Hope(less) (32 page)

With Luke, though, I’d actually focused a specific person’s
spark.  An abnormal spark.  Based on the yellow-violet coloring, I guessed she would
be another compatible like me.  I wondered why I’d zoomed in on a single person
when touching Luke, but not the others.  Maybe my ability worked better with a
werewolf.

After touching Luke, I felt certain my emotions in addition
to my touch, triggered the transfer.  However, seeing a single person when I
touched Luke had me wondering if, perhaps, my ability was meant to find mates
for the people I touched.  Maybe the pull lured potentials in and then… what? 
How did the lights fit in?  Maybe one spark had stood out when I’d touched the
rest, but I hadn’t focused on my spark-sight to check.  Maybe a werewolf
amplified my ability and the view appeared whether I wanted it or not.

Too many maybes.  I needed a test group.  Immediately, I
thought of Rachel and Peter.  When I sensed them without touching Rachel, I
knew they were a perfect match.  If I tried to pass my pull on to Rachel and saw
Peter’s spark, I’d have my answer.  If it didn’t work on them, I wouldn’t rule
out my theory completely.  The difference between human and werewolf might be
the key to the results.  I could try it on Clay.  He knew I was his match.

Feeling a light caress on my hair, I turned to look at Clay
who watched me again.  “Do I say good morning, or is it close to goodnight
again?”

He smiled at me then scared me by whipping his head toward
the door a silent snarl on his mouth.  The bedroom door burst open and Luke
poked his head in, speaking directly to Clay.  “Better hurry.  You carry her
and I’ll grab her things.”

Luke had understood and come through.  I opened my mouth to
thank him, but Clay leapt off the bed and quickly scooped me into his arms, covers
and all.  With the blankets twisted around me and partially covering my face, I
felt a moment of panic along with disorientation when he lifted me.

Shaking my head to dislodge the blanket, I sent Clay a quick
scowl.  His lips twitched.

Over his shoulder, I saw Luke cramming my things into my
ragged messenger bag.  My bag wouldn’t last through another werewolf packing. 
I laid my head on Clay’s shoulder in case anyone else roamed the halls.  He
held me closely walking quickly.

In addition to figuring out why I had the ability pass on my
gift, I needed to understand why I saw different werewolf colors.  The werewolf
who’d left the line and the ones waiting for him, worried me.  Regardless of my
anger at Sam, if trouble stalked the pack, he needed to know.  But I needed to
talk to Clay about it before I could talk to anyone else.  He would help me
make sense of it and figure out how it all tied together.

Uncertain if I could trust Sam with everything, I needed to
leave before he started pushing me for answers I didn’t have.  What reason
could I give Sam for my sudden faint during the Introduction?  He’d know any
lie before I told it.  And if I gave him the truth, would he then share it with
all the Elders?  After seeing those werewolves leave the Introduction, I couldn’t
blindly trust Elder Joshua.  Too many werewolves of that same color acted
differently than the norm.

We made it out the main entrance quietly with Luke following
us.

The black sky twinkled with stars, and crickets conversed with
their night song.  Relaxing my neck, I gazed up at the stars as the two werewolves
stealthily moved over the graveled parking area.  It must be Monday night.  I
regretted missing the classes today, but there’d been no way to help it.

Luke opened the car door for Clay, and the door’s loud
creaking groan made us all cringe.  Clay quickly settled me inside, reaching
across me to secure the seat belt, and then jogged silently around the hood to
get in behind the wheel.  The car faced the gate.  Luke must have moved it.

Luke handed me my bag and moved to close the door, but I
motioned for him to wait.  I dug in a side pocket of my bag for a pencil stub
and paper.  In those few moments after I shocked him and before I passed out,
I’d gleaned some information about the person I saw.  Whoever she was, Luke
needed to find her and help me understand if some of my suspicions were right. 
Was she like me?  Was she his mate?

I jotted him a hasty note and handed it to him with a wave. 
He quickly closed the door.  I hoped giving him the information was the right
thing to do.  I barely knew him.  Would he even try to find her or just hand
the information over to an Elder?  Worried, I looked at him through the
window.  He didn’t see me.  His eyes scanned my note.  He crumpled it in his
hand and spun away toward a waiting motorcycle.

