Holding On (5 page)

Crap!
He
was
right.
She
would
tell
him
my
bra
size
if
he
asked. She trusts him with me completely. She knows that he will always
take care
of
me,
that
he
loves
me
in
a
way
that
is
completely
hard
to
come
by and only happens once in a lifetime.
It’s
that special kind of love
where
nothing-will-ever-come-between-us-no-matter-what.
It’s
the
eternal kind of love.
He’s
my best friend and always will be. This news
would not break us—that’s why she sent him to find me. Damn
her!

“Fine.
You
are not going to like this, though, and it will
probably ruin
your
birthday.
So
when
I
start
to
cry
and
fall
apart
again,
you
cannot blame me when we show up to your
party,
with me looking like a
freak in
hot pink
rain
boots.”
I
was
trying
to
get
him
to
smile,
but
his
face stayed the same. His mouth was firm, not a trace of amusement at
all.
No
use
is
stalling.
Just
say
it.
Quick,
like
ripping
off
a
Band-Aid.
The
quicker you do it, the less it hurts.
Right?

“Mom
found
a
new
job,”
I
continued.
“We
have
to
move
to
Tucson at
the
beginning
of
January.”
I
was
crying
again
before
I
finished
my statement. I was able to get it out without any emotion in my voice,
but the tears running down my face conveyed everything I was feeling
for me. I was beyond sad, beyond
angry.
I was devastated. This small
town was everything I needed. It was my home, and I was being torn from
it without a second thought from my mom. Realization hit hard
then—I only had three weeks before I was
leaving.

“It’s
going to be just fine, and you know it.” He stated it so
simply.
He
made
it
sound
like
it
wasn’t
life-altering
news.
He
made
it
sound
like he wasn’t the slightest bit affected by this. Then it hit me. He
already
knew.

I stepped back, and his hands fell to his sides. He went to reach
for me
to
pull
me
back
in,
but
I
took
another
step
back.
The
look
on
his
face was
of
genuine
concern.
We
had
known
each
other
long
enough
to
know when
the
other
one
was
lying.
He
was
definitely
not
lying,
but
omitting. He
took
a
step
toward
me
and
tried
to
grab
for
my
hand,
and
I
pulled
away.
The look of anger on my face must have been apparent
because he stopped mid-step and pulled
back.

“When,” I asked him, “when did she tell
you?”

The
blank
stare
was
a
dead
giveaway.
He
tried
to
pull
me
in
for another hug, but I pushed him
away.
My blanket fell to the ground,
and I
left
it
there.
I
turned
my
back
on
him
and
walked
away.
I
couldn’t believe he knew before I told him. He made me tell him, made me
say
the
words.
He
made
the
situation
real
when
I
was
forced
to
say
it
out loud.
Was
he
on
her
side?
Did
he
really
believe
that
everything
was
going to be all right? Did he want me to
leave?

I was practically running by the time I reached my car and
jumped in.
I
started
it
but
just
sat
there.
I
was
in
no
condition
to
drive.
The
tears were flowing freely again and dropping on my sweater from my
chin. The
heater
started
to
kick
in,
and
I
could
almost
feel
my
toes
again
when I
noticed
that
Brad
was
standing
in
front
of
my
car
just
watching
me, holding my ugly orange blanket.
We
made eye contact, and that was
all it took. I gave in, just like always. He was no match for my
willpower.
One look and I would melt like butter over an open flame. Damn
him!

I
unlocked
the
doors
and
motioned
for
him
to
get
in.
Once
the
door was
closed
and
the
only
sound
was
the
hot
air
rushing
from
the
vents,
he turned toward me and ran the back of his hand over my cheek,
wiping
away
freshly
fallen
tears.
This
is
the
man
that
I
love.
His
friendship means everything to me, and I was going to leave him. There would
be phone
calls,
emails,
text
messages,
and
visits,
but
things
would
never
be the same as they were right this very
moment.

“I’m
sorry
I
yelled
at
you,”
I
started,
but
he
put
his
finger
over my
lips
to
silence
me.
I
had
seen
him
do
this
before
with
Claire,
with
his
other
girlfriends,
but
never
with
me.
We
didn’t
share
those
types of
moments.
The
kind
of
moments
that
cause
all
of
the
air
to
rush
out of your body had always been reserved for his girlfriends, not for
me. My body immediately tensed up, and my eyes opened wide. I turned
to face him better and knew what was going to happen only mere
seconds
before it
did.

He leaned forward and kissed me. It was gentle and innocent,
but my
entire
body
felt
alert
and
on
fire.
It
only
last
a
few
second,
and
when it
was
over,
he
rested
his
forehead
against
mine
and
closed
his
eyes.
Wow!

“I
agree.”

Crap! I was thinking out loud again. I really had to get that
under control
before
I
start
saying
things
I
really
don’t
want
people
to
hear.
I
opened
my
eyes,
and
he
was
looking
at
me
in
a
way
that
had
never happened
before,
and
then
he
kissed
me
again.
This
time
there
was
more
urgency,
more passion, and more emotion behind his every
movement. Before I could stop myself, I was just as involved in the kiss as he
was,
and a small moan left my throat that I had been trying to
contain.

He pulled
away,
and you could see the shock on his face—the “Oh crap,
I
just
kissed
a
girl
that’s
not
my
girlfriend”
expression.
Then
he smirked,
and
I
released
the
breath
that
I
didn’t
know
I
had
been
holding and started to laugh. I couldn’t control myself.
It’s
not that the
situation
was
funny.
It
wasn’t,
but
the
look
on
his
face
was
priceless.
I
knew him better than he knew himself sometimes, and he was feeling like
a complete ass at that very
moment.