In Name Only (37 page)

A short while
later, Caroline sat on the veranda enjoying the cool autumn air.  Some of the
leaves were absent from the trees, yet beautiful color remained. The air
smelled of crisp apples and burning maple.  The carriage pulled up to the front
of the house and David lifted Kathleen down. When he put her down on the
ground, she held her hands up.

“Hol’ me, Papa?”

“Kat, Papa’s
tired.  I held you for almost the entire time at the park.”

“Please, Papa?” 
David looked down at her sweet expression, then relented.

Caroline studied
him and the obvious expression of love for Kathleen.  When he glanced at her,
she felt a strange tingling sensation in her stomach and her pulse quickened. 
“Did you have a good time at the park?”

“Well, she had a
good time.  I felt like a horse!”

“Wait till she
gets older and bigger.”

“Miss Caroline,
I’ll take Kathleen inside and wash her up, if you’d like.”

“Yes, that would
be fine.”

“I wonder if you
would do me a favor, David.”

“And what would
that be?”

Caroline took the
violin and bow from behind her and handed them to him. “It would give me
pleasure if you would practice playing the violin.  You have talent, and I
would very much like to hear you play.”

He took the
violin from her. “If you want me to play, I will.  And what will I play?”

Caroline picked
up a stack of papers from the small chair on the veranda. “I found these, if
they are of any help.  I think they were Liam’s.  They have his notes and
markings on them.”

She handed the
sheet music to David and he laughed under his breath. “He certainly was the fastidious
one.”  He paused. “I suppose that’s what got us into our present predicament.”

“Predicament?”

“Yes, this
marriage of yours and mine.”

“Yes, I suppose
so.  But I would hardly call it a predicament.”

“Perhaps that is
a strong word.”  David paused, then he held the door open for Caroline and
followed her inside.

In the downstairs
parlor after dinner, David and Caroline sat together on the couch and he began
to read from the Gospel of Matthew. “The book of the generation of Jesus
Christ, the son of David, the son of Abraham; Abraham begot Isaac and. . .”

“David, you could
probably skip all the begetting and read the part about Mary and Joseph.”

“Yes, certainly.”

“Mr. David?” Jane
called from the doorway, holding Kathleen.

“Yes, Jane?”

“Miss Kathleen’s
ready for her story.”

“Bring her to
me.”

“Papa, story.”

“Yes, Kat, I’ll
tell you a story.” 

Then David began
to recite the account of Mary and Joseph and the birth of Jesus.  His voice was
animated and clear and full of expression, so that he could appeal to Kathleen,
her rapt attention evident in her bright eyes.  But Caroline was also drawn
into the story. With his infectious enthusiasm for God’s word, David brought
the words of the Gospel to life.

Later that night,
as Caroline lay Kathleen down to sleep, she could hear soft violin music coming
from David’s room.

She listened as
he played, somewhat unpolished, hesitating every few seconds, but nonetheless
pleasing. When she realized what he was playing, she almost caught her breath. 
He’s playing ‘Oft in the Stilly Night,’ the song their mother sang to them
as children, the song he sang when we danced at Liam’s and my wedding

Kathleen was now
asleep, and she opened her door to hear the music more clearly.  For someone
who hadn’t picked up a violin in many years, David played this haunting song
surprisingly well.

Five minutes
passed and the music continued, with David repeatedly playing 15 or so notes.

Then the music
stopped abruptly.  Why had he stopped in the middle of a song?  She crept
closer until she reached the closed door to his room. She heard sounds that she
couldn’t quite. . .
oh, no, he’s crying
.

She stood
mesmerized outside his door.  After listening for a few moments, she knocked
softly.  “David? May I come in?”

A few seconds
later, he opened the door. He was holding the violin in one hand and wiping his
eyes with the other.  His head was lowered.

“David, you were
playing so beautifully.  You stopped in the middle of. . .”

He nodded and,
hesitating, stepped back to allow her to enter.  The sheet music was spread out
on top of the quilt.  He laid the violin next to the sheet music, then sat on
his bed.

“I was playing,
reading Lee’s notes on the sheet music.  Lee played this song many times,
especially at night when he was missing Mother.”  His shoulders were slumped
and he began to cry quietly.  “It’s my fault that he’s dead.”

Caroline inched
closer to David, facing him as he sat on the bed.

“David, it’s not.
. .”

“No, Caroline. 
It’s my fault.  I should have given those thieves all my money.  I should not
have fought back. That’s why he died.”

“It wasn’t your
fault.”

“Yes, it was,”
his voice was cracking.  “I should have protected him and I didn’t.  I never
protected him as well as I should have.”

“David.”

“I. . .miss him
so much.”

Caroline leaned
into him as he sat on the bed.  She put her arms around him, her breath
settling into the curve of his neck. “I know you do,” she said, her own eyes
watering. He relaxed his head against her shoulder, clinging to her and crying
quietly, his tears falling onto her neck like rain drops.

Caroline had
never seen David shed a tear in the months after Liam’s death.  However, she
had been so wrapped up in her own self-pity that it had been difficult for her
to focus on anyone else’s sorrow.

He pulled away
from her embrace. “I never told him I loved him.”

“He knew. The
first time I met you, it was evident how much affection you felt for one
other.”

He wiped his eyes
again and straightened.  “I ought not to be crying.”

“Why ever not? 
You’re sad.  You miss Liam.”

“Father told us
only babies and girls cry.”

“Oh, no, David. 
That’s not true.”

