Here For You (13 page)

Before I could register a thought, I was backing away from her…
again
. I needed to get away before I jeopardized our friendship. Her hands fell from my arms, back to the granite poolside edge. The look on her face was of…I didn’t know.

“Un-fucking believable,” she muttered, then turned around, hoisted herself up and got out of the pool. Where the hell was she going?

Had she wanted me to kiss her?

I left the pool the way she had and saw her walk right by Emma, who tried to speak to her. Great, I’d just pissed her off. I made my way toward the group of people I’d seen her run into. She went into the house and I followed, trying to spot her. With all the foam it was a little difficult to spot her small frame, but I finally found her next to the bartenders table. I gently touched her shoulder.

Turning around, she saw me but backed away and pointed at me. “Don’t even think about it, James!” She had a shot glass in her hands and downed whatever was in it. “Why can’t you just make up your fucking mind?” she cried, slamming the shot glass onto the counter before running her hand threw her hair. “Ugh, you men suck.” She walked right past me toward the way we had just come from, swaying and slipping a little.

I swore, women were fucking nuts. First they wanted something, and then they didn’t. You’d say they looked pretty and they’d automatically say they looked fat. It was like they were all bipolar.

“Would you wait?” I asked. She didn’t get very far. Everybody was dancing, blocking her way out, so she had no choice but to turn around and face me. Half of her body was covered in white foam. “Last time I checked you have a boyfriend. I was only watching out for him.”

“What the fuck am I? A child? You don’t have to babysit me.”

I ran my hands through my hair out of frustration. “No, I’m not babysitting you.”

“Then make up your mind. Kiss me or don’t. Don’t play with my emotions like that.”

I didn’t expect those words to come out of her mouth at all. Would she have said that if she weren’t wasted?

Then, out of nowhere, someone bumped into her, making her stumble forward into my arms. She gripped my biceps hard so she wouldn’t fall and my arms grabbed at her bare waist. Noticing that she hadn’t just eaten the floor, she looked up at me, light blue eyes dancing in the color of glow sticks,
neon orange, green, yellow and pink. I brought her up so that we were now facing each other just like we had been in the pool. Her hands were still on me; her eyes showing conflict before she lowered her gaze to the foam. With the music around us and bodies bumping into us, I took advantage of the moment. I left one hand on her waist as my other made its way to beneath her chin, lifting it up so that she had to look at me. I inched my face closer. I could feel her sweet breath against my lips and before I could register what I was doing…
I kissed her.

Her arms tightened around me. The hand that I had under her chin made its way behind her head, pulling her into me as my fingers dug into her damp hair. Her lips were soft and velvet and tasted like hard liquor, but it was delicious on her, even sweet. She opened her mouth, inviting my tongue in. As our tongues were swirling in their own dance I felt a moan escape from her throat and vibrate into our mouths, turning me all the way on.

This felt so good, but so wrong at the same time. I couldn’t do this to Becca. She was so drunk that I was sure if I’d taken her to a bedroom she would comply with anything I wanted to do. That was not what I wanted. But her lips fit mine perfectly, like that last piece to finish the whole puzzle.

What was I doing?

I pulled away from our kiss abruptly, heavy breathing coming from the both of us. Her eyes were red and half closed. Slowly, I let go of her until she was able to stand up without swaying. Suddenly the music pumped back up. Kissing her was like we were in our own little world.

Just then Emma, Richard, and Paul were behind Becca.
Fuck,
it was a good thing I’d pulled away when I did. I’d let my emotions take over me. I didn’t know why, but all of a sudden, when she was around, I just wanted to be with her. She was my best friend and I should have known my limits, but she did want me to kiss her.
Right?
Shit, I wanted to kiss her and I would’ve whether she had given me a choice or not. Fuck, what did these feelings mean?

Becca’s face was unreadable. I needed to move away from her, just get away from this thick cloud of emotion raining over us.

Just then, some chick wrapped her arms around my waist, rubbing her hands up and down my stomach until she was facing me.
Bad fucking timing.
As I went to grab her arms so she could get off of me she kissed me right on the lips. I quickly backed away from her.

