In the Shadows (The Blaisdell Chronicles) (15 page)

I tried not to reveal my terror. “Alex.”

He took a step closer. “Did you like the flowers?”

“
Yo
u
sent the second bouquet?”

“So you did receive them? I wondered, since you hadn’t thanked me for them.”

“There was no name on the card.”

“Ah, yes, I see now.” He spoke with hostility. “
Perhaps you’d been hoping Nathan was the thoughtful one? Sorry to disappoint.”

I scanned for another exit, but with the lack of light in there, it was impossible to locate. After school, Sarah and I used to cut through the woods to go to town. I’d never had a problem finding my way, even in the dark on winter evenings, until now. Alex wouldn’t let me go, anyway. The memory of his hands sent icy chills over my skin. I tried to remain calm, wondering how I could get away.

“They were lovely. Thank you.”

His familiar
cologne filled my senses, as he continued his approach. “I hope they’ve convinced you to ignore that outburst at the picnic and make you realise I’m a nice guy.”

Nice guy?
He’d violated me, told many lies, and I was suddenly convinced he’d been the one to hurt Jen, yet still wanted to paint himself as the good guy? Somewhere in the depths of my mind, came the return of that familiar voice.

‘Get away from him. You’re not safe.’

I could feel her energy was spiking inside my gut, coaxing me to defend myself. Where was a branch when I needed one?

Alex came slowly closer. “
So, baby, tell me. Do you remember anything yet?”

Enough to realise Alex would never be good enough for me.

“Fine,” he finally added when I said nothing. “Let me talk plainly. Why do you wear those ridiculous scarves?”

And then, I remembered
. Lucia didn’t have the scar. I did. Trepidation ran coldly through my body. Using my old habit of lying to Sarah, I spoke up. “They are the fashion.”

When his eyebrow lifted, I added, “Plus they’r
e good for this cold weather.”
“Woolly scarves, maybe. These are made from...” He paused to touch the end of my crimson scarf.
“
Sil
k
.” His face leaned closer. “You smell so sweet, my lovely Lucy. I’ve waited so long for you. But you already know that, don’t you?”

I swallowed hard, and suddenly, his lips were coming closer to mine. Just before he kissed me, I pulled my leg back an inch, and swung forward, my knee connecting with his groin. He stumbled backwards with a loud curse, so I wasted no time in running past him. I had no time to concentrate on finding the right path. I just needed to be quick enough to put enough distance between us. I just prayed he’d give up.

But soon, I heard his heavy footsteps behind, and knew I couldn’t slow down.

“Lucy, get back here now!”

I tried losing him, weaving in and out of the trees, letting their dark shadows envelope me. Branches struck me a few times, but I carried on, ignoring the stings. Soon, my legs began to tire, and when I couldn’t hear him, I found a tree and climbed up. Sitting on a branch, I drew my legs up closely, trying to keep as still as possible. I caught my breath, prayed he wouldn’t find me, and waited.

I pressed a button on my watch, letting it light up, revealing half an hour had passed by, but there was no sign of Alex. I dropped down and slowly walked on. Twigs snapped under feet, and I wasn’t sure if that was caused by me or not. Stopping at the concrete path at the edge of the woods leading into my street, I suddenly didn’t feel alone anymore. As each nip of the cold breeze touched my skin, I was certain eyes were watching me. Turning the corner into my street, I should have stopped, but instead ran straight into Nathan.

Neither of us had uttered a word, content to sit in each other’s arms under the oak tree in front of his house.

“What happened, Lucy?”

Wow. He was blunt, and straight to the point. Part of me wondered if telling him would be such a good idea. What if he got so angry, he went to find Alex and fight him? Jonathan was more than capable of doing some damage, and a satisfied smile began to twist in the corner of my mouth, before I thought better of it. Alex definitely deserved his comeuppance, but I didn’t want to put Nathan in danger. Something inside warned me there was still more to Alex than I knew.

“Please, Lucy?”

I couldn’t lie after running into his arms and crying for goodness knows how long. I found solace in Nathan’s jacket he’d given me, the sandalwood scent lingering long after, so warm and comforting. I wanted to inhale deeply and die happily.
Die
for him? Would I do that? Why did that notion sit comfortably in my heart?

“I accidentally bumped into Alex.”

Nathan frowned in sudden, growing fury.

“I’d been to Derek’s work,” I said sheepishly, “and found out some things concerning you and Alex.”

“Lucy...”

“I know there’s more to learn, even after discovering Viscount Avon’s portrait
.
You
r
portrait.”

He didn’t try to deny it, at least. I should be used to Nathan hiding things from me. Remembering his admission it was all out of protection didn’t completely ease the ache in my chest.

“I only understood when I’d learned about the Earl of Sulis. That was the reason you re-entered my life. You knew what Alex was capable of, even though he’s your half-brother. He’s still the same man inside.”

Nathan groaned as his fist hit the oak tree, reminding me of when Alex did the same. Once again, I was the cause. His face was screwed up, eyes shut in agitation. His chest heaved, expelling a hot breath in an effort to calm down. “I’m sorry.” He rubbed the back of his neck, slowly approaching. “I thought I was more able to control my emotions, but I’ve been finding it more difficult recently. Especially where you’re concerned.” He sighed, bowing his beautiful head.

