Indulgence (392 page)

Sam looked at her reflection in the oval mirror that sat on
top of the display table. She gently touched the key. A sales associate leaned
in and said, “Very lovely.”

“We’ll take it,” I said, pulling out my wallet.

“No! You can’t.”

I handed the sales associate two fifty-dollar bills. “Yes, I
can.”

We walked out of the store, Sam holding a little
brown-and-white striped bag that held an empty jewelry box. She wore the
necklace and a wide smile. “I love you, Jake. You’re the best friend ever,” she
said, leaning her head on my shoulder.

We walked for a while in comfortable silence, enjoying the
sun and gentle breeze. Sam still hadn’t spoken about what happened between her
and Rick. The curiosity was killing me, so I broached the subject again. “Can I
ask you something?”

“Hmm,” she said, taking my hand.

“Why do you stay with Rick? You two are always arguing about
something.”

“Because we fight as passionately as we make up,” she
replied as if it were the way every relationship played out.

“Yeah, don’t want to really hear about the making up part.
Rick must be amazing in bed,” I joked.

“I enjoy having sex with him.” She said it so honestly, it
made me wince. “Jake, you’re adorable when you’re shy.”

“I just don’t want to talk about your sex life,” I
reiterated.

“I get it. You’ve never had a girlfriend well, until recently.
It’s natural to be nervous about discovering your sexuality.”

I sighed. Sometimes Sam was too perceptive for her own good.
“I know how to have sex,
Samantha
.”

“Knowing how to do something and actually
doing it
are two different things,
Jacob
.”

“And your point is?”

“You don’t have to pretend with me. I was nervous my first
time.”

“Was Rick nervous?”

“Yes, I think he was afraid that I knew more than he did.”

I laughed aloud. “With as much porn as Rick watches, I doubt
that.”

“Eww, Jake!”

“Oh, now who’s shy?”

Sam changed the subject. “How are you and Jenna doing?”

“We haven’t been together that long. I never thought I’d
have a girlfriend. Jenna doesn’t see me as a cripple. She just sees who I am
inside. That makes me happy.”

“That’s wonderful, you deserve all the happiness in the
world.”

I suppose I did deserve a break. Life after the accident
hadn’t always been easy. Maybe things were finally changing for the better. A
part of me wanted to hope so badly, but my mind kept telling me that hope was a
luxury I couldn’t afford. Hope would only lead to more heartache, and I feared
one more nail in my heart would leave me irrevocably broken.

Sam and I walked back to our hotel after the theatre let
out. “Should I sleep on the couch tonight?” I asked Sam, figuring she’d want to
make up with Rick after spending the day away from him.

“No! You sleep in the bed. The only thing the three of us
will be doing tonight is sleeping.”

“So you’re still angry with him?”

“Yes.”

“You always make up.”

“Yes, but I’m not ready to forgive him yet. This trip was
supposed to be about the three of us spending time together. He had to go and
mess that up.” Her carefree attitude was gone and the tension was returning.

“We did spend some time together,” I reminded her. “I, for
one, am glad I got to spend some time alone with you. I had a fantastic day,
Sam.”

She cracked a smile and glanced over at me. “I had a
fantastic day, too.”

When we arrived back at the hotel, Rick wasn’t there. I
figured he was out at the bar drinking and knew better than to mention it to
Sam. She let out a yawn, which she covered with her hand. “I’m going to get a
shower and go to bed. Coming?”

I stood still as a statue with my jaw so open I could swear
it touched the ground. I tried to swallow, but my mouth was too dry. Images of
Sam and I in the shower were so vivid and I desperately wanted them to come
true. My breathing became shallow and I reached for the back of the chair to
steady myself. What the hell was wrong with me? I had a girlfriend. Why was I
getting turned on by the idea of Samantha and me?

Sam rushed over to me. “Jake, are you okay? You look white
as a ghost. Here, sit down.”

I slowly took a seat and then Sam knelt in front of me and
pushed the hair out of my eyes.

“Let me get you some water.”

Her warm, soft hands left me and I felt a pang in my heart
for their loss. I really liked Jenna, so why was Sam having this effect on me?
She handed me a glass of water and I gratefully took a sip. Before I could form
a sentence in my brain, Rick walked through the door.

