If I Told You (26 page)

“Hey, Jill.”

“Hey, you. Ready for dinner?”

“Yeah. Let’s go.”

We walk out of Flynn’s and down the street to a bar and grill. After going inside, we sit and as soon as we do, Jill’s phone rings.

“It’s Brooklyn,” she says. “Hey,” she answers.

I listen as Jill explains she’s out with a friend and that everything at the studio is fine. Then Jill’s eyes shift to mine.

“Flynn’s good, I think. Do you want me to ask him anything?” She pauses as she listens then continues. “I know he misses you.”

Without thinking, I grab her phone. “Brooklyn?” She’s silent. “Baby, talk to me.”

“You’re with Jill?”

I close my eyes as her words hit me. She’s gonna think the wrong thing. “I am, as a friend, Brooklyn. When are you coming back?”

“Why?”

“I miss you.”

She’s silent for a moment. “I can’t talk right now,” she whispers.

“Just say yes or no. Do you miss me?”

“I have to go.”

“Please, Brooklyn. Yes or no?”

“Don’t be stupid. You know the answer. I have to go.”

“Okay.” She hangs up before I can say anything else. I hand the phone back to Jill. “That was a stupid move wasn’t it?”

“Yep.”

“I forgot to tell you that she thinks we’re sleeping together.”

Jill’s eyes open wide. “Why does she think that?”

“I never got the chance to explain.” I rub my forehead. “She wouldn’t answer me if she missed me or not. She said I already know the answer.”

“Don’t you?”

“Not anymore. She doesn’t call or text or anything. It’s like I don’t exist to her.”

“Flynn, she’s with Rhys. How is she supposed to call?”

“Good point.”

“I don’t get it, really, why you both fight off your attraction. I don’t understand honestly what the block is for the two of you. It’s always been obvious to me. Why can’t you guys see it?”

“I don’t think it’s that we can’t see it. I think it’s that we don’t want it. Brooklyn and I, we were made from the same mold. Her upbringing and mine are so similar we could’ve been siblings.”

“Yeah? Like what?”

“Brooklyn’s mom married bad dudes. She didn’t have a job or any way to take care of herself so she kept attaching herself to different men. The men she chose were in and out of jail, drug users, alcoholics. Brooklyn left home when she was fourteen and lived with her grandmother because her mom’s new boyfriend couldn’t stop touching her.”

Jill gasps. “She was molested?”

I shake my head. “No, but she was smart enough to know it was coming. She said he would just stare at her, make comments about how she was developing, brush against her when he walked by. That kind of shit.”

“That’s awful.”

“Yeah, and she told her mom, but her mom said they were stuck. There was no where to go, and he took good care of them. So Brooklyn was out of there.”

“Wow.”

“She grew up thinking that it was weak to be in a relationship. Men just took, but never gave, and if you didn’t make something of yourself, you’d end up doing whatever a man says.”

She nods. “So how is that like your life?”

“It’s almost exactly the same. My mom married just one guy though. He was a bastard. He was always drunk. He yelled a lot, and I think he hated me and my sister. I caught him touching her once.”

“Your sister?”

I nod, looking down at my beer. “Yeah. I was only ten, but I tried to stop him. She was twelve.”

Jill touches my hand. “What happened?”

“He beat the shit out of me and my mom, she took his side and said it was my fault for being disrespectful. He broke my arm that night, and my mom told the doctor I fell at the playground. She said if I told the truth, he’d put us out, and we’d have no where to go. She didn’t have any money to take care of us.”

“He was your dad or stepdad?”

“Stepdad. My real dad died in car accident when I was two. I think that’s when my mom’s problems with abusing painkillers started. She looked twice her age when she died.”

“Oh. She died?”

“Yeah. Slipped and fell in the shower. Knocked herself out and bled to death. She was alone, so no one found her until there was leak in the downstairs neighbor’s apartment from her flooded bathroom. She’d been dead a long time.”

“I’m so sorry, Flynn. That’s awful.”

“It’s okay. I hadn’t even seen her for years. My sister took off when she was fifteen, and I left when I was sixteen and crashed with friends. My sister followed in my mom’s footsteps. Started doing drugs and hanging with bad men. She got arrested for something drug related and spent some time in jail, but she’s doing better now. I was lucky. Stayed out of drugs, avoided getting in with the bad crowd. I went to a shelter one night and asked if I could do anything around there. I needed something to occupy my mind, so they let me cook.” I nod. “I prepared one meal that night and watched people get so much joy out of having a hot meal. It opened something in me. It was the first time I felt what I thought was love. So I put all my emotions into cooking and kept them locked away from people, especially woman.”

Jill nods as she listens, sipping her beer.

I look up at her. “I walked away from my mom’s home with the same idea planted in my mind that attaching yourself to someone took away your freedom. It took away your right to make your own decisions. It took away your ability to see things clearly. I learned that women were good for a physical outlet, but anything more than that led to trouble.”

Jill nods. “So no relationships.”

