How To Walk In High Heels: The Girl's Guide To Everything (4 page)

You look like a star so you can’t be seen catching the bus. Public transport should be kept to a minimum, let heels justify your cab fetish.

If cobblestones are your Achilles’ heel – walk in the road. If eight hours reduce you to tears call it a day before this point.

Alcohol and heel coordination is tricky. Bad combination.

The thinner the heel, the higher the arch, the higher your status and situation. A Manolo Blahnik 10.5 spike heel, say crocodile, is the ultimate symbol of a lady – a vamp not a tramp, and should be approached with extreme caution.

How? She asked her cobbler to make one heel half an inch lower than the other so she’d always have a very exaggerated rear. That’s way too much. A more practical approach is to ask your cobbler to shave a few millimetres off one rubber-tip heel, and not the other. A cobbler can add years to the life of your heels, so if you find a good one, tip generously. Leather toecaps and rubber heels are essential regular maintenance.

The man himself says, ‘Always have them on shoe trees, and stuffed with tissue so they keep their shape.’ You could also keep them safe in their boxes, and identify the contents with Polaroids stuck on the front.

It is plastic surgery, therapy and a glamour magnet all in one. Money very well spent.

Tired feet may stop functioning altogether, and leave you unable to move. The only people who can stand in heels all day, every day are mannequins, and they are plastic and have screw-off feet.

Stylish shoe trivia

The patron saint of shoemakers is St Crispin.

Marie Antoinette had a servant whose only job was to take care of her shoes (all 500 pairs).

In Europe it is a good luck charm to place a shoe inside a wall when building a house, just don’t waste too good a pair.

Cinderella’s slippers are sadly unlikely to have been made of glass. More probably they were fur, but the story came about through mistranslation when the French for fur, ‘vair’ was written ‘verre’ – glass.

A horse shoe is a symbol of good luck.

How to put a heel on

Beginners should start with ‘sturdier’ stilettos, and choose a pair with straps that cross over the ankle and the bridge of the foot to hold it in.

Slingbacks and mules, with nothing more than luck to keep them on, are for the advanced classes only.

Best to have bare feet. If you really have to wear hosiery, try to wear fishnets. It is far easier to walk in heels if the flesh of the foot is in direct contact with the shoe. Not only can you feel every step, but – gross but true – the sweat helps stick the shoe and the foot together.

Sit on the edge of your chair, feet hip width apart, flat on the floor, knees over the feet. Back should be straight, shoulders back, head held high.

Lift right foot, point toes as if you were a prima ballerina, arch foot and slide into heel. Allow toes to wiggle and customise to new cramped feeling before lacing or tightening buckles.

Toes should now feel pushed forward, slightly clenched, and your weight should have moved from the feet, and feel as if it is spreading up the leg and sitting on the hip. Calves should feel taut and ankles tight, as if you have found the biting point and are about to take the hand brake off. Now repeat the same process with the left foot.

While your toes are pushing forward your ankles will try to push down and back. Let the two opposite ends of the feet jostle for balance and redistribute the weight as you fasten foot two.

Lean back, clench bottom, thigh and stomach muscles and slowly lift to stand.

Whoooah! Steady.

Hopefully you should, by now, be standing.

Place feet hip distance apart and gently sway from side to side, like a pendulum, till you find a new centre of gravity.

Your calves and knees should feel engaged as should the lower back.

Weight should be on heel tips and balls of feet.

Place the palms of your hands on your rear, one on each bottom cheek, and start to circle the room. This will help you check the angle of your hips, and develop a wiggle.

If you’re tired, lean on one hip. This is not only a
very good look
– in a sultry kind of way – but it also rests one leg.

Practise leaning. Bend right leg slightly at the knee, and jut out left hip while keeping left leg taut and straight. Now reverse with right hip jutted and left leg bent. Now you are all loosened up you are ready to walk.

Best foot forward.

Lift right foot, clench toes, land weight on ball of foot and spread to heel. When you push the weight to the ball to propel movement for the next step, it will also prevent your worst nightmare – heel snappage. Rock your weight between the two, and before you set out to stride like a super-model, remember slow and sexy. Plus, smaller steps are easier to manage.

When you put your right foot down, land on the heel, but instantly move weight forward. Don’t lift the other foot until weight has been correctly repositioned. Tilt feet slightly out, at an angle, and almost curl your feet outwards so they can lean away from each other. (This keeps the ankle at a more flattering angle and helps you pick up some speed.) Keep weight on the ball of the foot and the tilts will happen naturally. Remember: the lower the heel, the further back you should throw your weight. Although you want your weight on the ball you also need to push it into the heel – it’s a delicate balance: too far back or too far forward and you will land either on your face or on your derrière – neither of which is a good look.

When walking imagine that with each step your hips are doing a figure of eight and that you are being pulled forward. Walk as if on a tightrope, straight and tall – and allow the hips to move first.

When stilettos start to feel like two portable cheese cutters it’s time to make an exit and change into your comfortable spare pair.

For accelerated learning some may choose to practise in heels on treadmills, at the local gym. Mere mortals however, who’ve spent a month’s rent on the heel, can gain prowess with the much cheaper, and far more effective, aisle glide method.

How to aisle glide

When a
very
stylish lady sweeps into the room, as if she were walking on air – like Ginger Rogers herself – remember that they all started somewhere. Practise. Practise. Practise.

Once you’ve got the heel, tried it on and know the basics it’s time to take your new shoes to the nearest supermarket.

Fact: supermarket aisles are the perfect place to practise your glide. Not only do you get to stock up on all your groceries and
wow
the locals but you can get up to twenty-four aisles’ worth of runway-smooth surface to practise on, while being supported by a trolley, the ultimate stabiliser for the novice stiletto wearer.

