I Shouldn't Be Telling You This: Success Secrets Every Gutsy Girl Should Know (19 page)

You then have to consider what projects will help fulfill that mission (your boss will have probably shared some thoughts but it’s up to you to figure out others). Again, if you’re in PR, those projects might include everything from securing profiles of people in your company to organizing tent-pole events that will get talked about. Determine, based on your notes, which projects take priority and set deadlines for them. Block out times on your calendar to concentrate on what must be accomplished. Keep a to-do list.

Accelerate your learning curve, even if no one is telling you to do so.
In almost any new job, you’re going to need to learn new things. You’ll step into the job with some of the skills and knowledge required (unless you’ve totally snookered your superiors) but not necessarily all of them. That’s okay, that’s the way it works (guys tend to get this better than we do). If you had every skill and piece of knowledge that was required, you’d be ready for the job
above
your new one. Besides, a job isn’t exciting if you’re not learning in it. That said, you must master new skills and acquire knowledge as quickly as you can—even if you’re not feeling any direct pressure to do so.

Sometimes you can find the information you need right where you are. Ask your boss for any relevant material she’d like you to take a look at. Go through any material or files that were left by the person you were replacing. (I’ve found this extremely helpful on several occasions!) If part of your new job is receiving reports from people in support areas, ask if they’d please do a follow-up call or meeting with you to run through the info. Some people like to strut their stuff this way, and it will give you the chance to delve deeper. If there are people from other areas or departments that you’ll now be working with, take them out for coffee and ask for info. You don’t want to sound needy or unsure, but saying something such as “I’d love to hear how your department works” will provide great intel.

In some cases, you may have to go outside to improve your skills. That’s what Dr. Holly Phillips did after she took a job as a health reporter for a New York City TV station. Phillips, a graduate of Williams College and Columbia University College of Physicians and Surgeons, was a practicing internist in Manhattan who was frequently asked to appear on TV and discuss medical issues. Working with an agent, she made a demo reel of her many TV appearances and within a short time landed the job as a reporter. Because she’d never been an actual reporter before, the station provided her with a producer who offered her lots of guidance. But Dr. Phillips felt she’d have a huge leg up if she went further than that, so she hired a private media coach on her own dime. “It cost me the first three months’ salary,” she says, “but it was worth it. There are aspects of being on television, like the cadence you need to speak with, that I couldn’t have picked up on my own.” She’s now the medical contributor for
CBS This Morning
.

Prepare to wow them.
You’ve figured out a plan to accomplish what your boss wants, and that’s good. But remember, you need to do more than they tell you. In part I, I talked about the importance of noting what may be missing or what needs to be fixed. Keep an eye out for that sort of stuff and run with it.

Don’t hide in your workspace or office.
Most of the people I’ve worked with who had Sudden Promotion Syndrome burrowed into their offices like chipmunks or moles. They clearly concluded that if they hid out, they’d (1) be out of the line of fire and (2) get their work done better and faster. But to a boss, burrowing makes you look unengaged or scared.

Own your new power.
Sit where someone of your stature is expected to sit at meetings, and use the perks that have been given to you. There’s no reason to be modest. And
delegate.
If you have an assistant for the first time, work it, even if you feel awkward initially. Really successful people can answer their own phones, but if you’re at midlevel, having an assistant do it or grab you lunch occasionally helps establish your clout with the people around you.

If you’ve been promoted from one job to another in the same workplace, distance yourself from office pals who aren’t on your level, at least at the office.
I know, I know, it sounds really bitchy and mean. But if
your
boss sees you still chatting at their workstations or eating with them in the cafeteria, it will make you look “junior” to her. If you’re actually close friends with someone, tell her that you are crazed with the new job and will have to focus on catching up with her after hours.

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18 People Principles: Because Now You Really, Really Need Them
 
}

N
o matter how well you handle your actual job, you won’t be able to optimize it if you don’t learn to handle people well, too. I’ve already talked about how to deal effectively with both your boss and the people who report to you, but there are all sorts of other people you come into contact with each day, including colleagues on your level in your immediate area; coworkers in other departments who are below, above, or equal to you in rank; your boss’s boss; people outside your own company, such as clients, whom you must interact or do business with; and support personnel both inside and outside your workplace. If you travel for business, that includes everyone from flight attendants to desk clerks at hotels.

Though those people—let’s call them coworkers just to make it easier—don’t leap out of bed each morning thinking of ways to make you a star, they often play a key role in how successful you will be in your job and your career.

In many ways, coworkers help make a job exciting and fun (some of my closest friends are men and women I once worked with), but, let’s be honest, they can also present plenty of challenges. Unlike with a boss, there’s no strict protocol you can fall back on, and, unlike with people who report to you, you generally don’t have a lick of authority with them. That’s why you need to master people skills. And it’s especially important as you reach the first levels of success. The more power and responsibility you have, the more you will be interacting with people outside your area—people you hope to collaborate with, for instance, or people you may need something from but who aren’t necessarily required to give it.

Unfortunately, there also may be more people gunning for you once you’re a success. If you have something they want, such as power or a killer idea, they may not hesitate to come after it. The workplace
can
be a jungle at times—filled with tigers, snakes, and jackals!

The good news is that once you master some basic people skills (aka rules of the jungle), you can rely on them forever because people tend to be fairly predictable. Here are the best rules I know for interacting with coworkers based on what I’ve learned by trial and error and from watching people better at it than I am.

