Heart's Desire (11 page)

She was deliberately minimizing the pain twisting around her heart, stealing her breath, but she didn't want him to know how far she would have allowed her recklessness to carry her. She knew he was right to stop things between them now, was grateful really, but being rejected by him a second time stung. She reached down and rolled up the blanket before walking to the horses in the corral and tying it to the back of her saddle. She tightened the cinch on Nathan's saddle and led his horse back to him.

“And, I hate to break it to you, but any man who's afraid of my brother is hardly irresistible.”

“C
LOSE YOUR MOUTH
, Julia. It's not that big a deal.” Jessie sat across from her sister in their father's office.

“Nathan kissed you on The Ridge, and you're going to try to convince me it's not a big deal?” Julia shook her head. “I know you better than that. That man might be hot, especially now that you got him into some new clothes, but Jess, you don't . . . ”

She knew what her sister was getting at. Jessie didn't sleep around. Technically, she barely dated anyone because she had a ranch to run and no time to waste on relationships doomed from the start. Even when she did go out with someone, it never led to more than a quick peck on the cheek. Nathan was the only man who stirred her, the only one who'd reached into her chest and grabbed hold of her heart, but she wasn't about to admit that. Not even to Julia.

“Yeah, well, he'll be gone in a few days anyway. So it doesn't really matter, does it?” She stood and tucked a file into the cabinet, leaning over to turn on the computer tower under the desk. “And clothes are just wrapping on the package. It doesn't make the man. He's still just a number-crunching accountant.”

“Financial analyst.” Julia grinned as she corrected her sister.

“Pain in the ass.”

“Me or him?” She didn't wait for her sister to reply. “Anyway, how can you say that? He's famous, and he's here doing a favor for a friend when he doesn't have to. That alone should speak to his character, at least a little. I notice you're following his suggestions.”

“You mean booking the youth group this weekend?” Julia nodded and tipped her head to the side. “That's coincidence. I just decided it was time.”

“Sure you did.”

Jessie glared at her sister. Julia rose and leaned over Jessie's desk—the desk where their mother had done the same paperwork Jessie found herself struggling with now. “All I'm saying is that you should cut the guy some slack. He's trying to do the right thing. That alone is respectable, especially in this day and age.”

“Yeah, he's honorable.”

Her sister eyed her suspiciously. “What aren't you telling me?”

Jessie hated that her sister could read her so well. With only one year separating them, the two girls could practically read each other's mind, and she knew Julia could see right through her indifference. As much as she loved her brother, she and Julia had always been closer. If for no other reason than they were both women. They'd shared a room, even when they didn't have to; clothing; and of course, secrets. Jessie wasn't sure why she was even trying to lie to Julia.

“Jessie?” Julia's mouth dropped open again, making her look like a goldfish gasping for air. “Did the two of you . . . when he was here before . . . seriously?”

Jessie looked up at her sister in shock. “I didn't even say anything.”

“You didn't have to!” Julia's eyes brightened, and she smiled broadly. “Now things are making so much sense. Why you were so mopey after he left. Why you used to wait by the phone. What happened?”

“Obviously, nothing that matters.” Jessie didn't mean to snap at Julia, but she didn't want to relive her past with Nathan. It was too painful, and his recent rejection still smarted, making her feel even more like an idiot.

“Okay,” Julia said, raising her hands in submission. “I'll wait until you're ready to tell me. But it doesn't take a brain surgeon to know you thought you were in love. You were heartbroken after he and Justin left, and Mom and I never could figure out why.” She turned to leave and paused. “Would you have slept with him last night?”

“Of course not.” Jessie couldn't meet her sister's gaze. The question was ridiculous. But no matter how adamantly she denied it today, Jessie wasn't so sure she would have said no to Nathan last night. Damn it, what was wrong with her? She was just begging to get her heart broken again. “It was only a kiss.”

“You
would
have,” her sister said, shaking her head, her brows raised high on her forehead. “That man must be some kisser to make you forgive and forget.”

“I didn't say I'd done either.”

