Hitting the Right Notes (12 page)

“Alright, you’ve bribed me. Now you can tell me what it is,” she said before she filled her mouth with chocolate cake again. She wasn’t very sure she was going to enjoy the rest of their conversation, so preferred the chocolate flavor unmarred with the bitterness of whatever was on Anthony’s mind.

“Why couldn’t I just buy you a piece of a cake without any ulterior plan…” Tony grinned at her, which proved her initial guess. “Well, don’t hurry to judge me, D., you might quite like what I have to offer you.”

“All ears,” Darya said stuffing her mouth with another huge chunk of cake and washing it with her beer. She had not realized she was actually starving. When was the last meal she had? And what was it? She had lost the feel of time and any reality around her.

“I think that the songs you have so far are really good. It still carries the sound of old DaYa, which your old fans will adore and also has the rebel and drive that will attract today’s audience. And to add some spice, I was thinking to invite Edward from DaBlazers to record the drums.”

“That sounds awesome. Do you think he will agree to do that?” It would feel safe to have Ed with her on this path. Apart from being one of the best drummers that every band would dream to have, he was an old friend. And back in the day he used to play in the band with Darya and Jay.

“Of course he will. They have drunk and partied enough during the tour, let him beat some skin finally,” Tony snorted. The irony that their producer was always sure that all the musicians simply partied during their tours was never lost. Tony never missed an opportunity to throw it into everyone’s faces that he was the only one who worked, while everyone else simply enjoyed their fame. “I don’t know if he could tour and do live shows with you, but it would make for great media coverage that your old band mate is back to support your return.”

Only the slightest mention of media made Darya shiver. She would still remember the nightmarish days when she had to hide from the paparazzi tailing her day and night. She couldn’t believe she was voluntarily stepping into that dark pit full of vipers again.

“Um… I was wondering if we could maybe avoid that some of that media coverage at least in the beginning, until I feel more confident…” she knew the answer that was simply written on Tony’s face. But while waiting for bitter truth, she swallowed the last big piece of the dark sweetness on her plate.

“Here I have another slice for you,” said Tony as he unveiled the beautiful triangular cardboard cake box with another huge slice of the same maddeningly tasty cake.

I wonder what’s truly on your mind if you’ve got not one, but two slices of this heaven…
While she truly was happy to get another piece of cake, she couldn’t hide the unease.

“Absolutely not. In fact, we need as much noise and scandal around your return as possible.” And here the cat was out of the bag. No sweet words, no convincing or excuses. That was a must and a need; she was never going to hide from it. “We can’t simply sit and hope that people will buy your album. Yes, you have tons of loyal fans, but you were the one to betray them in the first place. We need to intrigue them to count minutes until your new album is released.”

There was that dangerous smile in Anthony’s eyes which warned Darya that this was only the tip of the iceberg. Could there be anything worse?

“And speaking of noise and attention – what about going on a dinner with Jay?” Darya’s eyes widened at Tony’s offer. She was ready to scream and shout, but the shock was so great that all the words had escaped her throat. Her vocal chords burned with emptiness with no words or sounds. Using her momentary shock and silence, Tony pushed further. “He doesn’t play anymore, so you don’t have to have him on stage with you, though that would’ve made a real show! But still, some fake rumors that you two might be getting together or that he might help producing the new album… Which by the way does not have to be fake, I’ll be glad to have him work on it or organize the tour…”

“Over. My. Dead. Body!” There could be no further discussion on this. She knew this deal could not be as good as it seemed from the beginning, but she never expected a backstabbing like this. Were scandals and rumors really all that mattered? Were they not going to at least keep the illusion that it was still about music and not the image? Who was she fooling? Of course it was not. “I can’t do that, Tony, I just can’t.”

Tony nodded. She knew she had won this little battle, as he was too smart to push the matter too much, but it would never be that easy to win the whole war and the cunning smile on Tony’s face just confirmed it. He was probably already thinking about a subtler and strategic way to get what he wanted, while Darya was simply attempting to drown her misery of remembering Jay in beer and chocolate.

