In Deep (16 page)

It all seemed like more of a sport than a chore. And once again, as much as she wished it wasn’t happening, Jaidyn was in awe of Connor’s leadership and his command of his crew. He knew when to be stern, when to be congenial, when to punish, and when to praise. It was obvious just how much his crew respected and cared for their captain.

Damn him for being such a good man! Things would be so much easier if she could find him more lacking.

After four rounds, the scores were tallied and the drills ended. Connor announced the winning team. The crew took a short break for food and rest before the ship went back to its normal daily routine.

Jaidyn decided to check on May Hem. She spent time with May Hem every day, not only because the horse appreciated her company, but also because May Hem was a wonderful listener. She walked May Hem as much as she could up and down the length of the hold, groomed her, and taught Georgie, one of the younger boys, how to help with her.

When she reached the hold, her would-be groom, a thin lad around fourteen with shaggy brown hair and eyes the same color, was spreading fresh hay in the stall. “Hello, Georgie. How’s our girl today?”

“She’s good, miss. I stayed with her during the whole drill. She got a little skittish, but I talked her through it.” His chest puffed with pride.

“You’ve been a great help, Georgie, or Mr. Jones, I should say.”

“Thank you, miss.” He looked at the ground and shuffled his feet, not quite comfortable with the praise. Once, the boy had confided in her that he was hoping Connor would help him secure a position as a groom on a large estate up north. As far as Jaidyn was concerned, he was more than qualified.

“Go on to your other duties now. I’ll brush her down.”

Smiling, Georgie handed over the reins and skipped away even before Jaidyn had led May Hem to the stall.

“How are you today, girl?” Jaidyn moved the brush in long, soothing strokes down the horse’s flank. “Things are so simple for you, aren’t they?”

Wouldn’t it be nice to have such simple needs? Jaidyn could hardly imagine how her life could be much more complicated–or infuriating, for that matter.

At her father’s death, Jaidyn’s mother had fallen into a deep lethargy she’d never recovered from, and she’d followed him soon after, but not without revealing what Jaidyn would have never believed: that Randal Alexander Donnelly wasn’t Jaidyn’s real father; instead, a certain Neil Flaherty, a mere commoner who had been transported for smuggling weapons and other banned goods into Scotland, was her father.

He had built a new life in the Colonies vowing to send for Jaidyn’s mother, but her growing belly could not be hidden any longer and she accepted Donnelly’s courtship.

With both parents gone, Jaidyn was easy prey. Before that, Jaidyn really had had a pleasant life that wasn’t tainted by worries graver than how to avoid a tea party in order to spend time with her horses. All of a sudden she’d become the rich, albeit eccentric heiress, and fortune hunters were running down her door. That’s when things started to deteriorate.

In a weak moment she’d sought shelter in the arms of an unworthy man. To escape him and all those stifling rules society pressed upon a lady like her, she’d mustered the courage to write to Neil Flaherty–who had come up with a brilliant plan, in Jaidyn’s opinion.

But then things had gone from bad to worse.

And now things were not just adverse, they were infuriatingly complicated and tangled. It felt like a knot in her belly, a knot so thick she feared she couldn’t sort it out.

And the reason for it all was that Irish devil on deck!

Oh, she’d thought it would be so simple spending some time with Connor while on her way to meeting her real father. Theoretically, it would have been simple, but Jaidyn hadn’t taken into account that despite her efforts, she’d developed feelings for Connor. Strong feelings. She liked him. Very much. Perhaps too much.

“What should I do, girl?” she asked May Hem with another stroke to her chestnut coat before she moved to the horse’s left side and began again.

After all they’d shared, after having spent all those nights in Connor’s bed and enjoying all the wicked things they did, she couldn’t deny her feelings any longer. But the more she cared, the more it hurt to think of leaving him. She didn’t really have a choice in the matter because she had to keep her commitment once they docked.

Trapped in a damned vicious circle, that’s what Jaidyn was. She had to focus on things she didn’t like about Connor, which were innumerable, she was sure, if she could find any.

