Hope(less) (36 page)

In shock, I realized what I’d done.  I’d transferred my pull
to him.  Only he wasn’t pulling in men.  He pulled me in and the force of it
consumed me.  He represented a hot fudge sundae to a diet-starved girl.  Even
knowing what I felt was a result of my power, I couldn’t ignore it.  He was so
handsome… so perfect... so clueless as he still scowled at me.

His fingers still twined through mine, but I needed more
from him.  Affirmation of an ‘us’.  I wanted to touch his face and smell his
skin.  I wanted to hold him tight and never let go.

With speed I never imagined I possessed, I moved from my
seat to his, straddling his lap and leaning my forehead against his.  He
grunted in surprise, but otherwise didn’t move.

Breathing in deeply, I smelled the soap he’d used and closed
my eyes.  His hair tickled my nose.  I pressed my lips to the tip of his nose. 
My heart twisted painfully.  His hand came up lightly resting on my side.  It
heated my ribs.  The contact of each finger branded me.  I opened my eyes and
smiled.  Better, but not enough.  My mind kept chanting ‘more’.

Forgetting our audience, I ran my hands through his hair and
pulled back to kiss his exposed forehead.  His cautious brown eyes met mine.  I
lost myself in their depths for several moments recalling the first time I saw
them.  On his driver’s license.  I needed more from him.  No more hiding from
each other.

I tilted my head and kissed his cheek.  The whiskers abraded
my lips, but I didn’t mind.  I moved lower finding his lips.  He didn’t resist
me, but didn’t join in as he had in the car.  I frowned slightly.  A stab of
doubt pierced my heart.  This didn’t feel right yet.  He still hid from me.

Nudging his jaw with my nose, I made room to nuzzle his neck,
my lips skimming his smooth skin.  His pulse jumped under my lips.  Finally, he
reacted.  Both his hands came up holding my sides, kneading me, encouraging. 
My breath quickened and heart hammered.  Yes!  This was right.

Something took possession of me.  With one hand, I gripped
his hair, tugging it to pull his head to the side, better exposing his neck. 
He gave in willingly.  My eyes traced his neck where his pulse skipped
erratically, matching my own.  I couldn’t look away from that clean-shaven
spot.  I recalled when he’s started shaving it.  He’d known I would need to see
it.  For this.  I kissed it lightly and felt him shudder.  Before the shudder
ended, I bit him hard on the same spot.  Hard enough to draw blood.

The taste of his blood on my tongue broke the hold he had on
me and created a new one somewhere deep inside.  I pulled back slightly to look
at the small marks I’d left.  They’d already begun healing.

The pull he had on me, and the euphoria of the moment faded
as the horror of what I’d just done washed over me.

Clay sat staring at me in stunned silence… versus his
everyday silence.  Behind me, someone moved calling attention to the fact that
we still had an audience.  A deep blush seized my cheeks.  A claiming typically
occurred in private.  Embarrassed tears began to gather.

I wiped the blood from my mouth with a shaky hand.  I didn’t
regret claiming him, but wished we could have talk first.  I needed
reassurance.  Had I just forced him?  Would this mean I’d have to quit school? 
Would he want me to live in the woods with him?  If he did, I owed it to him to
try after everything he’d done for me.

Panic bloomed in my chest.  Before I could scramble off his
lap, he reached up and gently stroked my hair.  I froze at his touch, hands
braced on his chest for stability, ready to flee.

“I’ve been waiting for that since the moment I saw you,” he
said in a deep and husky voice.  He sounded like a midnight radio DJ.

Hearing his perfect voice ignited my temper.  Now, he could
talk?  I scowled at him.  The man had the audacity to laugh and then scoop me
up in his arms.

The room around us erupted in cheers and I hid my blazing face
in his chest, my thoughts a confused jumble.  I felt him move, walking, but
didn’t have the courage to look up to meet the faces of the people who’d
witnessed our claiming.  The sounds of cheering faded as he walked through the
doors out of the commons.  My tears of embarrassment dried before they spilled
over.

Part of me couldn’t wait to get him alone and yell at him
for not talking to me for so long.  Another part of me wanted to skip talking
altogether and get back to the kissing part.  And yet another part of me wanted
to ask his thoughts about my gifts and the lights I saw.