“What the fuck?” I shouted, wiping my lips with the back of my hand, she looked surprised, whoever the hell she was.

“You weren’t complaining the other week when you were deep inside me,” she whined out loud. I looked at Becca and found she had magically found a shot glass. She downed it fast.

I leaned right into the crazy chick’s face and snapped, “I don’t remember who the fuck you are. Leave. Me. Alone.”

She stomped away, probably looking for more prey to sink her claws into. Then I walked right up to Becca. Her arms were crossed over her chest, pumping her breasts up higher.

“That’s the kind of guy you want to be with?” I spoke loud enough for her to hear. I didn’t know what possessed me to do that, but I needed to break this chain around us, and fast, before Emma, Richard, and Paul figured something out.

“What are you talking about?” she asked.

I leaned in close to her ear so only she could hear. “You want to be with someone who fucks someone and a week later can’t even remember her face let alone her name. Because I don’t know who she was.” When I pulled away I could clearly see the hurt behind her eyes. “You’re my best friend…and that’s it,” I continued. She was blinking fast now, trying to stop the tears in her glassy eyes from coming down her face. “And you’re piss drunk so you probably won’t remember any of this anyway,” I said rather harshly, but I was pissed. Pissed at myself for letting this happen and pissed that we almost got caught.
Fuck.

I didn’t let her talk. I walked right by her to the crowd of chicks who had been eye-fucking me earlier.

What the hell was wrong with me? Why was it like this every time we were around each other lately? This was the type of shit that happened at that party for the Fourth of July, and now it was happening here. I guessed the only good thing was that she was fucking drunk out of her mind, so I was pretty sure she wouldn’t remember anything about tonight. I just had to tell Emma not to mention shit. I had to keep my distance, keep reminding myself that she was my best friend. That she had a boyfriend. I needed to brand that shit into my fucking brain.

It’d been about thirty minutes since shit had gone down with Becca and I hadn’t seen her around. Walking away from the chicks that were hovering around me, I made my way outside. Looking around, I didn’t see Emma, Richard, Paul or Becca anywhere. Where the fuck had they all gone? I looked around the pool to a little seating area and that’s where I spotted them.

Becca was passed out on one of the large blue sofas. Her head was on Emma’s lap, and Emma’s head was on top of Becca’s head. They did not look comfortable at all. Richard was right next to them and when he saw me he stood up.

“Thank fucking goodness, James,” he said, straightening out his shirt.

“What the hell happened?” I asked him, pointing to the ladies.

He let out a breath. “Well after whatever the hell happened between you and Becca, her and Emma kept taking shots, calling you all sorts of names. Then they came out here, found this spot, and kept talking until they passed out. They were already pretty trashed when they came to sit here.”

Looking at the women again I couldn’t help but grin. “I say it’s time we left.”

“Yeah, me too. I’m going to have to carry Emma through the crowd.” Richard didn’t seem too happy about that. He bent down to grab Emma’s arm but she was out cold.

“Hey, Richard?”

Looking away from Emma he glanced at me. “Yeah?”

“Don’t mention this to Emma. I’m pretty sure they’re not going to remember this in the morning. I don’t want to rehash this shit with Becca especially if you say she was throwing curse words at me,” I tried to explain but before I could continue he responded.

“I won’t mention anything. You have my word.”

He went to grab Emma’s arm again to stand her up and she did so with closed eyes. “I wan tan,” she slurred.

What in the world did she say?

Richard shook his head, putting her arm around his neck. “We’ll see you tomorrow. Have a good night and get home safe,” Richard said nodding toward Becca then walked slowly inside the party with Emma.

I turned to Becca who was fast asleep on the outdoor sofa. She seemed so peaceful. I scooped her in my arms. Damn people are heavier when they’re a dead weight. It was a good thing I worked out. She didn’t bother to wrap her arms around me and she smelled like liquor. Finally having made my way to the car, I placed her in the passenger seat and put her seatbelt on. I could’ve sworn she’d had a shirt on before we left the house. Now she was only wearing a bikini top with her breasts out in the open.
Focus, James.