Clay pulled away from the compound, spinning gravel with the
tires.

At least Luke had my number if I was wrong.  A motorcycle
roared to life, quickly zipping past us.  Luke saluted me with a wicked grin
then disappeared from sight.

I peeked in the side mirror and I caught the reason for
their loud exit.  Sam stood on the porch watching us, growing smaller as we
sped away.  I wished I knew whom to trust.  What a crappy Introduction
weekend.  The worst yet.  I hoped there were no more in my future.

The drone of the engine and the soothing vibrations of the
tires eating up the miles of road put me right to sleep.  I slept the whole way
home waking when Clay lifted me from the car.  Blankets still twisted around
me, he carried me to bed.

A few minutes later, he settled next to me.  It didn’t
matter anymore if he wore his fur or stayed as a man.  He remained with me.  It
was enough.

*    *    *    *

Clay tried keeping me home Tuesday, worried I still needed
to rest.  First, he planted himself, in his fur, in front of my door so I
couldn’t get out of the bedroom.  When I pleaded to use the bathroom, he
allowed me out, taking the opportunity to hide my keys.

Suspicion rose in me when he calmly watched me get ready. 
When I discovered the missing keys, I resorted to further pleading stressing my
need to talk to Nicole to help piece this puzzle together.  The one sided
conversation reminded me of the first time I’d reasoned with him.

Of course, Rachel caught part of my serious conversation
with our dog and did a double take on her way to the bathroom.  I laughed and
waved her away then gave Clay a look.  Grudgingly, Clay led me to my keys and I
made it to class on time.

Before getting out of the car, I took a minute to lean my
forehead against the steering wheel still recovering from sharing my ability
with three people in one weekend.  Clay had sensed it.  If Tuesday hadn’t been the
only day I saw Nicole, I’d still be in bed.  Steeling myself, I got out
and walked across campus.

Sitting next to Nicole, for the first time ever I didn’t pay
much attention to the instructor.  Whispering, I asked questions freely, but
failed to uncover anything more than what she’d already shared.  She had been
hit on quite a bit after the Halloween party, which she attributed to the costume.
 She planned to reuse since it had been such a hit.  Since it wasn’t a bad
costume, I didn’t dissuade her of the idea.  Better to think it was the costume
than a freak friend passing some kind of power to you.

I smiled and waved goodbye to her at the end of the class. 
People pushed past me en mass to leave.  I watched them go dreading the walk
back to the car.  With my pull gone, thanks to Luke and two strangers, I could safely
ask someone for a piggyback ride.  I’d seen it happen before.  Somehow, I just
couldn’t picture explaining to Clay why I smelled like another guy.

*    *    *    *

Rachel and Clay-the-man stood in the kitchen together making
an early dinner.  I hesitated in the doorway, surprised since Rachel typically spent
her free time with Peter or worked.  And Clay tended to stay in his fur when
she did stay home.

Rachel paused her one sided conversation to wink at me.  I
glanced at Clay and closed the door.  He remained focused on the food in the
pan he stirred.

I stepped further into the room and Rachel walked past me on
her way to get silverware.  “You didn’t tell me he could cook,” Rachel stage whispered.

Giving her a crooked smile, I made my way to a kitchen chair,
exhausted.  “He cooks, he cleans, he warms up my feet at night, and keeps the
toilet seat down… so hands off.  He’s mine.”

Rachel laughed and Clay turned to give me an undecipherable
look.  I had a feeling he liked the ‘mine’ part.

“How you feeling?” Rachel asked coming over to touch my
forehead.  “I asked Clay, but he didn’t say.”  Rachel gave a pointed look at
Clay who shrugged and went back to cooking at the stove.

“Not the best, but it’s getting better.  I think it’s mental
exhaustion, nothing contagious.”

“Mm,” she said in a noncommittal way and eyed me
speculatively.  “I still think you should go to the doctor.  Could it be something
you didn’t think of yet…?”  She casually leaned close to me and whispered,
“Pregnant?”

Clay dropped the spoon.  It hit the stove and bounced back
at him, which he caught tight after a close fumble.  Both Rachel and I stared at
his back, but with dignity, he stayed facing the stove and kept cooking.

