I am Rebecca (4 page)

‘
BROTHERS AND SISTERS
,’ Elder Stephen said, his sorrowful voice reaching deep into every heart, ‘it grieves me to have to remind you all that the Rule must be obeyed. It is there for the guidance of each one of us.’

Beside me, Rachel was gulping for air. I grabbed for her hand and wished we could sit with the children between us. But the custom of the Children of the Faith was that families always sat in order of age. Father sat next to the outside aisle with Mother beside him, then me, Rachel, Abraham, Luke and Magdalene with nobody on her other side to comfort her. Zillah alone would be spared from
what was to come, as she was in the nursery being cared for with the other under-fives.

Rachel swayed and leaned against me, although it might have been me leaning against her. I felt faint and ill.

Apart from Elder Stephen’s voice, the room was deeply silent, as if people knew something bad was coming. There was no escape for Rachel and me from those quietly spoken words.

‘The participation of the Children of the Faith in the Saturday markets is for the sole purpose of putting in front of the world an example of godly living. The experiment has been a success — until now. Worldly people have watched, and they have been impressed enough to ask to learn more. We have received several enquiries.’

I closed my eyes and wished I could faint. Were we to be expelled? It would destroy Magdalene. Who would help Mother?

Elder Stephen held out his arms and spoke with his eyes closed. ‘Lord who guides us all, hear my prayer! I pray that every soul in the Children of the Faith will take into his heart this message that has come to me through You.’ He opened his eyes, lowered his hands to grasp the edges of the pulpit.

I felt his gaze burning me.

‘Here is the message the Lord has in His mercy given to me, my people. Heed the teachings of the Rule! Be obedient unto its commands, for that is the way to salvation. The Lord does not wish to
punish you. He wishes each of you to reap the reward of salvation. He yearns for you to join Him in His heavenly paradise. But He will not be mocked. Know that the fires and torment of eternal damnation await those who choose to mock the Rule.’

We hadn’t mocked it, but I felt as if we’d broken every single part of it. I tried to take my mind to another place, but fear gripped too tight.

Please stop. Please, just punish us. I can’t take any more
.

Perhaps the Lord heard my prayer. Elder Stephen paused to sweep his burning gaze over us all, and I knew the end was coming.

‘My beloved people, it is with deep sorrow that I must report to you a case of flagrant mockery of the Rule. I and your Council of Elders have prayed about this, and it has come to us that no punishment can equal the damage caused to the good name of the Children of the Faith.’

I heard the gasps. I felt the hard stares of the people.
Those Pilgrim twins — what have they done?

Elder Stephen paused, letting the weight of his sorrow fall into our hearts. ‘However, my people, I assure you that the punishment for this heinous act will be as heavy as we can make it without going as far as expulsion.’

So we were to stay in the Fellowship. Expulsion would have been better — eternal damnation couldn’t be as terrible as this.

I hated Ira with all my heart. He had done this to us and he would walk away secure in the knowledge
that the Elders believed him, that they approved of him breaking the Rule to tell on us.

He sat behind us, on the other side of the Place of Fellowship. I was glad to be spared the sight of him.

Elder Stephen let a silence build. Even with my head bowed, I could see the glances shooting at the two of us. I prayed for oblivion.

‘Brother Ira, come and stand before the Fellowship. Tell the people your story. Punishment will be given out after you have spoken.’

Ira strode down the aisle. I heard him bound onto the stage with a single jump. I gave him one terrified look, then kept my eyes fixed on my knees. He was confident, assured — and he was relishing the destruction of our good name.

Rachel and I were probably the only ones in the great hall to know that the emotion dripping from his voice was as fake as his heart was black. ‘Brothers and sisters, it is with sorrow that I speak of the transgression of the Pilgrim twins.’

Beside me, I felt Mother jerk with shock. Rachel and I kept our heads bowed. I wanted to pray, but the words wouldn’t come.

Ira was clever. The essence of the story he told was true. ‘Brothers and sisters, it pains me to tell you how these girls have broken the sacred trust our Elders placed in them.’ He paused to let a hissing from his audience die away. I heard him sigh. ‘I will be as brief as possible with this most upsetting tale. The change ran out. The girls should have asked
me for more. They did not. They went from stall to stall. They pestered other stall holders to give them change. Then, my people, they spent that money on themselves. They bought ice creams. They went around licking them and laughing at the people. I am deeply sorry to grieve you all with this. I want you to know that only an order from Elder Stephen himself was able to persuade me to do so.’

Mother gave a small moan. There were more gasps from around the room. More glances too — although we felt them rather than saw them.

Elder Stephen said, ‘That is indeed a sorry tale, Brother Ira. Are you ready to swear to the truth of it? Think carefully. It is a sin to accuse others wrongfully, even in the smallest particular.’

