If I Told You (30 page)

“Yeah.”

“That was a wake up moment for me. That was when I started realizing how often, how much, how deeply I wanted you. I had shoved all those feelings down for so long, filling the void with men. Lots of men. I had to admit it to myself before I could tell you.”

“It sucks we hid our feelings for so long.”

“Not really if you think about it. What are the chances we’d be here in this moment completely in love if we went to bed with each other that first night?”

“Low.”

“Exactly. Wouldn’t you rather have this?”

“Absolutely and every minute in between.”

“Me too. We earned it. We weren’t ready any sooner. Everything’s been worth it, even what happened with Rhys. He changed everything for us. Because of him the restaurant is booming and your dreams are coming true. Because of him—”

Flynn stops my words by kissing me softly. “Because of him, I realized I was in love with you. He made me see it. He turned a mirror on me, and I was forced to admit that my feelings were deeper than lust. He did make my dreams come true. My dream of loving you.”

We kiss again, wrapped in each other’s arms, and it’s better than anything I’ve ever felt.

“So now what?” I ask after he releases me. “We’re gonna date?”

“Brooklyn, we’ve been dating our whole relationship. We have dinner together, we go out, we talk all night long. We hold hands, we kiss, we support each other through every triumph and defeat. The only thing we didn’t do was acknowledge it and share a bed.”

I smile. “Good point. So now we share a bed?”

“That’s what I want.”

“Me too.”

“Which one?”

I laugh. “Something we’ll have to figure out. Like a lot of other stuff.”

“We can do it. I know we can.”

Rubbing his cheek, I smile. “I know we can, too.”

The next morning, I roll over to an empty spot beside me. After climbing out of bed, I shuffle out to the living room where I see Flynn sitting on the couch staring out into nothing.

“Flynn?”

He turns around and smiles. “Morning, babe.”

“Morning. Everything okay?”

“Yeah, great.” He pats the spot beside him. I sit down and wrap my hand around his.

“You seem sad.”

“Far from it. I was just sitting here thinking about what happened. I’ve wanted you for so long, and now all of a sudden, we’re together. It’s surreal.”

“Anti-climatic?”

He laughs softly. “Uh, no. It’s perfect.” Glancing at me, he continues. “I guess I thought it would feel different, like something’s changed, but it hasn’t.”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“I feel the same as I always have. Even my desire for you hasn’t been quenched.” He twists toward me. “Seeing your body right now is just as exciting as it always has been. I want to drag you back to bed and make love to again.”

“You can.”

“I know.” He smiles. “That’s one change, I guess. I can finally stop jacking off so much.”

I laugh. “Same here.” Leaning forward, I kiss him softly. “You still seem sad.”

“I’m not. I promise. I just want to make you happy.”

“Nothing has to change. I’m always happy around you.” I squeeze his hand. “Always. I just want to do what we do. Today I’ll go to work, and you will too. On some days, we’ll surprise each other with coffee and croissants. On other days, we’ll grab a drink after the restaurant closes. Sometimes we’ll order pizza and other times you’ll cook for me. We’ll wake up on Sundays and go to the studio for a work out. We’ll do all the stuff we’ve always done, except every night, I’ll climb into bed next to you. And every chance I have, I’ll tell you that I love you and that you’re so special to me, and that I wouldn’t change anything about our life together. Everything is already perfect.”

Flynn nods, shocking me as his eyes get teary. “I was always afraid that if I told you how I felt, you would reject me. You know what kind of man I am and, you know, maybe you would want better for yourself.”

“Better than you? It doesn’t even exist, Flynn. You’re the best man I know. Besides, you know me, too. That’s why we’re so right for each other. You know every dirty, dark part of me, and I know yours and yet, all I see when I look in your eyes is beauty, and kindness, and love. It’s all I’ve ever seen.”

Flynn cups my face between his hands, kisses me hard, then gazes into my eyes. “You are so incredible. Thank you for…” He pauses, shaking his head.

“What is it, babe?”

“Just for letting me be your man. I used to be afraid, but I’m not anymore. Nothing about loving you scares me.”

I smile. “That’s good. You’re definitely man enough to handle me.”

“I’m the only man in New York that can.”

“More than just New York.”

“One more thing. I just want to make sure you understand something.”

“Okay.”

“I never had sex with Mel. Just the couple of times where, well you know. You saw.”

I nod. “That’s fine.”

“And I didn’t have sex with Jill. To be honest, I was going to. I called her the night we kissed and then you went to Rhys’s.”

“And?”

“She got here and I literally couldn’t. Same thing happened with Mel. My head said do it, but my body was like nah, I want Brooklyn.”

I smile. “Thanks for telling me. That night you kissed me, I tried with Rhys too, but I couldn’t. He touched me, and I just shut down. It ended with me leaving and a very disappointed Rhys. That’s why I was home so early.”

