Hotbox (60 page)

She scoffed agai
n and shook her h
ead with doubt, but I continued
.

“It’s about someone he lost, someone he thinks about every night… Someone that he had to say goodbye to—with much
regret
—
b
ut now he finds himself whispering ‘Goodnight, Sweet Dreams’
…
to a memory.”

She was still shaking her head. “
Ty
,
that
song could be about anything. That’s the magic about songwriting. It comes completely from the writer’s mind, and it could have many different meanings
. Every song is up for interpretation
.”

“Exactly. That’s why the song sounds like it’s meant to sing someone to sleep—it has the allusion that he’s just telling someone goodnight. But the real meaning is what I
just
sai
d. It’s about someone he lost, s
omeone that meant a great deal to him
.
”

“Songs are about taking an idea, and going with it. Sometimes that turn
s
out a little more dramatic than the real experience actually was.
People, places, things… They are all inspirational. You start with one little idea sometimes, and it can make a great song.”

“And those songs are
never
written exactly how the experience happened?” I questioned.

She paused for a s
econd, and then shrugged. “Well
yeah, of course they
are
. But you can
’t ever be sure unless you ask
the artist.”

“Then let’s ask him.”

“Ty, what are you trying to do? Humiliate the guy and make him admit that he wrote a song about me?”

“So
you
admit it could be about you?”

“No. But even if it was, it doesn’t mean he actually feels that way. Shawn has songs about me. Are you going to make
him
detail exactly what those songs mean?”

“Well
for one
,
he’s already told me. There’s no mystery there. And another, Shawn doesn’t have romantic feelings for you.”

“Neither does
Nick
, so stop making him look like an adulterating pig with ulterior motives.”

I groaned, very frustrated that she still didn’t even get my point. “
Nick
is a good guy,” I said firmly. “He’s not
going to cheat on his wife, even if the opportunity
did
present itself.
”

She looked absolutely horrified that I would say that.

“Jayden, a
ll I wanted was for y
ou to understand that he’s struggling
. I don’t know if he feels trapped in the life he has, but being around you has certainly reminded him of something—I’m not exactly sure
what
—but something he once wanted. You’re a good friend to him
.
You treat his son better than his wife does. I’m sure that’s gotta hurt.
”

“So because I love kids, I’m actually weakening the relationship between
him
and his wife?”

“I know nothing about their relationship—”

“Exactly. So what was your point to all this? I forget.”

I sighed. “Okay. I think we should stop talking about this, then. I’m sorry I brought it up.”

I reach
ed
out to draw her closer and she actually resisted me at first. I was worried that she was angry enough with me that I might have to
grovel
my life away, but she wrapped her arms around my waist and laid her head
against
my shoulder. We stood there for quite awhile in silence until she
moved her hands up my chest and began kissing me.
I was so thankful she was a very forgiving person.

Wednesday I talked to Matt about my disagreement with Jayden. Most of his replies were pretty general, and finally I just asked him to give me his honest opinion.

He actually sided with Jayden.

After smiling at my look of disbelief he said, “
Nick
has worried you from day one. I don’t know why, man. He’s a celebrity, yeah, but it doesn’t mean he’s any better than you in Jayden’s eyes. She doesn’t work that way.”

“Why can’t anyone understand what I mean?” I growled mostly to myself.

Matt laughed and said,
“Just
because I don’t agree with you
doesn’t mean I don’t understand. Guys are just jealous idiots.”

“I’m not
jealous
,” I replied in a frustrated tone. “All I wanted was for Jayden to see that she
still has an effect on the guy
. Maybe if she were a little more conscious of his situation, she wouldn’t be unintentionally
reinforcing
his
thoughts about her.”

“So
…
because she’s a great person, she’s not supposed to be a great person
around
him
?
Nick
just might not be able to handle that, and he’ll ruin his relationship with his wife because he has unrealistic expectations about what a wife sh
ould be like? Because of Jayden?
”

“Exactly.” Finally someone understood.

But Matt started to laugh
again
. After a few seconds he
stopped and
said, “You’re serious, aren’t you?”

“I’m completely serious.”

He
shook his head. “Ty… This isn’t Jayden’s problem. You’ve totally
made
it her problem, but there’s nothing she can do about it
. How is she supposed to control how other people view her?” He waited for a few seconds but answered his own question. “She can’t. So what if
Nick
was in love with her once. Right now they’re friends and Jayden is very comfortable with that because she has
you
. I think the situation might be different if
everyone was single
, but…
who knows? Jayden’s not dumb. She’s spent most of her life dodging
things like this.
But,” he shrugged, “maybe she’s comfortable with it because
Nick
is married. I guess that doesn’t exactly exempt him from having feelings for her, but Ty…
She can’t help it if he does
.”