“Ever. Same with Brooklyn. We don’t know how. I know on my part, as much as I’ve wanted her all these years, my fear of ruining everything has been stronger.” I smile softly. “So that’s why I’ve denied it. If Brooklyn admitted it, I’d bet she feels the same way.”

“Okay, I get it, but listen. You’re already in a relationship with each other. You always have been. Just because you don’t sleep together, doesn’t mean anything if you look at it.”

“Yeah, maybe, but now I fucked up. She won’t talk to me. She’s with Rhys right now. It’s hopeless.”

Jill’s phone buzzes and she looks down at the text. “It’s Brooklyn. It says tell Flynn…”

“What? Tell me what?”

“That’s it. Nothing else.” The phone buzzes again. “Oh, there’s more. It says tell him…” Jill looks up. “She can’t talk to you right now, but she definitely misses what used to be.”

“What used to be.” I nod. “I should have told her how I feel. I was in so much shock, she thinks I don’t feel the same, and now I don’t have the chance to tell her. What do I do now? I don’t know if I can live without her.”

“My advice is the same, Flynn. When she gets back, you just have to man up, look her in the eyes, and tell her you’re in love with her. At least then she knows, and you don’t have to live with the regret of not telling her. That’s all you can do.”

“Okay. You’re right. As soon as Brooklyn gets home, I’ll tell her. I just hope I’m not too late.”

Laying on the lounge chair, I stare out at the sparkling pool while Rhys wraps up a phone call. This past week with him hasn’t been so bad, in fact, it’s even been enjoyable at times. Rhys is easy to be with, fun, and obviously wants to make me happy. It’s just that every time he touches me, I feel sick. I don’t know if I can even do this anymore. No matter what I do, I can’t get Flynn out of my head.

Rhys walks over to me, smiling. “Enjoying the day, my bronze goddess?”

I laugh softly. “It’s a beautiful day. So nice to get out of dreary New York for awhile.”

“Agreed,” he says, sitting in the chair next to me.

I take a moment to admire his toned body. He runs his fingers through his hair, flexing his bicep in the process. Rhys is physically near perfect, yet he still doesn’t excite me to the level Flynn does. I exhale slowly. What am I doing here?

“We don’t have any plans today, and we go home tomorrow,” Rhys announces softly.

“I know.”

“Should we talk about next steps?”

“Um, okay, sure.”

“What are your plans when we get back?”

I glance at him briefly. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“I’ll just get to the point. I want you to move in with me.”

My eyes open wide and I sit up, pushing my sunglasses to the top of my head. “What?”

“I don’t want you to leave or go back to your apartment.” He takes my hand in his. “Stay with me. Please.”

I laugh. “Are you crazy?”

“No. This week has been perfect. Don’t you think?”

“Yes, but we’re on vacation. It’s not the same thing. Besides we barely know each other.”

“We’ll figure it out. We can do this, Brooklyn. You don’t need Flynn anymore.”

I narrow my eyes, tilting my head. “What does that mean?”

“Just that your living arrangement I’m sure is primarily for financial reasons. If you live with me, that won’t be a concern anymore.”

I nod. “That’s a good answer and a valid point, but why do I feel like your underlying motivation is keeping me away from Flynn?”

“And if I am? What’s wrong with a man wanting to protect what’s his?”

“First of all, I don’t belong to you.” I sigh. “Second, how many fucking times do we have to go over this? You can’t get it through your head, can you?”

Rhys’s mouth falls into a flat line. “I’m not stupid, Brooklyn. You think you’re hiding things, but you aren’t at all. I’ve watched you on the balcony in the morning, listening to his messages, reading his texts. You think I’m blind?”

“You’re spying on me?”

“Not spying, just observing.” He releases my hand. “What’s so important that he has to call you every day? What are the texts about?”

“Nothing.”

Rhys nods. “I admit I attempted to look at your phone while you were in the shower yesterday, but you’ve conveniently password protected it. You’re sure there’s nothing you want to tell me?”

“Positive.”

“You know, I would hand you my phone right now and let you look at every call, every text, to reassure you that I only have affection for you. You have all of my attention, but I don’t feel the same from you.”

My heart races in my chest. I can’t offer the same gesture. I can’t let him listen to Flynn’s pleading messages to call him back, to come home, to let him explain. I can’t let him read the text messages telling me how much I’m missed at home.

“Just because I won’t show you doesn’t mean you don’t have my attention.”

Rhys stands up and paces in front of me for a minute, then turns and locks his eyes on mine. “You don’t belong to me, but do you belong to him?”

Rolling my eyes, I mutter, “This is stupid.”

“Tell me, Brooklyn, tell me now and it’s the last time I’ll ask. Are you in love with him?”

Pulling my head back, I reply. “No.” When the word leaves my lips, my heart feels like it’s in my throat.

Rhys sits again and takes my hand. “I’m going to believe you because I want to.”

I lean into him as he embraces me. I don’t know what to do. I can’t go home, but living with Rhys? I wish I could crash with Jill, but, ugh, she is with Flynn. I need time to figure out what to do about Flynn. Eventually I’ll stop having feelings for him. We’re not good for each other. The best thing I can do for our friendship is give it some space.