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“I have this image of my mom…that she’s just this horrible, selfish person. And I kind of got that vibe from Bree, but I just didn’t want to admit it. I don’t like judging people.
And then aft
er hearing everything—well, I have a feeling
he didn’t tell me
everything
—that she said to him and…” She sighed. “She sounds just like my mom.
My mom headed straight for
L.A.
when she left us. Got into acting and stuff—apparently it was something she had always w
anted.
I guess when she met my dad she
got ‘caught up
’
with the idea of
a ‘normal’
life
, and then later realized it wasn’t what she wanted. The first year they moved here from New York was really good, but after that… My mom couldn’t take it anymore. She met some guy that promised her a great career, and
she
moved to California.”

I knew nothing about Jayden’s mother because I was too afraid to ask her about it. I never wanted to
inquire
because I felt it was private
, and if she wanted to tell me, she would
. But now, since she’d brought it up, I needed to know more.

“So your mom wanted to be an actress, huh? Has she ever landed any roles?”

She nodded. “Oh, yeah.
She’s been in several
movies. And s
he’s actually one of the main
characters
on
As the World Turns
.”

I raised
an eyebrow with
surprise. “The soap opera?”

She nodded again. “Yep. Her life wasn’t dramatic enough, so now she gets to concoct
a more exciting one
on TV.”

It was all a little surprising to me. I had no idea Jayden’s mother was an actress. I’d never even seen a picture of her mom, so I’m not sure I would know who she was anyway. I knew her name was
Collette
, and I knew a little about how she and Joe met back in New York, but that was it.

“You’re surprised, aren’t you?” Jayden smiled.

With my own smile I replied, “Yeah, I am. I don’t know anything about your mom, and I didn’t feel comfortable asking.”
             

She tilted her head. “Really? I’m that hard to talk to?”

“No,” I
chuckled
, “but it just wasn’t my business. The whole parent issue kind of had me worried at the beginning of our relationship. There was no way I wanted to talk about my own ridiculous family, and I didn’t want to make you, either.”

She nodded. “Yeah. I guess I avoided the conversation just as much as you did. My mom isn’t one of my favorite people.
What she did to
my dad was unfair.”

Jayden’s mother left her when she was seven, and she was concerned with how her
dad
was affected? “And what about you? How do you feel about what she did to
you
?”

Her mouth twisted into a slight frown and she shrugged. “She didn’t want me, so I have no need for her either. She’s barely looked back. She didn’t talk to my dad for a couple years after she left, but after that she called every
year or two
. Maybe her guilty conscience
caught up to her, I don’t know,
b
ut I haven’t wanted anything to do with her. I’ve forgiven her for what she d
id
because I just don’t want all of th
at resentment holding me down, b
ut it in no way means I want to see her or have anything to do with her.”

“Has she tried to see you?”

She slightly shook her head. “Nah. Well, my dad pretty much tried to keep her away
. H
e
did
put up with her phone calls because they were pretty rare. But other than that, she hasn’t tried to contact
me
, and she certainly hasn’t set foot back in Washington since she left.”

I slowly nodded. “And? W
hat about you? Have you, uh, seen the movies she’s been in? Have you seen her act?”

She smi
led sheepishly. “Yeah, I have. But i
t’s kind of like ripping off a scab. It’s there, and you know you should leave it alone, but you have to pick at it anyway.” I lightly laughed and she said, “The first time I saw her on TV was…really weird. I didn’t have a mom,
so
seeing this…lady…on TV…” She shook her head. “It was really weird to think a stranger was who gave birth to me. To watch her talk, and smile, and laugh on screen…knowing she was never going to do that in
my
life… It was painful. Luckily no one except
my close friends know
s
about her.
She goes by
her maiden
name, so that kind of helps.”

We talked about it for a few more minutes, and then the conversation drifted back to
Nick
and Bree. Jayden was still bothered that Bree reminded her so much of her own mother.

“
Is it wrong for me to hope they can patch things up, but at the same time be glad if they don’t?”

I smiled. “Oh, I think
that’s a pretty normal feeling.
”

“
I mean I wish Sam wasn’t directly affected by it, but whatever happens between them, I hope they can find some common ground and be happy.
Maybe she’s just a little cr
azy from being pregnant.
Maybe her hormones just
overl
oaded, and she couldn’t help it,
”
she chuckled.

“And you’re looking forward to all t
hat?”

“Yes,” she replied, giving me a kiss. “But just be patient with me if I overreact or go completely hormonal on you. I’ll probably go bake a
cake
and be good to go in an hour.”

“Okay,” I
agreed
.

She took a deep breath and said,
“So? I’m hungry and everyone’s been calling to see if we’re doing anything tonight. I reall
y don’t feel like going out any
more, so I was wondering if we could just have everyone here for pizza.”