“True,” Julia agreed. “But do you want him to stay?”

“Get out!” Jessie pointed at the door.

Julia held up her hands. “I'm going, I'm going.” She headed for the door, pausing as she opened it. “Now I'm sorry you met him first.”

Jessie threw a pen at her sister playfully, watching it bounce off the doorframe. She didn't want to think about Nathan's kisses or the way she'd responded to them, let alone the way her body was responding to just the memory of them. Heat flooded her belly, traveling lower, settling in places she'd long ignored. It had been years since she'd been with a man, years since she'd even wanted to since Nathan's departure. She told herself she'd been too busy helping her parents with the ranch. But, in reality, she was grieving the loss of her fairy tale fantasies.

Jessie reached for the phone, not wanting to let her thoughts travel any further down this dangerous rabbit trail. Then she'd be battling memories of promises made in the dark as Nathan held her, words spoken that her young heart had believed.

She dialed the one person she was certain would understand her current predicament, her best friend, Jennifer Findley.

“Findley Brothers Stock, this is Jennifer, how can I help you?”

“I'd like a miracle, please.”

“Jessie!” The squeal of delight in Jennifer's voice made Jessie felt guilty for not calling sooner. Jennifer had been one of the first people at her side after her parents' accident, having lost her own parents years before. If anyone understood the trials Jessie faced running a ranch, it was her friend. “What's going on?”

“I'm in a sink-or-swim situation.” She explained her financial situation and how she'd been forced to let several of their hands go. “Now, I have guests coming this weekend and need a few guys until I can hire more. Please, tell me you can spare a few.”

“No problem. I have a couple guys we just hired last week, and we haven't even sent them out to rodeos yet. Let me make sure they're willing to do it, but I doubt it'll be a problem. It's easier than mending fences here.” Jennifer laughed into the receiver. “When are we going to go out to lunch?”

Jessie couldn't help but feel herself relax as they slipped into small talk, discussing ranch issues, horses, and Jennifer's new baby. It was nice to catch up on the news of Jennifer's brothers and their new wives. She was just about to tell Jen about Nathan when she looked up and saw the cause of her troubled state standing in her open doorway, holding several file folders, a frown marring his brow.

“Hey, Jen. Let me call you back. I think I'm needed for a minute.”

“No problem. I'll have those guys stop by tomorrow if that works for you.”

“Sounds great. I'll get them settled in.” Jessie motioned for Nathan to come inside and sit. “Thanks again, Jen.” She hung up the phone and folded her hands. “Well, I have two cowboys coming for this weekend.”

“Is that going to be enough?” The frown didn't leave his face.

“With you, Julia, and Justin helping it should be. What's wrong?”

“What do you know about Heart Fire Industries?” He laid one of the file folders on her desk and turned it toward her. She looked down at a spreadsheet showing several transfers over the past several months from Heart Fire Ranch to Heart Fire Industries, but never in the same amount.

“I have no idea what that is.” She leaned back in the chair. “Dad liked to have his hands in a lot of different pots. Maybe it's an investment he forgot about?”

“But your accountant should know about it. He didn't mention it to me when I met with him, and we went over the books.” The crease on his forehead deepened.

“Maybe he forgot,” she suggested. She wasn't normally one to defend Brendon, having never been a fan of the guy, but she didn't like the suspicion she could see in Nathan's eyes.

“Jessie, the transfers are only coming from Heart Fire Ranch. I need to find out why and where these are going. They total several thousand dollars each month. Over four thousand so far this month alone. If you know anything . . . ”

Was he accusing her? “I don't.” She shook her head in defeat and sighed, pulling the file toward her and looking down at the long list of transfers. “How could I
not
notice an expense like that? I'd have to sign them off or something, wouldn't I?”

“Maybe, which is what has me concerned. I need to find out what this is, when it was set up, and who's in charge.” He rose and started for the door, then turned back toward her. “Don't worry about it too much just yet. I'll get an answer and get the payments stopped, at least until we know what's going on. That's my job.”

