In Deep (19 page)

Once again he thought before he spoke. “Orders, miss.”

Now Jaidyn was beginning to realize he thought a little too much about his answers, like they were designed to be obtuse on purpose.

She took a deep breath and, tamping down her anger, tried once more. “And what exactly were those orders?”

“To paint this part of the ship, miss.”

Jaidyn held back her frustrated growl and plastered on what she hoped was a pleasant smile. “Very well. Enjoy your work, then.”

“Thank you, miss. Good day to you, miss.”

“Good day to you too.” Jaidyn pushed off the sill and straightened, shutting the window with more force than she’d intended. She didn’t think she’d ever had a more useless conversation in her whole life.

Painting over “Coraal.” What an odd thing to do. Why would Connor want to paint over the moniker of his beloved ship and do it in the middle of the open ocean?

One thing was for sure; she wasn’t going to stay cooped up in the cabin any longer. No, not one moment longer. She was going to find the captain and get to the bottom of this.

Jaidyn stormed up the stairs with dogged determination to get to the truth of the matter. On deck, though, she was immediately stunned by the frenzy of activity. She’d thought the drills had been hectic, but they were a stroll in the park compared to what was happening now. Every able body on the ship–with the exception of herself, she noted with annoyance–was fast at work. Connor, Mr. Parrish, the two second mates, and Mr. Matthews shouted orders nonstop, left and right.

The rigging was alive with action. Sailors at dizzying heights with little regard to safety were hauling, treading, and knotting ropes. It looked as if they were changing all the sails. There was crew on the deck as well, running in every direction, except for a small group sitting in what could only be described as a sewing circle, working on large pieces of sail.

Mr. Stiles sat close by the group working on something that looked like a flag–a British flag, in fact. She looked up the main sail to see the Dutch flag had been taken down. Even though Connor was Irish by way of the Colonies, he’d told her both his ship and that of his partner flew a Dutch flag, Reinier being Dutch and the Dutch having a strong reputation in merchant shipping.

There was no doubt now. Something serious was happening, and she had to know what. Steeling her spine to the task, Jaidyn approached Connor, determined to have the truth, no matter how hypocritical it was for her to expect it.

“Connor. What’s going on?”

He didn’t hear her over the din of orders. In fact, he hadn’t even noticed her standing there.

“Connor, a word please.”

Still no response. She wasn’t sure if he wasn’t hearing her or ignoring her on purpose. She tried again with as much volume as she could muster. “Captain O’Driscoll, what is going on here!”

Unfortunately she’d hit a rare lull in the noise level. Not only Connor but the whole ship turned in her direction.

Connor’s gaze was level and his face void of emotions. “I thought I asked you to stay in my cabin.”

For a split second she wanted to slink away, but with everyone watching she stood her ground. “You did, but I chose to venture above anyway. I saw activity out the stern windows and want to know what he was doing.”

“Did you ask him?” Connor’s calm demeanor was unnerving. She guessed that was the point of it.

“Yes. He said he was painting on your orders. But what he wouldn’t say was why.”

“Maybe he was just too busy for a long conversation. We are all very busy today.” At that, Connor turned as if to go back to work, dismissing her.

She’d had enough of people ignoring her and avoiding the issue. “Yes, that is quite obvious. But I’d like to know why he is painting over the name of this ship.”

“Because I asked him to.”

Apparently everyone was meant to be obtuse today. Jaidyn crossed her arms over her chest. She could feel her face beginning to turn red. She wasn’t going to accept that as an answer. “Yes, but why, pray tell, would you ask him to do that, hmm? And why are you changing the sails? Why have you taken the flags down, and what in the world is Mr. Stiles doing with that British one?”

The whole crew seemed to turn away then, unhurriedly going back to their business. She didn’t blame them for not wanting to be a part of what she was sure wouldn’t be pleasant. She didn’t care; she welcomed it.

“Jaidyn,” Connor began through clenched teeth, but stopped to take a breath, and, with more cool but with just as much steel, he started again. “As you can see, there is a lot to do here, so if you’ll kindly just go back to the cabin, I’ll explain it all to you later.”

