If I Told You (23 page)

“I don’t feel bad.”

“No? Then why the scene with Mel this morning?”

“Can’t a guy just get a blow job when someone offers?”

She stands, narrowing her eyes. “Whatever. I need to go.”

“Have fun.”

She nods. “I will.” Flipping her hair off her shoulder, she flashes a grin full of venom. “At least I know he eats great pussy. He’ll stay down there until I’m literally begging him to stop.”

I narrow my eyes. She wants to play. “Good for you,” I reply, resisting the urge to shut her down by asking her if she plans to say my name again.

“And this morning when I sucked him off in my office, I realized what a huge cock he has. I probably won’t be able to walk tomorrow.”

I shake my head. We always talk this way about sex, but now it’s tinged with something else. She wants me to be jealous. She wants to piss me off, and it’s working.

“Again, good for you, Brooks.”

“Good for me? What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“Wrong with me? You’re the one talking shit.”

“I’m just talking like we always do.”

“Yeah, okay. Why don’t you go now? You don’t want to keep your food critic waiting.”

“No I don’t.”

As she picks up her jacket, visions of her in Rhys’s arms flash through my mind. I can’t fucking stand it. Without thinking I rush to her, pull her into my arms and smash my lips against hers. I kiss her hard, not letting either of us come up for air. She responds by pressing against me and running her fingers through my hair. Swinging her around, I move backwards until she’s against the wall. She lifts her legs around my waist, grinding her hips against my dick.

“Fuck, Brooklyn,” I whisper against her mouth. Pulling back slightly, I look deep into her eyes. They seem to encourage me. This is it. We’re doing it. Moving in to kiss her again, I’m interrupted by her ringing phone.

She looks down at it. “It’s him. Rhys.” As soon as she says his name, I see the reality hit her. I release her, and she fixes her hair while she lets it ring. “I forgot for a minute.”

“Me too.” I step back. “I just, uh, lost control. I shouldn’t have done that.”

“You’re wrong. We both needed you to do that.” Her phone rings again, and she looks down at it. “I better answer.”

I walk away as she answers, resuming my position on the couch. I kissed her, and this time she definitely didn’t look at me like I was her brother. This time there was passion and intensity. This time I was five minutes away from being inside of her. Now I have to let her go, and wonder if she’ll still fuck him tonight. If she does, I wonder if she’ll wish it was me instead. I look up at her as she talks to him. I wonder if she wasn’t with him if we’d still be doing this. Maybe I just want her so much because he does. I don’t even fucking know anymore.

She hangs up and picks up her jacket again. “I need to go. Dinner’s getting cold.”

“Okay.” I wring my hands. “If you let him tonight, I don’t want to know.”

“Flynn…”

“I know it’s wrong of me to be jealous. I don’t even know why I am, but I’m working on that right now. I just don’t want to know, but I understand if you do. It was wrong of me to come at you like that.”

She walks over to me and bends down kissing me softly on the mouth. “Whether it was right or wrong, that was the best kiss of my life, Flynn.”

I watch her walk out then fall back against the couch. Mine too.

Sitting in the cab on the way to Rhys’s house, I replay the kiss in my mind over and over. I knew he wanted me, and he just proved it. Staring out the window, I wonder what I should do now. Nothing’s resolved. Flynn wants me physically, but there’s no way he’s ready emotionally. He just told me as much this morning. If we sleep together now, it’ll just make everything weird and tense. Maybe we won’t even be able to live together anymore. I couldn’t bear it. I can’t lose Flynn even if it means never touching him again.

When we pull up in front of Rhys’s, I put my game face on. It’s not fair to treat him any less than the great guy he’s been. Twisting my neck back and forth, I put Flynn’s kiss out of my mind, a smile on my face, and ring the doorbell.

“Hey, gorgeous,” Rhys says when he answers, kissing my cheek.

“Sorry I’m late. Lost track of time.”

“Nothing to be sorry for. You’re worth the wait. Come on in.”

“Thanks.”

