In Blood and Worth Loving 3 Kiss Cover (8 page)

Her heart thumped in fear. What a fool she
’
d been to think she knew this man…this vampire better than Rayna did.
“
Then do it, get it over with, and get the fuck out of my life!
”

His hands tightened on her wrists.
“
If you push me too far, there might not be a life to worry about.
”

Shocked by his explicit threat
,
she allowed her
tear
to
stream down her cheeks
.
“
Don
’
t, Conner. Please don
’
t!
”

He stared at her with his lip curled back, his gaze hard and unforgiving.

But she sensed a hint of reluctance in him. The Conner she knew and loved wouldn
’
t hurt her, but this male very well might if she weren
’
t very careful.
“
Please,
”
she said again.
“
I know you
’
re angry and I know it
’
s my fault, but if you do this, you can
’
t undo it. So please, Conner. Don
’
t let our first time be like this.
”

“
You
’
ve pissed me off and pushed me too damn far to try to appeal to me now. You want to act like a
slut;
I
’
ll treat you like one
.
”

His angry words hurt almost as much as his painful grip. She tugged at her wrists.
“
Please stop. You
’
re scaring me and you
’
re hurting me, Conner,
”
she whispered.
“
You can
’
t really want to do this. So p
lease stop. Please
stop before you do something you can’t undo
.
”

He inhaled slowly.
“
It
’
s too late for such appeals, sweetie.
”
He drew her closer to him.
“
I
’
m going to give you what you
’
ve been begging for and you are not going to like it.
”

“
Then why would you do it?
”
she demanded.
“
Why would you deliberately hurt me when you know I love you?
”

He stiffened and his eyes glowed.
“
Romantic love means nothing to me.
”

“
It means something to me. You know it does. You know I love you and that I have from the moment we met. Don
’
t do this, Conner. Taking me against my will would be cruel and would crush me and my belief in the goodness in you. Is that what you want to do?
”

“
Apparently so since it
’
s what I
’
m about to do.
”

She felt as if her heart had cracked.
“
Then do it and get it over with
.
But when you have, you really are going to have to kill me, Conner because I won
’
t let you forget what you did to me.
”

“
Shut up!
”

“
No! When Rayna tried to warn me you could be dangerous and might hurt me, I didn
’
t believe her. I thought you were different from Adrian and Jayvyn. I thought all the time we spent together meant something to you
as i
t
did to me. I didn
’
t know you were just a soulless vampire waiting for an excuse to violate me in the
vilest
way a man can violate a woman.

“
I didn
’
t know you hated me and wanted to destroy me, Conner!
”

“
Shut the fuck up!
”
He shook her so hard she felt as if every bone in her body was in danger of breaking. Then, as if he were suddenly aware of what he was doing, he abruptly released her.

She fell back against the bed, bruised and shocked but strangely no longer afraid. She wiped at her damp cheeks, determined not to shed another tear over him.

He clenched his hands at his sides and stared at her, his eyes glowing with menace.

She rubbed her sore wrists.
“
How could you manhandle me like that, Conner?
”

He didn
’
t respond.

His silence and apparent lack of remorse hurt her more than the shaking he
’
d subjected her to.
“
I didn
’
t deserve that and you know it!
”

“
You should be thankful it wasn
’
t worse.
”

“
I should be thankful you only shook the hell out me? I deserved to be sh
aken
like that just because I was foolish enough to fall in love with a man incapable of love? I deserved to be called a shrew and a slut because I want what every woman wants
–
an intimate relationship with the man I love?

“
Are you telling me you
’
re not worth loving?
”

“
Shut the fuck up, Desiree or
–
”

“
Or what? You
’
ll rape and kill me? You go right ahead. You
’
ve already killed my faith and trust in you. You might as well kill my body too.
”

His Adam
’
s
apple
bobbed.