“This time, he’s hurt more people. I’m sure he’s been seeing Jen.”

Nathan looked up sharply. “What?”

“I knew she was seeing someone, but I didn’t know his name. She always spoke about him, and was so happy, until he started ignoring her, and now I think about it, it was around the time I’d been trying to stay away from him after that picnic.” I grimaced when I spoke the truth aloud, hating the guilt settling in my stomach. “I think he used her to get to me.”

Restless, he got to his feet, his eyes on the night sky. “Time flows like a river. History repeats.”

“What?” I stood alongside him, keeping the sleeves of his coat over my arms.

“Don’t you see, Lucy? History is repeating itself. Everything that happened back then is happening again now. It’s like some twist of fate, bringing us all back together again for a reason.”

I considered his words, as we entered his house. Perhaps it was true, but why? I still knew there was more about my past than I’d learnt, but using Ellen as a shortcut didn’t seem as safe as I’d have hoped.

Inside, we sat in silence on his black sofa, drinking lemonade. I was glad Nathan didn’t have a beer in his hand, although I was unsure if he had any left in his fridge. Ready to speak, I faltered, realising where his gaze was. My hand hovered near my satin scarf, but he didn’t blink once. As I unravelled it, I held my breath. Slowly, he traced the faint, red line across the skin. I shut my eyes, waiting for the moment he’d recoil in disgust.

“I’ve had this all my life. It’s why I’m always wearing scarves.”

The silence lapsed.
It was no good. How could I have imagined someone would ever accept that part of me?

“Do you think so little of m
e?”

My eyes opened wide. I should be pleased he wasn’t shunning me. But his words had been tainted with irritation and pain.

I tried reaching out, but he turned away; staring at his glass, now empty. “You’re a beautiful girl, Lucy. With or without the scarf.”

I stared at the scarf in my hands. Mum hated my collection, and also said I was beautiful, but I just couldn’t believe it.

A warm hand cupped my chin, forcing me to face him. “You don’t need it.”

“I do,” came my mumbled response. I withdrew from his touch, and put the scarf back on.

He stared at me, his gaze lingering on my fingers, making me shift uncomfortably. Not for the first time, I decided to change the subject. “Won’t you tell me more about you and Alex?”

As the moments passed, I wondered if he would speak. I’d almost given up hope, when he began. “Once again, Alex and I shared the same father and different
mothers.
Again
, I was made an outcast, although our father gave us money, but my own wonderful mother died shortly after, nine months ago. I still miss her terribly. She’d made a mistake, yet she was utterly devoted to taking care of me.”

“I would have liked to have met her. What was she like?”

Nathan smiled. “She was a tall, beautiful woman, with dark hair and eyes the same as mine. In both lifetimes, she was an actress. She was heartbroken when he wouldn’t marry her, but she always held my father in the highest esteem. When Father passed away shortly later, the will stated
again
that I’d inherit more money, much to Alex and his mother’s dismay.
That’s
how I can afford to live here.” His brow creased. “I’ve always hoped one day they’d accept me. I didn’t ask to be born. But I resemble my mother, and nobody wanted to be reminded of the affair.”

“It’s not your fault,” I soothed, my hand reaching for his. Nathan looked up, taking my hand and pressing a kiss on the back.

“I’ve missed you so much.”

“Me too.”

“I can’t lose you again.” I frowned at his words. Was there something important I’d been blocking out? Something terrible? It tickled something in my memory, but no matter how hard I tried to focus, it remained out of reach.

“You won’t,” I reassured him.

He appeared woeful, but as I tried gazing deeper, he started to smile. “Come, I’ll take you home.”

The evening air was much colder, and I was glad to be back home in the warmth again, despite it only being across the street. I returned his coat, thanking him. Nathan was ready to leave, but I touched his arm.

“Won’t you stay? Perhaps you can meet Mum? I know you’ve met Derek, but perhaps we could explain things?”

With a nod,
Nathan closed the door behind him, hanging his pea coat on the peg next to my jacket. Smiling at them together brought an image of him returning home, greeting me with a kiss, as two small children, a boy and a girl came running towards him. He crouched down with arms open, embracing his children. But somehow I knew it wasn’t a memory, only a dream. I flicked my gaze back to the coats, and suddenly realised Mum and Derek’s coats weren’t there. I then realised Derek’s gold Mercedes hadn’t been on the driveway either. Perhaps it was in the garage.

“Is something wrong?” Nathan asked.

I walked past him and into the lounge, noticing the answering machine flashing red. I pressed the button.

“Hi, pet, it’s Mum. Sorry we’re not back, but Derek and I are stuck in Londinium. We went to pick up your present, but it’s started to snow, and by the time everything was sorted, it was so bad that it’s unsafe to drive. I hope it’ll pass soon, but they think the snow will reach Briggstow. Anyway, we’re in a hotel at the moment, making the most of the spa. We’ll let you know when we can come back. There’s money in the tin should you need it. Love you!”

