Holding On (17 page)

Nor would she point out that they hadn’t
really
tried to make it work. Not that she was aware of, anyway.

“I even baked him a pie!” Carly wailed. The words seemed to come out of nowhere. “I baked him a pie! And this is what he does to me?”

“Maybe,” Quinn carefully began, “a break from each other would be good for you. Maybe taking a break…waiting out this thing with Betsy…letting your emotions settle down. Maybe it’ll be good for you?”

Carly clea
rly didn’t agree with that. “What if this thing with Betsy
doesn’t
end?”

Quinn made a sympathetic face.
She knew her words were not going to go over well. But they needed to be said. “Then maybe you and Jesse simply aren’t meant to be together.”

“How can you say that?” Carly huffed.

Quinn wanted to ask how she could
not
say that. Two people should not constantly be putting each other through what Carly and Jesse were constantly putting each other through. It was exhausting and disheartening enough for Quinn to
watch
. She couldn’t imagine actually living through it. Not for years on end like her sister had been doing. She didn’t dare point that out. Carly was not in the mood for it.

“It was just a thought,” Quinn meekly told her.
She wanted to continue on and tell Carly that she was sure to find someone else. She wanted to say that she was sure there was someone out there more fitting for her. Someone who would love her and treat her the way she should be treated. Someone that would be the perfect fit.

However, it all sounded a little too clichéd and Quinn knew her sister well enough to know that she wouldn’t appreciate it. So she kept the thoughts to herself.
In all honesty, she wasn’t even sure that Carly wanted to be comforted. She thought it was very likely she just needed someone to vent to. Someone to listen to her while she cried. Someone who wouldn’t point out all of the obvious things that Quinn had just been thinking.

“I am sorry,”
Quinn said, trying again. The most simplistic response seemed to be the best.

Carly let out a shaky breath. “Me too. It’s my own fault. It’s always my fault. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Every relationship I’ve ever been in…I’ve blown.”

Quinn didn’t respond to that. She knew Carly didn’t need a pep talk. She needed to have some time to wallow. When she was done wallowing, she’d snap herself out of it. Quinn was sure of it. Because that’s what Carly did. So she just sat in silence with her for a while. Just being there for her sister without actually saying anything.

It was Carly who finally broke the silence. She tended to strongly agree that misery loves company.

“Have you heard from Luke?” she asked.

“Nope,” Quinn sai
d. She did not really want to talk about it. Yet she felt that if it took Carly’s mind of Jesse, she’d be willing to do that for her sister.

“Whoever would’ve guessed,” Carly mused. “All those years you were lusting after him…and he was lusting after you too.”

She faded off and Quinn had to fight to not roll her eyes. She was fairly certain that what she’d been doing hadn’t been
lusting
after Luke. She was pretty sure at one point, she’d actually loved him. She loved him still, of course, but as a friend. And, odd as it was, as a brother-in-law.

“Lo
oks like both of us sort of suck at communication,” Carly decided.

Quinn couldn’t disagree. “Yeah, looks like it.”

“Do you think it’s going to be weird? I mean, between the two of you? Or I guess, really, the three of you? When he comes back?”

Quinn let out a frustrated laugh. “It’s weird
now
. At least, I don’t think it can get any worse. Of course, I shouldn’t say
that
because you never know.”

Carly was quiet again. But this time, Quinn could tell she wasn’t thinking about herself. She was almost worried to find out what Carly
was
thinking.

“You know,” she finally said. “I like Jake. I really do. He treats you great and it’s so obvious how in love the two of you are…”

Quinn bristled. “Why in the world do I feel a ‘but’ heading my way?”

Carly shrugged guiltily. “
But
I always thought it would be you and Luke. Always.”

Quinn wanted to retaliate but she couldn’t even come up with a response that was worthy. Because she, too, had always in the back of her mind, thought the same thing.

“Have you ever told Jake what a huge crush you had on Luke?”

“No,” Quinn said with a shake of her head. “Maybe I will someday, but like you said, things are strained enough.
I mean, with the way Luke feels. I don’t want to add to that.”

“Do you still love Luke?” Carly demanded in the no-nonsense way that only she could get away with. Or at least almost get away with.

Quinn smacked her across the shoulder. “What kind of question is that?”

Carly grinned. “An honest one! I was just wondering if that’s why you didn’t want to bring it up to Jake.”

“No,” Quinn firmly replied. “Not the way you’re implying. I love Jake. Completely. We’re married. We’re having a baby. I don’t want to bring it up now because it would be
pointless
to bring it up now.”

She had expected Carly to disagree. But she didn’t.
A comfortable silence fell between them once again.

“Thanks,” Carly said after a while. “Thanks for always listening to me when I lose it.”

“That’s what sisters are for,” Quinn pointed out. “You’ve listened to me lose it more times than I can count.”

“I have, haven’t I?” Carly asked with a teasing smile.

Quinn smiled back. She could tell that the crisis had, for the most part, passed. For now. But knowing Carly it would be back. Drama loved to find her. Possibly because she had a habit of searching it out.

“You have,” Quinn simply agreed. “And I’m really, really sorry to do this…But I have to leave pretty soon.”

“You do?” Carly asked. She looked stricken. It wasn’t like Quinn to abandon her when Carly needed her most. “I thought you had the day off?” Carly accused.

“
I do,” Quinn agreed. “You know I would stay. If I could. But…I kind of have something going on that I really can’t miss,” Quinn carefully explained. Even as she said it, she was wondering if she could avoid an explanation.

“What?” Carly demanded. Her curiosity was clearly piqued and it was not going to be shoved aside.

