I Shouldn't Be Telling You This: Success Secrets Every Gutsy Girl Should Know (18 page)

If one of your star players seems to run out of steam or lose his way after being there a while, don’t just decide that it’s over. Give him a brand-new project to do—it may help him get his mojo back.

Rule #13:
Make people ask (even beg a little) for their promotions
.
I absolutely love promoting from within. When I arrived at
Cosmo
, I discovered that most editorial assistants in the articles area eventually left the magazine after a couple of years because there were no positions for them to be promoted into. I created two associate editor positions to solve that problem, and over time we promoted many assistants into those jobs and then even into senior editor and deputy editor positions. But here’s what became clear over time: if we waited for someone to come to us and ask for the job before promoting her—rather than simply announcing to her that she was getting it—things turned out better. The new editor would be more likely to feel that she
owned
the job, and work hard at it. For some idiotic reason, I occasionally did not follow my own advice and almost always regretted it.

Rule #14:
Never underestimate the power of giving someone a title
.
Yes, people want raises—
good raises
—and they want promotions, too. But sometimes neither is yours to bestow at a given moment, so upgrade the person’s title. Trendera CEO Jane Buckingham says that early on in her business, when she couldn’t afford to hire extra people, she recruited interns and gave them fancy titles. “I let an intern put ‘trend specialist’ on her business card, for instance,” she says. “And there’s a bonus that comes with this. So often people totally take off in the role. They rise to their titles.”

Rule #15:
Fire intelligently
.
Sometimes you have to let people go for economic reasons. Maybe times are tough, or it could simply be that your company is restructuring. Regardless, there’s nothing you can do about it (except to offer whatever support and job leads you can).

But as a boss you’ll also have to fire people for cause sometimes—because they’re not capable of doing their jobs or doing them the right way. This gets a bit trickier. It’s not always black and white, and no one is giving you a deadline. I’ve had to do my fair share of this kind of firing, as well as guide people on my staff as they terminated people under them. And as you might imagine, it’s an easy process to mess up. The two most common mistakes I see people making—and I’ve made them myself—are firing too quickly and not firing quickly enough. This sounds contradictory, but let me explain.

Sometimes people fail at their jobs not because they are incompetent or lazy but because they don’t know what they’re supposed to be doing or perhaps have been miscast. Before you let someone go, it’s important to ask yourself if you have been absolutely clear about your expectations with this person and what he is doing wrong. (If you do feel someone’s performance is suffering and that it may lead to termination, be sure to contact HR to determine the steps you should be taking.) Also, could there be something getting in the way of this person’s performance that you could possibly fix? I once had a high-level employee whom I thought I was going to have to fire. She was very capable in some areas, but there were critical aspects of her job that she didn’t do very well. But after thinking about it for a while, I shifted her job so that it involved doing mostly what she was good at and gave someone else the other responsibilities.

But once you are sure that you’ve been clear with your subordinate and she can’t pull it off, act swiftly. You are torturing yourself, the rest of your staff, and even the subordinate by dragging out the situation.

Rule #16:
Have fun, be easy
.
From the start at
Cosmo
, I tried in little ways to encourage a sense of fun and ease. I let people know that they could always bring their kids in if the babysitter failed to show. I also started organizing salons for the staff every six weeks with guest speakers—authors and experts of various kinds. Animal Planet star Dave Salmoni did two salons, one with a tiger and another with a cougar.

Rule #17:
That said, be sure there’s an invisible line drawn between you and your subordinates
.
You can be friendly without being a friend. If you cross that line, it opens a door for employees to take advantage in little ways, and it can be hard to play boss when situations require it.

Rule #18:
Be a bit of a mystery
.
Don’t share important details about your personal life. Don’t always say where you’re going. You don’t want to be so mysterious that people start gossiping that you’re having an affair, but intriguing bosses are just more interesting to work for.

Rule #19:
Last but not least, YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE A BITCH
.
I think women who make people feel like stripped cars are either narcissistic or pathetic at handling stress, so they take it out on others. Despite what you may have been led to believe, being nice and fair will not undermine your success; in fact, I think being a nice, fair boss rather than a raging bitch will bring out the best in the people who work for you, thus improving your chances of achieving great success.

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Arrive at Work Before Everybody Else
 
}

I
’m sure there are plenty of successful women who don’t arrive at work early, but my unscientific opinion is that you significantly increase your chances of success if you do. “Early” generally refers to early in the morning, but what I’m really talking about is at least an hour ahead of most everybody else—whenever that is.

You will discover very quickly that this strategy gives you a fantastic edge. By the time everyone else hauls butt through the door, you will have answered your e-mails, gone through the dregs of your in-box, written up your daily to-do list, and ticked off at least a few items on it. You will be firmly in charge of your day rather than at its mercy. You’ll avoid that awful gotta-catch-up feeling that arriving later tends to cause or, even worse, the sense that the day is getting away from you.

Besides, though they may never admit it, many bosses have a weird thing about the time people arrive for work. They secretly
want
you to show up early. It suggests to them that you’re really committed to your job.

I came to this wonderful success strategy fairly late in the game. In my twenties I was an incorrigible night owl and rarely rolled into work before at least nine thirty (but never, I swear, in the same outfit I’d worn the day before). In my early forties I had to drop my kids off at school, preventing a well-timed arrival. But once my kids were older—and I saw my workload expanding like a Chia Pet—I decided to head in to the office before eight each day. And wow, what a huge difference it made. I wished I’d discovered the benefits years before.