“
Why did you do it? Because I was foolish enough to trust that there was a single shred of decency in you? I loved you, Conner and I thought you loved me.
”

To her dismay, her declaration of love seemed to infuriate him. He leaned over her.
“
You thought wrong! I admit I told you I cared, but I never said anything about love.
”

“
You said you adored me.
”

“
I lied.
”

She touched his hand.
“
I
–
”

He slapped her hand away.
“
Don
’
t touch me, Desiree. I don
’
t give a fuck about what Rayna may have told you or implied. I never gave you any reason to think or believe I was in love with you. I don
’
t do romantic love anymore. But if I did, I sure as hell wouldn
’
t do it with you!
”

The venom in his tone hit her with the force of a physical slap. She recoiled.

He turned and stalked away. Moments later, she heard her entrance door open and slam shut. She collapsed back onto the bed. How could she have been so wrong about him? He was clearly capable of rape and murder. Yet even knowing that, her heart ached for an excuse to forgive the unforgivable. But there was not a chance in hell of that happening
because she was finished leading with her heart
.

* * *

When Conner left Desiree he was so filled with rage, there was only one person capable of understanding him and calming him down. He made a call and by the time he arrived at his condo, Adrian was already there.

He listened with barely concealed impatience until Conner fell silent. Then he exploded to his feet.
“
‘
You shook her?
”

“
She drove me to it!
”

“
What could she possibly have done to deserve having a full-blood nearly shake the life out of her?
”

“
You
’
re making it worse than it was, Adrian.
”

“
Really? How the hell do you think she felt on the receiving end of that shaking?
”

How could you manhandle me like that, Conner?
“
She provoked me,
”
he insisted, but even to his own ears the words lacked the ring of truth. Oh fuck. What the hell had he done?

“
How? By wanting you to make love to her?
”

“
I don
’
t need to hear this shit from you of all people, Adrian!
”

“
Yes, you do! Is she all right?
”

You
’
ve already killed my faith and trust in you. You might as well kill my body too
.
“
The melodramatic bitch is fine.
”

“
B
itch?
”

“
You heard what I said.
”

Adrian inhaled slowly.
“
You shook the fuck out of her and you were ass dumb enough to tell her you didn
’
t do romantic love but if you did, you wouldn
’
t do it with her? Oh
I
’
m sure
the
melodramatic
bitch
is fine. For the love of God, Conner, I never expected you to be such an ass and to not burn but incinerate your bridges with her so effectively.
”

“
What the hell, Adrian.
”

“
You think she
’
s ever going to forget you said that shit to her?
”

Because I was foolish enough to trust that there was a single shred of decency in you. I loved you.
Loved. Past tense. He sighed and sank deep into his favorite chair.
“
She pissed me off.
”

“
And your answer was to make her feel unattractive and afraid you
’
d rape and possibly kill her?
”

“
Oh cut the self-righteous shit, Adrian. I left her unraped and very much alive.
”

“
But clearly afraid of you. Is that what you wanted?
”

You
’
re scaring me and you
’
re hurting me, Conner.
“
Yes,
”
he admitted.
“
At the time that
’
s exactly what I wanted.
”

“
Mission accomplished then, but damn if I can understand why.
”

“
Why what?
”

“
Why would you even threaten rape when she
’
s been so willing from day one?
”

He narrowed his gaze and shot to his feet to storm across the room to glare into the face so like his own.
“
Are you implying she
’
s easy?
”

“
Are you implying she
’
s not?
”

He thrust his right fist out and had the satisfaction of feeling it connect squarely with his brother
’
s jaw. He watched in silence as Adrian picked himself off his ass with his gaze narrowed.

“
That
’
s the only damned freebie you
’
re getting, Conner.
”

“
If you don
’
t like being knocked on your ass, watch what the hell you say about Desi.
”

“
This from the man who, as Brandi would say, called her everything but a child of God? You shook the fuck out of her, called her a slut, and you
’
re taking issue with my opinion of her? If you, who know her far better than I do, thinks she
’
s a slut, why shouldn
’
t I?
”

He walked back across the room and sank into his easy chair. He covered his face with his hands.
“
I fucked up, Adrian,
”
he admitted.
“
I fucked up royally.
I knew I was frightening her. I knew my grip on her wrists hurt her even before I shook her. I knew I was saying and doing things she would find it hard if not impossible to forget and forgive me for. I knew I was fucking up at the time, but I couldn
’
t stop myself.

