In Deep (22 page)

Connor didn’t think when he went to the treasure chest; he didn’t think when his hand wrapped around the crop, nor when he positioned himself behind Maxfield. He gripped the riding crop in his hand tightly.

But he couldn’t make himself take that first sweet, zinging swing.

Connor was repulsed by himself. He opened his death grip on the instrument and the crop fell to the floor. His fingers dove into his hair and he rolled his eyes skyward in despair.

This was not what he wanted. Not even remotely. He wanted
her
–and it was tearing him to shreds.

Jaidyn had ruined him for anybody else.

Maxfield turned, his hands quickly working the fly of Connor’s breeches. Before he could get anywhere near his cock, Connor roared, “No!” and shoved him away.

A sharp gasp had him look up. Jaidyn was standing in the door, taking in the situation before her, her eyes round and unblinking like an owl’s. Connor refused to look embarrassed.

Maxfield reached for his shirt. He got up and his gaze darted between her and Connor. The pain of being cast aside shone clearly in his hazel eyes, but Connor thought there was also something else. Carefully subdued anger.

The younger man averted his gaze and nodded toward Jaidyn. “Miss Donnelly.”

“Mr. Parrish.”

Without another word, Maxfield stormed out.

Connor couldn’t look at her for fear that the hurt roiling in his stomach and ripping his heart to pieces would show. So he went back to the chest he’d shut before Maxfield’s intrusion and resumed preparing his pistols and daggers.

“Connor. I–”

“What?” His eyes narrowed at her. The underlying growl in his voice served to stop her in her tracks.

“Can we talk about it?”

Loading the smaller pistol, he ground his teeth. “There’s nothing to talk about.”

She rolled her lips under and took another step toward him. “You may have nothing to say, but I do.”

“Fine,” Connor snapped, securing the pistol in his belt at the small of his back. He started loading the larger pistol. “I don’t want to hear it.”

“Please, Connor. At least let me–
What
are you doing?”

“What does it look like?” He squeezed the larger pistol into his belt at his front. Reaching for two daggers, he secured them in his boots. One last dagger was slid into its sheath and attached to his left forearm with leather straps.

“Good Lord! You’re not thinking of–”

“What I’m thinking,” he cut her off, “is none of your business.” He went to get his coat, shrugging into it. “Besides, why do you care?” Righting his cuffs, he settled a callous gaze on her. “Or more to the point: since when?”

Jaidyn went in an arc around him until she stood with her back to the tray of decanters and glasses. “Look, there is no need for you to leave the ship. Winston can take me ashore. There is no need for you to risk being seen.”

Connor chuckled, but the sound was void of amusement. “Very good. But there’s no need to keep this up any longer.”

“This isn’t an act, Connor. It never has been. I–”

That was it. Connor could no longer hold the red-hot fury in him back. “Mr. Matthews and you can do whatever the hell you like.” Moving toward her, he pointed an accusing finger. “But I’m going to take a stroll through town and see if anything has changed since they branded me a criminal. Maybe have a pint or a dozen before saying hello to my loving brother.”

Even though they weren’t close to each other, Jaidyn took a small step back, bumping into the cabinet. “Connor, you’re just being foolish. And you’re going to get yourself killed for it.”

“No, my dear, what was foolish was ever getting involved with a manipulative harpy like you. I knew you were trouble. I knew it when I left you that first time. I should’ve never come back.” He whirled, giving his back to her.

“Connor! You’re being ridiculous. Don’t say that.”

Agitated beyond bearing, he began to pace the room. “You’re right there, Miss Donnelly. It was ridiculous to think you were doing anything but using me to get exactly what you wanted. Happy now, my lady? You’ve had your fun and now you’ll have your husband–and all you had to do was open those pretty legs of yours.”

“Stubborn bastard! It wasn’t like that and you know it.”

Connor turned back to her. “It wasn’t? Yet here we are. I’m risking my life and you’re going home to your husband in town. How is it not?”

Ginger brows snapped together as her eyes narrowed. She opened and closed her mouth, but nothing came out. Connor knew there was nothing she could say. It was the truth. But it didn’t make him feel any better.

