Hitting the Right Notes (16 page)

Despite everything, her mom’s place was the only place, where Darya felt safe. It also felt painfully nostalgic, as the last extended stay with her mom had been after her nervous breakdown 18 years ago. Back then her mom took care of her as if Darya were a little kid and needed to be fed and taken out for a walk. Eventually it all had helped her to survive and get back on her feet. This time, Darya felt so tired that she didn’t even want to be back to her own life.

The most exhausting of all was the feeling that things kept on repeating in her life and she was not sure how long she could still continue handling it all. If it were her choice, Darya would spend the rest of her life in her bedroom at her mom’s place – hiding from the world and sulking.

Lucia Blake was having none of that in her house. She was a strong woman and Darya admired it, though at times she was too strong and too persistent, which in better times would’ve led to Darya simply omitting her calls every now and then and taking only small portions of her mom’s presence. In times like this she had no choice – she was getting all or nothing. And Darya had lost too much already to be left with nothing.

“You have inherited my genes – stubborn and persistent,” her mom would repeat to Darya again and again putting in it all the love and care she had to push those words into her head and burn them permanently into her mind. It certainly would require much more than that, since Darya was still far from being convinced of those words.

*

Darya was surprised how discreet had her mom been when it came to inquiring about what had gone wrong with her. She knew about the concert, of course. Somehow that news did not surprise anyone but Darya herself.
I was so sure that this time I had enough strength to go till the end,
Darya thought every time and then pushed the thoughts away. The damage had already been done and there was no turning back.

Lucia had preferred not to talk much about the situation with Eric as well. She had not liked the idea of an obsessed young fan ending up becoming her daughter’s boyfriend. That was not surprising for Darya either. Her mom never liked Darya putting too much trust in men – especially when that was in one way or another linked to her career.

“Keep those two separate, my dear. Never bring work to bed and bed to work!” If only Darya would have listened to her mom’s advice.

The third lost battle and the problems with Kiara where what interested Lucia most of all. Though sensing that the time was never right, she waited until the two of them were out on one of their shopping rituals. It did feel like a ritual to Darya. Lucia would drag her into one of the most expensive shopping centers early in the morning and leisurely walk from one boutique to another, trying on some dresses and jewelry, making one or two coffee breaks in one of those guiltily attractive patisseries with selection of mind-blowing cakes.

As Lucia made an exception in her strict diet and agreed to join Darya for dessert, Darya could guess immediately, that her mom was in a talking mood, as was Darya herself. Maybe it was time to finally open up and tell everything, that she had been keeping inside her? Darya knew that her mother was never going to drop the matter until her curiosity was satisfied.

Darya smiled as she remembered Anthony Stevenson using the same trick with ‘sweets’ to make her talk. Her mom could’ve made a rock star producer. But she was endlessly glad that she did not.

“So, my dear, did you have time to talk to Kiara recently?” Only hearing her assistant’s name made Darya shiver. She had talked to her only once, when her initial shock had faded, but she did not have any solutions, so she had asked Kiara to put everything on hold until she got back to her.

“No, mom, I don’t think I am ready to deal with that yet.”

“What exactly had gone wrong, sweetheart?” Lucia’s tone was so gentle, that Darya almost felt tears in her eyes. That voice made her want to be a little girl again. “Maybe I could help if I knew more.”

“Everything, mom, everything went wrong and nobody could help me
,” Darya wanted to scream. But she doubted Lucia was going to appreciate her drama queen show, so she took a deep breath, pulled herself together and started telling everything.

“There was this businessman – Collins or something, who was interested in investing in my company and getting all the European rights on it. As the music kicked in, I had no time and no interest to deal with it, so I delegated everything to Kiara,” Darya purposefully left Eric’s name out of her story. She didn’t need to make her mom dislike him even more than she already did. Even though everything had ended between them, she desperately wanted Lucia to understand why she had fallen for him. “So she was in charge for signing all the contracts with him. What none of us knew was that Collins had vast experience of destroying companies and selling them piece by piece.”

