Hotbox (63 page)

“The whole world does not revolve around you, Tyler. I have people that are counting on me, and if I fail on my end of the deal, then we all fail. Do you understand?
This is bigger than you can comprehend, and somed
ay, when it’s all said and done,
I’ll have some things to discuss with you. For now,
Dean has a job to complete for me. He’s the only one at this particular time that can finish it. I’m a businessman, Tyler. You were the only part of the deal that he required, but it’s also the most difficult agreement I’ve ever had to make. But for now
I have to do this
or…” He paused and then sighed again.
“
If there was ano
ther way, I would consider it. B
ut I’m telling you right now that you have a week to figure out how you’re going to break it to her
, and then I can help you make it happen
.”
             
“A
week
?”

“Tyler, I hate to threaten you, but if you don’t do this I’m going to be very upset. I have other things to deal with right now and I don’t need any more problems.
If for some reason she finds out
why
you are breaking things off with her, I won’t hesitate to make her suffer—her father, her friends—they mean nothing to me and I can easily have them removed. If she even has
a
hint
as to what is going on,
I won’t
think twice
about punishing
you
by punishing
her
.
You’d better just leave the real reasons out of it.
Am I clear?”

The room was spinning again, but this time I wanted to throw up. He didn’t wait for my response, and
frankly, I’m not sure I could
even speak at that point anyways. I wasn’t even able to move; I
had been
completely
crushed
.
Annihilated.

“Tyler, I know it means nothing to hear me apologize. I’m not a very caring man. But I do care about
you
. I do want you to be happy. If Jayden is everything you claim her to be, then she’ll forgive you and maybe you can start over
at a later time
. I’m not sure when that could be, but Tyler, you can get her back.
Let me finish up this
arrangement
, and I’ll make this right.
I’ll explain everything, and you can get her back. I
promise.”

I
scoffed
, and my anger helped me to find my voice
.
“How could you do this to me, and then promise I can
undo
it? You can’t promise that!
This is my entire life, an
d you’re taking it away from me!
”

“It’s the only choice I have,” he said in a low,
menacing
voice. He was getting upset with me, and although I had never heard him yell or curse, his way was even more threatening. But I didn’t care. There had to be another way out of this because I wouldn’t be a
ble to do it. I couldn’t give her up
. She was the only thing in my life worth fighting for.

“What if I can keep it from him?
” I barely said
.
“
You
can help me do that.
What if I just…”

“What about the wedding?”

“I can find a way to hold off on that.”

It appeared like he was thinking about it, but then he
shook his head. “It’s not possible for you to hide your relationship with her, Tyler, and you know it. And this isn’t something that Dean is going to forget about or let you get away with. He’ll make sure it’s done, one way or another.
Don’t even think about running off with her; you’ll leave her father and friends exposed to a countless array of misfortune. Don’t even think about going to the police; you can’t beat this Tyler. I know all of her ties—I know each of her friends well, including her famous friend in
L.A.
and his cute little boy. My reach far outreaches yours,
”
he finished.

I was angry again.
I hated being threatened
. But m
y emotions were so shocked I didn’t know what to feel. When I thought about the situation and the people I was dealing with, I wanted to kill someone. When I thought of actually breaking things off with Jayden, I wanted to cry. No, worse… I wanted my life to be over.

“I’ll be in touch in about a week,” he continued.

“How long?” I asked, swallowing hard. “How long until I can try to get her back?”

With a cold, indifferent stare he replied, “
I don’t know, Tyler. That isn’t something I can determine at this point. It could be
a year.”

“A
year
?” I shook my head. “No, I was thinking a couple of
months
.”

“This is a very international…situation
. It
might
take some time.
”

“What about Dean? Is there-
is there any way…
?
”

“Any way he’ll change his mind?” He lightly shrugged. “I don’t know, but the
deal has been agreed upon,
and I don’t want anything to interfere with
my
arrangements. I don’t have time for games, Tyler.”

“Games? That’s exactly what this is! It’s a game to him!”

“And sometimes games can be fun, but right now
it’s not my move
. I need Dean to cooperate effectively until this very intricate
arrangement
is complete. There are so
me
very
significant people that need to be handled properly, and t
hen I’ll consid
er what I want to do with Dean. But for now, this conversation is over. I’ll see you in a week.”

He motioned for me to leave, but I didn’t even think I could stand. I was still in somewhat of a sick stupor when I felt a pair of hands lift me up from the chair and shove me toward the door. I glanced one last time at
Olevsky
, but he was just sitting there, staring at the table.