“Definitely.”

“Okay. You order this time, and I’ll give e
veryone a call
.”

When the calls were complete, I joked that we had about twenty minutes of alone time if she were willing to make good use of it. We
did lie on the couch together
until we heard the first car arrive. After that the hous
e continued to fill with people.

Nick
had to explain that his wife was upset with him and decided to go
home early. But after that she wasn’t mentioned again. Matt gave me a startled look and later on told
me never to listen to him again, but I assured him that I would always value his opinions.
Plus I didn’t even feel like I had been right in bringing any of it up
in the first place
. I didn’t really see what it had accomplished.
And I felt terrible that Jayden was so hesitant to become friendly with
Sam
again
. He followed her around wherever she went if he could, and, whether she was
in
the kitchen or the bathroom, he still asked his dad, “Where Dayden?”

I realized I was the cause of her hesitation, so when I had a chance to talk to her privately in the kitchen, I told her that I was wrong. We discussed it for a few minutes and I told her much of what Matt said, because I agreed with it. After that she was back to her old self again, and
Sam
had a lot of fun doing some silly song
with her
about five monkeys in a tree and an alligator that comes along and eats them one by one.

“You’ll have to teach me the alligator song,” I told her after everyone had left.

“Surely you’ve got it by now,” she replied with
a yawn
.

“I stopped listening after the ninth time,” I admitted. “Besides, I would have never guessed you would teach children such morbid songs.”

That made her laugh
.

Nick
and
Sam
headed for home Thursday morning. They stopped by Jayden’s house around eight to say goodbye and then headed over to Shawn’s to wake him up and do the same. Later that weekend Shawn mentioned that
Nick
and Bree had reconciled (
to some extent
) and life was to go on as
usual
.
Jayden was relieved,
although
she was still
uneasy about the whole thing.

We stayed pretty low-key for the weekend. The rain continued to pour
,
and besides just hanging out indoors for the most part, we went to a movie with Josh and Silvia one night, and out to dinner with Matt and Stacie the next. On Sunday I went to church with Jayden, like I had
two
other times. She didn’t have a particular church or religion she was a part of, so she occasionally went to different ones. This time we sat and listened to services at the community church that Jack and Megan were married in.

When we got home later that day I asked her what she thought of it.

“Mmm, it was okay.
The people were nice
.”

“But you didn’t feel that the word of God was being poured down upon you?” I smiled.

She laughed. “No, not really. But there were some good things said.”

“Is there anything in particular that you’re looking to hear?”

“Mmm, just waiting for a feeling.”

“A feeling?”

She nodded. “Yeah. You know…just
…
a really good feeling, l
ike when you know something is…
good. A happy feeling that lets you know you’re in the right place or making a right choice.”

I slowly nodded. “Ah, l
ike how I knew you were the right one for me?”

Her smile grew. “You had that feeling, too?” she asked, acting totally surprised.

“I did.
It’s a
really
good feeling.”

“Yes, it is.”

“And that’s what you’re looking for when you go to church?”

“Yes. I feel happy when I go, but it’s just not…that
really good
feeling
yet
.”

I lounged back on the couch with my hands behind my head. “Are you really looking for a church to attend regularly? You’re already a pretty spiritual person. You pray, you read from the bible, you seem to already...follow a higher law, I guess. It almost seems like you’ve been religious your whole life.”

She shook her head
no
. “My father grew up in New York. His mother’s family was devout
ly Catholic
, but after years of strict Catholic schools and religion being shoved down his throat, he was through. I don’t remember ever going to church as a kid. Sunday was usually a day where we’d do something fun, like go to the river, go fis
hing, or barbecue with friends—e
specially
after my mom left and
it was just my dad and I. Church wasn’t exactly on our to-do list,” she smiled. “What about you?”

I scoffed. “Are you kidding? My dad usually spent Sundays completely
hung over
.
”

With a sympathetic smile she asked, “So you’ve never even been to church until you met me?”

I shrugged. “I think I’ve been in a couple. For a
few weddings
, and I think my aunt might have taken me a few times when I was a kid.
You know, for Easter or Christmas, maybe.
Must not have been too spectacular since I don’t really remember much of the experience.”

             
“W
hat about now? You come with me,
but is it something you like, or just do for
me
?”

             
I t
hought for a second. “Mmm, both
I guess. I do it for you, but I like it.”

“You do?”

“Mmhmm. It makes me feel like I’m somehow making up for a lot of the stupid things I’ve done.”

She scowled at me. “Like what?”

“I don’t know. Nobody’s perfect. I’m sure I’ve mes
sed up somewhere along the line… Hmm, let’s se
e
her
e
…
”

She laughed
at my arrogance
and
playfully
shoved my leg.

“Oh, I know… Last year we needed to get our runner home and I struck out. We lost the game.”