Holding On (14 page)

Jake, apparently having pulled himself back together
, turned to face Quinn. His eyes were clearer than they had been but they still looked a tad shinier than usual.

“I don’t know what you’
re talking about,” he said. He made a face at her, as if she had been imaging the whole thing. “I mean, yeah. It was really cool…but…you know…”

“Yea
h, I know,” she said with a giggle. “My big, strong man was all teary-eyed. But don’t worry. Your secret is safe with me.”

He opened his mouth to protest but then decided not to bother. He just smiled at Quinn and shook his head instead.
“You ready to get out of here?”

She glanced
around; satisfied that she hadn’t forgotten anything and nodded. “Let’s go.”

Jake took her hand and led her out of the doo
r, through the clinic and out to the parking lot. It was a gorgeous summer day and he’d been able to take the rest of the afternoon off.

“Are you sure you don’t want to go to the beach?” Jake teased as he opened the door of his truck for her. She really didn’t need help getting in but he insisted on guiding her in anyway.
She was finally showing but just barely.

“No. No beach for you,” Quinn said firmly. “We’re going shopping.”

Jake sighed as he shut the door. He’d been teasing Quinn but he really didn’t mind the fact that they were shopping today. At least, he didn’t mind too much. He walked around the truck and let himself in.

“You know,” Quinn relented, “I guess it would be okay if you didn’t help me pick everything out. I would like you to pick out furniture with me. But we don’t have to check out car seats, baby swings and all of that other stuff today. In fact, Carly’s been begging me to let her help.”

Jake grinned. “
I would
really
hate to disappoint Carly. Are you sure?”

She nodded
and made a face at him. “Yes, I’m sure. She’d have a lot more fun than you would,” Quinn said knowingly.

Jake had agreed to go shopping with her. But she kne
w when it came right down to it he probably wouldn’t be a lot of help. And he wouldn’t enjoy it the same way Carly would. Besides, he’d already been more involved than she ever would’ve thought. More than once she’d come home to find him enraptured by one of her pregnancy books. Even telling her random facts that she hadn’t learned yet. Including a warning that her feet may grow a complete shoe size.

On Mother’s Day he’d made her an amazing dinner. It consisted of baby back ribs, baby carrots and baby potatoes. It had taken her several minutes to catch onto the theme but when she had, it h
ad made her all teary eyed. Damn hormones.

So if he really didn’t care to spend his day perusing the aisles of the baby store, she thought she could let it slide.

“Tell Carly I said thanks,” he told Quinn with a grin. “But the furniture store…that doesn’t sound too bad.”

Quinn had told him they needed to pick out a crib and a dresser. He thought he could handle that.

As Jake pulled out of the parking lot Quinn told him, “You know, I really want to be able to paint the nursery soon.” Jake nodded. “And it’s still a few months away but we can find out the sex at the ultra sound.”

Jake looked at her, startled. “You want to find out ahead of time?”

She nodded. “Don’t you?”

He furrowed his brow
s as he drove. “I guess I haven’t really thought about it.”

Quinn leaned over and nudged him. “If you’re so convinced it’s a boy, then really, confirming it shouldn’t be that hard of a decision to make.”

He was quiet for a moment, processing. “But what if it isn’t?”

Quinn
’s eyes widened and she gasped. “You mean…you might be
wrong
?”

He gave her a sideways glance as he smirked at her. “It’s very doubtful but it has been known to happen on a rare occasion.”

She rolled her eyes and laughed. “Whatever. But seriously, I want to find out.”

“What if I don’t?” he wondered. “I mean, what if I
want
to be surprised?”

“Jake,” Quinn groaned. “Tell me you’re not serious. Do you know how hard that makes everything? You can’t buy clothing ahead of time. Or the crib bedding. You can’t paint the walls or get a cute diaper bag
. Or even the car seat and we need that right away…”

“People lived for centuries
,
millennia
, without knowing ahead of time, Quinn,” Jake pointed out. “I just think…I might want to be surprised. What’s wrong with the color it is now? Cream goes with everything.”

“It’s so…blah…” Quinn explained. “I want it to be cute.”

“If you want it painted can’t we pick a neutral color?”

Quinn grimaced. “Like yellow?
” Jake shrugged and nodded, thinking yellow was just fine. Quinn did not. “No. No yellow.”

“What did you have in mind?” Jake asked as he drove through town.

“Mint green if it’s a boy and a soft plum if it’s a girl,” she said decisively. “Carly and I went to the paint store the other day. I have the paint samples at home. I like a few shades of each. You’ll have to look them over and let me know which ones you like best. Remind me to show them to you.”

“Mint green?” Jake asked as he crinkled up his face.

“
Yellow
?” Quinn shot back at him.

“We could be totally original. How about orange?”

“Oh please, tell me you’re joking,” she moaned.

He shrugged, looking as though the idea might actually suit him.
But then he glanced at his wife’s horrified face. “Okay. Fine. No orange.”

“I just want to have everything ready,” Quinn explained. “Once the baby is here, I just want to be able to enjoy him or her. I don’t want to have to worry about painting or shopping or anything else. You know?”

“Yeah, I know,” Jake agreed. He did see her side of it. Yet, he wasn’t completely convinced. He thought about it for a few minutes. “Maybe we could get two sets of bedding and just return one? And couldn’t I paint the room as soon as the little one is here? It won’t take me long. A day at the most. We’ll have everything else ready to go. I mean, the crib can be set up. And besides, didn’t you say it won’t sleep in its room right away? Isn’t that why your mom got us one of those little roly carts? For it to sleep in our room?”

