If You Want Me (27 page)

The morning was cooler than forecast, with a light drizzle adding to the already gloomy quality of the day. It reminded Alice of the day her father had died, when all had seemed bleak and hopeless in her life.

Thinking of her father made her think of Marcus, the one other person in her life who had supported her unconditionally. Since her release from the hospital yesterday, she hadn’t heard from him. He’d left to “take care of the situation” and she’d thought he would come back to at least tell her what had happened. Had he discovered who’d drugged her?

But more so, Alice had just wanted to see him. She felt like so much was left unsaid between them. He was right, she realized. Sex had complicated everything between them. She wished they could turn back the clock to the time they’d simply been friends.

She’d sensed guilt in him at the hospital, which didn’t surprise her, given Marcus’s personality. He was so used to trying to save the world, he no doubt blamed himself for what had happened.

She wanted to tell him that she didn’t blame him. She wanted to tell him that even if he didn’t love her, she wanted them to be friends.

Even if the reality that he didn’t love her still broke her heart.

She was in love with him. And there was no cure for that. Only time. But having him in her life as a friend would be better than not having him in her life at all.

It was time she gave up on the dream. The thought hurt her immensely, but didn’t all dreams eventually come to an end? Yet the fact that her dream of loving Marcus had come true, if only for a short time, made letting him go hurt all the more.

It hurt more because she’d done more than dream, but had started to believe. Believe that the dream had become a reality. God, how could she really go on without him?

Later that day, Alice was lounging around in her room, too depressed to do anything else. She still hadn’t heard from Marcus and was beginning to doubt she would. So when Rosa knocked on her bedroom door and told her that Marcus was downstairs, she was stunned. And elated.

“Marcus?” she asked her mother. “You’re sure?”

“I may be old,” Rosa retorted. “But I’m not blind.”

Still, Alice didn’t move from the bed.

“Well, are you going to go downstairs? Or shall I send him up?”

“Mom, why is he here?”

“How should I know? But one might guess he’s here because he wants to see you.”

Alice was suddenly scared to see him. What if he had only come to tell her about the case and nothing else? And would she find the strength to tell him that she still wanted him as a friend?

“All right. I’ll tell him to come up.”

“No,” Alice said. Finding that she had control of her limbs, she stood. “I’ll go down.”

While her mother left the room, Alice checked herself out in the mirror. She was dressed in an oversized T-shirt and baggy shorts and her hair was pulled back into a ponytail. She hardly looked glamorous. But what did that matter? Marcus hadn’t seen fit to love her when she’d dressed like a knockout.

Still, she couldn’t help the rush of excitement she felt as she descended the stairs, the rush of hope.

Downstairs, Alice expected to find Marcus in the hallway, but when she didn’t see him there, she opened the front door. There he stood with his back turned. Hearing her, he spun around.

She swallowed. Stared.

He stared back.

“Hi,” she said after a moment.

“Can I speak with you?”

“Sure. Come in.”

He shook his head. “No. Not here.”

“Oh.” She flashed him a confused look.

“I was thinking we could go for a drive.”

“Uh, sure.” She stepped back into the foyer. As
she slipped into her sandals, she called, “Mom, I’m stepping out for a minute.” Then she stepped onto the porch, pulling the door closed behind her. Marcus was already making his way down the front steps.

Watching his back, Alice felt the first needle prick her balloon of hope. He was being distant again. Here simply as a cop, no doubt. Why couldn’t she accept that he didn’t love her?

She met him at his car and he opened the door for her. She slipped inside. Moments later, he was in the driver’s seat. But it was soon clear he didn’t intend to start the car.

“Marcus—”

“Alice—”

They spoke at the same time.

“Go ahead,” Alice said softly.

Marcus stared at Alice, not quite sure what he saw in her eyes. Disappointment? Maybe he’d stayed away too long and she no longer wanted to see him. Suddenly all he’d planned to say fled his mind.

“Willie is the one who drugged you.”

“Willie? Oh my God.”

Marcus explained the whole sordid situation to her. “Tanisha knew nothing about it.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yeah.”

“Well.” Alice shrugged. “I’m glad she didn’t betray me like that.”

“Me too.” Marcus paused. “I was gonna head to the hospital yesterday to tell you, but…” His voice trailed off.

Alice looked at him curiously. “But what?”

Marcus shrugged, looking away. “I started driving. And thinking.” Thinking that if he wasn’t the best man for Alice, he should simply stay away and not hurt her further.

“Thinking about what?” Alice’s voice was a whisper.

“Nothing.”
Everything.

“Oh.” Alice sounded disappointed.

Marcus glanced at her, but she faced the window. Silence filled the car. There was so much more he wanted to say. After contemplating the pros and cons of whether or not he was the right man for her, Marcus had finally stopped ignoring the bottom line: He loved Alice and didn’t want to lose her. But now, he was suddenly insecure. What if he was too late?

Go for it.

“Are you heading back to Los Angeles when the play is over?”

