Honor Reclaimed (All About Honor) (4 page)

“What did you want with me?
 
It is obvious that you were laying in
wait for my return.”
 
Again John
realized that he was being unnecessarily cruel.

“My father has asked to speak with you.
 
He is waiting in your study.”
 
Eirian voice was barely audible as she
had trouble speaking past the knot of tears in her throat.

John nodded and turned away from the
staircase and continued down the hall to his study.
 
John entered the room passing directly to the fireplace
holding his hand out to the warmth it offered.
 

     
Finally, he turned to face his
father in-law,
 
“How can I help you
sir?”

     
Sir Morgan almost lost his nerve,
but he knew that he wanted to offer his advice as soon and possible and
hopefully spare John some of the mistakes he had made in his life.
 
“Son, I am so sorry!
 
It breaks my heart to loose my precious
daughter, but I also know how it feels to loose a wife, and I am sorry to see
you suffer it.
 
My poor little
motherless grandchildren!
 
Do not
make the same mistake that I made.
 
Please do not make them grow up without knowing a mother’s love.
 
I know you probably do not want to hear
this yet, but you must consider remarrying soon.”

John’s first reaction was to feel as
if he had just been slapped in the face.
 
He was not ready to think of moving on with his life, but he knew that
circumstance prevailed and that he had committed himself to moving on when he
took Eirian’s innocence.
 
Sir
Morgan’s request eased the way for him to announce his intentions to marry
Eirian.
 
“Sir, I had planned to
wait a while longer before speaking with you because I did not want to shock
you, but Eirian and I had much the same discussion and decided that, with your
approval, we would be wed as soon as possible.
 
She loves the children and wants to take care of them.
 
She believes that she owes that much at
least to Johane.
 
Johane herself
asked me on her deathbed to remarry soon and to give her children a
mother.
 
I think she would be
pleased with this solution.”

“You said nothing of love for my
younger daughter.
 
Do you expect me
to commit my daughter to a life void of affection?”
 
Sir Morgan questioned his son in-law.

“Believe me sir, I have always had
great affection for Eirian.
 
That
has not changed.
 
Am I in love with
her?
 
Well to be honest, no.
 
I am not sure I will ever love in that
way again.
 
I know for a certainty
that I will never love any woman in the same way that I loved Johane.
 
She was my hope and joy.
 
She gave my life meaning.
 
I could never hope or even want to
replace her place in my heart, but I will be good to Eirian and someday I may
learn to love her in that way to some extent.
 
She is willing to accept this arrangement and is going into
it with her eyes open if you give your consent.”

“I would talk to my daughter before
I give you my answer.
 
May we use
this office?”

“Yes, of course, sir.
 
I will send for her and have her meet
you here.”

A few minutes later Sir Morgan heard
a timid knock on the study doors.
 
He bade her to enter.
 
Going
to Eirian, he bestowed a kiss on her brow and the asked her to take a
seat.
 
“Daughter, I have been led
to believe that you have discussed the idea of marrying your sister’s husband
so that you could be a mother to her little children.
 
I am sure that if she had known that she was not to be able
to raise her own children that she would have hand picked you to finish her
job.
 
Of that I have no doubt.
 
My concern is that you are committing
yourself to a loveless marriage.
 
Are you willing to commit to a loveless marriage in order to honor your
sister?”

“Father, it will not be a loveless
marriage.
 
I will be honest with
you; I have always loved John.
 
I
have only recently come to realize that I am in love with him, and have been
for sometime, although I never would have acted on it as long as Johane was
alive.
 
Unfortunately, she is no
longer alive and John and the children need me.
 
I am willing to take the chance that some day he will learn
to love me.”

Sir Morgan heard her confession with
mixed emotions.
 
Somehow he felt
like he was betraying his oldest daughter, but he truly felt like the proposed
arrangements might serve everyone to their best advantage.
 
“Very well my dear.
 
If you are sure that this is what you
want, I will give you my blessings.
 
Give John a few months to morn and if you still feel the same then you
may wed him.”

“Father, John and the children need
me now.
 
I know people will talk,
but I do not care.
 
I want to be
here with them now.
 
Little John
has never known a mother’s love.
 
I
want to be the one to give it to him and I do not want him to wait until he is
months old to know it.
 
I would
like to be married as soon as then banns can be read.
 
We can let our reasons be known in the community.
 
If there are still people who can not
or will not understand, then that is their problem, not mine.”

It was hard to argue with her
logic.
 
Some may talk about the
hasty marriage, but then some always did.
 
It mattered little what others might say if the outcome was right.
 
“Very well, I can not argue with your
logic, and I do believe that it is what your sister would have wanted.
 
I will speak with John and put
everything into motion.”

After the almost four weeks it took
for the required three readings of the banns in church, Eirian and John were
married in the chapel near the manor.
 
There were very few people in attendance and no festivities following
the ceremony due to the fact that the family was in mourning.
 

For John it was just a matter of
convenience in order to provide a mother for his children and an obligation he
assumed when he compromised Eirian’s virtue.
 
