If Only (9 page)

“Hey, Callie, hey, Nick,”
Saffron calls. I search the direction of her voice and see her sitting on a
black and yellow Suzuki, behind Adam.

The person beside me raises
his tinted visor and coffee bean brown eyes look into mine. A shimmer of heat
passes over my flesh in a sensual caress, the sensation penetrating me to the very
core of my being. Weirdest feeling I’ve ever experienced in my life.

“Hey, guys,” I say,
intentionally keeping my tone level. My heart is racing with nerves and
excitement and … I don’t know what, something else.

Nick leans forward and waves
over at Saffron. She’s been to the dirt tracks with me twice, since the party
last weekend, so they’re familiar with each other now. I notice Dane is here,
too, he’s on a sleek black Yamaha. Gerard is seated on the rear.

“This is Joe, the guy who
did my tattoos,” I say, focusing on Nick, with my hand gesturing in my nipple
piercer’s direction.

“Hey, man, awesome work. Is
that a custom exhaust system?” Nick asks, peering over the top of my car door
to get a good look at Joe’s motorcycle.

“Yeah,” he answers, his pitch
rising with surprise. “What do you ride?”

“I’m more into dirt bikes,
I’ve got a KTM250, but anything with two wheels and a motor works for me.”

“Where you guys headed now?”
Joe asks. “We’re going to a dealer expo at the Moscone center. We can hook you
up if you wanna come check it out?” People start honking their horns behind us
– the lights have changed. “Follow us if you want,” Joe calls out, as he
accelerates.

Shifting into first, I move
before we piss off the other motorists any further. I follow the rumble.

“We don’t have to go if you
don’t want, C.”

I’d go even if I did mind; I
felt Nick’s excitement at the mere mention of the expo. No way would I spoil
his fun. “Nah, it’s cool, Saffron will be there, too.”

“You
sure?”
He squeezes my thigh.

“Yeah, I’d like to see it.”

It turns out my hot nipple
piercing tattooist and my boyfriend share common ground. And now we’re all
about to hang out together for the afternoon.

What was that my sister said
about dopey-eyed look?

Games night at our condo, it’s all about cards,
Madden, Budweiser and buddies. Saffron invited Callie and Su, which I
discretely encouraged, not that it was necessary since they’ve gotten close in
the short time they’ve know each other.

I know Callie better now, and
whatever this thing is it’s not simmering.

The fact remains, she’s got
a man, who Saff also invited tonight, but he couldn’t come because of work. To
add to it, the guy’s cool. I would easily hang with the dude – if I didn’t want
his girl. All the choices I have and I have to want someone who’s already taken
and then top it off by liking the guy she’s with.

It’s not even slightly
complicated, is it?

As tempting as it is, I’m
not about to tell Callie I want her. While she’s with Nick, she doesn’t need to
know. My feelings for her will remain on the down low, and I’ll just keep doing
my thing.

Gerard and Dane arrive
first, with a shitload of beer. The moment he’s through the door, Gerard heads
straight for the console and starts up a racing game. Callie and Su arrive next
and, almost instantly, Callie notices Gerard selecting his ride and rushes over
to him.

“Dude, I have to kick your
ass on that.”

“Come on, little girl, show
me what you got,” he says, grinning eagerly.

I sit on the couch, to the
side of them, watching. This is entertaining in more ways than one. They’re
standing side by side, occasionally nudging each other, trying to influence the
cars on the screen. It’s funny, especially with the way he towers over her, but
she’s giving as good as she gets. Even more to my liking, I get to enjoy
observing the way Callie’s jeans fit like a second skin. Light blue, stretchy
denim wraps around her sexy thighs and hugs her juicy butt – quite full for her
small frame, but more than perfect. I want to sink my teeth into it. I’d spend
hours on that one location of her body, before even considering venturing
anywhere else.

