I Am Not Junco Omnibus: Books Four - Six (21 page)

"You're wrong. I'm trying to tell you."

"Yeah, that's great. Well, here's a fucking screenflash for ya. I already know I was insane before, and I already know this will just push me over the edge now. There. That what you wanted to tell me, Lucan? That I'm a fucked-up mess? Well, save your fucking breath, I already got the message."

He squeezes my hand until I look him in the eyes. They are glowing. "What's that mean, anyway? When your stupid fucking eyes glow?"

He almost laughs, a small chuckle that is so unlike him I feel like I'm sitting next to a stranger. "Oh, I thought you knew."

I wait for it. What the fuck am I missing now?

"It means I'm granting a wish. That's all, nothing bad. Just a tiny wish, one so small it almost costs nothing."

I think back to the last time I saw his eyes glow. "Huh, well, fuck. If I had known that I would've asked for something better than a burger and fries back on Amelia." We both crack a smile and some of the tension melts off my shoulders as I relax a little.

"I'd forgotten about that."

"So what wish did you just grant me?" I swallow because it actually scares me.

"Peace, Junco. Just a little bit of peace."

I feel a little ashamed for doubting him. And it worked, didn't it? Shit, he's good. "Sorry, Lucan. It's just—" I stop because if I say it out loud it will all become real. I let my face fall into my hands and his arm comes around me, his bat wings curving around my body to comfort me. The tears slip out
again
, before I can stop them.

"You're tired, Junco. I know. I understand that. I'm tired too, remember? I said as much back on Amelia?"

I nod but don't look up. The tears ride the curve of my cheek, launching off and dropping into my lap. They are so big they almost plop.

"But if you just trust me, I promise, Junco. I promise that I will make it all turn out right for you. Do you believe me?"

My chest shakes along with my head and then I wipe my face and turn to look at him. "Of course I believe you, Lucan. Why wouldn't I?"

I almost cry harder when he accepts my lie as truth. It's so easy, really. To lie to people and make them believe that you care. And you'd think I'd be the master by now, I mean, I've lived with liars my whole fucking life and still, I let them talk me into believing.

Not this time. No, not this time.

"Just trust me, OK, Junco?"

I nod and lean into his chest. It's even easier to convince people of your lies if you show them emotion. I know Lucan likes me to depend on him, it gives him control and that adds depth to my lie. "I trust you, Lucan. Please take me back now so I can speak to Gideon, OK?"

He squeezes me to his chest a little and then we move through time.

Chapter Twenty-Two

We appear back in the kitchen amid a huge brawl between Gideon and Tier. My father is barking orders at guards who struggle to break apart the two warriors. I watch for a few seconds and try to assess who'd have won if they were left alone.

It's a hard call and that privately makes me smile as the men are pulled apart. They continue to circle each other, like they are on the verge of another attack.

"Gideon? I need you."

He pulls his glowing red eyes away from Tier and tracks his gaze first to Lucan, and then to me, breathing hard. "Sure thing, Snowbird." He bumps into Tier as they pass one another and grabs my hand and leads me out in to the hallway. We walk past my room and make our way back out into the dark cavernous market tunnel. I stop on the edge, a slight panic rolling down my body like a shiver on a cold night.

"Night vision, Juncs. Use it now, OK?"

I nod. Of course, yeah, I have night vision. He leads me over to another tunnel and I follow him to a small apartment and we go inside. He finds the lights and the place becomes illuminated.

"Where are we?"

He grins and pulls me down on the sagging couch with him and drapes his arm around my shoulder to tug me towards his chest. "My place. I lived here for a few months while I was waiting for you to come home. Like it?"

I look around the little craphole of an apartment, filled with second-hand furniture and old food wrappers, and laugh as I picture his luxurious penthouse on the private Sargassum atoll. "Actually, Gid, this makes me feel so much better about you, I can't even explain it."

He lets out a little breath of air that might've been intended as a laugh. "Yeah, it's more me, really. I never minded living here, and it reminds me"—he stops for a minute and pulls me even closer into his chest if that's possible—"of the waiting. You know? That time when all I could think about is you coming home and how I'd look at you on that first moment. And how you'd look at me. I dreamed about it endlessly, Junco." He stops for a few seconds and then repeats it at a whisper, "Endlessly."

"And then I came out of Selia's place all moody and sour and I bet you were asking yourself what the fuck you ever saw in me, huh?"

He laughs for real this time. "Hell, you were such a little shit that day. Threatening to cut a hole in the security door if they took your guns. Crazy little Snowbird. But no, Juncs, that was the best day of my life." He pauses for a few seconds. "Until Lucan came back with you a few weeks ago, that is."

I know. I saw him turn away when I woke up, he turned away to hide his weakness from me when he broke down. I feel him like we are one. Almost like Isten when he was alive and we were twined, but deeper. Like he and I are the same person.

His words pull me from my daydream. "Junco, we gotta get our plan together now, OK? You up for some strategy?"

"Sera said—"

"No," he says, cupping a hand over my mouth. "No. You don't tell me anything, you understand? Nothing."

I stare up at him and squint my eyes. "Why?" I say, but it comes out totally muffled because his hand is still clasped against my face. He removes it and draws in a deep breath.

