Inevitable (35 page)

Blaine doesn’t want you.
A voice buried deep in the back of my mind
was torturing me and I wished it was a real person so I could punch
it in the face. Blaine had broken my heart. He’d shattered it into
so many pieces I wondered if they’d ever fit back together again.
Yet absurdly, I also knew the only person who could even get close
to fixing the puzzle was Blaine.

It would be easier if I really believed Blaine didn’t love
me – that I was just another notch in his extremely battered
bedpost. It would still hurt like a motherfucker but it would
surely be easier to move on if I could put the way he’d treated me
down to him being a complete and utt
er womanising twat. But he loved me!
I
knew
he did! At risk of being a walking cliché… I could
just
feel
it deep inside my fragmented heart. I tried to stop myself
thinking it for fear of sounding egotistical – as if I was saying
‘I’m so special, he couldn’t possibly not love me’.

But there
were moments I’d shared with Blaine that neither of us had
shared with anyone else before. Conversations, the way he looked at
me, the things he’d told and shown me… He loved me.

After waiting
in the dark for another immeasurable length of time and hearing
nobody return to the house I figured it was safe to come out of
hiding. Opening the pool house door just a little, I peered out at
my surroundings. Seriously this was the most nerve-wracking
situation I’d ever been in. I would make a crappy spy.

I tiptoed quickly towards the house, glad of the subtle
lighting coming from the recessed LED’s trimming the pool
and only narrowly
missed going for an evening swim when my foot caught on one of the
overflow grids. Swallowing my heart back down I carried on until I
reached the French doors. Tentatively I tugged on the handle. It
was unlocked like Trudy said it would be.

I stepped inside and paused for a minute whilst my eyes
adjusted once again to the darkness. After squeezing my eyes a few
times I could see well enough to make my way out of the room
without even
nearly
falling. The grand hallway was easier to navigate thanks to
a shallow stream of lighting radiating down the stairs. I crept up
the stairs slowly, my heart thumping painfully against my ribs with
each one.

I was…terrified. If Blaine rejected me again, I was almost
certain it would kill me.
I mean how many rejections can someone take before
they break completely?

All the upstairs doors were closed but I could see from the
cracks under the doors Blaine’s room was the only one with a light
on. I’d found him. I was about to talk to him.
Force
him to talk to
me
. And maybe get the last few remaining
fragments of my heart smashed in the process.

Holy hell what
was I thinking?

Maddie

N
othing could have prepared my eyes or my heart for what
they were about to witness when I opened Blaine’s bedroom door. He
was sitting in the middle of his king-sized bed with his knees
drawn into his chest and his head buried between them. His naked
body was alarmingly red with huge weeping blisters forming all over
his back and the tops of his shoulders. His hands were fisted in
his hair. His knuckles were grazed and trails of dry blood marked
the back of his hands.

“
Jesus, Blaine…
” I attempted to shout but the words came out as a
hoarse whisper. He started to lift his head slowly, as if he might
have just heard a noise but he wasn’t sure. His tortured blue eyes
caught mine and I dragged in a deep breath as I edged cautiously
towards him, preparing for the sound of him telling me to go
away.

He didn’t.

He didn’t say anything. Our eyes only met for a few brief
seconds before he dropped his head but it was like something inside
them had died. The electricity was gone. They were dull and
lifeless.
He
was lifeless. He was broken. It was the most painful thing
I’d ever seen.

I sat down on
the edge of the bed letting my feet dangle off the end.
Instinctively I reached out to touch him but as my hand stuttered
around different parts of his body I realised there was nowhere for
them to settle that wouldn’t cause him pain.

“
Blaine?” I pressed gently. He didn’t respond. Didn’t move.
I wasn’t sure if he’d heard me so I said it again.
“
Blaine?
”

Still he
was unresponsive.

“
Blaine please, look at me. You’re really scaring me.” As if
my words had flipped a switch inside his mind he raised his head.
Then he reached out and traced my cheekbone with the pad of his
thumb.

“
I’m sorry
. You don’t ever have to be afraid of me,” he said
mournfully.

“
I’m not afraid of
you.
I’m afraid of what’s been done to you! What is
this?” I asked, motioning over his naked body. “It looks like…
burns. What in hell did he do to you?” My voice was higher than I’d
intended. But being calm about this was impossible. This needed to
end. Mitch needed to pay for what he’d put this beautiful, broken
boy next to me through.

“
It wasn’t him,” he muttered softly.

“
What?
” Who the fuck else was hurting him?

“
It wasn’t him,” he repeated and sounded almost frustrated. “My
dad didn’t do this to my skin.”

“
Well then, who did? Who else is hurting you,
Blaine?”

He swallowed
forcefully and then used the back of his clenched fist to wipe a
tear from his cheek.

“
It was me,” he said simply, as if that should make complete
fucking sense.

“
What do you mean it was you?” I snapped unintentionally. I
immediately softened my tone. “How did you…
why
would you…” I trailed off. My mind
was spinning. It was just one more revelation away from
imploding.

“
It hurts, Maddie. It hurts so fucking bad. I can’t get him
off me no matter how hard I try. I can feel him, smell him… all the
fucking time. I feel thick with dirt and I cant get it
off
. It
hurts…”

Blaine choked on his words and a soul-destroying sob
consumed his entire body. I knelt in front of him and cradled his
head to mine. Knowing that was the only place he wouldn’t feel pain
I stroked his hair
, occasionally trailing a finger along the rough hair on
his jaw which was growing thicker by the day. It aged him so much.
I’d never seen a boy of our age sporting a full-on beard
before.