Oh, yes. He was overbearing. A little. All he did was pursue one goal, trying to convince her that she should become his mistress, showing her what would await her once she agreed. But that was totally out of the question, because–

“Do you want to hear something funny?” Jaidyn stood on tiptoe to whisper in May Hem’s ear. “Connor thinks the idea of a proxy marriage is barbaric.”

The laughter died in her throat. Jaidyn set down the brush and wrapped her arms around May Hem’s neck, trying her best to hold back the tears. “He’s here,” Jaidyn made a small fist and thumped her chest right over her heart. “I don’t know how or when he’d gotten there. I tried so hard to keep him outside. But somehow he’s forced his way in.”

Now all she could think of was him. She wanted him there, in her heart, but it was tearing her apart at the same time. Sooner rather than later, she had to let him go. Connor would always be a precious memory in all those cold nights that awaited her.

How was she going to be able to walk away?

Finally, the tears couldn’t be stopped, hushed sobs obscured by May Hem’s withers. “My sweet girl, what in the world am I to do?”

How could she tell Connor that she belonged to another man?

And how could she tell her husband that her heart belonged to Connor?

For all she knew, she could even be carrying Connor’s child. What would her husband say to that?

Shuffling along the coast as they did now under the present weather conditions, the
Coraal
would make it into Georgetown in three days. Connor let the pair of compasses drop on the map, rolling his shoulders to ease the tension.

Three more days he could spend with Jaidyn.

Three days left to come up with a solution to the problem of not being hanged as soon as he landed in Georgetown.

His fingers dove into his hair. Had he been seriously thinking of a plan to avoid his untimely demise?

No, unfortunately not. He’d been sure that by now Jaidyn would have opened up to him completely and would have agreed to permanently become his mistress. If she had, it wouldn’t be a problem to sail into Charleston, send a letter to his brother Kieran to tell him to meet him there. But it wasn’t meant to be that easy.

In the last few years he’d sailed undercover to ports close by, but never directly home. None of those trips had ever been comfortable. Each time he took a huge risk to keep in touch with his twin brother. Most often they met in Charleston, the crowded port there providing additional cover. Although their relationship was strained, Connor felt he still owed his brother the courtesy of keeping in touch as best he could and doing what little he could for the family business under the circumstances.

Being a rich merchant, and his neighbor a breeder of horses who was willing to lend him a mount whenever the fancy struck him, Kier didn’t have a problem with traveling to Charleston and back. Very few people outside of Georgetown knew that Connor O’Driscoll and Kieran O’Connor’s wanted brother were one and the same. As long as his visit to the Carolinas was brief and well planned, it stayed that way.

Georgetown. It was still hard to believe that’s where they were headed. Whether or not she’d agree to be his mistress was moot if the authorities in Georgetown got hold of him.

With Kieran’s aid, they’d create a diversion and Connor would accompany Jaidyn to Georgetown disguised as his brother. He’d assist her in doing whatever she obviously needed to do there and get out with her as soon as possible. Then Connor would start a new life with Jaidyn by his side. Provided his brother was in the mood to help Connor, which he never was these days. Usually, blood was thicker than water–just not in this case.

Stretching, Connor leaned back in his chair, crossing his fingers at the back of his head and leaning it into the cradle of his palms.

Now here he was, mere days away from home where everyone knew him and certain people wanted him hanged. If he could make it into port, the only logical thing to do–the only choice he really had–would be to stick her in the ship’s boat with a few of his crew and sail away as fast as the wind could take them.

Too bad there was no way he was going to do that.

Jaidyn held something back, and time was running out. He was still no closer to keeping her after they reached Georgetown. And for the life of him, Connor couldn’t figure out how to approach the subject yet again.

He wasn’t at all happy with the process he’d made getting Jaidyn to agree to be his mistress. The sad truth was that although he felt that connection with Jaidyn growing deeper with every passing moment, there was this core inside her he couldn’t reach. Something serious was holding her back and for the life of him, he couldn’t figure out what it was. With only three days left, it drove him to the brink of desperation.