Quinn had a quick mental debate. She and Jake had planned on keeping the ultra sound date a secret. But Carly was so upset…It might cheer her up. And they would be telling everyone eventually, anyway. Most likely sooner rather than later…Surely, Jake wouldn’t mind if she explained to him why she told, would he?

One look at her sister’s tear-stained face and she made the decision.

“Well…” she began hesitantly, “we have a doctor’s appointment in a little while.”

“Oh,
okay,” Carly said. But she eyed Quinn up, realizing it might be more than a simple appointment. Especially when Quinn started to fidget and looked away. Quinn had always been so easy to read. “Wait a minute…” Carly said as she sat up a little straighter. She narrowed her eyes in suspicion. “Is this the ultra sound appointment?”

Quinn
sighed and made a noncommittal gesture.

“It is, isn’t it?” Carly asked with a grin.

Quinn cringed. “Well, we weren’t going to tell anyone…But yeah, it is.”

Carly squealed in delight. “
You’re going to find out if I’m having a niece or a nephew?!”

Quinn nodded.
“Maybe. Well, yes. I think.”

“Does Mom know?” Carly demanded.

Quinn gave her a look that clearly said
No, Mom does not know
.

Carly shook her head. “Right. Stupid question.” But then her smile grew.
“You have to call me! As soon as it’s over. Then we’ll go shopping!”

Quinn’s brow furrowed. “I’m not sure about that. Jake is still insisting he doesn’t want to know the sex.
That’s why we didn’t tell anyone the appointment was today. He didn’t want anyone pressuring us to find out.”

“What?! Why?!” Carly demanded. “That’s just…well, it’s silly! How are you supposed to get anything done ahead of time?
That’s just…such a guy response. He doesn’t understand the importance of this. Do you want me to talk to him about it?” Carly looked as though she were dead-serious. As though she were already formulating the argument in her head.

Quinn laughed. “No. No, I really don’t. Maybe he’ll come around. We’re meeting there but I have tried to make it perfectly clear to him
ahead of time. I’ve pointed out all of the reasons that it’s beneficial to know ahead of time.”

“Is he still convinced it’s a boy?” Carly demanded.

“Completely,” Quinn admitted.

“Then why doesn’t he want to find out for sure?”

Quinn shook her head and smiled. “I have no idea. I think because of what he considers a small, small chance he might be wrong. He wants to be surprised.”

“Well, I don’t. Ohhh!” Carly nearly squealed, instantly cheering up. “We should go shopping
right afterwards! I could really, really use some retail therapy. Can you call me as soon as it’s over?”

Quinn thought about it for just a second. “Jake has to go back to work after the appointment so sure. That would actually be fun,” she admitted with a smile.

“Ohhh!” Carly cooed again. “I’m so excited. You totally made my day better! I’ll be sitting by my phone!”

“Alright,” Quinn said with a laugh. She was so relieved
to see her sister happy. “I’ll call as soon as we’re done.”

*~*~*

“Stop smirking! It’s not funny!” Quinn said as she laughed. She gave Jake’s shoulder a playful nudge. He’d been snickering for the past ten minutes.

“I
t’s
kind of
funny,” he insisted with a smirk.

She rolled her eyes at him. Jake had finally relented and agreed that they could find out the s
ex. After several long weeks of begging and rationalizing on Quinn’s part, he had agreed.

And the baby had not cooperated.

Jake grinned. “I’m rethinking this, you know. I think it might be a girl after all. No McGrath boy would ever be that shy. We just don’t have it in us,” he teased.

The baby had nearly had its legs crossed the entire ultra sound.
The tech had even allowed Quinn to get up and move around briefly. If the baby had moved at all, by the time she was settled back onto that hard bed, it had crossed its legs again.

“Or maybe,” he said
a bit too smugly, “maybe this is fate’s way of telling us we really don’t need to know.”

“You’re loving this, aren’t you?”
Quinn narrowed her eyes at him. She was only pretending to be annoyed. She wasn’t. She was disappointed but she was getting a kick out of Jake’s teasing and superior air.

He shrugged
and winked at her. “Maybe a little.”

Quinn shook her head as they crossed the short distance to their vehicles. “I’m not going to complain though. Everything else checked out great.”

Jake nodded. “Yeah and for me, that’s really all I needed to know. It was pretty cool, though. Wasn’t it? I mean, I thought hearing the heartbeat was pretty amazing. But actually seeing the baby?” He shook his head in wonder. “Even if it did look like a little blob,” he said with a grin, “it was way cool.”

Quinn smiled. “Yeah, I know.”

“You have the pictures, right?” Jake asked.

She patted her purse. “Tucked away, safe and sound.”

“Oh!” Quinn exclaimed as she grabbed Jake’s hand. She placed it on her stomach. “Do you feel that?”

A
smile spread across Jake’s face. “Yeah…yeah, I feel that.”

“Now! Now you decide to move?” she said to her stomach. She laughed and Jake kept his hand in place until the movement stopped.

The baby moved around a lot during the day. It rarely moved in the evening when Jake was home. “That was so awesome,” he said with a grin.

“Finally,” Quinn said to her stomach. “Daddy’s been waiting for that!”

Jake was still smiling when he said, “Sometime this week you’re going to line up one of those childbirth classes?”

She laughed again. “Yes, Jake. I’ll take care of it.”

He nodded and looked relieved. He was still worried about the whole parenting thing and decided he needed all of the help he could get. Starting as soon as possible. “Good.”

Quinn leaned up against her car.

“I’m going to have to work late, to make up for leaving. We’ve just got too much work to do, so I can’t get behind,” he reminded her. “What are you up to for the rest of the afternoon?” he wondered.