Holding On (46 page)

“
Really Hem, you can be so
stupid. GAH! I don’t want to drink dammit. I’ve told you this four
times already, this is the fifth. I DON’T’ WANT TO DRINK! Care to
ask why I may not want to drink?” The entire room quiets from their
chatter, waiting to see Hem’s reaction to her raised voice. Unsure
anyone here has heard anyone but me talk to Hem this way. “Care to
stop and shake that brain of yours up a little by THINKING of why
maybe I won’t drink? God, you’re dumb. You’re lucky I love you so
much because just the thought of another Hem running around is
starting to scare the living shit out of me!”

And action! That’s how she
tells him. She chooses to tell the man that reproducing with him
scares her, wait no, scares the living
shit
out of her. Oh god. Damn, that
shit is funny... well tomorrow it will be funny, right now it’s a
little more frightening.

“
What are you telling me,
Sadey girl?” He is grinning. She’s not. She’s still
pissed.

“
I’m telling you that you,
asshat Hem, are going to be a father and I would seriously
appreciate it if you would stop trying to get the baby drunk! He
has plenty of time later to be drinking and smooching up women just
like his daddy!”

“
You’re having a baby?”
He’s smiling!

“
Yes, you stupid jackass.”
She’s still not.

“
Sadey girl, stop sassing
me right now please. Let me enjoy this. You are for sure telling me
I’m going to be a daddy, is this real?” He is starting to stand up
again now and move to her, eye to eye. Every person in this room is
paralyzed in wonder waiting for Sadey to calm the hell
down.

“
Yes Hem, you are goi…”
and that’s all there is folks.

Hem moves to her, picks her up and
cradles her like a baby in his arms and off they go into Hems cave.
I’m fairly certain that it is safe to assume that Hem is about to
make caveman love Sadey all night long. She should either stop
being angry or start meditating cause I saw the look on his face
and he’s too far past asking her permission to have her
tonight.

“
Congrats” is all I say
quietly to no one because they are already gone.

Chapter
Eighteen
:

“
But in the night he woke and held her tight
as though she were all of life and it was being taken from him. He
held her feeling she was all of life there was and it was true.”
  

--Ernest Hemingway

It’s been four weeks since the night
of Mom’s wake, Hem’s proposal, Sadey’s announcement and Ace
leaving. I know it has been this long because the next day Hem told
Sadey she had just four weeks to plan this wedding and become his
wife. She is now 12 weeks along in this pregnancy but she is
already showing. Hem wants her to have the wedding she always
wanted. She told him she wants the wedding similar to that she had
when she was a kid, only instead of me being the groom she really
does have her man. Thank hell for that. So we have planned
everything, right down to her dad walking her down the aisle and
her mom being too busy guarding and forcing signatures in the
guestbook to care what Sadey is doing. Sadey asked that we have it
at the lake behind our parents’ house. I can’t think anything more
fitting to be honest.

Sadey had asked me my thoughts on how
to tell her parents of the wedding and the baby. Knowing her
parents and their ability to make Sadey feel less than what she is,
I gave her my divide and conquer plan. Tell them separately to
avoid her being feeling overwhelmed or ambushed.

When she told her mother about her
engagement to Hem, she had cried. The tears weren’t happy tears and
Sadey was prepared for this. So she then led immediately into the
fact she was also carrying her first grandchild. More tears, but
those were of utter happiness. Needless to say that once she
finished telling her mom, the new grandma rushed to furnish a room
at grandma and grandpas.

Her dad however was the opposite. He
was not upset about her marrying Hem. He was in fact upset that
Sadey was already pregnant before the wedding. He just couldn’t
wrap his head around the fact that Sadey had sex before the wedding
night. This is telling of the fact that he doesn’t know Hem as well
as he thinks he does. Hem wants something, he doesn’t
wait.

