Hiding In His Dreams (4 page)

He took a knife and began cutting. As
he chopped, he snuck a peak at his girlfriend’s profile. She was in
a simple maroon apron, her hair in a ponytail, hanging down her
back. She was concentrating hard on separating broccoli crowns from
the stems. She struck him as the kind of girl who had no idea of
her own beauty.

“
Pass the pan,” she
said.

He handed a pan to her.

He could not help but feel like they
were two newlyweds making dinner together for the first time,
moving in a synchronous rhythm. Was this what marriage was going to
be like?

She noticed him staring at her.
“Yes?”

“
Nothing,” he said. Maybe
living with another person wouldn’t be all that bad. He had been by
himself for so long, but now, it was time to move on.

“
I know what you’re
thinking,” she said. “We’re like this couple now. This married
couple who cooks dinner together. This is our first taste of what
living together would be like.”

It was uncanny how accurately she had
read his mind.

She stopped chopping, her knife held in
mid-air. “Does it scare you?”

He shook his head. “Nope, not at
all.”

“
Really?” She leaned in
closer, examining him like the first time they met.

Luke looked at the sharp knife, then
looked away.

“
Yes,” he replied, even
adding a smile for a calming effect.

“
So we’re moving forward
then? I want to, but it doesn‘t seem like you want to.”

“
I do,” he
protested.

“
Then why aren’t you more
excited?” She put the veggies into a pan with some olive oil. Then,
she drizzled them with teriyaki sauce.

“
I am. I just don’t show it
as much as some people.”

“
I suppose that’s true,” she
said, her expression blank.

The food in the pan began to sizzle, so
she turned her attention to it.

Nothing further about the subject was
said.

When the food was ready, they sat at
the dinner table and ate in silence. Alyssa played with the pieces
of chicken, stacking them up, one on top of another. Luke wolfed
down his dinner, starting with the bite-sized pieces of
chicken.

“
You did a good job with the
chicken there,” Luke said. “Really tender.”

“
Uh huh,” she said, not
looking from her plate.

“
It’s delicious, Lissie,” he
said. Maybe if I used her pet name for her, she would warm up
again, he thought.

“
Yep,” she said, still
staring at her food.

He stared at her. Alyssa had removed
the rubber band on her ponytail, so that her hair hung by the sides
of her head. He could not see her eyes, but he was not sure he
wanted to.

This was the girl of my dreams, he
thought. I had always wanted a girl like her. Caring, nurturing,
gentle. Beautiful to boot.

He wanted to say something to cheer her
up. What should he say? He racked his brain, but came up
empty.

He started to say something anyway, but
then stopped.

She looked up in anticipation, but
disappointment took over instead.

Finally, he thought of something. “You
want to take a walk after dinner?”

“
OK,” she said, her face
lighting up a little.

* * * * *

After dinner, they went out to their
backyard, which was the beach. It was not a festive summer beach
where people would play volleyball and suntan. It was more of a
contemplative winter beach, a place where you would sit down and
reflect.

The night was breezy and fresh. It took
a while for Luke’s eyes to adjust. When they did not, he panicked,
then realized it was pitch dark. He gazed ahead and saw the vast
expanse of the ocean, a dark blob. If it weren’t for the stars
glittering in the sky, the ocean would have blended right into the
heavens.

A chilly breeze worked its way to the
couple.

She shivered, and he tried to take her
hand, but she surged ahead before he could.

He finally caught up to her, standing
with her arms crossed, just inches from the incoming
tide.

“
Are you mad at me?” he
asked.

She turned to him. From what he could
see in the dark, she did not look angry.

She sighed. “No. Sometimes, I wish you
could tell me what’s on your mind.”

“
I want to.” He took her
hand. It was cold, clammy. “But it’s hard for me. I wasn’t brought
up that way. My dad always said men don‘t express their feelings.
Once I said I told him I was sad. And you know what he said? He
said, ‘You got feelings? What are you, a girl?’”

“
That’s got to be
rough.”

“
He passed away years ago,
but I still can’t get that out of my head.”

She held his hand tighter. “Hey, you’re
with me now. You can tell me anything and I won’t judge you. I
won’t call you a girl either.”

He laughed.

She brought his hand to her cheek and
he stared at her. I might just have won the lottery, he
thought.

They spent a while gazing out at the
sea, watching the waves roll in and out, in and out.

* * * * *

Later that night, they were lying in
bed. Alyssa had her head on his chest and Luke had his arms wrapped
around her. He amazed at how well their bodies fit
together.

They breathed in unison, their chests
rising up and down together. Strands of her soft hair landed on his
face, tickling it.

“
You know,“ she said. “We’re
really lucky. Not a lot of people get this.”

Yes, he thought. She’s
right.

“
Tell me a secret, Luke. I
want to know things about you. You don’t talk about yourself much.”
She pulled a blanket around them.

“
What do you want to
know?”

“
You mentioned a girl called
Nina. What was she like?”

“
Oh, I’m sure you don’t want
to hear about that.”

“
Yes, I do. Tell me. I won‘t
judge.”

Luke held her closer, feeling the soft
rhythm of her heartbeat. “Just this girl I was with. She wanted to
be together all the time, wouldn’t let me see my friends,
complained I was working too hard. I felt like I couldn‘t
breathe.”

“
Sounds unhealthy, but it
doesn’t have to be that way,” she whispered. “It could be really
good.” She reached out one hand, then trailed the side of his cheek
with her fingers.

“
I’m so happy right now,” he
whispered.

She smiled. “Me too.”