“How could you not research something that important before making a deal?” Lucia didn’t criticize. Not just yet. She was trying to understand the situation before making an opinion.

“Well, I wasn’t paying much attention to the company anyways. I was too happy with my music. And Kiara... At first, I had assumed that Kiara had conspired with him and betrayed me for money or share…”

Her throat felt tight. Darya had not cared much about losing all of the investments she had put in her strange online fashion business. The betrayal of a person she had trusted stung worse. Later, though, she had checked all the information and understood that Kiara’s biggest disadvantage had been her trust in people. That was a common trap that too smart and overeducated people fell into.

“She trusted her impression and didn’t check his previous activities to thoroughly to find out that piece of vital information. She is probably in the worst situation now. All the other employees have left, but Kiara stayed. Her career would depend on my decision. With this failure on her hands she would never find a decent job and she is a single mother…”

Darya trailed off. Her mom had been silent for long moments – just listening and nodding. Lucia herself had been a single mom and knew all the hardships of raising a daughter. Deep in her heart Darya hoped that her mother would sympathize with Kiara and help them see a way out.

“It was all my fault, mom. It was my business and it was unfair to leave the entire burden on her shoulders knowing it was too much to handle. I just did not care enough to think about it.”

“I see…” said Lucia letting a silence hang between them. At least there were cakes and Darya found sweet distraction in them while her mother was undoubtedly contemplating several possible scenarios. “Don’t look at me as if I am a superwoman to give you solutions for all your troubles, Darya.” Her mom said with a light chuckle. Darya could feel her own mood lighten immediately. There was something in her mom’s tone which would always take away even the worst of pains.

“Oh, I really hoped for that, mom,”

Lucia shook her head and smiled at Darya. “You are much smarter and more talented to find the right paths and make everything right. But you need to stop blaming yourself and start forgiving and loving your own wonderful self.”

There was so much tenderness in her voice that for a moment Darya believed that she could do it. Maybe, after all she would learn how to do it someday.

Lucia Blake never got ill or tired!

Never ever!

Darya knew this for as long as she knew her own mother. The woman was a perpetual engine – never tired, never lazy, never missing a chance to go shopping or chasing other entertainment. Yet, that day she claimed she was feeling unwell and insisted that they cancelled their plans and stayed home.

Couch, chocolate and beer!
Thought Darya. She was definitely not going to regret missing the shopping trip. She though replaced the chocolate and beer with chocolate milkshake and Cheetos. Her new favorite snack combination that grossed her mother, but made Darya perfectly happy for at least as long as the food lasted.

The day was supposed to flow like that – food and leisure, if not for the unexpected knock. If Darya was at her place, she would’ve pretended there was nobody home and would ignore the unwelcomed visitor, but knowing her mom’s rules, she reluctantly rose from the couch and still carrying her milkshake and a handful of Cheetos went to open the door.

Next, she realized that she had dropped the milkshake and the Cheetos on the floor staining the doormat and spilling some of the liquid on herself and the truly unwelcomed visitor. That did not frighten him away.

Jay was standing in front of her and already shifting nervously from one leg to another as Darya stared at him with wide eyes. He had changed a lot – his perfect strong jaw concealed by thick beard, eyes hidden behind glasses, is long dark hair had several strands of silver.

The uncomfortable smile, the frown on his forehead, the way he bit at his lower lip when unsure what to do – none of those things had changed. He was the same yet he was so different.

“Hey, that was a
sweet
welcome” he finally whispered breaking the way too long silence, which had broken all the comfort limits. “May I come in?”

“You have nothing to do here!” Darya spat. She didn’t know there was still so much anger and bitterness towards him inside her. Jay nodded drinking in her poisonous tone. He was clearly not here to argue or to prove anything. There was understanding and regret in his eyes, which only could’ve come with time.

“I actually have
something
,” he continued in low voice – almost a whisper. “Something, I had to return to you long ago, but I never had the courage to do so.”