If in your case arriving early at work means that you will have to wake up at some ungodly hour, please resist the urge to bitch-slap me because of this strategy. Instead, buy one of those wonderful alarm clocks that gently pings you awake instead of emitting a horrific blaring noise. That’s what I did. It makes waking up early almost tolerable!

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Beware of Sudden Promotion Syndrome
 
}

F
rom the moment C. arrived at
Cosmo
as a writer and editor, I was superimpressed by her skills. Her writing was not only very accomplished for someone her age, but it was also really witty and perfectly on the mark for
Cosmo
readers. I still remember one of the lines she wrote, and it makes me smile even now: “Granny panties are what you wear on the days that your butt needs a hug.” When a senior editor position became available, we decided to give it to C. even without her asking. To our annoyance, once C. learned about her promotion, she pressed and pressed for a particular office that we’d earmarked for a deputy editor position yet to be filled; we finally caved, despite my better judgment. C. seemed thrilled with the decision.

But a funny thing happened to C. after she was promoted. Within weeks it was clear that some of the steam had seeped out of her. She continued to write and edit, but she didn’t offer up the kind of killer ideas that the new job required. She stayed in her office for long stretches, mostly with the door shut. And when she felt under pressure, she cried.

I’ve promoted tons of people over the years, and I’ve mostly been thrilled with the results. In some cases there was an initial awkwardness or difficulty as the person got up to speed, but soon enough he or she took off.

But there have been more than a few who responded to their promotions the way C. did. They seemed to freeze, or their energy fizzled, and they never rose to the challenge of the new job. Or they completely botched their new responsibilities. I think of it as Sudden Promotion Syndrome.

Why does this happen? I asked that question of Adele Scheele, PhD, the pioneering career coach and the author of
Skills for Success
, who wrote a terrific career column for me at
Working Woman
and now does the same for the
Huffington Post
. Scheele knows a lot about how we handle change—she got her doctorate in it—and she has some definite thoughts on SPS.

“Winning a job promotion isn’t so different than being a marathon runner,” she says. “You cross the finish line but may end up crashing afterward. You used a lot of time, effort, and strategy in order to be recognized enough to land the new title. But after you realize the goal that’s been driving you, things start to sink in: Do you deserve it? Do you want it? Are you going to be found out?”

Part of the problem, says Scheele, is that although we want more, we also, at the same time, want to know the territory, to feel comfortable in some basic ways, and not to have to learn everything all at once. “A new job or promotion can be such an overwhelming change,” she says, “that some people—more women—don’t even try. Those who do still have to internally process the chaos, turbulence, and the unknown.”

In hindsight I think that C. was pretty overwhelmed. That would explain the tears and shutting herself away behind a closed door for hours. I also believe she may have imagined her career only up to the point of
becoming
a senior editor, and once she had the title (and that sweet office), she went into idling mode.

I’ve also noticed over the years that women sometimes feel more panicky in new jobs than men do. Whereas men view being in a situation where they don’t know everything as simply “a stretch,” a woman might start thinking “Yikes, I’m in over my head.” And that can lead to paralysis. Or, in her anxiety to prove herself, she goes full-tilt boogie without really thinking about what she
should
be doing.

Though Sudden Promotion Syndrome has the potential to undermine your career, it
can
be treated effectively. Just recognizing that it’s begun to take hold is half the battle. Here are some key steps for dealing with it.

Upgrade your image immediately.
Buy new clothes, new shoes, a new coat, and a new handbag—all fitting your new position. And have your hair trimmed and newly styled. “To be the part, you have to
look
the part,” says Tracy Shaffer, my terrific entertainment director at
Cosmo
, who was once the publicist for celebrities such as Johnny Depp and Denise Richards. “That’s why stars wear lipstick when they take out the trash.”

Those kinds of style upgrades also help you
feel
the part. Now, you may hesitate to indulge in a minimakeover like this because you’re afraid people will assume you’re now Miss Smarty-Pants. And guess what? Some
will
think that, especially people you left behind or those you are now competing with. But it’s generally only out of envy. Trust me, the benefits far outweigh the negatives here.

Set up an appointment with your boss to discuss exactly what he expects of you.
You must do this with any new job, but it’s especially important when you’ve been promoted. Because you’re already on the “inside,” your boss may assume you know what you should be doing next—but how
can
you know all the ins and outs of someone else’s job? Besides, your boss may have rethought—consciously or unconsciously—how he wants the job to be handled this time. So make an appointment with him, show up with your notepad or iPad, and hear everything he’s got in mind. Ask questions such as “What goals would you like me to hit in the next three months—and by the end of the year?” and “Are there things you’d like me to accomplish that weren’t being addressed previously?”

Listen between the lines, too. Bosses sometimes haven’t yet articulated to themselves what they think was missing, and you may have to tease that information out. Go back to your desk or workstation, and reread the notes you took. Do that every week, in fact, to be sure you’re not straying from the mission. Having the responsibilities and goals in front of you in black and white will not only guide you but also ease any panicky SPS feelings.

Now make a plan.
Or if your job is fairly advanced, you might need to develop a real mission statement. Let’s say you’re now in charge of PR for a small company and your boss wants you to create more buzz. Your mission would involve garnering more coverage via print, TV, online, and general word of mouth. But try to come up with a tight angle and focus for your overall goal.

I was handed a terrific mission statement when I arrived at
Cosmo
: Fun Fearless Female. It was a slogan created for an ad campaign several years before I started, and it fit both the magazine and the reader perfectly. Everything needed to match those three little words. And though they served me well for anything I was doing at a given moment, they were also directional. As the world became edgier,
Cosmo
could never seem less than totally fearless.