She wanted to say something about last night, to make sure there wasn't any sort of awkwardness between them over a measly kiss, no matter how incredibly earth-shattering it had been, but she wasn't sure how to address it. She was afraid bringing it up would make it seem like it meant more than it should. After all, she was the one who had told him it wasn't a big deal. She didn't want him thinking she was still in love with him, but she wasn't sure where she stood with him now, personally or professionally, especially when last night hadn't ended on a high note.

“We're okay after last night, right?” She hadn't meant to blurt it out that way, but as usual, her lips moved before her brain could stop them.

A slow grin slipped over his lips and her heart skipped a beat, remembering how those lips had felt moving over hers, realizing that she wanted to feel them again. She jerked her disobedient thoughts back into submission.

“Yes, Jessie, we're fine. Like you said, it was just a kiss, right?”

Jessie, not Jess. She hated hearing her words casually tossed back at her. It squeezed her chest, making her feel like she'd just lost something valuable.

Something you never really had,
she reminded herself.

She tried to shove her disappointment aside and cleared her throat. “Nathan, I know you offered to help this weekend but what, exactly, were you planning on doing?”

His playboy grin faded as his eyes grew dark and smoldering. Jessie could see the heat in them, feel the sudden electric current crackle in the air between them, like lightning about to strike. “Jess, I'll do whatever you want me to.”

He turned, leaving her alone in her office to catch her breath and to try to ignore the flush that traveled over her entire body as he exited down the hall.

Damn that man and his sexy mouth.

N
ATHAN WATCHED
J
ESSIE
in the corral with the recently gelded stallion she'd begun calling Jet. Both of the mares who arrived with him were doing well, and their physical wounds were healing. He'd already noticed that they'd put on some much-needed weight and were even showing interest when other people approached, enough that Jessie told Aleta she could start working with them this week.

But this horse didn't want anyone near him, and he barely tolerated Jessie. It scared Nathan to watch her in the corral alone with the animal. Unlike the last time, however, Nathan followed her instructions and kept his distance, trying to concentrate on the files open on his laptop. But every sound from the corral had him glancing her way, ready to fly from his chair to rescue her.

“At least you're not obvious.”

Bailey made her way across the walkway to the porch of his cabin. “Why don't you just go over there and watch?”

“She told me to stay away.”

Bailey laughed and shook her head. “I thought you had more cojones than that, Wall Street.” Nathan glared at her. “I know my cousin, and I've seen the way she's been looking at you the last couple days.”

“Like she wants me to leave?”

“Well, yes, that too, but that's not the only look she's given you.” Bailey shrugged. “I haven't seen her this way . . . well, ever. I don't know what happened last night, and I don't want the gory details, but I don't think she'd be averse to repeating the ride, if you catch my drift.”

“Bailey, your subtlety is refreshing.” Nathan rolled his eyes.

“I'm just saying that she's interested in you, and I'm pretty sure you won't hurt her. Mostly because I'd kill you if you did. You know that, right?” She shot him a look through her blond bangs. “And if I didn't, Justin would.”

His guilt resurfaced, knowing he'd already hurt her once before. He wondered what they would do if they found out now.

“I'm not interested in a relationship, Bailey. I'm going to help you guys and head back to New York next week to finish a job there I put on hold. Then I'm going back to my apartment.”

“And what's waiting for you there, big shot?”

Nathan didn't answer, because he didn't want to admit there was nothing worth returning for. What if he gave Jessie a choice instead of making it for her? What if he'd done that years ago? Would she have stuck by him and weathered the media storm or would she have crumbled under the pressure. Jessie was a strong woman, but was she strong enough?

Bailey flopped into the chair beside him and grabbed one of the file folders, flipping through the papers before closing it again. “You two actually have a lot in common, you know. You're both too busy fixing problems for everyone else to realize you need someone to fix yours.”

Nathan sighed, exasperated. This wasn't a discussion he felt like having with the young woman. What did she know about complicated relationships? About as much as he'd known when he promised Jessie he'd return. He wasn't about to have a discussion that would require admitting his life was shallow and meaningless.