Alice met Marcus’s eyes, trying to read the emotion behind the question. Did he care, or was he simply curious? “I don’t know.”

For the life of him, Marcus didn’t know why it was so hard to tell Alice what was in his heart. Just this morning he’d convinced himself to go for it. Alice was so unlike any other woman he’d ever known. If she gave him her heart, he knew it would be forever.

“Marcus?”

“Huh?”

He was staring at her oddly. “Did you want to ask me something else?”

“No. I guess that’s all.”

She reached for the door handle.

“Wait,” he said, suddenly not ready for her to step out of his car. If she did, he knew he’d never have another chance to tell her how he felt. “Did you mean what you said to me at my place? The part about you loving me?”

“Marcus…” Exhaling a harried breath, Alice brought her hands onto her lap. “Forget what I said.”

“What if I don’t want to forget it?”

A tingling sensation spread across Alice’s shoulders, and not sure she’d heard him correctly, she slowly turned to face him.

He met her eyes with a hopeful look. “Hmm? What if I said I loved you too?”

Alice’s heart went into overdrive. Her throat filled with emotion, making speech impossible. She was too stunned to move, too excited. Since high school, she had dreamed about this moment a million times, but she was so used to this dream not coming true that she wasn’t sure she could trust what she heard now.

The excitement fizzled. Of course, this wasn’t real. Just days ago, Marcus had told her he didn’t love her.

“Marcus, don’t pity me. I’m a survivor. Just because you don’t love me doesn’t mean I’ll wither up and die.” She hoped to hell she sounded convincing.

“You don’t need anyone, do you?”

“No, I don’t.”

“What if I need you?”

Her breath caught in her throat. “I…Marcus, I already told you not to pity me.”

“This isn’t about pity, Alice. This is about me wanting you in my life.
Needing
you in my life.”

She couldn’t believe him. This couldn’t be true. This was another dream. “Just Friday morning you told me you had no feelings for me other than
friendship.
Don’t expect me to believe you’ve changed your mind in three days.”

“No, I haven’t changed my mind—”

“See—”

“I just finally stopped ignoring my heart,” he finished.

Alice met his eyes firmly, not daring to hope again. She didn’t want to set herself up for another disappointment.

Slowly, Marcus moved across the front seat, edging closer to her. Alice didn’t dare move. She didn’t dare breathe. She didn’t dare trust her hearing.

“God, I love that deer look.”

She heard the pounding of her heart in her ears. “You do?”

“Oh, yeah.” He slipped an arm across her back, gently caressing her nape. “But not as much as I love you.”

Her eyes fluttered shut at his words, then opened to make sure he was really here, that she wasn’t actually dreaming.

He was there. This was real.

“But you said…you said it wouldn’t work…”

“I was scared then, but not anymore.”

She frowned. “Marcus…”

“Damn it, woman, you are really going to make me beg, aren’t you?”

Alice’s eyes widened as she stared at him in surprise. What she saw in his eyes made her heart leap. God, he was really serious. “You…you really love me?”

“Yes, damn it.” But he smiled. “I don’t want you to leave me. Ever. I know that might be asking too much, but I’m hoping we can make a home in Chicago…I even figured you might stay on at the theater, teach the children. Since Willie won’t be back.”

Alice laughed.

“What’s so funny?”

“I was thinking the same thing. About staying in Chicago.”

“You were?”

“Uh-huh. In fact, just this morning, I called my agent and told her not to send me any more scripts. That I’m not ready to go back.”

“You did?” Marcus’s heart pounded furiously. If Alice was staying here, they could really make a go of it.

“Marcus, do you really love me?” Alice asked after a moment. “Me, Alice? Not Desirée?”

“I love the girl I got to know years ago, and the woman you’ve become. I want you in my life, Alice. It’s that simple. And I’m hoping you meant what you said last week…that you love me, too.”

“Oh, Marcus. I’ve always loved you,” Alice admitted breathlessly.

“Then marry me, Alice,” he said. “Be my wife.”

Alice’s eyes filled with tears.

He lifted her hand to his lips. “I’m begging.”

“As much as I’d love to see how far you’d go to win my hand in marriage,” Alice said, a smile spreading over her face, “that would be pointless. Because I’d only be punishing myself.”

His eyes lit up. “So you’ll marry me?”

“Oh…yes!”

Marcus took her in his arms and kissed her until the car windows were full of steam. They were like two teenagers, making out in his front seat—something Alice had never done before. She giggled.

“You laughing at me?” he asked, nuzzling his nose against hers.

“No. I’m just happy.” She paused. “Pinch me, Marcus. Let me know this isn’t a dream.”

He kissed her instead, and her eyes fluttered shut. “Is that real enough for you?”

“It still feels like a dream.”

“Maybe it is. One that’s come true.”

“It definitely is,” Alice said wistfully. For a while she’d given up believing in the power of dreams. So much had gone wrong in her life. But as Marcus held her in his arms, she knew that what her father had told her one summer evening long ago was still true. People held the power to make dreams come true in their lives.

As long as you believed they were possible.

And she did.