If Only (8 page)

“I was in the park one day
with my dad and my sister, Elena. Su was there with her father. We were eight
years old and as soon as we spoke we just clicked. We didn’t want to leave each
other when it was time to go home, so Su’s dad invited me to their house with
my parents for a tea party. That was it, best friends ever since. She’s more
like a sister to me. You and Adam seem close?”

“Yeah, we always have been.
Saffron, Gerard and Dane are like an extension of us, family more than
friends.”

“That’s nice, I like that.
Do they live here with you?”

“Only
Saffron.
You’ve met Gerard, could
you imagine living with him?” She giggles, shaking her head in understanding.
“So what type of sculptures do you make?”

Her luscious lips press
together and she hesitates as though considering her answer. “Body parts,” she
says.

My right eyebrow arches with
intrigue.
“Body parts?”

She nods. “Yeah, like hands,
feet, torsos and heads. Only human, though. I just finished a topless …” She
frowns. “Female’s torso,” she finishes, the slightest shade of pink tinting her
cheeks. She has absolutely nothing to feel shy or self-conscious about, her
body is more than amazing, but I guess it makes sense if she feels awkward
about the fact that I have – fortunately – seen her topless.

“So the human form
fascinates you?”

“Yeah, it does. Often
something I see will spontaneously inspire an idea, like the way someone holds
something, or the shape or position of a person’s body. I just have to take it
from my mind and make it visual.”

“I relate to that with
drawing, but that’s some skill you got.”

“It all started with a piece
of Play-Doh when I was six. I never stopped practicing and progressed on to
adult materials like wax and clay. What you do takes skill, I’m a little
envious. I’d love to be able to draw, but I’m not so great at it.”

Before I know it, we’ve been
out here for two hours. I’ve been oblivious to anything around us, it could be
anyone’s party, I don’t even know what music’s been playing, or if anyone else
has been out on the balcony with us. This girl is so comfortable with herself,
and what I’ve come to like the most is her easy spirit. She doesn’t really care
about money, as long as she has enough, and she loves clothes, preferably from
thrift stores or her own creations, and she enjoys simple pleasures like baking
cakes. I admire how artistic and creative she is. She tried not to pull a funny
face when I told her I love my steaks medium rare, instead, she told me she
prefers a tofu steak.

Callie’s asked me questions,
too. Thankfully, we didn’t go near the topics of love or relationships. I’m
sure she wouldn’t be impressed with my expeditions where women are concerned. I
wouldn’t lie, so I’m happy she didn’t ask anything that would’ve lead to the
disclosure of those things. After a messy relationship, in Hillsborough, the
last thing I wanted when I relocated to the city was anything involving
emotions and attachments. Obviously just fucking chicks can bring its own
problems, but nothing deeply poignant on my part.

I’d take Callie Rogers over
every woman I’ve been with combined. I’m positive about that, even though I
haven’t known her very long. 

Adam comes out to us, and I
welcome the interruption. I’ve spent so much of the time out here fighting the
temptation to kiss Callie, and those glossy lips of hers haven’t helped
matters. 

After talking to Joe, and then Adam, I head back in
from the balcony. I see Su dancing with Saffron and Gerard. Hip hop is playing
now, and I know my girl will be in her element. Her hair’s pulled up into a
funky style, loose crimson strands falling out here and there, and it shows off
her pretty heart tattoo on the back of her neck. Su’s beautiful at the best of
times, and she has the cutest beauty spot to the right of her upper lip. The
black faux leather pants she’s wearing look like they’ve been sprayed on, she’s
super hot, and I can see Gerard thinks so, too. He’s got some good moves, I’m
surprised to discover. Who’d have thought?

The place is filled with
people dancing and talking, the atmosphere is both lively and chilled. The condo
isn’t what I expected for two guys in their early twenties, maybe it’s down to
Saffron. It’s modern, with black, white and red making up the color scheme and
there’s some amazing black and white photography on the walls. It’s got to be
Saffron’s influence. She’s got style, I like it here.

