I guess I can understand why you did it. I just don’t understand why you hid it. Why not just tell the police what happened?

“He was a wealthy man, Sam. He was known all over town and well liked. Who would have believed two young kids?”

“Jude. Let’s just pretend this conversation never happened. Some secrets are better left untold. Do what you feel you should with Kara. But, don’t let her ruin your life to save your relationship with me. If you cut her out of your life and she starts revealing secrets. Jude, I just don’t know what would happen.”

“I’d risk spending the next fifty years in prison, if it meant I’d have one more day with you.” He leaned across the seat, wrapping his arms around me.

“I can’t believe this. My mind can’t wrap around this shit, Jude.”

“Now you know my darkest secrets. I trust you that much. Let’s go home. I’ll call Kara on the way. I’ll end this thing once and for all.” I watched Jude dig into his pocket, pulling out his cell phone. He stared at the screen for a moment, deliberating what action he should take. He sucked in a deep breath of air while letting his fingers tap numbers on his phone.

“I need to see you.” Jude spoke roughly into the phone. “What in the hell are you doing there?” His tone grew darker and his expression seemed to mimic the cold expression that flickered in his eyes. “Fine, stay put and don’t touch a damn thing.”

“What was that about?” My voice came out as more of a whisper, feeling intimidated by Jude’s aggressive demeanor.

“She’s at our house; the insane woman is at my house.” I felt the roar of the engine grow louder as he pressed his foot on the accelerator. We pulled down our street, the glow of the street lights were all I could see.

“Jude, are you sure about this?” I sat still in my seat with eyes focused on Kara’s ride parked in the side of the yard.

“Yes.” Jude gripped the steering wheel and gritted his teeth, staring into the front window at a dim orange light that flickered faintly in the dark. “Let’s get this shit over with and carry on with a normal fucking life.” He rubbed his fingers through his hair, taming the unruly mess without intention. I wiggled the handle on the car door, shoving it open with my foot. I talked myself down the entire trot to the front door, hoping my nerves would settle before the confrontation with Kara. My mind raced. I couldn’t control my thoughts, which were playing horrid scenes of what might occur over and over.

“What if she tells on you?” I whispered once more.

“Sam, stop letting her control you, the way she’s controlled me all of these years. I can’t live like this anymore based on what ifs. If she tells, then, she tells. We will cross that bridge if we must. Right now, we need to focus on the situation at hand.” He pressed his lips to mine, sending a calming sensation throughout my veins. His kisses, his touch, it was my drug. Jude pushed the door open. It was already unlocked; apparently Kara had let herself in. Jude and I both stopped, searching the room for the source of the orange glow. Candles were lit, lining the fire place, end tables and the coffee table that was positioned in front of the love seat.

“What the fuck?” Jude blurted out. I followed the direction his eyes were to see what had caused such a reaction. There Kara lay, sprawled out on the sofa. She wore a pale pink robe that covered very little of her tan skin. Her hair was curled, resting against the sheer material that barely covered her breasts. “What in the hell is this, Kara?” Jude was puzzled.

“I thought you and this bitch were through!” Kara yelled, fastening the robe together. “I specifically recall you running home to Mommy, Samantha. What? You just can’t let him go, can you? You just can’t face the fact that he’s mine. He is mine, you know? There’s nothing you can do about that. Jude sealed his fate many years ago. He is mine and I am his.”

“How in the hell can you just assume such nonsense, you crazy bitch?” Jude shot her a cold glare.

“How can I assume? Jude, you proved your love for me a short time ago. Our lives are forever intertwined.” Kara grinned, running her painted nails along the red lipstick on her lips.

“I saved you. I saved you from rape and God knows what else. How is it that your sick mind has twisted this into… into me owing you something? I owe you nothing. I’m not in love with you and I won’t pretend I am.”

“You killed a man for me!” She blurted out, rage flaming through her eyes.

I slapped my hand over the whimper that involuntarily blurted from my lips. Hearing her say those words tore through my chest like a dull knife.

“Kara, for fucks sake. I did it to keep you from being hurt, not because I love you.”

“But I love you!” She howled and rushed by his side, wrapping her arms around his waist. “You’re mine! You know it, Sam knows it and I know it.”

“I tried being nice to you. You just can’t reason with a fucking psycho. Get your hands off me.” Jude shoved her hands away from his body. “Look, look right beside me. You see this?” He ran his arms up and down my body. “This is what I want. She is what I want. Do you understand? Did I make that clear enough? What must I say to you to get you to understand?” I watched Kara’s pupils dilate. Her bright blue eyes grew black; washing away the only piece left of her that seemed normal.

“You can’t want what isn’t here,” she whispered and blew out the candles in one swift motion. Kara hit the ground with a thud, scrambling away from us and down the hall. I shivered at the sight of her body crawling away like some rabid animal. And, the whisper, the eerie whisper that seemed like a threat hit me hard.

“Jude.” I gripped his clothing, pulling his body into mine. The dim house made it hard to see the dark areas in the house. I scanned frantically, hoping Kara’s pink robe would come into view. I saw nothing, and I heard nothing but the deafening sound of silence.

“Get out of here, Sam.” Jude demanded. I clung onto his clothing tighter.

“Let’s go” I whimpered.

“No. Go. I’ll be out in just a few minutes.” Jude gripped my shoulders tight, pushing me away from his side. “Go.” He growled.

I staggered towards the door, searching for the knob in the darkness.

“Leaving so soon?” Kara said through laughter. “I don’t believe we’re done here.” Kara spoke softly; the tone alone was threatening and frightening. I finally got ahold of the cold knob, turning it as best I could considering how hard my hands were shaking.

“I said not now!” I heard Kara shriek as I felt my feet being pulled out from under me. My face slammed against the floor, sending a pain through my jaw and the back of my head. The coolness that puddled beneath me let me know I was bleeding.