Ace never came back. Sadey thinks he
had an emergency back home and had to rush away. I tried to tell
her the truth and I know this makes me such a bitch of a friend
that I didn’t, but eventually I will tell her what really happened.
I can’t bring myself to put any sort of hindrance on this wedding
or baby news for Hem.

Hem was livid when he heard Ace left,
dropping his cut at the door on the way out. Deep down, like way
deep down, Hem took comfort in knowing that Ace’s love for Sadey
kept her safe when Hem needed to use it to his advantage. Shitty
way of thinking, but that’s men. I also believe that Hem respects
Ace for leaving, knowing he’s doing it to make Sadey happy and be
able to focus on her new life rather than have Ace around to cause
any trouble later.

Shame and I are still good. Sure we
argue over stupid things. The time we spend at the house with both
Sadey and Hem is really starting to wear us thin, but as a wedding
present Hem bought Sadey a house near the hills for her and the
baby to be away from the Club and its business. They won’t move in
until after the baby is born because Hem is tearing it nearly
completely apart to update everything, making it a play for his
family to be safe. Once they move then I’m hoping Shame and I will
have more alone time, we are at a standstill in our relationship at
this point.

Along with today being the day that
Hem and Sadey recite their vows, it is also my birthday. I never
make a big deal of it, I actually hate this day each year. It
forces me to look back at decisions I’ve made in the past, it is
habit. This year I vow to just count my blessings.

Hem insisted they wed on my birthday,
citing that we’ve always done everything together and each year we
will all celebrate together. This seems a bit much to me, even for
Hem. The guy is seriously a romantic at heart.

Shame is the best man and I am the
maid of honor. Kegs is handling all the backstage tasks, ensuring
it runs smooth. Gunner and Honor are both handling seating and
security, they are technically supposed to be ushers but no way is
that their actual position here. Gunner is packing weapons and is
constantly checking security to be sure all is clear for the
event.

We have yet to hear from Greyson
again. I hate to say but I am optimistic that he has gone away.
Cherry refuses to testify and Hem agrees that the Club will handle
him when the time is right.

Tonight Raider has escorted Cherry.
She hasn’t been to the Club yet, says she just doesn’t want to face
all the pity that waits her there. She’s been staying with Kegs but
since Kegs told her she either goes to the wedding or she finds
another place to live, Cherry is here with Raider protecting her. I
see they have something between them, but I know Cherry doesn’t
recognize it. She’s far too damaged to focus on anything but mental
and physical recovery.

Honor brought Kegs with him tonight. I
talked to him briefly last weekend at the party when he was with
her. He told me they have a lot in common and she has agreed to be
with just him, for now. She’s never really had a real relationship
so this thing with Honor is new and confusing. Honor doesn’t sleep
with Club girls, he never did. That is one thing that always
endeared him to me. Both of them are good people, lost among
chaos.

Peyton is here with Derek. They are
together, officially. Shame doesn’t appreciate Derek as much as I
do, but then Shame also found him touching me at Shell Horns, what
feels like so long ago. Peyton was ecstatic to be invited to the
wedding. She and I still work together at the library and we hang
out sometimes with Sadey in the evenings since we have both been
helping her plan for this big event. Peyton tells me that Gramma
actually approves of Derek and that she has no longer been spending
Saturday nights at Shell Horns but has been spending the weekends
at Derek’s, Gramma still approving.

Before the wedding I want to find
Sadey alone and talk to her. She’s surrounded by her family and
friends and I know she’s busy but I want to give her my best
wishes. I haven’t been able to even find her since lunch and I’m
starting to panic because it is only about 15 minutes till show
time and after asking several people, no one knows where she’s
at!

Looking through the tents, down by the
dock and the rock way, I’ve come up empty. There’s only one more
place she could hide without actually leaving the lake. I tell
Shame I will be back shortly and he gives me a concerning look but
nods to me in trust, knowing I’m alright.