I couldn’t go back to work. I called Lou and told him I was sick and heading for home. At least it wasn’t a lie. I actually felt physically ill. I locked myself in the house with all the lights off
and
the
curtains drawn
,
and
collapsed
on
to
my bed. I sent a text to Jayden, telling her not to come over after work because I wasn’t feeling well. I couldn’t bear to actually talk to her on the phone. She messaged back and said she was sorry, offering to bring me anything if I needed it. I told her I just needed to sleep and I would call when I felt better. Then she texted one last time:
ILOVEYOUILOVEYOUILOVEYOUILOVEYOU!!!!

And that’s when I broke down and cried.

I spent much of the week
end playing the sick card, al
though how I felt wasn’t far from it. It was
okay
talking to Jayden on the phone here or there because I didn’t have to be at peak performance, so if my behavior was less than normal, it wasn’t a big deal.
But even just the sound of her beautiful voice was too agonizing for me to stand.

I used the time to
deeply
ponder all my options, but it didn’t take long to realize I didn’t have any. There wasn’t anything I could do without
altering
her
future somehow.
I wondered if
talking to Joe would accomplish anything, but I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to convince him of how far these people would go. I didn’t believe Jayden and her friends would be safe, and I didn’t believe
Olevsky
’s organization could be taken down effectively. It would be impossible to end this. I had no idea the people he had available to take care of anything he needed
,
and the sad conclusion was that
Olevsky
would out-maneuver the police on any given day.

The only choice I was left with was how I was going to break it off with
her
. I was already prepared for myself to suffer, but I didn’t want her to be hurt. But how else would she take it? My biggest fear was that she’d know something was wrong and she would try to talk
to me
until I told her everything. I couldn’t allow that to happen.
What if she went to her dad and Olevsky found out?
For her own safety I
had to keep the truth from her.
I only had two choices: I either had to hurt her so badly that she would never want anything to do with me again, or I had to somehow make her decide
on her own
we shouldn’t be together.

I had no idea
if I could pull off
either one.  

I didn’t even want to think about the things I could do to make her hate me. Plus, if I ever did have the chance to get her back, would she ever
take
me back? I could tell her there was someone else, but I wouldn’t even make it halfway through that lie. I could tell her I didn’t want to get married anymore, or have kids. Maybe I could use my prior feelings on that subject to create the issue all over again. But I knew it wasn’t something she would
leave me over. Maybe after time,
but I didn’t
have
time. I thought about the different reasons I could leave the area, but whatever it was that took me away, she would want to come
with me.

The same question kept pounding through my head: Why was it necessary for me to break up with her? What did that have to do with keeping the organization a secret? The answer pissed me off: absolutely nothing. I already knew what would happen if I ever told anyone
,
and I didn’t plan on ever doing so. But Dean had a personal vendetta and he was using
Olevsky
to carry it out. And
Olevsky
must be in something really
heavy
in order to resort to such juvenile terms. I always pictured him as untouchable; no one was more power
ful than him. But obviously he was
dealing with someone
of importance
, and the one person that
could
help him out would rather see me dead.

I t
hought about talking to Dean,
but I knew it wouldn’t do any good. Maybe there was something I could do for him, though. Maybe he’d allow me to trade something else and I wouldn’t have to lose Jayden. I knew it was hopeless, but I told myself I would at least try. But he was so sinister. I could only imagin
e what he’d have in mind, and even if I did carry out one of his requests, I knew
I wouldn’t be the kind of person that
would deserve to be with Jayden
anyway.

It was the stupidest thing in the world, but I decided I would either break up with her the traditional way—I’m sorry but I can’t be with you anymore, I’m a jerk, it’s not you, blah
blah
—or I would seriously have to le
ave town and…w
rite her a letter? That actually seemed like the easiest way
(the coward’s way)
. I wasn’t even strong enough to lie to her, to break her heart and listen to her question me, so maybe a simple letter telling h
er that we couldn’t be together
would be the best way. That way I could just tell her I had some things to take care of,
pray she would forgive me, and hope we could be together sooner than later.

And I still wished that something would change and I wouldn’t have to do it.

Chapter Thirty-Five

Sometimes I feel like doing something compl
etely foolish all of a sudden,
pray that it works and
receive
the result that I want,
a
nd if it fails, admit that I was wrong and apologize later. I felt that way several times when I wanted to tell Jayden that I loved her for the first time. I almost wanted to shout it from the baseball field
.
I was hoping that she loved me too
,
and would shout it right back to me.
I thought about it other times
too, like in the middle of a date, or while I was kissing her.

I remember feeling that way when I want
ed to do or say something wrong
as well. Why not just do it, or blurt it out, and then see where it gets me? I was in a sporting goods store one time—I was about eleven or twelve—and I wondered what it would be like to just steal something. I really didn’t have anything good in my life, so I didn’t even care if I got caught. Maybe they’d send me somewhere that was better than living with my father. Without a second thought, I picked up a baseball and just walked right out of the store.