Stomping her foot, Jaidyn had reached the limit of her temper. “But I demand to know now!”

Connor whirled around. “You what?”

He seemed to go completely cold, so much so that it made Jaidyn shiver. The look in his eyes was more dangerous than she’d ever seen it.

She realized then she’d gone too far. She should probably back down, but she refused to go all the way. When she spoke, her head was down and the voice so soft only Connor could hear. “I’ve paid every price you’ve asked for this trip. The least you can do is keep me abreast if something is wrong or our plans have changed.”

She dared to look up at him through her lashes. After several deep, calming breaths some of the fierceness in his look was gone.

“Come with me.” Connor reached out to take her arm.

Jaidyn let him lead her back to the cabin without a word to break the tension. Once inside, he let go of her arm and walked away, taking up her earlier hobby of stalking the floor.

She could see his mind working. It looked to her that whatever he meant to say, he was choosing his words carefully. She almost regretted forcing the issue.

Waiting, Jaidyn tried to compose herself by smoothing her fingers down the front of her dress, resisting the urge to ball her dress in her hands. At that instant Jaidyn did lament her foolishness. The sense of something unpleasant brewing was palpable. This was much more than she’d bargained for.

Finally, Connor walked over to stand right in front of her. He started to speak but then hesitated as though his mind was still engaged in some internal debate. He seemed deeply troubled.

Jaidyn felt the desire to ease his pain. “Connor, I …”

“Don’t–” He quickly raised his hand to stop her. “You will listen and not speak until I have finished. Is that clear?”

“Yes, sir,” she said, regretting using the words from their love play as soon as they were out of her mouth.

Connor growled at her and moved toward the window, looking out at the ocean for longer than Jaidyn was comfortable with. When he finally turned back to her, the look on his face was one of resigned determination.

“You want to know what’s happening, do you? Well, I suppose it’s high time to tell you. I’ve been to Georgetown before. You see …”

They both suddenly turned to the window as a jauntily whistled tune came from that direction. The painting sailor, whose presence had started it all, was happily whistling as he was being hauled back up. He waved to her again with a broad smile, then saluted Connor before he was lifted out of sight.

Jaidyn brought her hand to her mouth to stifle a laugh. The incident served to cut much of the tension. Connor just shook his head; nevertheless, some of the worry eased from his shoulders.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, he motioned for her to join him. Much of her anger had dissipated. She was ready to listen openly to what he needed to say and sat down.

“Some years ago I was accused of and tried for smuggling contraband. I was–
am
innocent. But I couldn’t prove it. I thought it was for the best for everyone if I–”

“What? Tucked tail and ran?” Jaidyn sputtered, despite her vow to listen attentively and not interrupt him.

Connor grimaced. “It’s not that simple. Although I was innocent, not even my own brother believed me in the end.”

“It is. It’s slander, and you’ve got to do something about it!” And his brother–

He had a brother?

Oh yes, he’d mentioned a brother already. But in what context?

“I cannot. There’s only one person who can set things right and, God knows why, but she won’t say a thing to put an end to the vicious lies.”

Jaidyn almost jumped up at the mention of another woman in Connor’s past. She worked hard to tamp down her sudden jealousy.

“And when I left, there was trouble. Someone was hurt. I later heard he didn’t survive his wounds.”

“So you’d rather live in exile for God knows how long.”

Connor shrugged resigned shoulders like nothing else could be done.

As Jaidyn began to understand, her chest grew tight and her stomach tied in knots. “So if they catch you in Georgetown, you’ll be arrested and hanged.”

She could sense his hesitance before he gave a terse nod. “I hope to minimize the danger by disguising the
Coraal
, though.”

Jaidyn was addled. All the chaotic thoughts rattling her brain made her feel as if she were wading through water. “Why did you agree to do this?”

“Well, technically, if you’ll recall, I agreed to take you to the Colonies before I knew exactly which port.” Connor attempted an awkward smile. It was probably meant to reassure her, but it failed to ease her confusion or help her sort through the welter of puzzling thoughts.