‘It is the truth. I swear it.’

More silence from Elder Stephen, but by now I was resigned. They would forbid us from going again to the market, but that would be the easy part of the punishment — for telling the truth.

Elder Stephen sighed. ‘My people, it is with deep sorrow that I tell you our Brother Ira is a liar, a transgressor, and has done much to besmirch the good name of the Fellowship.’

This time it sounded as if every one of us was sucking in air. Rachel and I lifted our heads. Ira looked as though he’d been slapped. ‘Elder Stephen! I protest!’

‘Silence! You have had your chance. Every word you spoke was a black-hearted lie. We have checked
your story. Brother Gideon has had the care of the girls for many months. He swears on the Holy Book that their conduct has been true to the Rule. Your story forced us into the position of having to speak to a worldly woman. She attested to the truth of Brother Gideon’s statement. The Pilgrim girls’ behaviour is beyond reproach. Yours, however, has brought the whole community into disrepute.’

I slumped back against the seat. Tears poured down my face. Mother pressed a handkerchief into my hand. I mopped up and passed it to Rachel.

Abraham told us later that Elder Stephen said they’d discovered that Ira had been going to look at worldly magazines, that he’d been spending money on worldly food. I’d been too shocked to absorb that part of Elder Stephen’s speech. Rachel hadn’t been able to concentrate either. But we both heard the punishment.

‘Brother Ira, you are banned from the market henceforth. For three months you will work for three hours in the chicken slaughterhouse every morning, beginning at five o’clock. You will then do your normal work in the business centre.’ Elder Stephen paused, perhaps to wait for Ira to say something. He didn’t. ‘The Council of Elders has also decided it will be best for you to marry as soon as can be arranged. We believe that taking on the responsibility of a family will keep your feet on the path to salvation. We have chosen a wife for you. You will be informed of our decision when we have
spoken with the girl’s father.’

Ira took a step forward, but Elder Stephen snapped out, ‘Stay. You do not have permission to move.’ He turned back to the congregation. ‘My people, if Brother Ira speaks to any one of you in an ungodly manner, we order you to break the Rule by speaking about it to an Elder. Children, I order you to tell your fathers if Brother Ira is unkind or ungodly.’ To Ira he said, ‘You have shamed us all. Be thankful we have been merciful and not cast you out. You may return to your seat.’

I braced for a blast of hate as he passed us, but he didn’t seem to see us as he stumbled back to join his family.

The congregation knelt. My prayer was one of thanks to the Lord for saving us from Ira’s mischief — and for making us too young to be considered as a wife for him.

OVER THE NEXT FEW DAYS
, people kept stopping to talk to us. ‘Thank you for upholding the good name of the Children of the Faith. We are grateful to you both.’

While we appreciated their goodwill, we found it difficult to know how to respond. In the end, we decided on: ‘Thank you for your kind words. Praise the Lord.’

‘Father hasn’t apologised for doubting us,’ Rachel said.

‘Did you think he would?’ I asked.

She shook her head. ‘I just hoped he would.’

Mother didn’t say anything directly, but once, as
we went about our chores, she said, ‘You are good girls.’ That was all, but it helped ease the pain of Father’s doubting of us.

On Wednesday we went with her to our local Circle of Fellowship meeting at Tirzah’s house. Abigail was there too, along with her mother and younger brothers. As usual, the women each read from the Bible and spoke to us about the meaning of the Lord’s words. When they had finished, Tirzah helped her mother and sisters, Dove and Bethany, set out the afternoon tea. The children were allowed to choose one cake each, then we were free to take them out into the garden to play.

Dove was bursting with news. ‘Have you heard who Ira is to wed?’

I shook my head. ‘No. We’ve been too busy giving thanks we’re not old enough to be considered.’

‘It’s strange that no announcement has been made yet,’ Rachel said.

Tirzah hushed her sister with a gesture. ‘We know why. The Elders chose Talitha, but her mother had hysterics and her father said he couldn’t agree to such a husband for his daughter. He said she’s much too gentle to influence Ira to tread the path to salvation.’

Rachel and I caught each other’s eye. Would our parents have protected us from such a marriage? Father would have prayed, but if it had come to him that the Lord wanted one of us to have Ira for a husband, we would have had to obey.

‘They’ll choose Kezia,’ Abigail said. ‘It’s obvious.
She has the same strength of will Ira has. She won’t stand for any nonsense from him.’

‘Well, it’s true Kezia would like to be married,’ Rachel said. ‘She was to have been betrothed to Gideon, but he …’

Dove finished the sentence. ‘He grabbed the beautiful Damaris when your brother refused to marry her and got himself cast out.’