"We've always had our secrets, right? I had my camp jobs, you had yours, and every once in a while, we did them together."

Yes, this is pretty much how it went. I nod.

"It still works that way, Junco. I have my job, you have your job, and we'll meet in the middle eventually, but I can't interfere with your destiny and you can't interfere with mine. Do you understand?"

"No!" I say, shaking my head. "I'm tired of being alone. I have no secrets, Gideon! I don't want to—"

His hand stops my words again. "No secrets?" He huffs out a chuckle. "Really? I have two words for you, Junco. John Hando."

Oops. I turn away.

"John Hando was not someone I'd ever let you spend
time
with, let alone fall in love with."

Nothing from me.

"Or Aren."

Silence.

"Or any of the others you had at cadets."

"Well, shit. I guess they're not so secret then, are they?"

He shrugs. "I never knew back then. I only found out about that Hando guy a few days ago. The Texican Mafia, Junco? Really?"

"I didn't love them like you, ya know."

His body softens against me. "And I never loved mine like you either, Snowbird."

I look up, shocked. Gideon with lovers? I cannot even picture it in my head.

"I try my best to never picture you like that either, Junco." He laughs. "But when you have that Angel of Death constantly walking around, talking about you like he's got a claim on a horse, I want to keep you for myself, just to piss him off."

"How do you love me, Gideon?"

"It's hard sometimes, that's for sure, Junco. You test me to no end."

"No, I mean, how? How do you love me? Like a sister?"

"A
sister
?" The words come out like he can't even comprehend what they mean. "No, not a sister, Junco. A sister doesn't even come close."

"Then what? I mean, what am I to you, Gideon? I don't understand us. What are we?"

"I have no idea, I really don't." He pushes me away a little so he can look down at my face. I stare back at him.

So much love. There is so much love there I have no words.

"It's not like a sister, Junco, but not like a lover either. I don't dream of sleeping with you if that's what you're asking."

"No, I never thought that, but Selia was talking about us—"

"Yeah, well, Selia has tried to set me up with every stupid friend she's made since Ashur dropped her off on Earth. Keeps her busy I guess, that matchmaking."

"She's weird, isn't she?"

"She's good though. She's almost the whole reason why that plan to get the Siblings back even worked, ya know?"

"No, I didn't know that."

"Yeah, she's the one who talked your mother and father into working together again. They were both up in the Northern Territories before Selia came, but they were not friendly, let alone allies. Selia talked them up with so much family bullshit they gave in and pooled their resources."

"Huh, she really is a matchmaker. She wants us to be together and I have to be honest, Gideon, the thought of spending the rest of my life wrapped up in your arms makes all the worry drain right out of me."

I feel his chest tighten a little and I instantly know he's holding back his emotion. I turn and gather my feet underneath me, so I can sit up and watch his face. "What?"

"There are no words, Junco. No words exist to describe what you are to me or what you mean to me. I love you, you know that, right?"

The tears well up in my eyes too and then we are both on the verge of crying. "I know, Gid. I would never have made it without you. I will always do what you say, just tell me what to do, Gideon. Just tell me what to do and I'll comply."

He scoops my face into his hands and plants a kiss on my forehead. "I will tell you and I want you to do exactly as I say, Snowbird. You must listen very carefully to every word or else—"

His words drop off then and I try to wait patiently but I can't. "Or else what?"

"Or else we'll lose. Do you hear what I'm saying? You must follow my orders now, Junco. Even if they seem—" He stops again, and again I wait. "Even if they seem wrong. Because we have only two options if we want to come out of this intact. We can either believe in Lucan and Tier and have you make that
choice
."

He says the word like it tastes bad or something. He sneers it. "Or?" I prod.

"Or fight them. You could fight them. The High Order? They have a weakness, Junco. I see them—in my dreams. Been dreaming those fuckers since I was a little kid, way before Matthew and Dale and James and your father talked me into embracing sanity so I could keep you tied to me. And I pushed them down for a while, ya know? But Inanna did the unsanctioned Archer morph on me too. Those years I was missing? She did all kinds of things to me and that brought it all back. I've been dreaming about killing the High Order every single night since I was seventeen. Every single night for more than ten years."

Kill the High Order?
"Wait, what? We can kill them? What are they?"

He breathes out and pauses for several seconds. "Angels, Junco. They're Angels. Not like Tier or Ashur avians. But honest-to-fucking-God Biblical Angels." He looks over at me and shakes his head. "And there's nothing good about them, Junco. Not one fucking thing. They are evil, they kill, they rape, and tear limbs off children. I've seen it, what they did in the past, back when they were on Earth, before Lucan took control and chased them off. They will destroy this planet, destroy Lucan. Which personally, I could care less about, except he's been the only thing keeping Earth from total annihilation since then."

That did not explain anything. "Lucan really
is
God?"

Gid laughs. "I'm not sure I'd go that far, but he's been protecting this system since ancient times. Being forbidden to set foot on Earth was his punishment—"

"Punishment for what, though, Gid? I don't get it."

"For killing off the early pre-humans and engineering a new race of people using special genetics."

"Ho-leee shit. How the hell did he get away with that?"