Jay pulled at something, which had been leaning against the wall. It was unmistakable what it was. Darya would’ve recognized it among thousands of similar cases. The blue case with black sparkling hearts, which Jay had custom made for her on the occasion of their first big concert. Inside that case there could be only one instrument – her very first guitar that Darya had bought at the age of twelve with the money she had been saving for almost a year. It had taken two years to master the instrument and start composing songs. She could almost remember the feeling of running her fingers along its strings.

“
Sir LongChord
!” Darya whispered. That had been the name she had given her guitar, since every great instrument was supposed to have a name. Back then she thought it almost sounded like a knight’s name and her guitar had been a devoted knight, who had served her for so many years.
Until
she had abandoned it and left without even caring to pick it up from Jay’s place
. Leaving it, she had never thought she’d ever take any guitar into her hands.

“Yes, Sir LongChord missed you a lot. All this time.” There was a tender sad tone in Jay’s voice. It almost felt like those memories were as dear to him as they were to Darya.

But Darya was not going to let the warmth of the memories soften her. She stiffened her back. She still had her hand on the door ready to close it any moment and push Jay back into oblivion again.

“Why did you bring it back now?” She put all the iciness into her voice that she could master.

“I’ve called him and asked to bring the guitar.” Darya was startled to hear her mom’s voice from the top of the stairs. Suddenly her mom’s sudden morning illness, which had seemed so strange to Darya, fell into place.

How could she not have guessed that she had her secret agenda!

“Mom, please, stay out of this.”

“That’s exactly what I’m going to do, sweetheart. I’ll just take the guitar to your room and let you two talk.” Spoke Lucia in her regal voice which indicated that she was not to hear any objections. She placed her warm palm on Darya’s shoulder as she picked the guitar from Jay. “You don’t have to talk, just listen to him. Then you can go back to ignoring his existence till the end of time again. But you’ll at least be able to truly let it go.”

Jay had not said a word during all that time. Darya felt mischievous joy from the thought that even now – a 40 something man was as helpless in her mother’s presence as he had been at the age of sixteen. Maybe he had earned a few minutes of her time after all?

Having waited for answers for over two decades, and being minutes away from them now Darya felt more cautious than ever. Was she ready to know them? Did she even want it? Whatever it was – she would never be able to pretend that the past had not happened. It was time to finally face it as an adult and not run away from the unpleasant memories as a teenage girl she had been back then. But would it heal some of the wounds of the past or would the truth crash her yet again?

Jay was the first two break the silence again as they sat in the living room. “I never truly apologized for everything,” he spoke avoiding her gaze. “I guess I never found words powerful enough to free me from that burden.”

“Then why did you decide to try it now?” She was not going to spare his feelings.

Jay bit at his lip again and shifted uncomfortably. “Because it might matter now. Just listen, alright? It’s not easy, but I’ll try to explain why I did what I did.”

“Dumped me and abandoned the band – if we are going to speak of it, better use the proper words.” The words almost sounded like a line from “Raging Forgiveness”. She had never thought that she meant him as she composed the song. There was definitely a lot of
raging
right now, but she was not sure about
forgiveness
.

“I feared D. That’s what started all of that destruction. One day I woke up and realized that you were getting greater day by day and I was not only doomed to be obscured in your shadow, but also was holding you back from your true might!” He had stretched his arms in the air – his fingers tense trying to depict all the patterns and emotions.

“And you decided to trash me, so that I could not overshadow you?” Darya tried to guess. Was it this simple and miserable?

“Goodness, NO! Of course, not! I was head over heels in love with you. How could I even think about trashing you?” Back then it had been so easy to use the words like “love,”“eternal love,”“forever,” it was only after years of experience that one would feel the weight of those words. Hearing them from Jay now made Darya shudder. He did mean them now – and she accepted it. “I was too stupid and too young, D. I was scared to realize how much I loved you and my huge ego could not accept the two very obvious facts. First – due to fame I was so popular with women. Thousands of them dreamed to spend a night with me. Instead I was in love with one woman and was scared to pledge my love and devotion to her for the rest of my life. I was too young. I was scared to make such a commitment. And second, the woman I loved was always going to shine brighter than me…”