Just as I intend on joining
the girls, I notice Dane coming out of one of the rooms. I like him and I want
to speak with him again, so that’s what I’m going to do. 

“Hi,” I say, as loud as I
can over the heavy beat.

“Hey, you,” he smiles,
“having a good time?” He leans back against the breakfast bar with his hands
tucked into the front pockets of his jeans. 

“Yeah, it’s great. Nice
people and the music’s awesome, it’s perfect.” Admittedly, I haven’t talked to
anyone apart from Joe, and a little with Adam, the two guys and Saffron.
They’re the ones that matter most, right?

“I was wondering where you
were, you seemed to disappear as soon as you got here,” he says, lowering his head
toward my ear so that I can hear him better. His smooth, sure voice seems to
carry with ease over the music.

I lean against the bar
beside him. “Yeah, I was out on the balcony talking to Joe. I haven’t been in
here much.”

“Are you here as his date or
somethin’?” Though he’s asking me that, Dane’s expression doesn’t convey that
he
thinks
that.

I giggle, though, I don’t
know why. “No, I have a boyfriend already. Joe did my tattoos and stuff, we
only met recently, actually.”

“Right.”
He glances over at Su and then back at me. “Your
friend hasn’t moved from that spot since she got here.”

“That doesn’t surprise me,
we do love to dance, Su even more than me.” I watch her for a moment, she and
Saffron are center stage. “Your sister is absolutely gorgeous,” I tell the hot
man I’m speaking with. Good looks clearly run in their family.

He smiles fondly. “Yes, she
is. Thank you.” I see pride in his eyes as he focuses on her for a moment. It’s
heartwarming.

We talk about his job, and
my college plans, and as I’m about to ask a question, Su pulls me by my elbow
and leads me in among the swaying bodies. Looking back over my shoulder, I
mouth a “Sorry.” Dane nods with his lips curved softly, he seems amused and not
offended.

I always love dancing at
parties, usually Su wouldn’t have to literally drag me to the floor, but what I
mainly desire is more of an opportunity to talk to people.

Mostly to
Joe.

Chatting to Dane was great
and I want to get to know Saffron better. I really liked my conversation with
Joe. It’s just so easy, natural, especially if I don’t look at him. His face
and his physique, in that fitted, thin burgundy sweater, are a bit of a
distraction, somewhat overwhelming. Maybe I’ll get the chance before I go.

Su and Saffron welcome me
into their little bubble. The music flows with a mix of Rock and Hip hop,
current and old, most of which I’m familiar with.  

After some time, I go to the
bathroom to check my makeup and use the toilet.

When I lock the door and
before I hit the light switch, I notice there’s a second entrance over in the
far corner. I have no clue where it leads to, but it’s slightly ajar and amber
illumination peeps through the fist-wide crack. The current choice of song from
the party plays muffled in here. It’s low enough for me to pick up on something
in that adjoining room. What I can hear is male and female moans. Yes, someone
is fucking in there, and I am absolutely curious enough to take a peek.

I tiptoe over, so my heels
don’t clink on the ceramic tiled floor. As I get closer, I can confirm that
those sounds are definitely sex related. Peering through the opening, I see a
whole lot more than I bargained for.

It’s a bedroom – which, of
course, I already suspected – but what I didn’t expect to see is Gerard and
Dane and one chick. I saw her earlier, when I first got here. She’s attractive
with straight black hair, probably in her twenties, and she clearly has no
problem with taking two men at the same time. She’s just as into it as they
are. I’ve never seen this in real life before, and even though I don’t intend
on doing it myself, it’s freaking hot.

I can’t believe two hours
ago I was talking to Dane by the bar, and now he’s fucking some woman’s face
.
Holy shit! He’s kneeling on the bed, she’s on all fours, and Gerard is
taking her from behind – putting in quite a performance, I might add. The lady
is still in her black spaghetti dress, but it’s pulled up and gathered around
her waist. Both guys are still dressed, each with their fly open. I can’t see
Gerard’s cock from here, but I can see Dane’s. Goddamn, it’s huge and she can
take it all. Give the girl a medal for that deep-throat action. This is
awesome, I can’t stop watching, but I want to tell Su. She’d love to see it.