Ed joining her for the rehearsals had made a lot of difference for Darya. Suddenly, she was not struggling against failure, but instead felt more at ease in the presence of an old friend. After all, they had known each other since they were kids. Edward’s drumming was technically powerful, but what made it truly great was his ability to feel the rhythm of Darya’s existence. It felt like he held his fingers at her wrist, listening to her pulse and drummed as if he was listening and feeling her essence.

Creating music with an old friend was also quite intimate. She had been avoiding him and many others for years, but now, as they were reunited in the recording studio, she knew Ed could feel every hidden emotion behind the music and the lyrics she composed. He knew it, he could feel it and that’s why he could also play it so that it reflected even the subtlest emotions hidden behind them.

For a moment, Darya felt her wings grow again. She would spread them widely open and fly as she sang the words, which although were newly written, but told the old stories that had lived with her for years. There was no dust on her wings, even if they had been shut for years.
Cut
, she corrected herself mentally. She had lived all these years with cut wings and her wounds were raw and bleeding until recently.

Until Eric cured me and brought back the ability to fly to me.

Darya knew that this freedom of flight and sudden tranquility at singing were strictly limited within the safe walls of the studio. She trusted Ed and the other musicians, but she didn’t trust herself to open up to the audience, at least not yet. As she closed her eyes phasing away from the safety of the rehearsal room and imagined being on the stage and singing to others, she could feel her heart beat so fast as if it was flamed by wildfire. Her fingers froze around the microphone, her breathing became uneven, and eventually her voice broke in her throat.

The horror of the free fall caught her. Darya tried to pull herself together, but her whole body was now trembling and the fear and memories of the first time it had happened on stage returned to her. She squeezed her forehead between her palms, but that could not stop the flow of dark memories, which had broken her mental lock and were now freely filling her mind.

Everyone was silent. They waited for her to calm down not daring to say anything. Ed was the first to react. He approached her cautiously and tenderly wrapped his arms around her.

“Shall we take a small break, Baby D.?” Darya nodded in reply.

Ed cradled her in his strong arms for a few long moments until she calmed and her body stopped trembling. They walked to the balcony, where fresh air kissed Darya’s worried face trying to take away some of her anxiety.

“Shhh, don’t worry. This happens all the time. I remember a few years back when some asshole told Drake that despite his old age he was still doing a great job. Drake was so depressed that for two weeks his voice was cracking every time he tried to scream the opening verse of ‘Flaming Hearts.’ Can you believe it our Mr. Arrogance was so intimidated by a stupid comment? We almost considered hiring a shrink for him.” Though the story was meant to comfort her, Darya felt another wave of panic bolt through her body.

“I guess this was a bad idea from the start. Everyone expects me to do things, to act a certain way, it’s just too much!” Darya could feel the warmth of tears threatening to pour out of her eyes. Was she still the insecure girl who would hide in a corner and cry when facing a challenge?

“That’s how it always is, D. It had been so much easier and effortless in the beginning. I guess you quit before you would experience the full burden of fame. It has been years since DaBlazers have been doing what we really wanted to do. We never have the freedom of deciding for ourselves. There are always expectations and always the label, the producers, the managers, the PR agents, this and that, this and that. All of them play us like puppets. That’s the toll we all have to pay for being in this business.”

“It wasn’t like that back then,” Darya knew she was protesting like a little girl, she was refusing to hear the reason behind the words. All of a sudden, Ed felt so much more mature and wiser than the young boy she still thought he was.

“Back then we were just kids thinking that the world was made to worship us. Try to hold that position for the tenth or thirteenth album and you’ll see you’ll be willingly dancing under their tune. We might have different reasons for trying to hold to this career. I can’t do anything else, but be a star drummer, Drake is so drunk with fame that he can’t imagine being sober again. Someone else does it for money…”

“And I do it for love,” Darya whispered to herself. She knew all along she was simply doing this to make Eric happy. She never considered her own will or capacity at this point. None of it mattered as much as those happy shining eyes, which adored her as she sang.