Once we got to my place I carried her inside the apartment and made our way into my bedroom. I didn’t know if Paul was here or not but I wanted her in my room. After kicking my door open I placed her on the bed. She was pretty dry so I didn’t bother with taking her shorts off. As soon as she was in the bed she grabbed the pillow and hugged it close to her. I changed my clothes right there, climbed into bed and covered myself with the blanket.

Putting my hands behind my head, I couldn’t help but look over to the person sleeping in my bed. She was breathing in and out so quietly. Her long lashes that every woman wished they had were sitting atop of rose-colored cheeks. The eyeliner she had on earlier was now around her eyes, making her look like a raccoon. But it didn’t take away from her beauty.

Out of nowhere, she started to move closer to me until she was tight next to me. She wrapped an arm around my waist, snuggling closer and placing her head on my chest. Taking a hand away from the back of my head, I wrapped my arm around her, feeling the warmth she was giving. These feeling that had been occurring lately were weird. Becca and I had always been close but this was something different. The kiss earlier was unlike any lips I’d ever come into contact with, and I wanted more. I didn’t know what having this feeling would entail. I wasn’t even sure she’d remember anything about the kiss. Did I want her to forget? I didn’t know, so I just held her closer to me and drifted off into the abyss.

Chapter - 8

becca

I was still feeling the hangover from hell from the weekend. That must have been one hell of a party for me to still feel the effects of it now, if only I could remember the night. I felt so bad because I couldn’t leave the house all day Saturday. James and I just stayed in, watching movies and playing catch up on each other’s lives. I really didn’t want to be at work, but Sunday night on the drive back home I’d received a call asking if I could pull a double today. I agreed like a dumbass.

If Pablo would have just stopped wrestling with the dishes in the back and just washed them, I would’ve been fine. But all I could hear were the clinks they were making and the noise was making this headache I was harboring unbearable.

“Pablo, seriously, just wash the fucking dishes!” I said, removing the headphones from his ears before massaging my temples.

Shit, I swore if James let me drink like that again there would be hell to pay. Forget about Emma, she drank almost as much as I did, she can’t remember shit. Except for the wild hot sex she’d had with Richard.

Feeling a vibration in my apron, I fetched my phone.

Grey: Hey pumpkin. Are we still on for lunch today? I can come to you if you can’t come here? (11:15am)

Me: Can u come here? I’m working today. I picked up a double shift so there’s no way I can make it to u and back here on time (11:16am)

Grey: Yeah I can come to you. See you soon (11:18am)

Me: K (11:18am)

*

The day had been awful, especially with this lingering headache. I took three 500mg ibuprofen pills and nothing. The only good thing was the lunch I’d had with Grey, which was weird because when I’d hugged him after placing a huge ‘I miss you’ kiss on his lips, he looked quite surprised. Supposedly, we’d had a little argument that he did not want to bring up over the weekend. And since I didn’t remember it I just discarded it.

He had been working hard with his clients, getting closer to his goal of being one of the best lawyers in Georgia. He still had a long way to go but he was getting there. While I was away ‘partying’ as he said, he had won a case. That’s what most of our talk was about. When he asked me more about the weekend I told him how I barely remembered anything, but I had been taken care of. His jaw tensed when I told him about watching movies all day Saturday with James because of my head. I didn’t think he liked that very much, but I couldn’t change it. I wished we’d had more time to spend together but he had to meet up with some clients and I had to get back to work.

So, as I lay on my bed with my hands behind my head, I couldn't stop thinking. No, my life was not perfect, but whose life was anyway? I had a good boyfriend, who, at times drove me nuts, but if he didn’t then I think there’d have been a problem. But other than that he was quite the catch. I had awesome friends who I loved dearly, maybe one more than the other, in a totally different way, but I was working on changing that. I also had a dad who I would give my life for, a roof over my head, food on the table and clothes on my back.

But after thinking all of that, I couldn’t help but want more. I mean, I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life, or where I wanted to be. I knew I couldn’t be here forever, but what if I wanted to? Who’s to tell me otherwise? James left and Emma would be leaving later this year after we’d graduated. Grey was working to become an even bigger someone, even if it was what his dad wanted him to be. Which left me. Here. Alone.

