I Am Yours (Heartbeat #3) (13 page)

“I never said you were.” I hold up my hands, conceding the point. I’d be an asshole to even think about contradicting her.

“You need help, and I’ve got the time.” She strolls toward me slowly. I can tell she wants to touch me, but she doesn’t. I should tell her that this is a ridiculous plan and send her back to her father, but I can’t. She needs this. I need this. Maybe we can sort this out.

“And what if you get sick or Dr. Savoy starts upping the number of phone calls? What then?” She’s looking up at me with those big, beautiful eyes, making me want to give in to anything she desires. “If you go down, who’s gonna prop me up?”

“Let’s just take it one day at a time, all right?” Her smile is genuine as she does her best to reassure me. “We’re in this together, you and I.”

“And what about Jada?” It’s the question that has to be addressed, better now than later.

“I still have feelings for you, Adam. I’m not gonna lie.” She sighs, lowering her head. “I’m just as confused as you are. You’re completely my type, physically—shaggy blond hair, blue eyes, super tall.” Again, her cheeks turn such a kissable shade of pink. “But you’re not some fantasy anymore. You’re a real person dealing with issues just like the rest of us. And the more time we spend together, I just don’t think we’re a good match. I’ve felt that disconnect a lot over the last couple of days. I tried to ignore it, but after what Jada told us…I don’t know. I can’t pretend like everything’s magically going to work out between us when we’re so different from each other.”

“But you can’t throw me at Jada like that’s going to solve everything.” Especially with Katie standing so close, her lavender scent washing over me.

“I’m not. I just think you should give it a chance with her.” She bites her bottom lip, and I’m transfixed. “Stop looking at me like that.”

“Sorry, it’s just that…” I cough in embarrassment.

“I know, I feel it, too. But even though we’re still physically attracted to each other, that doesn’t mean we have to act on it.” Carefully, she takes a step back, retreating from me. “You need me more as a friend right now.”

“Is that really what you want?” I straighten up, daring her to lie to me.

“Yeah, it is.” She nods without any hesitation, and I can’t help feeling rejected in some way. “I’m not ready for anything else…with you or with anyone.”

“Katie—” I want to hug her with every fiber of my being, but I know she won’t let me—not now.

“It’s okay. We’ll figure this out as we go along. But I think you should go back to bed. You look like you could definitely use some more sleep.” She walks back to the counter and begins pouring another bottle into the sink. I feel like I’ve been dismissed. I’d better go. It’s what she wants.

“Goodnight, Katie,” I say dejectedly.

“Goodnight, Adam,” she replies, even though she doesn’t turn around.

I’d never thought I’d have her in my apartment but not in my bed. I don’t know how much more of this I can take.

Damn, I could really use a drink.

Chapter Twenty-One
Katie

Am I doing the right thing? God, I hope so.

It’s after midnight and I still can’t sleep. I’m sprawled out on the couch with the TV on mute, watching a beauty show on one of the home shopping channels. I hate to admit it, but I’m actually afraid to fall asleep. Even though I turned off my cell phone, I’m still paranoid that Dr. Savoy is going to invade my dreams with his mind. And I can’t dream about Adam right now. I just can’t. Not
my
Adam, anyway.

I haven’t heard a peep from his bedroom, so hopefully he’s sleeping soundly. I don’t know what the long-term effect of keeping our phones off is going to have on our overall mental health, but I’d rather not think about it. One night won’t kill us.

My brain is too busy to settle down anyway. I have to figure out how I’m going to keep Adam sober. It’s sure to be a daunting task. I don’t know much about dealing with drug and alcohol abuse, but maybe all he needs is some kind of support system in his life, and that’s something I can provide.

It can’t be easy for him living out here all alone with no way to decompress after a hard day on the job. I can just imagine what he sees on a daily basis—car accidents, heart attacks, shootings. The ugly side of life most people pretend isn’t going on around them. How does he manage to cope? No wonder he’s struggling. He’s only nineteen; he’s too young to have to deal with so much trauma.

Why he’s doing what he’s doing is no surprise. Turning to the bottle to help him forget or lighting up a joint in order to relax, it makes sense. There’s been no one here to keep him on the straight and narrow. But I can’t forget what brought him to this point, either—my alleged death.

Kelly was pretty smooth, playing on his weakness. She knew what a wreck he’d been before she even got here. She had it all planned out. After starting on me earlier in the day, she probably couldn’t wait to tie our two stories together. I know for a fact that she has my high school graduation picture in her wallet. She most likely used that to plant the idea of me in his head. And I’m sure she subliminally flashed me a photo of Adam when I’d zoned out during my phone call with Dr. Savoy. Too bad Katie Turner is such a common name. Kelly must have been overjoyed when she discovered I’d had the exact same name as Adam’s accident victim. It all fell right into place. We were like lambs being led to the slaughter.

The thought of taking our pain and using it to her advantage sickens me. She didn’t even have the courtesy to tell us what she was doing. We had to find out from Jada. Sure, we’d guessed something was up. I mean, people don’t come back from the dead. But I don’t think either of us imagined the magnitude of the situation.