Caroline again
pressed against him, seeking to absorb his sadness into her own.  As she held
him, it occurred to her that this was the only other person who truly knew how
she felt and who missed Liam as much as she did.  All of a sudden, she
understood that she and David had much more in common than she had ever
believed.

Chapter 42

David awkwardly
busied himself in his room, taking special care and effort to tie his cravat.
Perhaps by the time he was ready to go downstairs, Caroline would be outside. 
He had overslept and missed his opportunity to slip out early.

He couldn’t
believe that he had cried on her shoulder last night, but as she held him, it
felt so good, so comforting.  However, he wondered whether she was being kind
to him out of pity.  Tears always evoked that reaction from women and he wished
that he could have controlled himself.

His eyes glanced
at the crucifix on the wall above his bed.  What he really wanted right now was
to sit in the forest and pray. He opened the door, and stepping into the
hallway, heard, “David?”  He turned around but avoided eye contact.  “Good
morning, Caroline.”

“Good morning.” 
Her voice sounded light and carefree.  As he finally brought his eyes up to
hers, he found her offering him a warm, wide smile.  He cleared his throat. 
“I’m heading to the forest to pray.”

“Of course. 
Afterwards. . .”

“Yes?”

“I should like to
speak with you.”

“Very well.”

When he emerged
from the forest, he watched Caroline and Kathleen playing near the front of the
house.  Caroline was laughing and running after Kathleen.  When his wife was
happy, it made his heart sing.  He walked toward them and when Kathleen noticed
him, she yelled, “Papa, play?”  She ran up to him and he gathered her into his
arms.  “Yes, I’ll play, Kat.  What’s the game?”

“Run!”

“You mean we run
after you, right, Kat?”

Kathleen squealed
and ran in the opposite direction. But David quickly caught up with her and
scooped her up and began swinging her around.  When he stopped, she yelled,
“More, Papa!”

“No, no, Kat. 
Papa’s tired.”

Kathleen scurried
away.  David kept his eyes on his daughter as she began running along the high
brown grass at the edge of the mowed section of lawn.

“David?”  She
touched his hand and he looked at her.

“Yes?”

“I wanted to
apologize.”

“For what?”

“For the way I’ve
treated you over the past year and a half. You didn’t deserve that.  I was just
so angry that Liam had died, and I resented that I was being forced to marry
you.”

He nodded.  “I
knew you would be.  I told Lee that you were not going to be happy with what he
was asking you – us to do.  And he knew that you would not be pleased, but in
his own way, he felt that this was the best way for you to be taken care of. 
And I think he was right.”

“Yes, I suppose
he was.  Kathleen is very happy, David.  She loves you very much.”

“And I love her
very much.” 
And I love you, Caroline
.

“When I first found
out how you felt, I thought it would be best if you moved or perhaps if I moved
somewhere with Kathleen.  But now I don’t think that will be necessary.”

“Oh?”

“There is no
reason that we cannot stay under the same roof together.  After all, you are my
husband.  And perhaps we ought to begin attending Mass together.”

“You want to come
to Mass?”

She nodded.  “I
haven’t gone to church in a long while.”

She offered him a
warm smile and his heart skipped a beat. Caroline seemed to be making a
concerted effort to get along with him and for that, he was grateful.

Chapter 43

Another warm
autumn day
.  Caroline peered out her open window at the cluster of oak
trees and pond in the distance.  The sun reflected off the orange-yellow leaves
and created a lovely painting in the still water.

She devised a
plan.  She hurried down the back staircase to the kitchen.  Jane was at the
center table, preparing the evening meal.

“Is David in the
downstairs study?”

“Yes, Ma’am, I
believe he’s meeting with a client.  Would you like me to give him a message?”

“Yes.  Tell him
that his luncheon shall be served at the oak tree there by the pond.”

Jane raised her
eyebrows.  “And who is going to be serving him lunch at the oak tree?”

Caroline
hesitated.  “I shall be serving him lunch, of course.”

“Would you be
wanting me to make up a basket of food for you and him?”

“Please, and if
you wouldn’t mind keeping an eye on Kathleen.  She’s in the back yard with
Kip.  He’s playing horseshoes with her, but she’s having an awful time lifting
the shoes.”

“Certainly.”

“Remember to
include a blanket so that we can sit on the ground.”

“Don’t worry.
I’ll fix it up nice for you to have a very pleasant luncheon.”

“Thank you,
Jane.”

Caroline arranged
the blanket and waited for David to arrive.  She silently thanked God that the
weather was cooperating.  Autumn had been unseasonably warm.  Caroline hoped
that the large drooping oak tree would conceal her and the blanket from David
as he walked toward her.  She wore a deep turquoise patterned dress with a
solid blue fitted bodice.

She peeked around
the tree.  When she saw that he was not yet visible, she returned to the
blanket.  She sat quietly at first, then fidgeted, getting up every few
moments. 

She carefully
looked around the tree again and she saw him speaking with Jane on the front
porch.  Because of the warmth of the day, he wore no overcoat with his
breeches, just his shirt and cravat.

Immediately, her
hands began to shake and her heart pounded uncontrollably.  She nervously knelt
down on the blanket, and quickly smoothed her skirt. Her hands were trembling
so much that she found even that simple task difficult to accomplish.

“Caroline!  What
is this? Jane told me that someone would serve me lunch by the oak tree.”  He
was grinning.

She cleared her
throat.  “That would be me, David.”