“We’re alone then,” he said in a low voice.

Slowly, he came forward, hands reaching for my arms. He needn’t have tried to hold me, for I had no desire to leave. I found myself nuzzling my face into his hand. My voice was almost breathless. “Nathan.”

“I’m not a normal man, Luce. Sometimes, when I close my eyes, I…see my past. It’s why I always sleep alone. But there’s something else. When we kiss, I feel something building inside, something dark. I don’t—” He broke off, just as his voice began to shake. “I don’t want to hurt you, Luce.”

I pressed my finger on his lips. “I trust you. Can’t we just try?”

He swallowed hard. “We can. But I’ll need to keep my eyes open. If I sense I’m losing control…”

I nodded, biting my lip. Cupping the back of my head, he gently pulled me forward, pressing gentle kisses on my mouth. His tongue flicked over my lips, coaxing me to yield. The room seemed to spin, and I held onto his shirt collar to keep him with me. One hand clamped my wrists together, as he held my arms over my head, his body pushing me onto my back. His mouth pressed
kisses down my cheek, over my jaw, and on my stomach. Soon, I shuddered when his hand slid up my leg over my jeans, fingers squeezing my thigh. I longed for his touch everywhere, needing him to cover me like a blanket. He stopped, pinning me with a look mirroring my own. Desire. Our breathing was still laboured, when he rose, letting me sit up.

“You bring out the beast in me. I’m sorry.”

“I’m not. I liked it. You shouldn’t have stopped.”

“I let my repressed desires overwhelm the consideration I should have given you. You’re s
eventeen—”

“And you’re twenty. We’re both old enough to take things further.
So there is no reason to stop.”

“
But there is. Don’t you see? I don’t want to do this just because your house is empty. I want our first time together to be special, to be gentle and to treat you the way you deserve. Besides, we’re still getting used to each other. I’d like to be able to close my eyes to kiss you, although I don’t know if it’s even possible.”

I clenched my jaw, repressing the need to challenge him. He spoke sense, but I would
n’t tell him that.

Fingers brushed the hair from my eyes. “We’ve waited nearly two hundred years for this. A little longer can’t hurt.”

It did, but his gentle kiss on my lips suppressed my desire to protest. The gleam in his eyes told me he knew what he’d been doing.
Damn him
, I thought, unable to stop my smile.

We decided to do something else that didn’t involve kissing, although I had a hard time thinking of other ideas. I tried not focusing on his lips, but remembering how they tasted only made me want him again.

“Lucy?”

“Hmm?”

“Would you like that?”

“Like what?”

“For me to read to you. Like before. Do you remember?”

I closed my eyes and I was taken back to the stream where I’d met Jonathan after his sparring practice. I had sat beside him on the bank, feeling the warm sun on my skin, listening to him recite poetry from a small book he kept in his pocket. He’d wanted to write me a poem of my own, but he said he lacked the skill of Lord Byron. None of the poets’ poems did me justice, he claimed, but he still admired their work, as did I.

I opened my eyes again. “I don’t have a poetry book.”

“It’s okay, I’ve had enough time to remember some.”

Pulling my legs up, I leaned into his chest, feeling his heart skittering slightly under his ribs.

“She walks in beauty, like the night,

Of cloudless climes and starry skies…”

Soon, I lost myself in the cadence of his voice, as he recited Byron, Wordsworth and even some of Shakespeare’s sonnets. I felt myself being drawn back into the past again, and drowned in memories of my girlish fantasies.

“Hey! You weren’t asleep, were you?”

I blushed – was it rude to have been thinking of the past, rather than the admittedly captivating present? Surely I should be concentrating on the man before me, not some version of our past selves? 

“You need to go to bed.”

He sat back, allowing me to stretch as I rose. Unable to stop another yawn, I looked down at him.

“Are you coming too?”

Nathan laughed nervously, getting to his feet. I stammered to correct my error, my cheeks reddening. There seemed to be a lot to blush about these days.

“I didn’t mean—”

“Relax. I know what you meant. I don’t want you to be left alone, so I’ll stay tonight, but I’ll be downstairs.”

His last line reminded me of what had happened only a few hours ago. I shuddered in revulsion, but Nathan’s hands rubbed my arms, mistaking my action.

“You need a bed. What about Mum and Derek’s room?”

He shook his head. “Here is fine. Pleasant dreams, my darling.” He pressed a gentle kiss to my forehead, allowing his lips to linger longer than usual. When my gaze drifted downwards, I noticed his chest rise and drop steadily under his shirt. Pressing my fingers over his heaving did little to simmer his heart rate, now beating a frantic tattoo under my hand. I could feel his eyes on me, and our gazes collided together. And there it was again. That unspoken line that neither one of us admitted our desire to cross. He wanted to wait, but I didn’t. What if something happened and we never got this chance again? I clung to his shoulders, and somehow, he must have read my thoughts, for his lips were on mine, his kiss more reassuring than passionate. His Adam’s apple rose and fell as he broke the kiss, stepping away towards the sofa.