“
I could stay here with you
forever.”

For a moment, there was silence,
nothing but the crash of the waves outside.

Then, he said, “I wish the waves would
stop making that noise.”

“
Noise?” She propped head up
with one arm. “It’s not noise. It’s music. It’s beautiful. You need
to stop and smell the roses more. That‘s what I was telling you on
the ferry.”

“
What do you mean?” He
looked at her blankly. His mind was now elsewhere. It was on work
and the current project. Will I get the deal done on time? He
wondered. Or will I mess up and get fired?

Alyssa noticed his absent-minded
expression, but did not mention it.

“
It’s nature’s music. It’s
the sound that lets you know everything’s OK. Listen
again.”

He did. “I still hear
noise.”

She did not roll her eyes, or laugh at
him. Instead, she said, “Just imagine it’s singing to you, singing
a lullaby.”

So he tried it, clearing his mind and
banishing all other thoughts. The sound of the waves was hypnotic,
a never-ending cycle.

At that moment, his fears and doubts
vanished, carried out to sea. He fell asleep to the gentle sound of
the waves murmuring to one another, and to the feeling of Alyssa’s
soft fingers caressing his face.

* * * * *

Chapter 4

The following
Spring…

Luke stared at his boss
Stew.

That day, Stew’s Santa Claus demeanor
had disappeared. “Are you OK, Luke? You haven’t said anything for a
while.”

“
But why? I handled that
Bank of British Columbia deal successfully.”

“
You did,” his boss
admitted. “But you overlooked something that cost your client a
couple million dollars. Chump change to them, of course, but it’s
the principle of it. They expected you to deliver your best service
to them and you failed. It tarnishes the reputation of our
firm.”

His boss put a hand on his shoulder.
“We gave Steve the Junior Manager position because we just felt
that Steve handled his deal with Tomer’s Inc. better. His deal went
off without a hitch.”

Stew stroked his white beard. “You’re
lucky you’re not fired. In the cutthroat world of investment
banking, you get only one life. If something is distracting you, I
would advise you to deal with it before coming to work.”

Stew started to turn around, then
stopped. “Oh, one more thing. We expect your new assignment to be
your best work. If it’s not, I’m afraid we’re going to have to let
you go.”

His boss left Luke’s office, leaving
him to his thoughts. Luke never made mistakes. Ever.

Nothing was new in his life except
Alyssa, but that was eight months ago. Could she be the one
distracting him? Nah, he thought. That can’t be it. She’s
everything that I have ever wanted.

He decided to focus entirely on work,
pushing thoughts out of his mind.

For the next few hours, he poured over
contracts, websites, and agreements. During this time, he took a
brief break, glancing out the window at the sunny atmosphere. He
could see Burrard Inlet and joggers, bikers, lovers all strolling
on the boardwalk. It was so leisurely. He wondered how they found
the time to do that.

He worked until the sun was gone,
leaving only blackness in its place.

A familiar voice brought him out of his
concentration. “Luke. You’re still at work? You didn’t
call.”

He turned around and saw Alyssa
standing there with a food container in her hand.

He smiled at the sight of her. “Hi.
Sorry. I have to do this next deal perfectly, or else I’ll be
fired.”

“
I brought you some dinner.
Your favorite. Lasagna.”

She opened the lid and the smell of
freshly baked of pasta smothered in tomato sauce filled the air.
She made it her own way, with alternating layers of ground chicken
and sautéed vegetables.

She put the container on his desk and
he took a bite.

“
Delicious,” he announced.
“I know you worked the day shift at the hospital today. You didn’t
have to make me dinner.”

“
I wanted to.“ Then, she
looked at him expectedly.

He glanced at the clock. “I know it’s
10 pm. But I‘ll be home just as soon as I‘m done the research
here.”

She crossed her arms. “Why do you have
to work so hard?”

“
Because I’ll be fired if I
don’t.”

“
But why is that so
important to you? You‘ve been at the office late every night. I
would accuse you of having an affair, but I know you‘re a
workaholic.”

“
Because a man’s gotta
work.”

“
But what about us?” She
held her hands out.

He sighed. “Come here,” he said,
patting his lap.

She came over and sat on his lap
sideways.

“
My father was the one who
pushed me to succeed, but not by leading by example,” he began. “He
was a loser, an alcoholic. He couldn’t hold a job, and spent
everything on booze. We lost everything. My mother and I had to go
live with relatives. I‘ll never forget the looks they gave us.
Looks filled with contempt. That day, I swore I would never be him.
I swore I would work my ass off to have a good life.”

She listened with rapt attention,
rubbing his arm to signal understanding.

Looking her in the eyes, he continued,
“I have to get this one perfect. Another other guy got the Junior
Manager position.”

She put a hand to her chest, then
kissed his cheek.

For a minute, she just rested herself
on him. He closed his eyes, and breathed in her scent. Vanilla
again. It was times like these that made him forget about anything
else in the world, especially his career. It was just him and her,
nothing else.

Then, she got up. “Just come home when
you’re done.”

She left, and Luke turned to his
dinner, expecting it to be cold. He touched the warm container and,
smiling, realized that she had put the lasagna in a
thermos.

* * * * *

He finally got home at midnight. When
he entered his living room, he took a minute to admire the
decorated room. It was such a contrast to how he had it before she
moved in. Paintings of oak trees, starry nights, lush hills,
bubbling springs were hung on a backdrop of ornate wallpaper. The
most numerous though, were paintings of cherry blossoms. White,
pink, red, orange – they came in all colors in the eyes of the
artist.