How to Defeat Harmful Habits (Counseling Through the Bible Series) (28 page)

Q
UESTION:
“What is the most common cause of someone’s developing an eating disorder?”

A
NSWER:
All behaviors, including eating disorders, are a product of our minds, our thought processes, and the personal beliefs we form and then act upon. The reasons for a sufferer’s thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors may vary, but the outcome is nonetheless the same—the sufferer engages in behaviors that are harmful, all the while rationalizing or justifying his or her actions. In other words,
disordered behavior
is the natural outgrowth of
disordered thinking
that leads to the forming of
disordered beliefs
.

People who develop a problem with eating disorders do so in an attempt to fix another problem. They feel a need to be in control because at some point they felt their life was chaotic and out of control. For example, they may have experienced…

• Overwhelming life events that leave them feeling vulnerable and powerless to take charge of their everyday circumstances and powerless to bring order out of chaos.

• Overbearing but boundaryless parents who leave them feeling the need to take control of at least one area of life to establish separateness. After all, nothing is more easily controlled than eating food. Even tiny babies are capable of refusing to eat.

• Disconnection from family or friends, which leads them to feel a need to draw attention to themselves or to fill the emptiness they feel inside with food.

Those who engage in the repeated unhealthy actions of a person who has an eating disorder can end up developing both behavioral and chemical addictions. As the body begins to deteriorate through starvation, powerful and addicting chemicals are released in the brain, which give a momentary sense of euphoria.

“They loathed all food and drew near the gates of death”

(P
SALM
107:18).

Princess Diana battled bulimia for seven years, and she knew the eating disorders revealed a far deeper problem than “not being able to get into a size 10 dress.”
⁵⁹

While Diana readily admitted that societal demands for physical perfection can trigger anorexia or bulimia, there are other causes at work as well, including a distorted relationship with something everyone needs for survival—food.

People with eating disorders “turn nourishment of the body into a painful attack on themselves,” and what appears to be a surface environmental cause—vanity—actually goes much deeper.
⁶⁰

An eating disorder could become a “shameful friend,” according to Diana. By focusing tremendous energy on controlling the body, a sufferer could find “refuge” from having to face the more painful issues at hand.
⁶¹

Sadly, those who refuse to face the painful truths in their lives most often hate their very lives and reflect the heart of this verse:

“I loathe my very life; therefore I will give free rein to my complaint and speak out in the bitterness of my soul”

(J
OB
10:1).

Here are some of the deeper issues that can trigger anorexic or bulimic behavior:

•
Feeling worthless
because of abuse in the home

– Verbal assaults or emotional starvation

– Physical or sexual abuse

– Alcoholism or drug abuse

•
Feeling inadequate
because of unrealistic expectations of others

– Critical, perfectionist, or extremely weight-conscious parents

– Acceptance based on performance or appearance

– Conditional love

•
Feeling driven
by exposure to a high-performance atmosphere

– Dancers, musicians

– Models, actors, actresses

– Athletes, particularly wrestlers, gymnasts, jockeys

•
Feeling hopeless
as a result of depression from past behaviors

– Denial of reality

– Deep sadness

– Guilt from personal actions

•
Feeling powerless
because of obesity or other eating problems in the family

– One or both parents being overweight

– A propensity for gaining weight

– Fear of being fat

•
Feeling angry
because of past mistreatment

– Teased or ridiculed by peers

– Bullied because of size or weight

– Rejected because of physical flaws or limitations

•
Feeling anxious
due to stressful life changes

– Moved to another city, state, or country

– Changed jobs

– Experienced a traumatic event

Feelings rather than facts dominate the decisions of those dealing with an eating disorder. The result is increased internal and external chaos because their feelings are skewed; thus they lack a solid basis for making decisions. When distorted feelings rule, sufferers are unable to bring control into their lives because unpredictability reigns. Rather than being in control of situations, their feelings control them.

But God designed for our feelings to be the caboose and not the engine that drives our life choices. It is reason based on facts that enables us to make right decisions.

“‘Come now, let us reason together,’ says the L
ORD
. ‘Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow;
though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool. If
you are willing and obedient, you will eat the best from
the land; but if you resist and rebel, you will be devoured
by the sword.’ For the mouth of the L
ORD
has spoken”

(I
SAIAH
1:18-20).

Princess Diana believed a couple of the common root causes of an eating disorder were childhood pain and the self-doubt and uncertainty associated with adolescence.