“I wonder. Do you think your husband will be able to make you come so many times you can’t breathe, can’t think? Do you think he can help you find that place where it all falls away? Be sure to let him know who to thank for breaking you in.” Connor had to stop himself from spitting on the floor or screaming his rage at the thought of her with her husband.

“That was cruel, Connor. How can you be such a cur?” Jaidyn looked hollow, empty and forsaken, but he wasn’t going to let that fool him.

“It seems to be easy with you around.” He needed to get away from her. Fast. “I’ve brought you here. You’ve paid for passage.” Connor spoke with a casualness he didn’t feel. “As far as I’m concerned, we’re even.”

“Oh really? If that’s what you think of me, then maybe I should pack my things and leave as soon as possible.”

Already at the door, Connor turned his head. “That might be best.”

A glass shattered on the wall dangerously close to his head, but Connor ignored it. He just left.

_____________________________

T
he leather of the large chair rumbled as it stretched when Connor sat down. Its twin sat empty on the other side of the table. He leaned his head back and inhaled deeply. Fading traces of soft soap and furniture polish mingled with the faint scent of cold cigar smoke from the thick carpet under his feet.

It still smelled like home, Connor thought. And it still felt like home.

Being here again after all this time was like all the burdens had suddenly fallen off his shoulders and everything would turn out right in the end.

All but one worry. That nagging pain still remained no matter where he was.

Now that the house was asleep, the ticking of the pendulum clock in the hall was so loud it almost drowned out the excited song of crickets outside. On the other side of what was now Kieran’s house, Connor could hear a lone coach rattling by, the horse’s hooves beating a tired clip-clop on the cobblestones.

Otherwise the night was quiet, but Connor knew it wouldn’t be long until Kieran showed up. He didn’t know how his brother did it, but Kieran had some sort of sixth sense when it came to intruders. Inwardly, Connor winced when he realized that he was now an intruder in this house as well.

An almost inaudible squeak of the wooden floor in the hall had him perk up his ears. He grabbed the match next to him and lit the candle. When he looked up, he saw the barrel of a pistol pointed at him.

Behind it stood his brother. The pupils in his pale blue eyes shrank to pinpoints in the sudden light. Other than that he remained as still as a statue.

“Kieran,” Connor greeted him, although the temperature in the room seemed to have dropped considerably all of a sudden.

“Brother?” Dropping the arm that had pointed the pistol at Connor, Kieran turned and sauntered to the sideboard. He’d taken the time to dress, Connor noted. He wore a shirt and breeches, but no shoes. His long black hair hung loosely down his back.

He placed the pistol on the cabinet and filled two glasses with brandy. When Kieran came back to where Connor sat, he set one glass right in front of him, raised it in a silent toast, and sipped at it without waiting for Connor.

He swallowed the amber liquid with a gasp. “To what do I owe this honor?”

Connor reached for his glass. “I wanted to see you.”

“And risk your head by doing so?” The tone in his voice made it quite clear that Kieran didn’t believe him. Even that wasn’t new.

“Nobody knows I’m here.”

“Let’s hope it stays that way,” Kier mumbled into his glass before he downed the rest of the brandy.

“I trust my crew.”

Kieran snorted. “Still idealistic.”

Connor set his glass down with a loud clunk. “No, I just refused to completely lose faith in people. Well, most people.”

“You never had to.” Kier’s cold stare settled on Connor.

“I’m reminded of never trusting anybody again every day.” He pointed at the thin scar on the left side of his face that started at his brow and ran down his temple, ending just above his cheekbone. With a growl, Kier got up, taking his glass with him to the sideboard to refill it.

Seeing how coldhearted and bitter his brother had become hurt Connor like a jab in the stomach.

The tension left Kieran’s shoulders a bit. “But it’s good that you’re here.”

Connor’s heartbeat pitched and he fought to not let the hopeful smile he felt tugging at his lips show. Maybe they could finally make peace.

“Yes,” Kieran nodded, crossing the room to the desk. “Do you mind signing this while you’re here?” He retrieved the paper in question and laid it out for him.

Connor strolled to the desk and reached for the quill. Dipping it into the ink, he signed the document as quickly as usual. When he turned back, he saw Kieran watching him with an unfathomable grin.