I had no idea these guys
would do this, though, I’m aware anything can go down – pardon the pun – at a
party. I wonder if they do this often.

I wonder if Joe does this,
too. 

Before I get caught in my
act of voyeurism, I turn to leave. Even though I’d like to see it to the end,
oh, man, I so want to watch the rest, I won’t push my luck. One glance my way,
and I’d never be able to look those guys in the face again.
Or
Joe.

When I come out, I scan the
room. Less people are here now and the music is at background level. Joe’s
talking to a guy and his girl in a corner, and Adam is smoking on the balcony
with someone. Su and Saffron are sitting down on one of the black leather
sofas, which have been pushed back to create the dancing space. A glance at my
watch tells me its four-thirty-five a.m.

I head over and join the
girls, but I won’t tell Su what I saw, just yet. Saffron may or may not know
what her brother is doing, right this moment. Though I get into their chat,
I’ve still got the images in my head of Gerard and Dane fucking that chick. I
can’t wait to tell Su.

“So how long have you been
with Adam?” I ask Saffron, distracting myself from the sexy replay I’m
having. 

“Five years.”

“You’ve all been friends
longer, right?”

“Yeah, Joe, Gerard, and I are
all the same age, and Adam and Dane are a year older. Gerard’s dad was friends
with Adam and Joe’s dad since before they even had kids, so those guys have
known each other pretty much their whole lives. Dane and I moved to
Hillsborough when I was eight, and the group formed from there.

“When I was fifteen I got a
crush on Adam, but I didn’t say anything because of Dane being his friend. Then
when I was eighteen, and still crushing on him, my girlfriend decided I was old
enough and it was none of my brother’s business who I got with. She told Joe,
Joe told Adam. It turned out Adam noticed me as more than his buddy’s little
sister when I was sixteen. We both stayed quiet because of Dane. It was great
us all growing up together, we’re more like family.”

“That’s so romantic; you and
Adam liking each other on the DL. You make a great couple, and he’s cool. He
was so nice when Joe and I almost collided. I really like your brother and Joe,
too, but I don’t know when to take Gerard seriously.”

“The guy is hardly ever
serious, so go with that theory and you’ll be fine. He’s always been that way,
but you do get used to him. How long have you been with Nick?” Gerard seemed
pretty damn serious when I last saw him, the horny bastard.

“We’ve only been together
seven months, but I’m positive about him. He’s amazing. We met through Su’s
boyfriend, they both do motocross.”

Her eyebrows kick up.
“Motocross?”

“You like it?”I ask, in
response to her obvious fascination.

“Yeah, I do.”

“You should come with us
tomorrow, they’re practicing at Metcalf. I can come pick you up.”

“Cool, I’d like that. Lemme
give you my cell phone number and I’ll take both of yours.”

We make the switch and talk
some more.

Glimpsing over at the front
door, I see the two who Joe was talking to are leaving, so he’s obviously not
going to be carrying out the same ‘activities’ as his friends. Something about
that is pleasing to me, even if it does have nothing to do with me.

Even more pleasing than that, he’s heading toward us
right now.

****

It’s a fine September Saturday. I’m in my bug, driving
with the top down, and Nick is at my side. We’re at Tenth and Mission Street
intersection. He suddenly reaches forward and turns down the volume on the
radio. “Listen to that, C,” he says, excitement dancing in his gray eyes.

The overwhelming rumble of
multiple motorcycle engines draws nearer, the purring beasts commanding my
attention. Looking back, I see six bikes approaching the stoplights. A red and
black Yamaha breaks beside me, the rider is staring at me. With his dark helmet
on, I can’t see who it is. I’m trying not to feel intimidated. Often I find an
unknown rider sexy and mysterious. Often they don’t stare at me like this.