His body
started to shake violently and with our faces touching, his
inconsolable tears mixed with mine as they spilled down our cheeks.
My breath came in short pants as I struggled to breathe past the
crushing pressure on my chest.

“
We need to get you cleaned up,” I whispered as I gently broke
away from him. “Do you have any antiseptic anywhere?”

“
I’ll be fine. You don’t need to do that. I can-”

“
Stop being a stubborn prick and tell me where you
k
eep the
medicines in this place.”

“
Try the main bathroom. End of the hall,” he muttered under his
breath. I hopped off the bed and set off in search of a medicine
cabinet. “Maddie?” he called just as I stepped through his
doorframe.

“
Yeah?”

“
I love you.”

I closed my
eyes and replayed the words in my head. That was what I came here
to hear. That was what was going to get us through the never-ending
maze of shit we were going through. As I gave him a warm smile I
could literally feel the shards of my broken heart fluttering
inside my chest as they tried to piece themselves back
together.

“
I love you too. You have no idea how much.”

Blaine exhaled
heavily as if he couldn’t quite believe that, and then I left him
alone.

Christ this
house was huge. I must have peered inside twelve different doors
before I found what could be classed as a ‘main’ bathroom. Stepping
into a room bigger than my school (okay so I might be exaggerating
slightly) I walked across the white granite floor tiles until I
reached a row of mirrored cabinets that stretched across the full
width of the far wall.

After a serious rummage I found
some pre-packed sterile gauze and a
bottle of Safetec burn gel. Next to the gel was a little blue box
with ‘Advil’ printed on it. On closer inspection I decided they
must be America’s version of Nurofen so I grabbed them too and then
headed back to Blaine.

He winced as I dabbed his raw skin with the gel-soaked
gauze.
Oh,
Blaine. What have you done to yourself?
I couldn’t bring myself to ask him
out loud. He was still shaking as silent tears trailed miserably
down his cheeks. I consciously searched his skin for fresh
‘strikes’ and was surprised when I didn’t find any, unable to
fathom what else could have destroyed him so badly. When I’d
finished I noticed some bottled water on his nightstand and I
passed it to him along with two of the little green Advil
Liqui-Gels.

“
What has he done to you?” I asked but I didn’t mean in the
physical sense.

“
I can’t talk about it. Not yet. Please not yet,” he begged. “I
couldn’t bare it if you left me.”

“
Blaine look at me.” He didn’t, so I cupped his face with my
hands and forced him to. “
Nothing
you can say to me will make me leave you. I’m here
for you. Through
anything
. I’m going nowhere. Do you understand?” Blaine winced at
my last words. Maybe he didn’t believe me. The thought clawed at my
heart.

“
Will you hold me?” he asked, his voice guarded – as if he was
afraid I’d say no.

“
I don’t want to hurt you,” I said as I wondered where I could
rest my hands on his broken skin.

“
Please,” he whispered, pure desperation dripping from his
voice.

I scooted up
the bed and lay back, propping myself half-upright on his mountain
of plush pillows. Holding my arms open for him, he crawled over and
laid himself down next to me. He rested his head on my stomach and
tucked one arm right around my waist until his hand was underneath
me.

“
I’m so tired, Maddie,” he murmured against my body. There
was a heart-wrenching ache to his voice that told me he didn’t just
mean in the sleepy sense.

“
I know you are, baby. I know you are.”

Desolate
tears trickled down my face as I smoothed out his coarse dark hair
with my hand. My hips involuntary swayed slightly and I rocked us
gently from side to side as I hummed my own made up lullaby until
we both fell asleep.

We woke up in the exact same position the next morning. I
had been awake for a while, com
bing through Blaine’s hair with my fingers as I
watched him sleep. He looked so peaceful – his face relaxed and
free from pain.

Then I looked
at his broken skin…

Eventually he
stirred and after looking up and seeing me still holding him he
gripped me tighter as if he couldn’t believe it.

“
You stayed with me,” he breathed – more to himself than me I
think.

“
I told you, Blaine. I’m not going anywhere.”

I made myself
enjoy the next few minutes of silence because I knew the
conversation that needed to follow would be an intense at best,
heart-breaking at worst, one.

“
Blaine?” I said gently.

“
Don’t, lish. I’m just not ready,” he uttered as if he could
read my mind.

“
But this can’t go on
. Look at what he’s doing to you. You need help.
You can’t live like this.”

“
I know,” he admitted, his voice heavy – lost. “I’ve thought
about nothing else for weeks. My dad is a powerful man. He has
powerful friends and a hell of a lot of money. It’s not going to be
as easy as telling someone and they’ll take him away.”

“
But…” But what? I was by no means experienced in the criminal
justice system but you hear stories of people buying their way out
of trouble all the time. Despite only meeting him a handful of
times it was clear to me that Mitch was an arrogant bastard. He’d
put himself on a pedestal he was sure nobody had the power to knock
him off. What if that were true? How long would Blaine have to
suffer like this?

“
We could leave,” I blurted in a rush. “Just you and me. We
could run away and leave all this shit behind us.”

Blaine
let out a soft laugh devoid of humour. Then he hitched himself up
the bed, wincing as he did, so that his face was level with
mine.

“
You know we can’t do that. You can’t leave your mom. I can’t
leave Kara.”

His sister’s
name punched a hole in my chest. The second I laid eyes on Blaine
last night the whole gaining a mum and a sister crap had completely
lost itself in my overcrowded mind. I clutched a hand to my chest
as I tried to ease the pain building right in its centre.

“
What’s Kara like?” I asked inquisitively. Blaine’s face
melted into the warmest smile. He adored his little sister –
our
little sister. I
shuddered slightly. It sounded almost incestuous. Jesus, this was
going to take some getting used to.