When he carried me into our little room and set me on my
feet just after closing the door, I did none of those things.  I stood mere
inches from him still too stunned, and very unsure, to do anything but stare.  Where
would we live?  How would we support ourselves?  What about my education?  His
job?  Was he upset I bit him under the influence?  Should I tell him about the
other wolf?  Did he have ideas about the weird color lights?

I trembled.  He no longer smiled, but his eyes still twinkled.

“Why?”  My high strained voice made me sound like a child. 
I cleared my throat and tried again.  “Why wait until now to talk?”  My
curiosity won.

He quietly studied me for a moment and then opened his
arms.  I didn’t hesitate, but stepped right into them needing his comfort.

Tucking me against his chest, he gave me his explanation in
a simple, heart-melting way.  “If I’d spoken, even just one word, I would have
never been able to hold back what I feel for you.  You would have run.”

I remember the day he’d plopped down on the towel next to
Rachel.  Had he arrived any other way, I would have tried kicking him out.  If
that wouldn’t have worked, I would have… run.  Pulling back, I met his gaze. 
Even then, he’d known me.  I hadn’t been ready for any monumental life changes and
still wasn’t sure if I was now.

“Can I finally get answers from you now?  You’ll keep
talking?”  He smiled at me and nodded.  Well, he’d never be a chatterbox.  “Do
you think I’m right about the…”

He interrupted me looking serious.  “Now’s not the time. 
We’ll talk later.”

No way.  “No, we’re talking now.  If not about that, then
something else.  I’ve waited over six months to hear your voice.”  He didn’t
look motivated to talk yet.  “You owe me.  I bit you.”  It sounded a little backwards,
but he smiled.

Then he looked puzzled.  “How are you feeling?”

His question gave me pause.  Where were the waves of
backlash?  Should I be feeling sick or something?  “Good actually.”  I’d felt
great since I bit him.

Curious, I stretched my awareness.  Two of the waves had
already hit me, but I hadn’t felt a thing.  “It’s weird, but I don’t feel
sick.”  No backlash.  Did this mean I would no longer have a pull on men?  The
idea excited me.  I tried pushing my sight further and it worked.

In Clay’s arms, I had a view of the world with no strain.  I
focused easily seeing things I’d missed before.  The humans dominated the
majority of the space, while the werewolves claimed insignificant portion.  Far
to the east, a large gathering of blue-grey werewolves hid among the humans.  I
stayed focused on their group, concerned.  If they congregated together, they
understood their difference.

“I think we need somewhere private where we can talk.” 
Although werewolves tried respecting others’ privacy, I didn’t want to chance
anyone overhearing what we needed to discuss.

Clay nodded, but glanced at the door without moving.  I
followed his gaze and my shoulders slumped looking at the wood panel.  I had a
good idea who hovered outside.  He’d given me my answers and now wanted his
own.

Slipping from Clay’s arms, I yanked the door open.

As I expected Sam stood waiting, leaning against the hallway
wall opposite the door.  Probably listening too.

“Sam, since we don’t have any privacy, we’d like to use the
conference room.  There are a few things we need to discuss.”

“I couldn’t agree more,” he said motioning for me to lead.

“Clay and I, Sam,” I clarified.  “I don’t have any answers
for you.”

“Gabby…” he started in a stern and irritated tone.

I cut him off, “No, now it’s your turn to be bossed around
and told what to do.  I did what you wanted and Claimed one of you.  Lay off.” 
My stomach churned talking to him like that.  A little fear crept in.  It was
like poking a bear with a stick.  Though he’d never given me reason to fear
him, he could rip my head off in a blink.  I never forgot that.

Sam didn’t say anything behind me, but continued to follow
me.  I didn’t turn around to look, but knew Clay followed him.  I needed to
stop baiting Sam and smelling like fear.  It didn’t help either of us.

I opened the door to the soundproofed conference room and
turned to face Sam.  He’d schooled his face so it appeared perfectly calm and
blank, but his spark glowed like a fanned ember.

“Sam.”  I took a deep calming breath and for the first time
truly understood the weight he carried.  “I’m trying to do what’s best for me,
Clay, the pack and… there’s a lot I haven’t told you.  There are things I
haven’t told Clay.  Give me some time to sort things out.  I need to make sure
your goals mesh with mine before I can fully confide in you.”  He looked hurt
by my words, but I didn’t regret them.  I was trying to be honest and give him what
information I could to help explain my behavior.