“
The more she kept saying she loved me, the angrier it made me even though I wanted her to be in love with me. I wanted it. I want it. I need it. I have from the night we met.
”

Adrian crossed the room to kneel in front of him.
“
You fucked up all right, but what full-blood involved with a human woman doesn
’
t? You can make things right with her, Conner.
”

“
You wouldn
’
t say that if you knew the condition I left her in. I went out of my way to make her think I might actually rape or kill her. And I sure as hell left her bruised.
”

Adrian sighed.
“
Been there and done that with Brandi. Fortunately, she loved me enough to forgive me. Desi will forgive you.
”

He dropped his hands from his face.
“
Why should she when I
’
ve done nothing but make her life a misery? I knew the night we met she was in love with me. I knew it, I wanted it, and I encouraged it. Then tonight, I did my best to crush her spirit because she dared to love me and expect me to love her in return.
”

“
Unlike fems, human women have a large capacity to forgive. She loves you.
”

“
Loved; as in past tense.
”

Adrian shook his head.
“
Who falls out of love in one night? You hurt her and she
’
s probably afraid of you now, but she still loves you. She
’
ll forgive you. You just have to get your shit in gear and ensure you don
’
t make a habit of showing her why it
’
s really not safe for human women to love us
even though that
’
s exactly what most of us need to be happy.
”

“I don’t need it.”

“You need it more than most.
Whether or not we admit it, we need a relationship with a female capable of and willing to admit they need and love us.
You’ll never get that from most fems, but human women give it in droves and with such a lack of restraint, it makes a full–blood almost drunk with happiness and contentment.
”

“
”Drunk with happiness and contentment?
Are you okay?”

“Never been better
and you’d be just as drunk and happy if you admit the obvious and beg for her forgiveness
.”

He sighed. “
Even if I were willing to do that,
it
’
s not safe for her to be anywhere near me. No matter how you try to excuse my past conduct, Adrian, I
’
m already responsible for the death of the last human woman who w
as
foolish enough to fall for me. Tonight, I came close to making Desi number two.
”

Adrian gripped his hands.
“
I feel your pain and I know your fears, Conner, but we
’
ll get through this together. There was never any chan
c
e of your raping or killing her. You
’
re older now and no matter what you say, you
’
re in love and in blood with her. I know you cared for Jane but you weren
’
t in blood or even in love with her. Your deeper feelings for Desi will make the difference.

“
And if you waver and need help, I
’
m here for you, Conner. As is Jay. I know it
’
s hard to admit that despite all our denials, just like human men, we want to be loved
and needed
. This is a difficult and dangerous time in a full-blood
’
s life, but you can do this. You
’
re emotionally stronger than Jay or I. We made it through without doing any permanent damage to our bloods and so will you.
”

But he couldn
’
t get the sound of her abject sobs out of his ears or shake the sense of fear and despair he
’
d infused in her from his thoughts.
“
I really frightened her, Adrian.
”

He nodded.
“
But sometimes, once they get over the initial fear, they find the fear exhilarating.
”

“
Somehow I doubt that will be the case with her.
”

“
Give her a few days. Maybe a week while you regroup and then go see her. In the meantime, I
’
ll make damn sure no
human male
gets in the way of your reunion.
”

Relieved that he could be certain no other man was bedding her while he struggled to get his emotions under control, he nodded.
“
I owe you one.
”

“
No you don
’
t.
”
Adrian squeezed his shoulder and rose.
“
Now why don
’
t you go on a fucking spree while I go shadow Desi?
”

“
What about Brandi?
”

“
She
’
s onboard with this and she
’
ll be fine. So will you and Desi.
”

I didn
’
t know you hated me and wanted to destroy me, Conner!
He shook his head.
“
I did some serious damage tonight, Adrian. I don
’
t know if she
’
ll be able to forgive me.
”

“
Winning her back probably won
’
t be easy, but you can do it. She loves you and she
’
s going to want to forgive you. You
’
ll just have to give her a reason to do that, but only after you
’
ve worked out some of your aggression with a few fems.
”

“
Now I
’
m going to go make sure she
’
s all right.
”