I felt like everyone was growing up and I was still in this stupid bubble just waiting for something to happen, instead of making something happen. But what? Gazing at my ceiling to the stars that only glowed at night, my eyes drifted.

The alarm went off on my phone. Why the hell was my alarm going off? Reaching my hand over to my nightstand, I grabbed my phone. The alarm was going off with a side note
. Dad doctor’s appointment.
Oh shit, I’d forgotten all about that. I’d rarely take him to the doctors. Jumping off my bed, I turned my alarm off, switched my clothes for a pair of old blue jeans and what was probably a dirty t-shirt…
shit, I needed to wash clothes.
Knowing my dad, he’d probably forgotten about his appointment as well, but when I went to his room he wasn’t there.

“Dad!” I shouted as I ran down the stairs. Turning the corner, I ran right into a man belly.

Stumbling back a little, I saw him laughing, making his stomach bounce up and down a little. “Slow down, darling.”

Placing my hands on my knees to catch my breath, I quickly said, “Sorry, but you have a doctor's appointment in twenty minutes. We need to go.”

As I looked at him closely I saw that he was fully dressed, with his suspenders clipped over his shoulders. “Wait, you’re already ready?” I said, pointing to him.

“Yup, I was going to go by myself.” He had a set of car keys in his hands.

“Yeah, and why is that exactly?” He’s the one who asked me to go with him to this doctor appointment.

He cleared his throat. “I saw how tired you were when you came home. I didn’t want to burden you.”

I knew I wasn’t around a lot, but when my dad asked for a favor I would do everything I could to make it happen. He asked me to take him to the doctors because he wanted me there, and I was going to be there.

I snatched the keys from his hands and opened the door. “Yeah right. Let’s go, old man.”

Closing the door behind me, I watched as he slowly made his way to his truck. He refused to go in my car. He said a man his size didn’t belong in a small toy car. So we were in his what I liked to call ‘monster truck,’ but it was really a 1987 Ford Pickup. I offered to buy him a newer car but he refused. Stubborn old man.

“So, how was your day, honey?” Dad always asked me how my day was. Not a day passed that he hadn’t asked me since I’d started working four years ago.

Glancing toward him, I saw him looking out the window. He seemed kind of worried. Moving my focus back to the road, I told him about the little hangover I was still suffering from and the lunch date with Grey.

“How is he doing anyway?” I knew exactly who he was talking about but he rarely even used Grey’s name. I talked to my dad about everything and introduced him to any guys in my life so that nothing caught him by surprise. But when he first met Grey he took an instant dislike to him. I was starting to think that Grey had a sticker on his forehead that read: I’M AN ASSHOLE.

“He’s doing good. Working hard. He said hello, by the way.”

My dad made a grunting sound, but didn’t say anything.

“You know I’m starting to think the men in my life don’t like who I’m dating.”

He looked toward me with that statement. “What men?”

“Really, Dad? You and James,” I explained. He smiled at the mere mention of James’ name. The two of them had a weird sort of relationship. It seemed like they hated and loved each other at the same time. Dad always gave him shit whenever he stopped by, but when he was about to leave Dad would ask him why he was going so soon.

“Now, that’s a smart boy.” He went back to looking out the window.

He was very distracted. And even quieter than usual. Was it to do with the doctor appointment? I didn’t know if I should ask him what the matter was. I mean, he
would
tell me if something was bothering him?
Right?
Whatever. If I didn’t ask I was going to go crazy.

“Hey, Dad?” I kind of asked. Through my peripheral I knew he was looking at me. “Is everything okay?” He didn’t answer right away which made my stomach knot.

“I wanted you to come today so that you’d know.”

Okay...

“Know what?” I asked, gripping the wheel tighter, making my knuckles white. He didn’t answer my question so I asked a little harsher. “Know. What.”

Running his large sausage fingers over his face, he looked tired. “Just don’t freak out today, okay?”

I took one hand off of the steering wheel and wiped the sweat that had built up on my hand against my thigh. I just had to trust him. If I kept asking questions he was likely to have a damn heart attack in the car with how worried he looked.

“Okay?” he asked again.