Tirzah said, ‘We’re sorry for the pain you have suffered. It’s a terrible thing to lose a family member in that way.’

We were warmed by her kindness — but did she know about Miriam and Esther as well?

Magdalene came running up, towing Zillah behind her. ‘She wants to climb the tree but her skirt gets in the way.’

‘No!’ Zillah tugged at it.

‘You can’t take it off, Zillah,’ I told her. ‘Mother would be sad. But look — if I tuck it up like this, you won’t trip on it.’ I tied it up around her bottom, making her look a bit like a pumpkin, and off she trotted.

We watched the children in silence for a few minutes. Abraham, bent low, zigzagged across the lawn, firing shots from an imaginary gun. The other boys fell, clutching their hearts and screaming.

Abigail said, ‘The great experiment caused much suffering for your family. You were all in our prayers when we heard what that wicked girl had done to you.’

I felt as if she’d slapped me. ‘What do you mean? What great experiment?’

Rachel, her voice squeezed tight as well, whispered, ‘Are you speaking of Esther? Our cousin Esther? She wasn’t wicked. She saved our mother’s life. Zillah’s too.’

Tirzah waved that away. ‘She interfered with the will of the Lord. And did she, or did she not, cause your brother to go against the teachings of the Rule? She caused him to be expelled. Elder Stephen told us that. He preached about it for two Sundays.’

Rachel gave her head a tiny shake. There was no way either of us could make these girls understand how it had been for our family. Esther, who had come to us from her worldly mother, wasn’t wicked or evil, but she hadn’t been brought up in the Rule and had great difficulty obeying it.

At last, I said, ‘It’s true she helped Daniel on the day he was cast out. But it’s also true that she was loving and kind. We were sad when she left.’ I couldn’t say more of that dreadful time. Esther was gone, and Daniel too. Mother had been terribly ill, with Zillah a newborn baby clinging to life. They had survived only because Esther had disobeyed Father by staying with Mother instead of going to school. She’d called an ambulance when Mother slipped into a coma.

Abigail touched my hand, and then Rachel’s. ‘I’m sorry for reminding you of it. We won’t speak ill of Esther or your brother again.’

AFTER MAGDALENE AND ZILLAH
were safely asleep that night, I sat on the end of Rachel’s bed. This was always our time for talking about things that worried or puzzled us — things we couldn’t ask our parents about.

‘Do you think about them often?’ I asked.

She knew who I meant — our lost brother, sister and cousin. ‘Every day. I pray for them every day.’

‘During family prayers after dinner?’

She gave me a half-smile. ‘Yes. You pray for them too?’

I nodded. ‘For months I tried not to, but I still love them. I still grieve for them.’ I dropped my voice even lower. ‘Do you think it so wrong that Daniel wanted to be a doctor?’

She sighed. ‘My thoughts go round and round. It’s a good thing to want to heal people and care for them. But the study he has to do — you can’t get around that, Rebecca — it’ll expose him to much worldly evil.’

‘That’s what I think too,’ I said. ‘And then I think of Miriam. Why did she have to keep painting and drawing? A doctor is a good and useful thing to be, but an artist doesn’t serve any practical purpose.’

‘You’re angry with her,’ my sister said.

‘No. Yes. Yes, I am. A little.’

‘Me too. I don’t want to be, but I am. She could have stayed. She should have.’ Rachel hugged her
arms around her knees, blinking to chase tears away.

I hugged my own knees. ‘That great experiment — it must have been about Esther. If she’d stayed — if she’d been able to live by the Rule — then the Elders would’ve tried to bring others into the Children of the Faith.’

We were quiet for a bit, then Rachel said, ‘I think you have to want to live by the Rule. You have to know with your whole heart and soul that it’s the right way to live. I guess you have to want salvation more than you want worldly ideas and things.’

‘If they’d taken the trouble to talk to Esther before they made her come and live with us, they’d have seen she was never going to live like we do.’ I felt a gust of anger. ‘Abigail’s right. If she hadn’t been in our family we’d still have Daniel.’

But then I shut up. Neither of us needed reminding that Mother and Zillah were alive because of Esther, even if Elder Stephen said she’d interfered with the will of the Lord.

Rachel whispered, ‘Father was grateful though. Do you remember? He thanked the Lord. He said the ways of the Lord were mysterious.’

‘D’you think Father knows what Elder Stephen said?’ I asked.

She shrugged. ‘Probably. But I don’t believe he wishes Mother and Zillah had died.’

Who was right? Elder Stephen, to whom the Lord spoke, or Father, who accepted that the ways of the Lord were hidden from us?

I looked across at the bottom bunk where Zillah slept. ‘I’m glad we’ve got her. I thank the Lord for sparing them both.’

My sister pressed my hand. ‘Me too.’