Remembering the secrets
beneath her tight white shirt brings a smile to my face. My memory of her
satin-smooth looking breasts and suckable nipples is as clear as if it was only
today I pierced them, not five weeks ago. What I’d give to know what the rest
of her is like beneath that hot outfit and explore her with my hands and
mouth. 

When she arrived and we
hugged, I was so focused on the feel of her, slight, soft and feminine, I
didn’t register her scent. I wonder what fruit she smells of tonight. I’ll make
sure I know the answer the first chance I get. Maybe I’ll race her, stand
beside her and get close enough to smell her; peach, strawberry, some other
type of berry, maybe?

Getting up to participate
isn’t necessary, because Su and Dane are demanding their turn. Callie and
Gerard have dominated the console for the past hour, each winning and losing in
turn. She’s an awesome little gamer.

Now, Callie sits in her
friends spot – right beside me. I refrain from grinning like The Joker.

She sits with her legs
crossed, feet tucked under her thighs. It’s more than strange that I find her sexy
sitting in this child-like manner. Maybe it’s her degree of comfort around
people; she doesn’t care about looking or acting a certain way. Maybe she
doesn’t need to do much at all to have an effect on me. I feel like some kind
of fucking predator. I’ve never observed someone so much, but it’s impossible
not to, everything she says or does stands out to me.

“Are you gonna play?” she
asks, smiling beautifully.

“Most
likely.”
Coconut! Not what I
expected, but nice, exotic. “You like games like this?”

“Yeah, I do. Su and I love
going to arcades and stuff.” Perfect.

“We should all go sometime,”
I lightly suggest.

“We were saying on our way
here that we should go soon, it’s been a while.”
Fucking
perfect.
 

After a couple of hours,
we’ve all played, including Callie and me. She won. Now, Su wants to play
cards, so we’ve pulled the coffee table back into the center of the couches and
gathered around it, sitting on the floor and on the furniture.

“Can I
shuffle,
pleeeeeaze?
” Su asks, with her hand held up in the air like a kid in
class. Adam passes her the deck and she proceeds to shuffle, dropping one or
five cards as she does it. It’s quite bad. It’s really fucking bad.

Dane is suppressing his
laugh and Gerard is shaking his head, with an inquisitive expression, as though
he can’t quite believe his eyes. Adam and Saffron just exchanged a look,
wondering why the hell Su wanted to do it when she can’t. At least, that’s what
I imagine they’re thinking. That would be my thoughts if I hadn’t caught the
way she and her friend glanced at each other. I suspect this is their way of
making us think they’ll be shit, when they’re actually good. 

It’s obvious Saffron and her friends play a lot,
they’re all good. Joe and Gerard are the best players, and I got lucky against
Gerard and stayed in the last run of Blackjack. It came down to Joe and me. I
won. I’m sure he let me win; he’s way better than me. My victory doesn’t feel
justified and I don’t think I beat him on our racing game, even if I did only
just do it. I don’t understand why he let me, maybe because I’m a girl and he’s
being polite.

“Su, we better get going,” I
say, looking at my watch. Time has gone by too fast – it’s almost four a.m.
now.

“Nah,
staaay
,
”
Gerard says, waving one hand forward, dismissing my suggestion. “The party’s
only just getting started.”

I laugh at him, he’s clearly
drunk. There’s no party, but in his head there is. Leaving isn’t what I want,
but his proposition doesn’t seem enough. “No, I think we should probably go
now.” I shift into a more upright seated position. My butt feels numb from this
floor, even with couch cushions under me. I’ve been sitting here for hours.

“You should hang a bit
longer,” Dane adds. “No one else is leaving yet.”

Okay, so it’s not Dane or
Gerard who I want to ask us to stay. What I want is for Joe to ask us to. I’ve
had one of the most fun nights ever. These guys are all great, but what I’ve
enjoyed the most is being in Joe’s company.

This is not good.

“I’m going to powder my
nose,” I say, standing up with my anesthetized-ass.