I turned back to Rachel with a wide smile, “No.  Now
behave.”

We ate dinner companionably, after which they shoved me out
of the kitchen with orders to rest while they cleaned up.  I went to my room
and changed into my lounge clothes while listening to Rachel tell Clay about a
cute pair of shoes she’d found.  It made me smile.  She would never break him. 
He’d never talk.

Dinner had been delicious, but drained my reserves.  I laid
on top the comforter thinking I’d rest for a bit before tackling that day’s
homework.  I still needed to talk to Clay about what I’d seen in the woods.

*    *    *    *

Sunlight pierced my eyes, waking me.  I no longer sprawled
sideways on the bed on top the comforter, but rather tucked snugly underneath
it.  Clay sat up in the space next to me, pillows stacked behind him reading a
book.  His posture didn’t fool me.  He really sat there to watch over me while
I slept.  I knew with an unexplainable certainty that he would never leave me
again.

“Good morning,” I said pulling the covers up to my chin.  Thanks
to Rachel the heat miser, the room felt cool and I enjoyed lower rent.

Clay closed his book as soon as I woke and turned to examine
me.  “I wanted to talk to you, but keep falling asleep.  If I do it again, wake
me up.”  I smiled at him when he pulled me close snuggle against him.  It was
much warmer that way.

“During the Introduction when I said my head hurt, I saw a
man step away from the line.  I know how your kind views Introductions.  It
didn’t seem right so I did a quick scan.  Hurt like hell, but I saw that the
guy leaving had the same color light as Elder Joshua and the wolf that’d attacked
us.  I thought maybe it could be the same guy… that he needed to leave because
you’d recognize his scent… but then I saw three more, further away.  Something’s
going on, but I can’t figure out what.

“I know you didn’t stay with the pack full-time, but did you
ever notice any of them acting different?”

He shook his head actually giving me a direct answer.  It
should have made me happy.  Instead, I sighed.  I still didn’t have a clue.

He gently stroked my hair as I thought it through.  “If only
I could trust Sam.  If I could ask him questions about Elder Joshua without him
repeating them, I might be able to figure this thing out.”

Maybe if I stopped thinking about it so much, the answer
would just come to me.

*    *    *    *

Sam called my cell the following weekend.  I’d expected his
call much sooner.  He surprised me further by asking if I’d come back to the
compound over the long holiday break weekend.  I hedged.  Did he want me to
return so he could arrange another Introduction?

He launched into a long speech about how he knew he’d
disappointed me and how he really did worry about me, not just the pack.  I
tried to be understanding, but didn’t bend much.

Finally, he came right out and asked what had happened to me
that night.  I answered vaguely claiming ignorance.  They couldn’t tell lies as
well over the phone.  A long moment of silence passed.  When he did speak, he
didn’t comment on my answer, but instead asked me again to think about coming
home over holiday break.  I knew he meant the compound and told him I’d think
about it.

After that, he continued to call me daily just to talk. 
Most of the brief conversations touched on weather, school or investments. 
Anything pack related stayed off limits.  I could tell he was concerned, but
trust, once lost, took longer to earn back.  I wouldn’t tell him any of my suspicions
until I could confirm some of them.

*    *    *    *

For the next few weeks, I focused on my studies while Rachel
spent more time with Peter.

Clay stayed my constant companion, thanks to the lack of
challenges, which dropped off after the Introduction.  His expectations didn’t
change after our kiss.  He didn’t push for more, actually staying in his fur
most of the time, except for Tuesday nights when he had dinner waiting for me.  He
cooked exceptionally well.

During the day, now that I knew about his job, he worked at
Dave’s while I stayed on campus.  I hadn’t given up on trying to figure out why
he’d picked Dave’s for a job, but he always responded with a shrug to any
questions I asked.  I never asked him if he followed me to school as Luke
suggested.  Some things, I preferred to remain a mystery.

On one of our girl nights, Rachel asked about Clay-the-man
while Clay-the-dog lay curled on the floor next to me.  She sat in the chair
going through her laundry.

“You are so weird about him.  What is it about the guy that
keeps you coming back?”  She sat on the couch folding her summer clothes and
packing them into a tote.