And for some strange reason, I feel bad for the Katie Turner who actually died in that accident. Her death is the one Adam should be mourning, not mine. She was the real victim in all of this. Now he’ll probably never remember her face, even though her death touched him so deeply. It’s sad in a way, how Kelly and Dr. Savoy robbed him of that.

Ironically, my dreams ended the night Adam climbed down my balcony. Like they were done experimenting with me and wanted to see how I’d react to getting to know Adam in the flesh. But just because my dreams stopped doesn’t mean I’m not afraid they’ll come back. They could resume at any time and I have to be ready. I have to be there for Adam.

I could tell he was upset about not being the father of Kelly’s baby. It must’ve been quite a blow. He was trying to deal with everything else and push it off to the side, but underneath it’s clear he’s hurting. Thinking he was going to be a dad changed his life. Then finding out it isn’t true is the kind of news that sends a person over the edge. But I’m not going to let that happen to him. I’ll pull him up by my fingernails if I have to.

It’s all about looking on the bright side. I’m away from my father. Yeah, I’m still dealing with a lot of tension, but it doesn’t even compare to what I was dealing with at home. The snide put-downs. The lengthy silent treatments. The screaming matches. Despite all of the drama, Adam’s apartment is like a refuge to me. I want to help him. It’s the only way I can ever repay him for sheltering me and making me feel safe.

No one’s been good to me like this before. I’m not used to someone being kind and generous when it comes to my well-being. I can’t trust my family, so who can I trust? I don’t know why, but I feel like I can trust Adam.

Maybe I’m a coward for putting the brakes on what was going on between us, but I’m not ready for something like that. He was definitely moving things faster than I wanted them to go. When he kissed me covered in raindrops, I thought I would be able to follow his lead. But when he stripped in my room, those old fears came rushing back. I didn’t know what he was doing and why he would take his clothes off like that. I felt like I was losing control.

Then he proceeded to hurry things along at Kelly’s apartment. And the more he pushed, the more I wanted to turn away. I can’t say much for Dr. Savoy’s efforts at curing me. I still feel broken inside. I guess I haven’t gotten over what happened to me at that bachelorette party. Adam entered my life and nothing changed. And I’m terrified to think I’ll always be this way. Too damaged to let anyone touch me or even get close to me.

Adam shouldn’t have to deal with my troubles on top of everything else. He has to focus on himself. Does it feel good letting him go? No, it totally sucks. He’s the first guy who’s been truly nice to me. I’m not used to it to be perfectly honest. It makes me wonder if something’s wrong if he actually likes me. No decent guy has ever been into me. I really don’t know how to handle it, so what do I do? I shoot him down, taking the coward’s way out.

Feeling the sparks passing between him and Jada earlier didn’t help either. There’s a connection there, and it’s strong—a lot stronger than they realize. She was trying to put him back together until I entered the picture, blowing her out of the water. Now she’s the one paying the price of Kelly and Dr. Savoy’s antics more than anybody I think. No one messed with her mind, but they sure as hell messed with her heart.

And what bugs me is that I can’t help liking Jada. She’s tough, strong, capable. The type of girl Adam needs so he can find himself again. He was holding his own until that day in the movie theater parking lot, and I think Jada can help him get back to where he needs to be. She understands him on a level I never will. They’ve seen and done things together that have forged quite a bond between them. She’s been trying to get him to let her in, but he’s held back on account of me. And I’m sick of being the ‘other woman,’ getting in the way of that. No matter how much I’m attracted to Adam, I don’t feel right being the one who’s keeping him away from the girl he’s supposed to be with. It’s not fair to anybody, including myself. I want someone to be thinking only of me, not suffering through the effects of a divided heart.

My eyes flutter open when I hear some pretty heavy snoring coming from the next room. Good, he’s fast asleep, and I was nearly drifting off. Maybe I shouldn’t fight it. I need to take care of myself in order to take care of him. The last thing I need is to get sick.

Besides, Kelly’s coming tomorrow. I have to be prepared.

***

I wake up to someone hovering over me.

“You better get up. It’s already after nine.” Adam nudges my shoulder as I bury my face deeper into the pillow. “I’m gonna go out for a hike, so the shower’s all yours. If you’re hungry, there should be some cereal in the cupboard that’s not too stale.”

“Can I go with you?” I squint up at him, rolling onto my back.

“I’m getting kind of antsy, being cooped up in here. I don’t think I can wait around much longer, knowing Kelly’s on her way.” He shoves his hands in his pockets and shuffles his feet, looking ill at ease.

“Is your phone still off?” I ask, sitting up while drawing away the blanket.

“Yeah, I gave you my word, didn’t I?” He doesn’t like me doubting him.

“Don’t get all testy. I just want to make sure. I don’t want it on unless I’m awake to help you through another nightmare.” My bare legs look stark white as I swing them over the side of the couch. Even after a trip to the beach, I’m still horribly pale. I’m only wearing Adam’s shirt, but thank goodness it falls below my knees when I stand.

“If we can’t get Kelly to stop him…” Adam’s worried—not a good sign.

“We will. I promise.” I reach for his hand and my touch lingers.

