Honor Reclaimed (All About Honor) (3 page)

John went over to his desk and
poured a healthy portion of whiskey in to the glass.
 
“John, really, I think you have had enough for a while,” she
said a little hesitantly.

“It is not for me.
 
I think you may still be in a little
shock.
 
It will do you good,” he
said.

Eirian took the glass that he
offered her.
 
She had never had
hard liquor in her life and it took her breath away.
 
It burned on its way down and made her cough until her eyes
watered, but it did begin to warm her up again.
 
She did not realize how much she had been shaking.
 
John encouraged her to finish the
glass.
 
By the time she had
finished it she could really feel the effects.
 
Her bones felt weak and rubbery.
 
She was not sure that she was going to be able to stand on
her own.
 
To top it off her nose
and her teeth felt numb.

They sat in silence for several
minutes.
 
John had his head hung
down resting in his hands.
 
Finally
he took a deep breath and stood up.
 
“I think it is time that we get you into bed,” he finally said.

When she looked up at him with a
raised eyebrow, he added “Alone, of course.”
 
She nodded in agreement.
 
It had been a horrendously momentous day.
 
She had learned of the death of her
beloved sister just about twenty-four hours earlier and had traveled long and
hard that day to reach here so that she could be comfort to John and the
children.
 
Never,
never, had she imagined that she would make love to her brother in-law when her
sister was not even in the grave.
 

She allowed John to help her up, and
when she did the whole room began to spin.
 
She felt as if she might faint.
 
John caught her in his arms as she began to sink to the floor.
 
Sweeping her up in his arms, he carried
her out the door and towards the stairs.
 
He could not help but notice the shocked looks on the faces of the
servants who happened to be in view.
 
Feeling the need to give an explanation, and hoping to ward off gossip
he said, “My sister in-law fainted.
 
Losing her sister and the hard day’s travel overcame her.
 
Joan, please hurry and turn back the
bed in the rose room.”

While Joan rushed to do as she was
bid, John’s mind was trying to work out a solution to his next problem.
 
How was he going to get her undressed
and into bed without the maid seeing the evidence of her recently lost
virginity?
 
He could not simply
dismiss the maid and undress her himself.

Leaning down he whispered softly in
her ear, “Eirian, try to listen to me.
 
Tell Joan that you do not want her to help you undress tonight, that you
just want to be left alone.
 
She
must not see you undressed because you still bear the evidence of what happened
between us.
 
I will try to slip
back in later and help you.
 
Do you
understand,” John asked?

Eirian nodded indicating that she
understood.

John carried her in and laid her on
the bed.
 
He then reached down and
removed her slippers.
 
Joan
retrieved a gown from Eirian’s bags with the intent of helping Eirian
undress.
 
Eirian shook her head
no.
 
“I just want to sleep
now.
 
I do not want to change just
yet.
 
Leave the gown there and if I
feel better I will change later.”

“Are you sure Mistress, wouldn’t you
rest better in your nightgown?”
 
Joan asked.

Eirian just managed to shake her
head no.
 
Joan reluctantly left the
room with John.
 
John turned around
when he got to the door, “If you need anything I will be right across the
hall.”

When they were in the hall he turned
to Joan and said, “That will be all for tonight Joan.
 
If she should need anything I will ring for you, but I am
sure we will manage.”

John gave it about five minutes
after Joan disappeared down the stairs and then he reentered the Rose
room.
 
He found Eirian struggling
to unfasten her gown.
 
He quietly
walked over to the bed and turned her around so that he could loosen the
fastening again.
 
He pulled her
gown over her head and threw it over the chair.
 
He bent to remove her stockings.
 
He then went over to the pitcher and basin and poured water
over a rag.
 
“I think this would be
easier to accomplish if you lay down.
 
We need to remove the evidence before anyone sees it.”

It was said with absolutely no show
of emotion, just cold and calculated.
 
For some reason that even Eirian did not understand she found his lack
of emotion insulting.
 
She tried to
grab the cloth out of his hand only to find herself toppling forward into his
arms.

He caught her setting her back on
her feet and then pushing her down on the edge of her bed.
 
“Now lay back please.”
 
He lifted her shift and spread her legs
apart far enough to run the cloth over them removing the evidence of her lost
innocence.
 
When he finished he
looked up at her to find tears streaming down her face.
 

“What now?” he asked as if he did
not already know.
 
At least he
thought he knew.
 
“If I could turn
back the hands of time and restore your innocence I would.
 
I have said I am sorry and I truly
am.
 
I did not mean to make love to
you.
 
It just happened.
 
I take full credit and will regret it
till the day I die!”

Rather than easing her discomfort
she began to cry in earnest.
 