Principle #1:
Almost everyone wants to feel good about him- or herself
.
It’s a very simple principle, and acting with it in mind will make you much more effective—whether you’re negotiating with your boss’s assistant for time on his calendar or you’re part of an interdepartmental committee of people who are all on your level. Whenever possible, acknowledge the other person’s expertise and your respect for it. It’s the difference between saying “You gotta figure out what’s wrong with my AV setup!” and “You’re such a whiz with this stuff. I’m sure you can figure out what’s wrong.” But they will know if you don’t really mean it. “People want to feel important and valued,” says Dr. Dale Atkins, a psychologist with whom I sometimes appear on the
Today
show, “but the key in communicating is to show a genuineness and sincerity when you say something rather than sound like you’re just complimenting them because you want something.”

Principle #2:
People who approach you generally have an agenda, and you should figure out what it is
.
When people contact you at work—whether in person, by phone, or by e-mail—there’s almost always a purpose. They need something from you, for instance, or they want to pass along information. Sometimes, though, the agenda is not what it seems, and you need to discover it. Ask questions. Listen carefully. Ask yourself, too, whether the agenda the person announces to you may not be the
true
agenda.

Principle #3:
Sugar lips can get you what you want
.
When I was the editor in chief of
Redbook
, I gave a luncheon to honor some of the outstanding members of Mothers Against Drunk Driving, and we asked Elizabeth Dole, a former U.S. senator and then the head of the American Red Cross, to present the awards. As I was reading up on her before the event, I discovered that she was sometimes known as Sugar Lips. Why that nickname? She was apparently a master at getting her way by sweet-talking. The day of the luncheon, I was able to see the sugar lips in action. Dole was strong and impressive but also very warm and incredibly charming.

Up until I read the articles about Senator Dole, I hadn’t heard the term “sugar lips” (though it’s apparently an old southern expression), but I’d certainly seen the technique before. In my neck of the woods it was known as “You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.” Regardless of what you call it, it works.

By sugar lips I don’t mean acting all gushy. I’m talking about using a little charm to persuade people rather than acting like a bully or a bitch. The phrase “I could really use your help,” said with a smile, can work brilliantly.

When I was first starting out in the work world, women were encouraged to talk tough, act tough, and take no prisoners. But there are several problems with this approach. One, it can be very threatening, especially to men, and the other person ends up becoming defensive rather than cooperative. Two, it leaves you with nowhere to go if things
aren’t
working out. And last, as that became the modus operandi for many women and men, too, it lost all its wallop. If everyone is bitching or barking, it’s not going to grab attention as it might have before.

When Lady Gaga’s publicist called a week before our
Cosmo
cover shoot with her and reported that she wasn’t feeling up to it, I wondered briefly if I should try to go into a hard-ass “We had a deal” mode. But I knew that that would do nothing to help my case. So I called one of the top people at the record company and asked for his help. I told him that I knew that the cover would be important for both of us—an issue of
Cosmo
, I told him, generally sold more on the newsstand than
Glamour
,
Vogue
, and
InStyle
combined—and I was hoping he could do all he could to turn the situation around. He did just that. The cover shoot went great, and the issue was a top seller.

Principle #4:
Sometimes you need to kick butt and take numbers
.
Unfortunately, sugar lips don’t always work. In certain instances you have to get tough. But by tough I mean firm, direct, no-nonsense, giving a hint of anger without raising your voice. Not shrill or strident—it makes you seem weak. No name-calling or idle threats, such as the lame “I’ll have your job!” That kind of remark only backs people into a corner. When you’re talking about anything from bad behavior to a pathetic hotel room, a great phrase is “This is unacceptable, and it’s important that you fix it immediately.”

Principle #5:
If you tell someone something under the legendary “cone of silence,” there is about an 85 percent chance that he or she will repeat it
.
People are very bad at keeping secrets. They swear that they will place your secret “in the vault,” but guess what?
There is no vault!
In some cases people blab just because they’re compulsive gossipers; while you’re still speaking, they’re thinking of whom they can spill to. You can learn to spot those people, by the way; they’re the ones who tell
you
something they heard in confidence from someone else, claiming they’re sharing with just you.

Other people don’t
intend
to blab, but a moment arrives when sharing the secret will make them seem wonderfully in the know, and they go for it. When I was pregnant with my first child, I wanted to wait to tell my boss until I was safely past the first trimester. I sensed that my pregnancy might throw her a curveball, and there seemed no point in shaking things up unnecessarily. Just before I was planning to break the news, I flew to San Francisco for a business trip with several people from the advertising sales team. One of the women on the trip looked at me after I’d ordered my third Caesar salad in two days (I had such a pregnancy-related food craving for Caesar salad that at times it seemed I might end up giving birth to a head of romaine lettuce!). I whispered to her that I was pregnant. It was nice to share the news, and I felt no qualms she’d tell. No one, I decided, would betray that kind of secret. WRONG. She told her boss, who then told my boss. It clearly made the chick feel important to relay that kind of news. And my boss, as you’d expect, was pissed off that I hadn’t told her first.

That’s when I realized that no secret is entirely safe, even personal ones (it’s best, by the way, to
always
leave those at home). When people don’t out-and-out spread the story, the info may still leak out from them indirectly.

Does that mean you should never confide anything to anyone? No. Because you sometimes
have
to share sensitive work info with your team. But help them understand the importance of discretion. Start with “I really need everyone to keep this information confidential. Can I count on you?” But be prepared that it still might get out.

Principle #6:
Secret keepers go far
.
It’s hard to keep a juicy secret. But if you promised you would, you must. One way to resist telling anyone is to
relish
the secret. Be like the cat that ate the canary, and delight in the fact that you have something no one else does. If you’re good at keeping secrets, you’ll earn a reputation for it, and people will share info of value. What you can share instead is industry gossip that you’ve overheard or read about. That will prevent you from seeming prissy.