He stood back and let Clay join me in the room.  “I’ll be
here.”

I figured he would wait.  Closing the door, I turned to
Clay, worrying.  He watched me, puzzled.  Probably trying to figure out what I
hadn’t told him.  He knew so much already.  But what would he think about my
reaction to the man who’d broken into our house?

Rubbing my hand through my hair, I whispered, “I’m not sure
where to start.”

He pulled me into his arms.  “Anywhere.  I’ll listen.”

He always did.  I smiled and started with the easiest
thing.  “I can see everything Clay.  Without pain.”  I pulled out of his arms
and continued to look.  “Even without touching you, there’s no pain.  I can see
so much more than before.  Why?”

“It’s our link.”

“Wait.  I thought the link happened when…” I didn’t really
want to bring this up.  We’d moved a little fast with the claiming and I didn’t
want to seem overly eager about the mating.  No mixed signals.

He read my hesitation and quirked a smile.  “The full link
happens after the mating is completed.  With the claiming we have a connection.” 
His smile faded and he looked at me sincerely.  “It can still be broken.  If
there’s another potential mate out there… by biting him, you can break our bond
and create one with him.”

My jaw dropped, not about breaking the bond, but about the whole
explanation he’d just given me.  Was he saying that potential mate part because
he thought I still doubted us?  I inwardly cringed remembering the speech I’d given
him as he dismantled Sam’s truck.

“Don’t use up your word quota for the day,” I grumbled
eliciting a smile from him.  I stuck out my tongue in response and then got
serious.  “Clay, I won’t be biting anyone else.  Ever.  But I have something to
tell you.  When those wolves attacked… the second one...” I trailed off trying
to find the right words.  I didn’t want to hurt him.  This should qualify as
the best day for us.  Would telling him turn it into the worst?  He nudged me
as he often did when in his fur.  It made me smile sadly and admit the truth. 
“I felt the same pull with him as I do with you.  I don’t understand why that
would happen.  Sam said just one.  Experiencing that with someone else confused
me and made me feel horrible like I cheated on you.”

He sighed and shook his head smiling softly at me.  “I saw what
happened.  It worried me, but the kiss in the car helped me understand how you
feel.  Don’t worry about it.”

He’d known all along?  His impatient finger tapping made
sense now.

I met his eyes and smiled back.  His easy acceptance of everything
that happened finished melting my heart.  “I love you.”  My admission took me
by surprise.

I didn’t see him move.  He embraced me again crushing me in
a spinning hug.  The room spun around us in dizzying speed and I didn’t attempt
to focus on it.  Instead, I looked down at Clay’s face.  He wore a huge smile. 
I grinned back noting his canines, normal for the first time ever.

“Oh!” I started squirming to get down, excited at the size
of his teeth.  He grudgingly let me down.  “Please can we get rid of the
beard?”  Yes, I hopped from foot to foot like a kid begging for cotton candy. 
I just wanted to see him once without facial hair.  If he wanted to grow it
back, I wouldn’t mind.  I’d fallen in love with him with it full grown after
all.

He nodded laughing at me.

“And I still want to get my degree.  Can we stay where we
are until then?”

Before he could say anything, his eyes shifted to the door. 
My joy-filled smile faded.  I still needed to figure out what made Elder Joshua
different from other werewolves.  No doubt, it affected me in some way.  Why
else would I be able to see the colors?  For a moment, I thought about my mom
and all the questions I would ask her if she still lived.

I stepped close to Clay and laid my head against his chest,
wrapping my arms around his waist.  “Everyone I’ve ever loved this way I’ve
lost,” I said recalling my earliest memories of my mom and grandma.  I hugged
him close.  “Don’t let me down.”

“I won’t.  You’re stuck with me forever,” he whispered
holding me close.

Something chirped behind me.  It took a second chirp to
recognize the sound of my own phone.  I groaned at the interruption, but pulled
back from Clay’s warm embrace, not quite leaving it, to pluck the phone from my
back pocket.  Luke’s number flashed on the screen.

As soon as I hit ‘talk’, Luke spoke in a rush without
waiting for my greeting.  “Gabby, I have a problem,” he shouted over the roar
of an engine.  Something popped loudly in the background.  Luke swore, and then
the phone went dead.