“But isn’t it better that she knows Nick and his wife are having problems? I mean what’s wrong with letting her know that if she doesn’t see it herself?”

Matt shrugged. “Maybe it was the way you brought it up. Jayden’s really sensitive about being in the middle of things
like that, or causing anybody heartache or unhappiness
. If you’ve made it sound like it’s her fault, even if you told her it wasn’t, she still feels the weight of it. I don’t know. I’m no expert, so maybe I should just stay out of it.”

At
the end of the
workday I still didn’t know what to think
. I drove home and
really did feel bad that I had made Jayden feel at fault. What was I thinking? Matt was right. What was she supposed to do about it, anyway? I didn’t even have that in mind when I first brought it up. Maybe I didn’t think it through
well
enough before I mentioned it.

But on t
he other hand, I knew that I had a point
. I knew that some things in life just weren’t meant to be, no matter how much we wanted it to be. As much as Jayden wanted to be friends with
Nick
, I worried that it wouldn’t be possible under the current circumstances—circumstances that Jayden was now aware of, but unable to accept.

By the time I had showered and changed, I decided
that I was a complete jerk for even bringing it up when I should have just kept my opinions to myself. It was
also after six, and
I realized Jayden should have
already been at my house
by then
. I wasn’t sure what we were doing for the evening, but I gave her a call
to see what was holding her up
.

When she answered I said, “Hey, where
are
you at? I miss you.”

There was a brief
pause
and then she replied, “I’m at
Nick
’s hotel. But- it’s—
” She sighed. “I’m just leaving, so I’ll explain when I get there, okay?”

“Uh, okay. I love you.”

“I love you, too. See you in
about ten minutes.”

I released a breath of air. She met with him after work, most likely. Usually the mention
of a hotel could cause a guy
to worry, but I knew that wasn’t the case. My biggest fear was that she confronted him about what we’d talked about the night before. I felt horrible, like I had forced
a
result
intentionally. But that’s not really why I brought it up, was it? Why did I even bring it up? I didn’t even know anymore.

When she came through the door
she shut it slowly and dropped her purse on the floor. She just stood there for a
moment
, so I got up and met her halfway across the room.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

She exhaled a big breath of air and shook her head. “Bree left late last night. She got on a plane and went back to
L.A.
” She shrugged her shoulders and frowned
. “You were right
about them being on the outs
.
And they had a huge fight last night.
I guess it wa
sn’t the first, but…s
he accused him of all sorts of things—
ridiculous things—j
ust to hurt him. Then she called a cab and just left, saying, ‘Maybe you’ll see me at home, maybe you won’t.
’
”

She took another breath and came to me, dropping her head against my shoulder. I put my arms around her and held tight. I only wanted to let her talk
if she chose to
, but I
ended up asking
how she found out. I figured
Nick
called her, but she said that she
was the one that
called to see if the
y
wanted to eat at a really nice restaurant with everyone—a place she knew Bree would love.

That’s when he told her that his wife went back to
L.A.
He originally said she was just getting tired of all the traveling, but Jayden was already worried because of what we talked about the night before, so she inquired further until he finally told her the truth. She decided to just go over a
nd talk to him face to face, and that’s when she learned
more than she bargained for
:
Bree got pregnant and didn’t even want kids, but
Nick
convinced her they should get married so they could raise their son properly. She accused him of not even loving her, which wasn’t true, and caring more about
Sam
than he did her. And now
she feels like her
body is ruined from having kids and she can’t even work as a model anymore. Her whole life
has
changed because it was everything that
Nick
wanted. She did it for
Nick
.

I guess
the guilt trip didn’t surprise me. It seemed very typical of
Bree’s
personality.

Jayden also mentioned something that made me uneasy, but I chose not to open it up any further. When she had asked
Nick
if he thought Bree really felt that way or if she was just spouting off because she was mad about something else,
Nick
answered yes to both. He felt she did resent getting married and having kids, and he didn’t feel anything could change that. When Jayden inquired about what else she could be upset over,
Nick
only said it was
n’t something he
wanted to
bring up
.
I could only conclude that it had to do with Jayden—to whatever extent—and he didn’t want to make her feel bad. I didn’t
say anything to my fiancée
though, because I couldn’t know for sure what the real issue was. There was no way I wanted to make things worse
by interjecting my opinions again
. 

What was most upsetting to
Jayden
was
Nick
’s son, who was asleep on the bed when she got there, but had listened to his mom yell at his dad and then watched her walk out the door.
Sam
wasn’t even two years old
,
but
Jayden felt empathy for him from when her own mom had left.