“Whatever it is – if you have chosen to do this, put everything you have on the line. Do not fear or hold back, just go for it.”

Darya nodded weakly. Ed, who was always the one to turn every talk into a joke was now talking like an adult who had gone through so much. Darya suddenly realized she had no idea about all the hardship these guys have been through. She suddenly admired and respected them so much more – they had done what she had failed because of her fear. She didn’t want to make that mistake again.

“And… um, speaking of putting everything on the line, if I were you, I’d follow the advice to get Jay to organize your tour. Maybe the two of you should talk and sort things out before you hit the stage.”

“I can’t do that Eds. I just can’t,” her voice was tiny. Ed patted her shoulder and pulled her for another bear hug. Why was everyone insisting on her meeting Jay? That sounded so wrong, so disturbing.

While she had made up her mind to make any sacrifice that was required, this one was too much beyond her limits. She was not going to push herself so hard and that wasn’t even necessary.

She would sing and do everything to sing great – to make Eric happy.

*

That night she decided to go home early and spend a quiet evening with Eric.

Her house had been turned into a completely different place since Eric had moved in with her – it was now filled with warm homey atmosphere, which had never been there before. Eric turned out to be a quite talented not only as a carpenter, but also an interior designer. He had moved and reshaped and refashioned some pieces of furniture and the whole place had suddenly burst into life, which was so different from its initial coldly designed loneliness.

After finishing their dinner both of them lay on the blanket by the fireplace. It felt so good to simply cuddle and talk. What slightly unnerved Darya was that Eric would not stop asking questions about the album and the recordings. She appreciated his concern and care, but right now music felt like work to her and she was not feeling very happy to spend the whole evening discussing work. Eric’s eyes lit with excitement with every detail she shared – everything sounded amazing to him.

“I really can’t wait until it is ready and we can hear you live,” he said planting soft kisses on her temple. If only he knew how much she dreaded that day. Some of the unease she had felt that afternoon came back to her. But she decided not to talk about it – why worry him, if she had made up her mind to follow Ed’s advice and leave her fear aside. There was nothing to fear – she was doing what she did the best – singing.

“Yeah, there’s something that worries me though,” she said eventually. Darya needed to have someone on her side, someone to confirm her earlier thoughts.

“What is it, D.?” Another kiss and Darya simply melted in his arms. It was so easy to relax and talk to Eric.

“Tony and Ed… and somehow everyone else, think that I should talk to Jay. Kind of sort out things with him and also… to have him manage the upcoming tour.” A part of her expected Eric’s body to tense at the mention of her ex boyfriend’s name, to tighten his grip around her waist, perhaps she even hoped for some jealousy.

“Well, if that will help to organize a great tour, why not?” It sounded too easy, even too careless. Could Eric not understand how she would feel about having the very reason of her failure back by her side? She turned to look into his eyes and Eric didn’t miss the chance to kiss her lips. It was not a possessive passionate kiss, but more a light tender one to calm her down. “I don’t know much about your breakup with him and all, and I get it that you despise him. But I think I’m also grateful to him, because otherwise I would not be with you now.” He bit at his lower lip. That was the most stupid and selfish confession Darya had ever heard, but it also endlessly warmed her heart.

“Maybe you should thank him then,” she said as she lightly rubbed the tip of her nose against his. She couldn’t be angry with him – Eric was so honest and even his selfish motives made her feel really treasured and loved.

“I will, if you decide to call him to work with you. I really want you to have a great album and tour. If that means having that guy around, it’s worth it.”

Darya ignored the sting of disappointment. She was firm in her decision to avoid Jay at any cost. It was a childish desire that she hoped for Eric to be mad and jealous and stand up to protect her from her wicked past. She silently swallowed the disappointment – they were happy and that was all that mattered right now.