Words didn’t come out of my mouth. My head just went up and down in agreement. I had a feeling that my day was about to get a lot worse, so for now, I just paid attention to the road.

james

Shit, it’d been a couple of weeks since I’d spoken to Becca. I’d been texting and calling her but she either wouldn't pick up or would only send me one word replies. I hated one word replies. It drove me nuts. I even tried calling Emma but she didn’t pick up. What the fuck was up with these people? Why own a phone if you’re not going to answer it? There was no way in hell I was going to call Grey either, not that I had his number, but I could find it one way or the other. I tried calling Becca’s house but the number was disconnected. The only other person I could try was my mother so I dialed her.

“Sweetie, how are you?” she spoke, softly.

My mother was never one to scream or swear, so I didn’t know how the hell I learned all the shit that came out of my mouth. I tried to pipe it down whenever I was around her or talking to her.

“Hey, Mom, I’m doing good, and yourself?” I asked, not wanting to ask the question about Becca right away, but if I knew my mom she already knew why I was calling.

I heard a few dishes clanging before she answered. “I’m just cleaning up. Had a little bite to eat for breakfast.”

Shit, I needed to eat before I had to go to work under the blistering sun. “Good, I need to do the same.”

“I haven’t heard from her,” she told me.

Huh. “What?”

“You called to ask about Becca, I assume?” Damn, she knew me well. Maybe more then I knew myself.
Creepy.

“Oh yeah. So, you haven't heard from her?” I confirmed. My mother heard from everyone. Ever since we’d moved to that town my mother made it her goal to get to know everyone. I, on the other hand, could have cared less, until Becca came along that is. I mean, I had my few friends but I wasn’t particularly close to any of them.

“Well, I see her around at work and with Grey, but I haven’t spoken to her. Just a basic conversation of ‘hello, how was your day’?”

That was weird. Maybe that boyfriend of hers had finally got her to stop talking to me. “Oh, okay. Well, when you see her again tell her to call me, please?” I hated asking this of anyone. It made me feel like a stalker or something. But it wasn’t like Becca and I to not to talk to one another. I knew I had been a little distant but it was because she had a boyfriend and it seemed like she liked him. If I screwed this one up with her she would surely chop off my nuts. And with all the work we had been getting lately, it was hard to keep up with life at times.

“Will do, sweetie. When are you coming out here?” Mom asked. It always ended like this.

Here we go again. “I don’t know yet. Work has been crazy.”

“That’s my boy. Well, I can’t wait to see you, and I will let her know to call. Love you, my handsome boy.”

“Love you too, Mom.”

I decided I needed to go for a run. It was something that always took my mind off of shit. Looking at my watch, I could see that I still had more than enough time before I had to be at work.

Perfect.

After running three miles I stopped at a little park that had a handle bar. I started to do pull-ups, sweat dripping from my body as Skrillex ‘Bangarang’ blared in my ears. Working out and music was the best. Once I finished two sets of fifteen reps I saw a couple of chicks to my right. Since I’d forgotten to bring a rag I just had to deal with the sweat dripping down my face. Grabbing my water I downed half of it. That was when this chick walked up to me. She had on a purple sports bra with black spandex shorts. Nice, fit body. Her black hair was in a low ponytail and light pink gloss coated her lips.

She handed me a rag. Normally I wouldn’t take it, but the sweat was burning my eyes, so I was thankful for the offer. Wiping my face, I tried to give it back. That sounded disgusting, but I only needed it for my face. “You can keep it.” She smiled, revealing a small dimple to the left of her face. I threw it over my shoulder. “I’ve never seen you run here before.”

I knew she was bluffing. I ran this route almost every other day. I’d never seen her before, and that was because when I ran I didn’t stop to try and kick game. I did it for my workout and it made me feel good. It was my private time.

“I normally always run here,” I explained. “But I rarely stop for the bars.” Which was the truth. I just felt like I needed to work on my arms today, although I had a perfect pull-up bar in my living room.

“Well, I’m glad you stopped today.” She wasn’t shy about what she wanted to say. Confidence...I liked it. She bit her bottom lip, leaving it between her teeth. I would have loved to have found out what flavor lip gloss she was wearing. I loved when I kissed a woman and her lips were flavored. I was hoping strawberry, or waterm…