Flynn nods. “But obviously after that…”

“Yeah. I mean, I kind of had to. I was staying with him, and he wasn’t taking my excuses very well.”

“I wouldn’t either.”

“I didn’t enjoy it at all. I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”

“Swear?”

“Swear.”

Flynn brushes his fingers under my chin. “None of it matters anymore. It’s just you and me now.”

“Yep.” I kiss him softly. “Now, what do you say, you make a pot of coffee and make love to me before we both head off to work?”

“That’s a damn good idea.”

“Morning,” I say to Jill as I walk into the studio.

“Hey. How are you?”

“Great.” I smile, leaning on the counter. “I owe you an apology.”

“No you don’t.”

“I do. I hooked you up with Flynn and then treated you like ass for it. Obviously, I was just jealous.”

“Which is hilarious knowing how much he wanted you.”

“I didn’t know that then.”

“Do you now?”

“Yep. A lot has happened in twenty-four hours. My relationship with Rhys is over and my relationship with Flynn is just beginning. Well, this phase of it anyway.”

Jill claps. “Finally. I’m so happy for you.

“Thanks. Me too.”

“How did things go with Rhys?”

“It sucked. He broke it off with me and told me to go to Flynn. I hated that I was the cause of his sadness.”

“Yeah, that does suck. I didn’t know what to say when he just popped in.”

“Not your fault at all. In fact, on some level, I’m glad it happened. It made me admit my feelings.”

“You knew you were feeling something though. We talked about it.”

“Yeah, I mean I did, but it’s hard to cross over from friends to lovers. Neither one of us has ever been in a long term relationship, and I just didn’t know how to handle it. So I blocked it out, pretended nothing was happening, and tried to focus on Rhys.”

Jill shakes her head. “You had the two hottest guys in New York vying for your heart.”

“No, only one of them wanted my heart.” I smile. “He’s got it now.”

“Thank God. Now he’ll stop calling me every night. Talk about lovesick. He was drowning without you.”

“Thank you for being a friend to him.” I smile. “To both of us. We’re not good at opening up to people, you know, so it means a lot that both of us could talk to you.”

“Just call me Dr. Jill, relationship therapist.” We both laugh. “If only I could solve my own singleness.”

I pat her hand. “Something good is coming for you. You’ve got some damn good love karma coming your way. I can feel it.”

“I hope you’re right.”

“I am. I always am.”

We’re both laughing as the door opens, and we both turn to see Rhys walking in.

“Hi,” I say walking toward him, completely surprised.

“Hi.” He’s got his hands in his suit pocket as he nods at Jill. “Got a minute?”

“Of course. Want to go in my office?”

“That’d be great.”

We walk to the back and I’m filled with curiosity. I close the door and wait.

“It’s harder to see you than I thought it would be.” He smiles. “Now that I can’t touch you.”

“Yeah.”

“Did you talk to Flynn?”

“I did.”

“And?”

“I told him how I feel.”

“Good. That’s really good.” He wrings his hands. “So, you’re with him now, because if not, then…” He looks up at me with the saddest eyes.

“Rhys? What are you trying to say?”

“If not then I want you to come back with me. I’ll give you up for him, but no one else.”

I approach him slowly. “I’m with Flynn now.”

He nods. “Okay. It’s just that I miss you.” He laughs softly. “It’s been a day, and I miss you. I didn’t expect that.”

“I miss you too, Rhys, in a lot of ways.”

“Thank you for that. Even if it’s not true.”

“It is true.”

He turns away from me for a minute, fiddling with a pen on my desk. “I found myself wanting to text you or have dinner or just touch you again.” He looks back at me. “I’m telling you this for a reason.”

“Okay.”

“Being with you showed me something about myself. I admit that initially my motivation was because you were such a challenge. I was so busy trying to keep you away from Flynn that I never stopped to figure out why. I thought it was fueled by pride or competition, but now that you’re gone, it’s clear as day what drove me.”

“What?”

“Love.”

I crinkle my brow. “But you said you weren’t in love with me.”

“I wasn’t.” He smiles. “But I think I wanted to be. I hoped it would happen. I wanted you to be the one.”

“Why?”

“I’ve been having such a great time building this amazing life I have. I sleep with anyone I want. You were a conquest for me. A stunning rare gem that I wanted. I planned to take you out a couple of times and you know, just take what I wanted, but you didn’t let me. You made me work for it, and I enjoyed it. The knowledge that I could lose you at any moment only made me want you more.”

I nod.

“The more time we spent together, I realize now how much I liked having one consistent person in my life. I began to trust, to open up, and to want more than just sex. I felt like I did when I was with Meg. Why else would I invite you to Florida and suggest you move in with me?”

Nodding, I answer. “I wondered.”