Holding On (14 page)

It was the truth. I had iced my shoulder most of the day on
Sunday
to keep the swelling and throbbing to a minimum. The sweatshirt
today had more to do with hiding the swelling than the weather. It
definitely didn’t
have
much
to
do
with
style.
I
was
trying
to
blend
in,
not
stand
out. “Sure. I haven’t had much time to hit lately
anyway,
so this will
be

a good workout for me too,” he replied with a smile, sounding
sincere.

With
that said, we volleyed for a while without saying a  
word.
Before I
knew
it, my shoulder was killing me, and we had been there
in utter
silence
for
almost
an
hour.
I
had
sweat
dripping
from
my
forehead, and I could feel it rolling down my back between my shoulder blades.
I tossed
my
racket
on
top
of
my
bag
and
ripped
my
sweatshirt
off
without
giving
any
thought
as
to
what
I
was
wearing
underneath—an
incredibly see-through white tank that barely covered my
midsection.

I
rummaged
around
in
my
bag
for
the
bottle
of
water
I
had
left from
lunch
and
finished
it
in
just
a
few
gulps.
By
the
time
I
looked up
to
say
thank
you
to
Ethan,
he
was
only
inches
from
me,
and
his eyes
were
locked
on
mine.
I
backed
up
to
get
away
from
him,
but
he followed.
Eventually,
my
back
hit
the
fencing,
and
I
had
nowhere
to
go. His
breathing
was
labored,
and
mine
fell
in
stride
with
his.
I
was
at
a complete
loss
for
words,
and
his
eyes
were
doing
all
the
communicating for
him.

As he leaned down toward my mouth, I found myself leaning into him. When our lips met, it was like an electric charge.
We
both
pulled back
instantly,
but
just
as
quickly,
our
lips
met
again,
hungrier
this
time. It only lasted a few minutes, but even after he pulled
away,
I could
still
feel his lips on mine. His hands were burning against the bare skin
of my hips. I found myself wanting more, but he pulled away
completely. He
stepped
back,
and
all
I
could
do
was
stare.
His
eyes
looked different.
The
green
that
I
found
myself
getting
lost
in
was
not
there anymore.
His
eyes
had
grown
dark
with
need.
It
scared
me
just
a
little
to think
that
I
may
be
looking
at
him
the
same
way.
I
had
only
known
him, really
known
him,
for
a
couple
of
hours,
but
it
felt
like
longer.
Those things that seem important—the little things people know about
each other
after
years
of
friendship—
were
not
important
in
that
moment. The only thing I wanted from him right then was another
kiss.

He
turned
slowly,
gathered
his
things
and
began
to
walk
out
the gate.
When
he
turned
around
to
say
something,
his
eyes
now
hidden behind his dark sunglasses, he noticed that I still hadn’t moved. I
could feel
his
gaze
slowly
work
its
way
first
down
then
back
up
my
body,
and I
shuddered.
I
could
see
that
he
wanted
to
say
more,
but
all
that
came
out was “See ya,” and then he was
gone.

I took a moment to compose myself. Once the feeling returned
to my
legs,
I
gathered
up
my
stuff
and
headed
toward
the
parking
lot.
I
got in my car and cranked up the air conditioning. It was only about
sixty degrees
outside,
but
my
body
was
still
on
fire
from
his
touch.
Wow!
That
was
the
most
amazing
first
day
of
school
ever.
That’s
when
my thoughts drifted back to my friends and to Brad and his text messages.

My heart began to ache instantly.
Was
I trying to jump
into something that wasn’t right for me because I was missing the one
thing that was right for me?
Was
I getting lost in Ethan’s eyes, in his
touch, because I really wanted to be with Brad? I missed him. I tried to deny it to myself, but I knew the truth. I wanted to be with him. I had
spent
so many years succeeding at pushing these kinds of thoughts from
my mind. Why now? Why was I able to torture myself with these
thoughts now?

I
pulled
out
my
phone
to
see
that
I
had
missed
a
call
from
my
mom and one from Brad. I called my mom first to let her know I was on
my way
home,
and
then
I
typed
out
a
quick
text
to
Brad
saying
I
would call
him
later
tonight.
I
had
no
sooner
put
my
phone
away,
and
it
was
ringing.

“Hey
there,”
I
said,
trying
to
sound
as
normal
as
possible.
I
was
dreading this call more than anything.
We
hadn’t talked since
Friday
night, and I knew that things still felt unresolved for me. I knew what
I wanted, what he wanted, but I was also aware that we couldn’t have
it.

“Hey,
did you get my
texts?”

“Yeah,
but
I
didn’t
want
to
get
caught
on
my
cell
the
first
day
of school.
I’m
still
in
the
parking
lot,
so
I
was
going
to
call
you
when
I
got home.”
That
was
the
truth,
mostly.
I
really
wasn’t
avoiding
him,
was I?
I
was
trying
to
avoid
the
thoughts
I
was
having
of
him
more
than anything.

“Why
are
you
still
at
school?
Isn’t
it
after
four?”
he
asked,
sounding
somewhat
concerned.
I
looked
at
my
dash
to
see
that
he
was
right.
Crap!
“What are you doing there so late
for?”

“I
went
to
the
courts
after
school.
I
didn’t
realize
it
was
so
late.
I should
probably
let
you
go
and
head
home.
I
just
told
my
mom
I
was
on my
way.”
I tried to keep my voice flat, like being at school almost
two extras hours was no big deal. “Can I call you when I get home?”

“Yeah,
that’s
fine. Are you okay?
You
sound kind of
different.”     

Really?
I wanted to ask what he meant, but that was going to
turn into
a
whole
conversation
that
I
was
sure
I
was
not
ready
to
have
yet. I took a few deep breaths before replying, trying to calm myself.
“Just tired is all. I’ll call you in about a half hour
okay?”