“But why didn’t you tell me as soon as you knew where we were going? I wouldn’t have held you to the bargain. I would have never agreed–”

Connor cut her off before she could continue. “Exactly. I wasn’t going to let you change your mind or worry for the entire journey either. You need to get to Georgetown, and I’m going to be the one to take you. I would not change what’s happened for all the world.”

All her thoughts suddenly combusted, leaving only stillness in their wake. She was stunned.

No one in her life had ever gone so far for her. He was being completely unselfish, putting his life on the line for her needs. He was risking his life for her!

In that second she knew the truth. She loved him. She loved him with all that she was, and the thought of what might happen to him because of her was too heavy to bear.

“Connor, I don’t know what to say.” Her mind couldn’t wrap itself around everything she knew now.

“You don’t have to say anything. Besides, there is nothing to worry about. It’s a good plan. There is nothing to be done but enjoy the rest of the trip.” Connor gently gripped her chin so that their eyes met. “Promise me. No worries.”

Jaidyn couldn’t respond or she’d choke on the tears she could barely contain.

He risked everything for her, and she was going to leave him.

She couldn’t find the words to come close to expressing what she felt. So she did the only thing that she could think of, reaching for Connor. And he welcomed her into his arms, hugging her while her fingers dug deep into the muscles in his back, pressing him to her with everything she had.

Connor was everything Jaidyn wanted, and she couldn’t have him. Ever.

She’d always pictured herself married to a man who adored her and who she loved in return. With her financial and social status, she could have afforded a man of her own choosing to build a family together.

Instead, it all had come down to this.

Jaidyn felt cheated. Nothing was as it was supposed to be, least of all Connor.

He touched her soul in a way Jaidyn knew no other man ever could. She didn’t need hundreds of past lovers to be sure. Connor was the one; the one man who called to her heart. The one Jaidyn knew a woman rarely–if ever–found.

But instead she’d consigned herself to a life of loveless matrimony. All there’d be to sustain her for the rest of her life were the precious memories of a glorious time with him.

Connor was a good man. Any woman would be proud to call him hers. But it would never be Jaidyn.

_____________________________

G
renada was so far away now Jaidyn couldn’t imagine it even existed. Georgetown, on the other hand, was right there, behind the horizon. She thought she caught a whiff of civilization tainting the air. The breeze wasn’t the friendly, comforting whisper along her arms any longer. It didn’t play with her hair or her skirts anymore.

Jaidyn swallowed the well of tears. She had made her choices. Now she had to live with them. How she wished circumstances were different. But wishes didn’t change a thing nor lessen the pain of the harsh reality.

“Still feels like the first time, doesn’t it?” The wind carried a hint of roses and sandalwood.

Jaidyn turned her head in Connor’s direction. “Being aboard a ship?”

“No.” She felt him stepping up behind her. His body warmed her back and his arms came to lie on her waist. “Watching the sun go down. I always feel that way. Don’t you?”

Perhaps she did; Jaidyn hadn’t really paid attention to the fat sun squatting in the sky and scowling at her.

Turning in his arms, her hands came to rest on Connor’s chest. She buried her nose in the niche where his neck met his sternum. He wrapped his arms around her, his cheek resting on the top of her head. Jaidyn felt secure and protected with the strength of his hard chest against her cheek as he held her. The world could fall apart now and she wouldn’t even mind. She closed her eyes and breathed in his scent.

Take me far, far away
. Jaidyn wanted to say the words, but couldn’t.

“In little more than an hour night will fall. I’d like to land in Georgetown in the night. I thought we could anchor in a port a little outside, still far back, but among the other ships. It’s far less suspicious than being the only ship in an empty port.”

She smiled into the shirt he wore when she felt his arms wander down her back, cupping her buttocks and pressing her closer to him. His engorged member pressed against her belly.

“So we still have some time on our hands.”

Connor kissed the crown of her head and her pulse lurched. She couldn’t help the pleasant shiver down her back. In his arms she felt free … liberated. Cherished. Connor gave her everything her body, her mind, and even her soul craved.