The pressure of youth who feel the need to be perfect, coupled with their inability “to express their true feelings…of guilt, of self-revulsion, and low personal esteem” can lead them in adulthood to want to “dissolve like a disprin (aspirin) and disappear,” she said, speaking from experience.
⁶²

By taking the time to understand the root causes of eating disorders, we can be proactive and help meet the emotional needs of children as a preventative. “As parents, teachers, family and friends, we have an obligation to care for our children. To encourage and guide, to nourish and nurture and to listen with love to their needs, in ways which clearly show our children that we value them. They in their turn will then learn how to value themselves.”
⁶³

Until her untimely death from a car accident in 1997, Princess Diana was a public advocate for the diagnosis and treatment of eating disorders. She put an international spotlight on the troubling issue. Just as Diana longed for children to become adults who “value themselves,” a biblical perspective assures that people recognize their God-given value.

Jesus wants us to recognize and always remember that we are unique creations, masterpieces, and that we are loved beyond measure. He longs for us to realize our value and significance to Him.

Jesus can fill the deepest longings of every person, and that includes those who suffer from anorexia and bulimia. No matter what your situation, He loves you with an everlasting love. He has paid for you and claimed you as His very own. He has a perfectly designed plan and purpose for your life. He can provide lasting sustenance for your emotional and spiritual hunger. And He wants you to nourish and take special care of your body because it was compassionately created with utmost precision. Value yourself, and know your God-given worth:

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart”

(J
EREMIAH
1:5).

Both the anorexic and the bulimic have
an obsessive focus on being thin
. The bulimic does not love food any more than the anorexic loves to starve.

In fact, the bulimic comes to hate the food just as much as the anorexic does. The bulimic uses food as a means to numb feelings and as a tool to lose weight. It provides something to purge, thereby eliminating calories and leading to weight loss.

W
RONG
B
ELIEF:

“I’m so fat no one could love me. I hate who I am. The only way I can be loved is to take control of my body and get it to the right size.”

“There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death”

(P
ROVERBS
14:12).

R
IGHT
B
ELIEF:

“The issue in life is not my size but to see myself through God’s eyes. The Lord loves me just as I am. Instead of being consumed by control, I’m choosing to release control of my life and trust the Lord Jesus with every part of my heart.”

“Trust in the L
ORD
with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight”

(P
ROVERBS
3:5-6).

T
HE
P
EOPLE’S
P
RINCESS

To the world, Diana appeared physically and emotionally healthy—a picture-perfect image that catapulted her to the top of fashion and “most admired” lists. But the hidden truth was that the Princess of Wales was suffering and starving…
for love
.

She often felt misunderstood or ignored by those she needed the most, and the deep hurt manifested itself in desperate acts: “you have so much pain inside yourself that you try and hurt yourself on the outside…”
⁶⁴

Because Diana’s weight appeared normal—which isn’t the case with anorexics—she believed she could “pretend the whole way through” her seemingly ceaseless bouts of bulimia.
⁶⁵
But there were some who were watching…some whose eyes penetrated through the pretense. Diana would receive comments like, “I suppose you’re going to waste that food later on?”
⁶⁶
That placed yet more pressure on her, prompting her to relieve it the best way she knew—by vomiting.

For bulimics, their tumultuous struggle is not something to be discussed. Therefore Diana never sought help from the royal family. “When you have bulimia you’re very ashamed of yourself and you hate yourself.”
⁶⁷

Diana’s eventual “going public” about her bulimia gave hope to others. In England, the number of sufferers who admitted their struggles doubled after Diana’s public admission, with 60,000 cases reported in the mid-1990s. This was dubbed “the Diana effect,” prompting people, primarily young women, to first acknowledge their problem and then to seek treatment.
⁶⁸

What’s more, anorexia and bulimia affect far more people than just the sufferers. During the recovery process, those with eating disorders typically have fits of rage and depression, and their loved ones may find themselves strongly tempted to pull back emotionally, withdraw more and more from the sufferer, or “even throw in the towel.”
⁶⁹

But don’t
. What recovering anorexics and bulimics need more than ever—what they’ve hungered for all along—
is love
. The Bible says we should

“be patient, bearing with one another in love”

(E
PHESIANS
4:2).

She was a member of the “ideal American family,” and it almost killed her.
⁷⁰

Her father, famed singer Pat Boone, achieved star status alongside Elvis Presley in the late 1950s, but with an entirely different image—he was wholesome, winsome.
⁷¹
Pat Boone’s smooth sound landed him 38 Top-40 hits, and his record sales exceeded 45 million albums.

Cherry described the pressure she felt as her father’s youngest daughter of four: “Being Pat Boone’s daughter was very much like being a celebrity’s kid and a preacher’s kid all at the same time: maintaining the Boone image was like balancing on a tightrope.”
⁷²