I walk in to a very high end apartment, but then I expected that from its Central Park address. Everything is perfectly in place, and it looks like some kind of fancy home magazine layout. In the dining room is a huge table with two settings laid out and lit by candles.

“Please sit,” Rhys says.

“Thank you.”

I sit, noticing how nervous I am. This isn’t like me. Sex is my thing. It’s my stress release. This is what I do.

“Something bothering you?” he asks.

“No.” I smile. “I’m totally fine.”

“Good. Be right back.”

I pour myself a glass of wine and wait the few minutes until Rhys returns with two plates.

“Chicken piccata,” he announces. “Hope you like it.”

“I’m sure I will.”

Rhys takes a seat then lifts his wine glass clinking it against mine. “I’m glad you’re here.”

“Me too.”

Turning my attention to my meal, I cut into my chicken, thinking about the rest of the evening, last night, and what the fuck I plan to do.

“So, last night…” I begin, trailing off.

“Yeah?”

“I passed out?”

“Pretty much.” He smiles. “Disappointing to say the least.”

“Yeah. I get like that with Patron.”

“So I’ve learned.” He takes a bite of his chicken. “I’m not sure what you remember or what Flynn told you, but he took you to your room last night.”

“I heard.”

“I’ll be honest, that’s not what I wanted. I offered, but he insisted, and I didn’t want a scene.”

“He insisted?”

“He did. He said he knew how to handle you when you were passed out.”

“I see.” I chew my chicken. “I guess I’m surprised you let it go so easily.”

“As I said, I didn’t want a scene.” He puts his fork and knife down. “I guess I don’t know if I still believe you two are just friends. Last night, I noticed some shared glances.”

“Glances?” I look up, sipping my wine.

“Between you and Flynn.”

“Well I don’t remember any of it. I remember kissing Jill and then that’s it.”

Rhys nods. “Did Flynn tell you how you stripped in front of us?”

“Yep. Another Patron side effect.”

“You should’ve seen his face. He wanted you. We all did. Even Jill.”

“Naked women tend to cause that in people.”

“I suppose so, yes. I think he was happy when you passed out. Then he knew you wouldn’t be with me.”

“What are you getting at?”

“Just sharing my observation.”

“Okay, well I can’t do anything about what Flynn wants or thinks. I shouldn’t have had so many shots knowing how it affects me, plus all the wine at dinner.”

He nods. “I’m just trying to figure something out about you.”

“What?”

“Either you just talk a lot of shit or you’re avoiding sex with me. Which is it?”

“What do you mean by that?”

“You come across as this sexually independent woman. You’ve told me to my face that I’m just in your life for your pleasure, yet nothing’s happened.”

“I wouldn’t say nothing.”

“You know what I mean, Brooklyn. What’s going on with you? I’m doing everything I can to show you a good time and prove I’m not just an in and out kind of guy. So why do you resist? What else do you need? Tell me and it’s yours.”

It’s a damn good question. One I wish I could answer. Instead, I look up at the man next to me, gazing into his pleading eyes. I really couldn’t ask for more. He’s been great, and if I’m honest, I need to have sex like I need my next breath. Dick is dick, right?

“I don’t need anything else, Rhys. I’m ready.”

“You sure?”

“I am. Very sure.”

He leans to my side of the table and kisses me. It feels good, and I remind myself that this is what I want. This man. Opening my eyes, I brush my fingers over his cheek.

“I’ve had enough to eat. Take me to bed.”

Sitting on the edge of my bed, I stare at my phone considering my next move. I could call Melissa. I could call Jill, too. I scroll through my contact list. There’s at least twenty women I could call to fix what’s wrong with me. I would do anything to get my mind off of Brooklyn and what she’s doing right now. She’s gonna let him fuck her tonight, and I can barely stand it. If I knew where he lived, I’d go over there right now and pull her away. I’d stand up and be a fucking man and tell her… I close my eyes, squeezing them shut. Tell her what? I don’t even know.

Looking back at my phone, I dial a number. All I know is that tonight, I can’t be alone.