“A
roly
cart?” Quinn asked as she started to laugh. “Babe. It’s called a bassinet.”

Jake frowned as he pulled into the parking lot of the first furniture store on Quinn’s list. She’d called around to see who carried baby furniture and not all of them did.
She refused to order out of a catalog or online because she wanted to be able to see it in person. He hadn’t argued because he wanted to make sure whatever they bought wasn’t some chintzy piece of junk being passed off as quality.

“A
bassinet
, okay. Got it,” he said. He was not amused that she’d found humor in his blunder. He shook his head and looked at Quinn who was still giggling. “I’m going to suck at this,” he said. His voice had taken on a worried edge and his expression was serious. He turned his head so he was staring straight ahead. At the brick wall of the building in front of him. His fingers tapped nervously against the steering wheel. “I’ve never changed a diaper. I’ve never made a bottle. The only time I’ve ever even held a baby was at some family reunion when one was shoved at me. It cried the whole time. It was terrible. And even that was years ago. Hell! Apparently I don’t even know what a baby sleeps in!”

“Jake,” Quinn said softly. Her amusement had abruptly ended as she put a comforting hand on his shoulder. His sudden rambling confession was the first she’d heard that he might be a little nervous about this.
Jake had always,
always
been so confident and sure of himself. She’d never seen this side of him before. “You’ll be fine. It’ll come to you and you’ll figure it all out.”

He shook his head as he turned off the engine. “Hearing
the heartbeat…It made it all so real. And the truth is…I might
really
suck at this. I’m probably going to really suck at this because I have no idea what I’m doing. What if I’m a horrible dad?”

“You’re going to be a great dad,” Quinn assured him.
She meant it all the way down to her very soul. “You already are. I mean…you already love this baby, right?”

He blinked at her, startled that she even asked. “Yeah.
Yeah,
of course I do! I love the two of you so much it hurts sometimes.”

Quinn took a moment to let his words sink in. She knew they were true but that was the first time he’d worded it that way.

“Alright,” she said, “right there, as far as I’m concerned, is ninety-nine percent of what it takes. The rest will come.”

He looked at her, clearly not quite convinced.

“Are you forgetting that I’ve never done this either?” she asked. “Yes, I did some babysitting but that was years ago. And it’s not really the same thing. We’ll learn as we go.”

“What if we make mistakes?” Jake demanded. The look on his face made it clear that the thought terrified him.
And that he’d been thinking of it. Often. “I mean, what if we
really
mess up bad?”

Quinn couldn’t help but laugh. “We
are
going to make mistakes. Both of us. No doubt about it. Did I ever tell you that Mom said the first night she had me home she swung around and knocked my head right into the doorframe?”

Jake cringed.

“And
your
mom told me that it took your dad nearly a month to stop putting your diapers on backwards.” Jake muttered something under his breath and Quinn continued. “At least these days they have little pictures on the front to make it easier. But the point is, look how fabulously you turned out. So yes, it’s going to happen. We just deal with it and learn from it, I guess,” she said with a diplomatic shrug.

Jake let out a sigh. “You really think I’ll be okay at this?”

“Yes,” she said firmly, “I do.” Then she paused and grinned at him. “I mean, come on, you’ve never been a husband before either. And you totally rock at it.”

A slow smile spread across his face and he shook his head.

“Okay, so are you good? Is this little pep talk over?” Quinn teased. “Because I really want to go look at some cribs.”

“Yes,” he said. “It’s over. Let’s go look at cribs.”

*~*~*

Three stores and several hours later they had purchased a crib, a dresser, a toy box and a glider that Jake had insisted upon. Quinn was ear to ear smiles at the thought of Jake rocking their baby on it. It would all be delivered within the week.

Jake had already cleared out the spare bedroom, moving most of it to the garage. The desk that he sometimes used for work he’d crammed into the living room. The bedroom, now completely empty, was ready to be filled with baby things.

After their shopping excursion had ended Jake had insisted on taking Quinn out
for ice-cream. They’d chosen their favorite little place that had a patio in the front so they could eat in the sunshine. Ice-cream was one thing that Quinn craved constantly. That and Oreos dipped in milk, which she’d never been terribly fond of before. Now she couldn’t get enough of them. Jake had been asked to stop for a new package on his way home from work more than once.

“I’m going to be big as a moose if I keep this up,” she said with a frown. She swirled the ba
nana around in her banana split. She was contemplating whether or not to finish.

“
Oh no, you don’t,” Jake said. He found her foot under the table and tapped the side of it with his own. “You’re perfect, the doctor said so. Right on track.”

“Well…
now
…” Quinn started. She eyed up the melting mess. “But—”

“But,” Jake said interrupting, “we’ll go home and find a fun way to burn it off. Then you won’t have to worry about a thing,” he teased.

Quinn pretended to consider that for a moment. “Deal,” she said as she popped another bite into her mouth. After she finished the rest of her dessert, she pushed the bowl away. “You know what else is a good reason for finding out the sex ahead of time?”

“No idea,” Jake said as he finished off his ice-cream too.

“A name. We need to decide on a name,” Quinn pointed out. “I mean, I know we have months until we have to
really decide. But it would be nice to have some idea—”

“Mike,” Jake interjected.

“
Mike
?” Quinn asked as she scrunched up her face.

“What’s wrong with Mike?” Jake demanded. “It’s a perfectly good name. It’s a strong, solid name.
No one ever teased a kid named Mike. I can guarantee it.”

Quinn frowned as she tried to picture a teeny-tiny precious newborn in her arms…and everyone calling him…
Mike
.