He still felt void of any emotions except grief and regret.

For Eirian, it was a time of mixed
emotion.
 
She was still in mourning
for her beloved sister, but she had just married the man of her dreams; and he
barely knew she was alive.
 
It
would be her job to win him over.
 
She knew she must give him time to grieve, but if she were there to
support him without pushing him, he would eventually begin to see her as
important in his life.

The family returned to the manor
following the early morning ceremony.
 
A large wedding breakfast was served and then Eirian’s family prepared
to depart.
 
There would be no
charivari this wedding night, which was indeed a good thing as she was no
virgin and she did not want anyone checking the sheets too closely as some were
want to do.
 
She and John would be
left to quietly begin their new life together.

After seeing her family off, Eirian
checked in with Nanny to assure that the children had been fed and were
napping.
 
“Nanny, I am so grateful
that you are here.
 
I cannot tell
you how much it means to me to have at least one familiar face among so many strangers.
 
I will look to you for guidance in
raising the children.
 
Most mothers
are eased into raising children.
 
I
am to start from scratch, with a ready made family.”
 

“I will be here to help you Madame,
never fear.”
 
Nanny replied.

“Oh Nanny, must you be so
formal?
 
Am I not still your Eirian
whose nappies you changed many a time, and who bottom you spanked when
necessary?
 
There may be times yet
that you think that it is necessary,” she said with a laugh.

“Aye, and while I may find it
tempting, I do not think I will be dusting your drawers anymore.
 
That is now your new husband’s
job.”
 
The smile left her eyes when
she spoke of Eirian’s new husband.
 

“Nanny, are you angry with me for
marrying John so soon after Johane’s death?
 
I know it will give many a
goodwife
something to gossip about, but it was Johane’s deathbed wish the John remarry
soon so that the children would have a mother’s love.
 
There is no other, besides my poor sister, who could love
them more than I can and already do.
 
I have loved each of them since before they were born.
 
The fact that I am not that much older
than William will make it difficult for him I fear.
 
The others may come to think of me as their mother.
 
It is funny to think that William is
just about the age that I was when John came to Severn Manor to marry
Johane.
 
Oh Nanny, I pray that I
did right.
 
Why did I think I would
be the best mother for these children?”

“I am glad to hear from you the
reason why you married the master before your sister’s body was even cold.
 
I wanted to believe the best about you
and the master, but it is rather shocking,” Nanny replied.

“Oh Nanny, if you who raised me
think the worst of me, what will others say?
 
I think, perhaps, I was rash in my decision after all.
 
I guess the villagers will probably
shun me as a wanton, heartless woman trying to take my sister’s place.
 
I know I cannot do that.
 
John has made it painfully clear that
he will never love another as he loved Johane.
 
I am willing to accept that if I can win just a little of his
concern.”

“So you do love him?”

“I have always loved him.
 
I think I can fall in love with him
quite easily given time.
 
It is
enough just to be here for him and the children right now.”
 
Was she lying to Nanny or to herself?
 
“I think I shall rest for a few minutes
while the children do.”
 
She placed
a kiss on Nanny’s brow before she left the room.

She returned to her chambers only to
find them in disarray.
 
She had not
stopped to think that the change in her marital status would mean a change in
her sleeping quarters.
 
Of course,
she would be expected to share the Master’s chambers.
 
Some how she found it embarrassing to have it spelled out so
obviously to the staff.
 
It was
natural and normal of course on the surface, but under the circumstances, it
only made her sad.
 
It did not take
long for her few things to be moved from her chambers to the master’s
suite.
 
The rest of her belongings
would be sent from Severn Manor in a few days.
 

As she was not willing to go into
the master’s suite alone she stretched on the bed in her old room.
 
It was beginning to grow dark when she
was awakened by the sound of the door to the Master’s suite being slammed
open.
 
“What the hell, who ordered
her things to be brought into this chamber,” he exclaimed at the top of his
voice and to no one in particular, as they were the only two people on the
floor at this time.
 
“Eirian, come
here immediately!”
 
She had never
heard John speak in this angry tone before and it frightened her.

“Yes, John.
 
I am here.”

“Did you order your things brought
in to my chambers Madame?
 
I do not
appreciate you taking so much authority unto yourself.
 
You would do well to remember that this
is my home, not yours.
 
You have no
right to order the servants and rearrange my sleeping quarters,” he appeared to
be furious with her, and while she was a little frightened she stood her
ground.
 

“John, I did not order my thing
moved to your chambers, in fact, I had assumed that you had seen to the
proprieties.
 
It would seem the
servants were wiser then we.
 
We
are a married couple now and as such we should behave that way, at least as far
as the public is concerned.
 
I
would remind you that this is now my home, and as your wife I am the mistress
of your home.
 
I not only have the
right, but the responsibility to order the servants.
 
Just because we share our chambers, does not mean that
anything you are not ready for has to happen.
 
We can take our time and it will happen when you are
ready.
 
I am content to wait.”