In the bathroom, I take the
opportunity to look around. For obvious reasons, I didn’t pay much attention to
it the last time I was in here. I’m intrigued to know whether this bathroom in
anyway resembles Joe’s. I’m curious about the kind of body wash he uses, his
shaving foam and his cologne. He always smells great, though he didn’t wear a
fragrance at all when he did my tattoos. Like at the party, tonight his scent
has a sweet and earthy undertone. He’s always clean shaven, too.

Nothing in here tells me
anything about the guy personally. I want to know more about him and how much
of this condo is based on his personal taste. What is his bedroom like? I’m
getting nothing in here and I’m way too interested in discovering more. It’s
time to leave.

I walk back out to find the
man at the center of my thoughts in the kitchen with my friend. “What are you
two doing?” I ask, not that it isn’t obvious.

“We’re hungry,” Su replies,
cheerfully shrugging her shoulders. 

“Are you hungry?” Joe asks
me.

“Um, no, I don’t think so.”
He smiles and continues about his business. That smile sent a wave of heat up
my spine and tingling sensations somewhere I refuse to acknowledge.

Standing at the breakfast
bar, I watch Su and Joe make scrambled eggs, pancakes and bacon. Not a good
idea. I get kind of caught up with the perfect fit of Joe’s T-shirt; dark green
cotton clinging to smooth curves of tightly developed muscle. And now it gets
worse, I find myself observing the way his loose-fitting jeans hang low around
his hips, with a thick black leather belt holding the warn denim in place. Oh,
shit, I’m getting way too hot. I’m like a human freakin’ furnace, and I didn’t
even get below his belt. I need to get the hell away from here – from him.

The others are playing
another game of cards, but I don’t want to, so I go out to the balcony. It’s
chilly out here, and the heaters aren’t on, so I pick up the funky crochet
blanket, which is folded over the back of the love seat. It’s thick, soft,
designed in all the colors of the rainbow, and it smells the same as the hand
towel in the bathroom. It feels cold, from being left out here, but it’ll warm
up with my body heat soon enough.

Wrapped in the chunky wool,
I stand within the glow coming from inside the condo, looking out over the
sleeping city. Off in the distance, beyond Bay Bridge, the hint of indigo and
pink fuse with the slightly cloudy sapphire sky, speaking of a new day. 

Su pokes her head through
the open crack of the door. “Hey, we’re gonna eat now, are you sure you don’t
want any?”

“No, thanks,” I reply.

She smiles at me and turns
back inside.

I smile to myself, because I
get to stay longer.

After eating and talking to Su, who’s now playing
another game of cards, I head out to the balcony. Callie is sitting wrapped in
a blanket, feet up on the seat and arms hugging her knees to her chest. I sit
beside her, resting my arm along the back of the couch, but with no contact.
I’ll keep within the boundaries, regardless of my craving to do more. “You
tired?” I ask.

“No, I’m good. I had no idea
the last time I was here that the view of Bay Bridge was so great. I came out
at the perfect time. I love the whole process of going from the dark night into
dawn, then twilight, then sunrise. I’m not often awake for it, but I’ve got
some stunning photos of the transition. A bunch of them are with Bay Bridge in
shot. I wish I had my camera now.” Her gaze shifts from the sky to me. “First
thing in the morning is my favorite time of day, just after the sun has risen.
I love the feel of it, it’s so calm, like most of the world is still asleep. I
love the way the air feels, too.”

“That’s nice.” And I mean
it, it is nice. There’s something more pleasing about her eyes when she speaks
of things she likes, a spark of excitement.

“What’s your favorite time
of day, Joe?” There’s also something pleasing about the way she says my name.
I’m not sure what it is, but it’s gratifying.

“I prefer it late at night,
when things have slowed down. I especially enjoy riding freeways and unlit
roads in the dark, with only my headlight, when there’s less to see and I can
focus on feeling. Come to think of it, I’ve seen some awesome sunsets on early
evening rides when I’ve taken them.” I don’t know if offering to take her on
one of those rides is pushing the boundaries. I’ll have a think about that.