Ignore any funny looks, they are either jealous they didn’t think of this idea, or mystified why someone so glamorous doesn’t have ‘hired help’ to do their shopping.

Trainers off, heels on, clutch the trolley handle bars and you’re off! Right foot, left foot, right foot, left . . . A natural rhythm should be developing regardless of the tinny
musak
.

1–5:
Establish your walk and your rhythm. Get comfortable and confident. If you put any relevant produce into your trolley this is a real bonus.

6–10:
Start to vary speeds, stops and starts, perhaps even a corner – but NEVER let go of the trolley. Careful, let’s not rush things.

11–16:
Now you can practise developing wiggle and character steps, such as bends and turns and perhaps little heel kicks.

Final aisles:
Be creative, and do a total routine, showcasing your newfound stiletto confidence. Queuing at the checkout can be a time to rest on the hips.

Packing your bags and getting them to the car? I would be very surprised if by now you didn’t have a handful of drooling helpers on hand. But if not, don’t worry, the bending will be good practice too.

If things are going really well you could even try to walk to vehicle sans trolley, using the bags as balance weights.

How to walk in heels on all surfaces

The trick is to
know what you are dealing with
.

The deeper the pile, the greater the danger. Go for shallow patches and, like punting, stab the heel in good and deep for balance. BUT, if it’s your carpet, put on a thicker heel; spikes can destroy a shag pile.

In London, stay on the inside (near shop windows) and avoid the cracks. In Milan, it’s the reverse. Walk on the outside, or risk getting heels trapped in the grating. In Paris, walk in the road and don’t attempt picturesque cobbles. In New York, just hail a cab like everyone else.

Great in the winter, but sticky in high summer. When you’re sticking demand a piggyback, or radio for immediate back-up.

TAKE CARE. One slip and you’re floored, literally. It looks good, but in reality it’s like a sheet of ice. If in doubt, go round the edges, near walls and objects you can casually cling to. If you decide a room-cross is really necessary soles of shoes can be scored, rubbed with sandpaper or scuffed to create a grip. If you don’t want to do this you can dab resin (wax used by cellists/violinists on their bows) or some seriously dry and spongy Pritt Stick to the soles for added grip; just don’t do this with really good Manolos on their maiden voyage. If in doubt, get a walker to cling to.

The HORROR of all HORRORS. Uneven, small and slippery, impossible to keep an even footing on, or, even more crucial, find your centre of gravity. There is no easy way of doing them, and when it is wet and icy, forget it. Walking in roads is fine. Stopping traffic an added bonus.

It’s best to stick to the centre as decaying wood tends to crumble from the outside first. Walk tall and fast, and in a straight line. Get your heel jammed in a gap and you could be there all night. When in Paris, avoid ‘romantic strolls’ or shortcuts going across pedestrian wooden bridges, such as the Pont Neuf, unless you intend to carry your heels, in a nonchalant way, and risk splinters.

The smaller, the scarier. Don’t make yourself giddy! Opt for a sedan chair, or perhaps the gentleman would lay his coat down for you to walk over? In these situations walk on the BALLS of your feet. The thinner the heel, the more wary you should be of grids. Tiptoe and hope you can reach safer land quickly.

The moving staircase is fine going up as you can dangle your heels off the back, but going down is another matter. Harrods installed the first lifts in England, and smelling salts had to be handed out at either end. Things are not that bad – you just need to hold onto the rail, go on tiptoes and not allow the heel to sink between grooves.

Time to cry. Demand a fireman’s lift, and act very ‘damsel in distress’, because if you attempt these stairs you will be.

A new-found foe. Rugs that move, or slide, are as easy as walking on flying saucers, or ice. Clearly the person who has rugs scattered casually around their home wants to kill you. Aim to walk around them, and leave spiky marks on their carefully polished floor as your calling card. If you’re a regular visitor ask for the rugs to be nailed, glued or stapled firmly into place before your next visit.

A deceptive amount of walking is required here. Now shoes have to go through their own security checks and come on and off, it’s sensible to pack highly complex, buckled or bejewelled pairs. Go for footwear that is slouchy and soft, and leave the spikes until you land.

UGH! Sand gets everywhere. Open toe it when near sand. Wedge it. Waterproof it. Carry it.

Here’s where you need to diamanté and sparkle it up. Know all the right moves as well as your heels.

A hidden stabiliser, cotton wool cushions toes in tight pointing heels, and it can help the shoe keep its toe shape, despite the creases of age and walking. Squeeze toes so they are over the cotton wool, to increase the centre of gravity on the ball of the foot. When walking on grids wiggle the cotton wool so it is no longer under the toes, but padding the ball of the foot, so you are angled further onto your tiptoes.

For tubes, buses and any mode of public transport have ballet pumps or flats, either on or in your bag. Any connoisseur will know the only real way to travel is by car or taxi. Live the fantasy, and sign off taxi receipts for the obvious reason: ‘SF’ (Stiletto Fatigue).

Bare feet or flats. Don’t drive in heels. Any emergency stops or sudden braking and the heel could snap. Don’t even try driving in platforms. You can’t feel the clutch, or gauge the biting point.

How to cope in a real emergency: when a heel breaks

New heels have steel rods inside the flesh of the heel so they shouldn’t break, and if they do you are walking at a very strange angle.

But if a heel breaks while you are out, improvise.

If it has snapped off altogether retrieve it. If it is hanging off try to wedge it back on (so the illusion is that it is still in place).

With both of the above transfer all the weight to the balls of both feet instantly. Walk on tiptoes, find a seat, or lean in a stylish way against wall or prop.