She
had given herself for the first time to a man who would regret the act until
the day he died.
 
What an
introduction to the world of love.

Exasperated, John pulled the shift
over her head leaving her naked and feeling even more vulnerable while he
turned to retrieve her nightgown.
 

That was the moment that Joan
decided to come back to check on Eirian.
 
Her loud gasp alerted John and Eirian to her presence. To say that she
was shocked was an understatement.
 
Her mistress was not even buried and her master was already bedding her
sister.
 
The devil would take them
both.
 
Men were so deceitful.
 
He had appeared to be so in love with her
mistress, but like all men he could only think of his physical needs.
 
It was the sister that really made her
sick.
 
What kind of a slut would
betray her sister in such a fashion?
 
The bloody cloth lying on the bedside table was evidence enough of what
had transpired here.
 
She was a
good Christian woman and she simply would not stay in such a house.
 
She would see to it that everyone else
knew what had gone on here as soon as she secured another position.
 
Joan turned on her heels and left the
room at once.

John and Eirian were speechless for
a few minutes.
 
Finally John took a
deep breath and sighed, “Well that changes things.
 
I had hoped to have some time to think this through, but we
do not have that luxury now.
 
Joan
will spread the news to the four corners of the world if we do not act
quickly.
 
Our reputations are
ruined anyway you look at it.
 
The
only hope of salvaging anything is for us to get married as soon as
possible.
 
We will explain, to the
family at least, that I need someone to be a mother to my children, and who
better than their aunt?
 
In truth,
it is not such a bad idea.
 
I do
not really want a new wife, but my children do need a mother.
 
This may be a very good answer after
all.
 
I will speak with your father
as soon as we get Johane a decent burial.
 
There will be some talk about the lack of respect, but most people will
understand that it was the most expedient solution.”

“What if I do not want to be an
expedient solution?
 
Did it ever
occur to you that I might be like any other women and want to be married to
someone that I care about and that would care about me in return?
 
I do not want someone to be forced to marry
me.”

 
He reached out to touch her arm but she pulled away from him
like she had been scalded.
 
“Just
leave me alone!”
 
The tears just
did not seem to be able to stop tonight.
 
Her life had suddenly gone from bad to worse.

“Unfortunately you do not have a
choice.
 
If you are not willing to
see to your own reputation then it is up to the men in your life to protect
you.
 
I will speak to your father
as soon as he arrives.”

“No, you can’t tell him what has
happened.
 
He would never forgive
either of us for our disloyalty and I could not blame him.”

“If you do not want him to hear the
stories that Joan is bound to spread then you will go along with me and tell
him you want to take care of the children and it would not be seemly for you to
live with me and not be married.
 
You can tell him that you think you could learn to be happy with
me.
 
I promise that I will try to
see to it that you are not unhappy.
 
I cannot offer you the kind of love that I have for your sister, but I
will respect you and take care of you.
 
That is more than a lot of women can hope for in their lives.”

“God knows that I do love the
children and I think Johane would want me to take care of them.
 
At least I know they will get the love
that they deserve.
 
I can never replace
their mother, but I can do for them what Johane did for me and make sure that
they never lack for love.
 
I do owe
her that much.” She took a deep breath and with a shaky voice said, “You may
talk to my father.”

Chapter 2

John stood next to the freshly
turned dirt mounded over the grave of his beloved wife.
 
Tears of regret and loss streamed down
his cheeks.
 
It was beyond his
imagination to plan how he was going to go on with his life without the one
person who made his life complete.
 
Johane had been so much more than just his wife.
 
She was his lover in the truest sense,
his best friend, the other half of him.
 
She had supported him in everything he did.
 
She was the beloved mother of his children.
 
A very large part of him wanted to
crawl into the grave with her.
 
He
finally became aware of the rain running down the back of his neck.
 
It had saturated his cloak and he was
beginning to feel the chill.
 
If he
did not get dry and warm he might just get his wish, but that would leave his
poor innocent children orphaned as he had been.
 
He did not wish that for them.
 
He turned to retrace his steps back to the manor house.

Climbing the stairs to the front
entrance one step at a time seemed to take the last of his strength.
 
He felt ready to collapse.
 
Upon entering the foyer he found Eirian
pacing restlessly awaiting his return.
 

Eirian rushed to his side and began
to peel his saturated cloak from his shoulders.
 
John twisted away from her like he had been burned by her
touch.
 
“I am perfectly capable to
removing my own garment if you please.
 
Your assistance is not required.”
 
He could not suppress the guilt he felt at the tears that instantly
filled his sister in-law’s eyes.
 
Again, he suppressed his emotions, as he simply was not able to deal
with anything else.