When he noticed Sam kneeling in front of me and my ashen
complexion, he rushed to my side. “Jake, are you okay?”

I nodded, placing the water on the coffee table. “Yeah,
sorry to scare you. I probably overdid it today.” There was some truth in the
statement. Although my mind could believe I was Superman, my leg physically
limited me. Mostly, I was angry at myself for enjoying the fact that I hadn’t
had to share Sam with Rick today.

“Sam, help me get Jake to bed.”

The next thing I knew, Rick was on one side of me and Sam
was on the other. They walked me into the bedroom. Sam pulled down the covers
and I climbed into bed. Rick removed my shoes. Sam put the duvet on top of me
and kissed my forehead. “Good night, Jake.”

I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep.

Mr. Welsh picked us up at Thirtieth Street Station in
Philadelphia when we got back from New York City. I sat in the front passenger
seat, while Rick and Sam sat in the back of the minivan.

“Did you kids have a good trip?” Mr. Welsh asked as we drove
along the Schuylkill Expressway.

“Yeah, Dad. It was great,” Rick responded with no
enthusiasm.

“What did you do?”

“I went to a Knicks’ game and Jake and Sam went to the
theatre,” Rick told him, still miffed.

Mr. Welsh looked in the rear-view mirror, then glanced over
at me. I had no clue what to say, so I simply shrugged my shoulders.

We dropped Sam off first and then made our way home. I
grabbed my duffle bag from the car and glanced at Rick. “Are we okay, man?” I
asked in a wary tone of voice.

Rick slapped me on the back. “Yeah, we’re good. You aren’t
the reason Sam and I argue. We’ve got some shit to work through.”

“Thanks.” With that, I turned to the left and Rick turned to
the right and we walked to our respective homes.

Walking through the front door, I let out a long breath.
Finally, I was home, away from the stress of Rick and Sam’s relationship. I
dropped my bag on the floor in the foyer and walked into the wallpapered living
room. There on the old, beige couch I found my granddad and Jenna watching
Wheel
of Fortune
. It would have been humorous if I weren’t so tired.

Jenna turned around, a wide smile on her gorgeous face.
Before I could walk over to her, she was standing and then running into my
arms. I hugged her, but quickly stepped back, not wanting my granddad to
witness our affection.

“Hi, Granddad. How are you?” I asked sitting next to him.

“I’m fine, Jake. How was your trip?”

“It was good. What is Jenna doing here?”

“Oh, she’s taking good care of me. Tonight she made me grilled
cheese and tomato soup.”

I looked over at Jenna and said, “Thank you.”

Jenna winked at me.

“Okay, I’m going to take my bag up to my room and talk to
Jenna for a while. Let me know if you need anything.”

I headed for the stairs and Jenna fell in line behind me.
Opening my bedroom door, I threw the duffle on the floor. Then I turned to
Jenna and pulled her in to me, kissing her with feeling. “I missed you.”

“I missed you, too.”

“Thanks for taking care of Granddad. I really appreciate
it.”

“How was New York?” she asked in all innocence.

“I don’t want to talk about New York,” I told her, going in
for another kiss.

“Okay, we don’t have to talk,” Jenna agreed, slowly pushing
me back toward my bed.

When I realized what she was doing, I panicked. “What are
you doing?” I asked, my voice an octave higher than usual.

“Getting comfortable,” she replied as we fell onto my bed.

We continued kissing. I was enjoying the physical contact,
but at the same time, my mind kept telling me it was a bad idea. Jenna was only
seventeen, almost eighteen. I wasn’t ready to take our relationship beyond
kissing, while Jenna seemed to be running full speed ahead. I don’t know why I
had such a hang-up about this. Was it because I was nervous about having sex
for the first time or afraid of what Rick would do to me when he found out?
Then there was always the fact that if we did have sex, it could be considered
statutory rape. It was probably a little bit of all those reasons. “Jen ...
Jenna, we gotta stop.”

Jenna pulled back and giggled. “Jake, you’re so cute when
you’re shy.”

I froze underneath her. She had just said something very
similar to what Sam had said when we were in New York, and it threw me off. “My
granddad is downstairs,” I stuttered. “Please, we have to stop.” I was acting like
a complete idiot. I couldn’t get Sam out of my head.