“Thank you for doing this.” With the way he’s looking at me, I’m acutely aware of my appearance and that my hair is probably one massive tangle. I’m not used to waking up to a guy staring at me.

“It’s the least I can do after a member of my family dicked us over.” I laugh, and he joins in. I don’t often use profanity, but it just feels right when I’m talking about Kelly.

“Maybe Dr. Savoy brainwashed her, too.” He tries to make light of the situation, but he can barely hide his irritation from me.

“How did you two get along before all of this happened? She only mentioned you in passing, never in detail.” I rub one foot across the other, waiting for his response. I’m not sure I’m going to like what he has to say.

“Ah…you know…we’d tease each other back and forth, flirt a little.” He bends his head and I fear the worst.

“Did she come on to you before?” As usual, my curiosity runs rampant over my bruised heart.

“Last year, when we were all at my parents’ house for Christmas, she cornered me under the mistletoe until I kissed her.” He winces at the memory. “I think she’d had too much spiked eggnog. When I went to give her a peck on the cheek, she turned her head at the last minute.”

“And stuck her tongue down your throat?” I ask, trying to ease his discomfort somewhat. I know what Kelly can be like. Her reputation as the head cheerleader at our high school is notorious. Come to think of it, she even tried to seduce a teacher once.

“Pretty much. Before I knew what she was doing, her hand was dipping below my belt and her leg was wrapped around my waist.” He scratches the back of his neck nervously. “I had just moved back to Pennsylvania after April dumped me, and it had been a while since I’d kissed anyone. I knew I shouldn’t be doing it, but I ended up kissing her back.”

“Where was the mistletoe that no one saw you?” I’m trying hard not to be judgmental, but it’s not working.

“Above the entryway in the foyer. Everyone was busy in the parlor opening presents. I didn’t even hear my mom coming until she interrupted us.” He shifts his hair out of his eyes, but I can’t look at him. “At the time, I was just glad it wasn’t Brian.”

“What did she say to you?” Jeez, Adam. Talk about putting your mom on the spot.

“Nothing. She just shook her head as Kelly smirked and walked away. Mom even wiped the lipstick off of my mouth with the napkin she was holding.” He grimaces, no doubt remembering her disappointed expression. “I felt like such a douchebag. Getting caught by my mother, making out with my brother’s girlfriend.”

“Obviously she never told Brian.” I roll my eyes, wishing she had. Maybe it would’ve prevented all this.

“She didn’t think it was her place. She said I should be the one to tell him, but I never did.” He exhales loudly. “And when Kelly started kissing me again at my place, I thought that’s all we’d do. That she wouldn’t take it any further, that I wouldn’t let her.”

“Maybe you didn’t. There’s no way of knowing.” I try to give him some encouragement even though I can’t believe he kissed her again. “If you didn’t get her pregnant, maybe you didn’t sleep together after all.”

“I can’t remember what went down, and that’s what’s eating me up inside.” His eyes search mine, begging me to forgive him. “I never meant for any of this to happen. She just reminded me so much of you.”

“Hold up.” I place my hand on his chest. “You were thinking of me when Kelly came on to you?”

“Yeah. I was drunk and all, but I never would’ve let her touch me otherwise.” He takes a step toward me so my palm rests more firmly against his defined abs. “I had a buzz going on, so I squinted my eyes, pretending she was you. It’s amazing how much you resemble each other—same hair, same eyes, same skin.”

“But don’t you see? That could be an important part of the timeline that Jada’s trying to put together. Kelly and Brian were here a few days before he left on that business trip, right? So Kelly was probably after you from the start. You were already picturing me as your accident victim.” I back up and search for my phone. “We have to call Jada and tell her. What’s her number?”

“You’re willing to risk turning on our phones?” He raises his eyebrows quizzically.

“I think it’s important that she knows, don’t you?” I glance over at him as my phone powers on.

“But what exactly are she and Brian figuring out? Jada already told us what’s going on. She can’t fix the situation. Only Dr. Savoy can.” He strolls over to the window and peers out. “We’re pretty much on our own from this point forward, wouldn’t you say?”

“I guess.” Reluctantly, I concede, turning off my phone. “So we’re just sitting ducks until Kelly gets here?”

“I wouldn’t say that.” Thoughtfully, he strokes his jaw.

“Well, I don’t know how in the world we’re going to get Kelly to change her mind.” I toss my phone defeatedly into my purse.

“Let’s just say it’s time to turn the tables, if you have the stomach for it.” He braces his arm against the windowpane and gazes down onto the woods below.

“I’m game,” I say, not even hesitating.

“Good.” He turns around, giving me a tight smile. “Because here’s what we’re going to do…”

***

The doorbell rings and I take a deep breath.

I’m wedged in Adam’s closet, and I’m already starting to feel claustrophobic. I have the door cracked just wide enough to line up Adam’s cell phone with the narrow opening. My thumb is hovering over the record button on the video camera. This had better work.

I hear footsteps approaching and my heart begins to pound. If Kelly figures out what we’re up to, we’re finished. This is our one and only chance at getting our lives back. I can’t blow it now. I have to suck it up and be brave.