“You never read any of them, do you?”

“No. I trust you.” Straightening, Connor looked out of the windows, absentmindedly touching the pistol at his front hidden underneath the coat.

“Is someone waiting for you? Don’t let me keep you.”

“No.” Connor shook his head and leaned against the frame of the window. “Nobody’s waiting for me.” He wished Kieran didn’t catch on to the sadness in his words, but they were brothers and Kieran knew him too well.

Good Lord
. Connor exhaled and turned until his back was supported by the wall between the two windows. The ache didn’t lessen. If anything, it increased with every desperate beat of his heart.

“What bothers you?”

Should he tell him? He’d come here to talk with Kier about it, hoping he’d feel better afterward. But those nagging doubts right now …

“I know. Now.”

Leaning forward, Kier glowered across the table at him. “What do you think you know?”

“How you felt. Then.”

Lips grim, Kieran averted his gaze. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“This woman …” Connor snorted as he reminded himself that she wasn’t just that. She was a liar, a … “That fork-tongued viper played me for a fool.”

“I see.” Kieran leaned back with a self-satisfied smirk. “One of your lovers is giving you a headache.”

A heartache was more like it. “She’s not just a lover. I …” Connor swallowed the lump in his throat and closed his eyes, whispering, “I love her.”

He heard Kieran sucking in a deep breath. “So? Run. That’s the best thing you can do. And we both know it’s the one thing you’re good at.”

Connor was sick and tired of Kier’s accusations. Did the man have no heart?

No, not anymore. It had shriveled to an icy clump.

Would Connor end the same way?

Pushing himself off the wall, Connor stomped to the table. Reaching for the glass, he threw his head back as he gulped the contents down, then set it on the table. “Coming here was a mistake.”

Kieran only shrugged. “You’d better leave, then.”

Connor just shook his head and left, vowing to never look back. His twin was beyond redemption. Not even Connor could help him anymore.

The water gave another low, content gurgle. Jaidyn’s eyes began to burn and only then she realized they were so dry because she’d forgotten to blink as she’d stared at the small bubbles of air surfacing every once in a while next to the
Coraal
’s hull.

I want to be with you
. Why hadn’t she said it?

The steady glow of the stars above gradually paled as the sky changed from inky blackness to anthracite. It was close to dawn now, and Connor was still nowhere in sight.

Prying her hands off the railing, Jaidyn turned. She couldn’t just keep on standing there.

It was as though the ship’s planks themselves exuded a peculiar kind of alertness everywhere she roamed, careful not to make a sound. Knowing what she did now, it didn’t come as a surprise to her that the crew didn’t dare leave the ship because of the danger looming over their captain’s head. Some men slept restlessly on deck with one eye open, close to where they worked during the day.

Below deck, the eerie silence felt oppressive. Jaidyn wanted to scream her frustration. This was all her fault, and all she could do now was sit here with her hands crossed in her lap? No, something had to be done.

But what?

May Hem snorted a whinny, not in the least happy to have been roused from her nap. Georgie immediately scrambled up, blinking hastily, his hand moving to his boot. In what little light there was, Jaidyn could see him unsheathing a dagger.

“Georgie, it’s me,” she whispered and instantly his head snapped in her direction. His scowl softened as soon as he recognized her, and he let go of the weapon. Obviously relaxed, or as unperturbed as he could be under the circumstances, he leaned back, drifting back to sleep again.

Jaidyn walked closer to May Hem. The horse nibbled at the laces of Jaidyn’s pale blue dress before she poked her in the shoulder with her nose.

“I know,” Jaidyn murmured. “I’m worried about him too, but there isn’t anything I can do right now.” With another whinny, May Hem presented her neck and Jaidyn patted it.

When she thought she heard a sound, Jaidyn pivoted, squinting into the darkness. It was impossible for her to make anything out, yet she was sure she’d heard something there.

If she placed one foot in front of the other, she’d eventually reach the door to the storage room. With her arms outstretched to avoid bumping into something, she padded forward.

Another gurgle of water had her jump. The sudden crack of the planks was earsplitting. Inside the
Coraal
the friendly babble of the sea lapping at the hull didn’t sound as soothing.