When Jenna realized I was in distress, she got off me and
stood up. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to I’m going home,” she trailed off,
looking more confused than I felt. She turned on her heel and walked out of the
room.

I lay on the bed, exhausted, placing the palms of my hands
against my eyes. “Damn it.” I waited fifteen minutes and then picked up the
phone.

“Hello,” Jenna said on the other end of the line.

“Jenna, I’m sorry. It was a long weekend. Rick and Sam were
fighting and I’m just totally exhausted.”

“Oh, I thought maybe you weren’t interested in me.”

“No! It’s not that at all. It’s just...you're the first girl
I’ve ever dated. Geez, I don’t know how to say this,” I sputtered over the
receiver.

“Are you nervous, Jake?” she asked, her tone softening.

“Yes.”

“You don’t have to be nervous.”

“Well, I am. I didn’t expect you to throw me on the bed and
kiss me like you did. I’ve never had sex before, Jenna. I want to, but we’ve
got to slow down. And don’t laugh, because I know that makes me sound like a
girl. Are you okay with that?” My sentences poured out like a verbal tidal
wave, definitely not graceful.

There was a long silence on the other end of the line. I had
no idea if she was mad at me or relieved. Finally, she said, “I’m okay with
that. Thanks for being honest with me. I guess I did come on a little strong
tonight.”

Like a freight train
, I thought to myself. At least
she wasn’t angry and I didn’t blow things with her by admitting my feelings. “I’m
flattered, really.”

“If you’re worried about my age, I’ll be eighteen in a few
months. And just so you know, I’ve never slept with anyone before either.”

I was relieved at her admission. If things ever did progress
in our relationship, I didn’t want to be the only one with no experience. Now I
knew we were on an even playing field, so to speak. If I wanted to stay with
Jenna, I knew I had to commit to trying new things and not be afraid. I was up
half the night trying to decide what to do. Should I slow down or go for it? I
felt like a child on a seesaw. My body wanted Jenna, but my mind was
overcautious. Jenna seemed willing, but was I ready to take the plunge?

By Monday afternoon, Rick and Sam had made up and were
speaking to one another again. It was a relief because when they fought, I
never knew whose side to take, and being a diplomat sucked. I’d never make a go
of it in politics. Today Rick and Sam had ‘other plans,’ and it wasn’t too
difficult to figure out just what that meant.

I sped home after my last class. Hopefully, I would arrive
home before Jenna and surprise her. I was glad because I felt like such a wimp
after the other night in my bedroom. I hoped I had plucked up the courage to
show Jenna how I felt about her. If Rick and Sam could have a relationship, why
couldn’t I? I liked Jenna and she liked me. It wasn’t as if I was going to
propose marriage. Whatever my hang-ups about having a girlfriend, I was
determined to forget them and move ahead. I deserved to feel passion and
excitement just like anyone else my age. Ever since the accident, I’d lived my
life with caution and fear. I had to stop. No one else could be responsible for
it only me.

Jenna found me leaning against the brick wall of my house,
waiting patiently for her arrival home from school. Her eyes lit up when she
looked at me and it was a huge boost to my confidence. I’d spent half the night
awake pondering the course of our relationship and waffled back and forth
between taking it slow or forging ahead. I know we had agreed to slow things
down, but today I didn’t feel like holding back. When Jenna stepped up next to
me, I leaned in and kissed her on the lips. “Hi.”

Her smile broadened even more. “Hi. This is an unexpected
surprise.”

“Did you like it?”

“Oh, yeah. Want to go inside?”

I took her hand in mine and we walked into my house.

Granddad was sleeping in his recliner when I checked on him.
I took Jenna to my bedroom so we could be alone. “So I’ve been thinking about
our conversation last night.”

“And?”

“Maybe we can find some other ways to deal with our sexual
tension without actually having intercourse.”

We were fooling around in my bedroom. Our kissing was
getting hot and heavy. I felt the urge to touch Jenna’s body, explore what she
was offering. I rolled onto my back and pulled her on top of me. My hands ran
down her spine and cupped her ass. Jenna broke the kiss and opened her eyes.