“
There you are, the
beautiful bride. What are you doing up here ‘Miss soon to be
Patrick Collins’?” She’s in our treehouse and she looks troubled.
She’s looking over the lake and has got tears falling from both her
eyes. She’s breathtaking in her white gown. Her auburn hair and
green eyes, scattered mix of freckles, and that button nose look
like it was meant for pictures that little girls look at when
planning their own imaginary weddings.

“
I’m taking a moment. I’m
nervous and I know I shouldn’t be but Mace, this is Hem. This is
the man I have loved forever and I’m looking around and seeing that
this is real. I’m going to marry him, he wants me forever. What if
I let him down? What if I’m not a good wife, friend, or mother? I’m
supposed to be the one witnessing the rest of his life and that’s a
lot to take in and be responsible for.” She sniffles again and
looks out towards the water again.

I stand close to her, looking out to
our lake as well. I rub her back for comfort, offering her what I
can. “Honey, don’t you think that Hem has those fears? He isn’t
without concern but he also loves you enough to not worry about
those concerns anymore. He can face anything, as long as you’re
together. This baby will only know love. Think about how much love
both of you longed for in your life, now you’re giving it that
child together. He has just as much responsibility to you as you to
him. Trust him and all that you have with each other.”

She doesn’t say anything and I’m
hoping some of what I said has sunk in a bit. She’s right in some
aspects, being a part of someone else’s life is a huge step but
they’ve already been so much a part of each other that this is a
natural progression.

“
I love you, Mace. I want
to ask you something, I need you to be honest with me please. I
just need things straight in my head before I go down there, back
to Hem.”

“
Awe, I love you too and
I’m so happy for you Sade. You were destined to be my sister in law
and if you would hurry your boney ass down this treehouse unscathed
we could make that official in about eight minutes.” I glare at my
wrist that holds no watch but smirk at her so she gets my point. “I
can be honest honey, can we be honest in a rush though while
walking toward your wedding?”

She smiles and walks with me now as I
wrap my arm in hers and study her face. She’s about to shock me
with what she’s asking me. She’s marrying my brother in a few
minutes but she’s thinking about Ace.

“
Ace isn’t coming back is
he?”

I’m stuck. This will hurt her and I
know now is definitely not the time to give her the message he has
for her so I just push forth and play stupid. I will give her peace
from him best I can, she doesn’t need to wait for him to come back.
He’s gone and she needs to leave him behind at the
present.

“
No, he’s not. I’m not
sure all he was thinking when he did it but he turned in his cut.
He went back to his old life.”

Her reaction isn’t what I had
expected. She doesn’t look shocked at my news. “I’m going to miss
him. He was a good man, he deserves to find someone that makes him
as happy as Hem makes me.”

We stop walking for a second so she
can compose herself. Her father comes towards her, her mom is
already sitting at the front and moving her head around to find out
what happened to her daughter. Hem is standing at the altar,
looking puzzled no less at our late arrival but Shame whispers
something in his ear and Hem’s face relaxes a bit.

I kiss Sadey on the cheek and tell her
goodbye and that I will see her up front, squeezing her arm then
giving her a smile of encouragement. She glances again at the
treehouse and the lake in remembrance of all our lives together and
then she smiles and moves into her dad’s proffered arm.

I wish my dad were here to see Hem
marry Sadey. Our family is broken, it won’t ever be the same. Too
much has happened throughout the years to expect that we could
recover something from it. I hope my mom is watching from a
comfortable seat in heaven.

*****

The reception was everything that
would be expected from our crazy family. Dancing, drinking,
swearing, and laughing has consumed us all. It was nice to be able
to celebrate such a thrilling event after everything the Club has
been through this year. Looking back just a year ago, everything
has changed. I’m no longer with Greyson, Sadey and Hem are finally
together, Hem has recruited and pledged new members and prospects
and although those are all the positive aspects to this year, so
much tragedy has marked us as well. Cherry still in recovery while
Greyson is accused and yet to be handled through the Club, Winnie
is dead, Ace is gone, and mom has died. So much change taking place
around us.