One thing was for sure. It wasn’t anything they did in the privacy of the captain’s quarters. Jaidyn responded to him. So much so that she had him completely tied in knots. She was an apt and attentive pupil. There wasn’t any delight he’d introduced her to thus far that she hadn’t reveled in.

They were not just a perfect match in bed. She was fascinating beyond that. Every time he knew she didn’t see, he greedily soaked up all of her: her scent; her delicate, freckled porcelain skin; her stubborn chin; her graceful neck; the elegant slope of her body. Everything about her was perfection come alive.

There was something about her that hit him squarely in the chest when she just looked at him, or had him completely hard when he just heard her voice, that smoky, low hum that seemed to come naturally to her. And when she smiled, Connor felt ready–eager, even, to hand her his heart on a silver platter.

But what was she hiding? How could Connor get that last door she’d barred deep in her soul to open for him? What did he do wrong that she didn’t trust him with the most guarded of her secrets?

Getting up, Connor put the pair of compasses away, rolled the map, and stored it away also. Then he started to restlessly pace the cabin.

Perhaps she still couldn’t see how serious he was about committing.

Maybe she held back because she feared that someday he’d leave her and then she’d have nothing. She’d be stranded like she’d been in Grenada.

Would it last a year? Or more? Would he grow tired of hearing her voice? Would he still want to make her laugh? Would he still hunger for her touch? Would every slash of her angered words, every biting pain of her dry sarcasm not leave him hard and aching to make love to her any longer?

He didn’t think so. Somehow, somewhere deep in his gut he knew she was different.

Connor stopped in his tracks, staring out the windows. The sun illuminated him, and it was as if that foggy haze in his brain was lifted with the hot rays of light.

The truth was he couldn’t picture himself tiring of her any time soon. As a matter of fact, he wanted her with him indefinitely.

Oh my God
. He was in love with her. Truly in love with her. He loved Jaidyn from deep in his soul and with all his heart.

The explanation was so simple and, Connor realized, had been there all the time.

Still, the revelation was shocking. A month ago he’d have laughed about it, called it hopelessly pathetic. He’d have set out to prove to everyone, especially to himself, there was no woman he couldn’t walk away from. But now Connor didn’t feel like laughing at all. Having prided himself on being a lone wolf that no woman could tame, he was finally brought to his knees.

Strolling closer to the windows, he braced himself against the wooden frame of one, staring into nothing.

What the hell would it take to make her understand the depth of his feelings for her?

And what on earth could he possibly do to avoid the authorities in Georgetown?

He wouldn’t trust anybody else, not even a few men from his ship, with her safety simply because there was no way he could protect her then. And he sure as hell was going to protect his woman. She might not see it that way, but Connor surely did.

An idea snuck into his head and made him suck in a deep breath and hold it.

So, disguising himself as his brother was out of the question, but why couldn’t he disguise a Dutch-flagged ship called the
Coraal
as … say … an English merchant’s ship called … what?

Yes, the
Viola
! Oh that was good. Very risky, but good.

Under the flag of the
Viola
he could sail right into Georgetown this time, instead of just sailing close to where he’d grown up.

Connor felt like rubbing his hands and shouting “Eureka!” but he was jolted out of his thoughts as the door behind him burst open.

_____________________________

J
aidyn entered the captain’s cabin, still thinking too much about too many problems she couldn’t solve at the moment or any time soon. She kicked the door behind her shut with her heel, like one of her cousins would and not like the lady she was supposed to be.

She was rather peeved–a very ladylike phrasing for how she felt. Jaidyn was irritated about everything, starting with the fact that her mother’s death had forced her into this situation. She was furious that the man she’d believed to be her father had died and left her to struggle on her own. She was fuming that her maid had betrayed her, and Jaidyn couldn’t quite find the words for how angry she was that it had all come to this.

Truth be told, though, she was just disappointed in herself. Disillusioned and frustrated. Being royally annoyed at the world was much easier than facing one’s own failure, though.